科曼先生（2021）

不 我明白 我不能跟你玩 因为我没有足够的关注者
No, I get it. So I can't hang out with you because I don't have enough followers?
你说什么呢 你以为你在跟谁说话
What are you talking about? Who do you think you're talking to?
你去找他玩的时候从来不带我
You never bring me out when you hang out with him.
-我不跟他玩 几乎从来不 -你上周跟他出去玩了
-I don't hang out with him, almost ever. -You hung out with him last week.
-那是好几个月前了 -胡扯 是几周前
-That was months ago. -Bullshit. That was weeks ago.
可我都记不得那是多久以来 才又再次跟他见面
But that was the first time since I don't even know how long.
-那还是在跟梅根分手之前了 -对
-Before I broke up with Megan. -Right.
她跟他一起长大的 我根本就不喜欢他
She grew up with him. I don't even like that guy.
-那你为什么找他玩 -因为他总是出去玩
-Then why are you hanging out with him? -He goes out all the time.
他很了解外面的世界 我根本不懂那些
He knows about that whole world. I don't know that shit.
我在试着跟这个女孩见面 我得带她去个什么地方
I'm tryna meet up with this girl. I have to have somewhere to bring her.
酷 好呀 当然 哥们 去享受你的美好时光吧 行吗
Cool, yeah. Of course, man. Have a great fucking time. All right?
你想来吗
Do you wanna come?
你想让我去吗
I mean, do you want me to come?
-我是说… -哇 还要琢磨一番
-I mean-- -Wow. Take longer to think about it.
-去你的 我不想去 -不是 只是需要扮装
-Fuck you. I don't wanna come. -No, it's just a costume thing,
我唯一犹豫的是 我不知道你有没有服装
and my only hesitation is I didn't know if you have a costume.
我当然有服装 兄弟
I have a fucking costume, bro.
（停车）
你觉得达克斯会排队等吗
You think Dax had to wait in this?
（保安）
谢谢 伙计
Thanks, man.
我们进去吧
Let's do this.
我得来瓶汽水 我嘴里有股怪味
I need a soda though. I kinda have a weird taste in my mouth.
我告诉美术老师我们在这里
I'm gonna let the art teacher know that we're here.
好的
All right.
-都好吗 -好
-You good? -Yeah.
好吧
All right.
抱歉
Sorry.
喂 伙计 你怎么回事
Yo, dude. What the fuck, man?
-天啊 -你没事吧
-Oh, my God. -You good?
很好
All right.
借过
Excuse us.
天啊
Shit.
抱歉…
Sorry. Sorry.
她说什么
What's she saying?
好耶
Yeehaw!
你得骑那头牛八秒钟才能赢
You gotta ride that bull eight seconds to win.
行了 哥们 你怎么样
All right. What's up, man?
不错 哥们 只是尽我的职责 让大家玩得开心
Shit, man. Just fucking doing my job. Showing the people a good time.
你是刺猬索尼克吗
What are you, Sonic?
-不 是箭头 -喂 哥们 你好吗 我叫维克多
-No, it's Arrow. -Yo, what's up, man? I'm Victor.
当然好 哥们 我是达克斯 喂 你的女性朋友呢
For sure, man. I'm Dax. Yo, where's your lady friend?
她在路上
She's coming.
酷 太酷了 哥们
Cool. That's cool, man.
抱歉 我能单独跟你说句话吗
Sorry, can I just borrow you for a second?
-好 我就在这里 -好
-Yeah. I'll be here. -Dope.
哥们 我以为你说要带上一个女的
Bro, I thought you said plus one female.
对 她马上就到
Yeah, she's coming.
是的 不过你带了一个男的
Yeah, right. But you brought dick and balls.
我知道 我给你发短♥信♥后才跟他说的
I know. I talked to him after I already texted with you, and--
你得理解有一个男女比例的问题
You just gotta understand there's a guy-girl ratio.
那个家伙付钱给我 他很注意这种事
The dude paying me, he watches this kinda shit.
-你在砸我饭碗 哥们 -可是我们排队进来的 所以…
-You're fucking me here, man. -Yeah, but we waited in line, so…
去他的 反正那家伙从来没付给我多少钱
You know what? Fuck it. That guy never really pays me anyway,
所以随他的便
so he can just eat a dick.
-你朋友叫什么来着 -维克多
-What's your friend's name again? -Victor.
-维克多 喂 大人物 -啊 抱歉
-Victor. Yo, big dog. -Yeah? Sorry.
听着 哥们 我真高兴你们能来
Listen, man, I'm so happy you guys are here.
-当然 -需要什么尽管跟我说
-Sure. -If y'all need anything, just let me know.
好的 酷 喂 我在Instagram上关注你了
All right, cool. Yo, I follow you on Instagram, dude.
什么 真的
What? Seriously?
-是的 -喂 谢谢你
-Yeah. -Yo, thank you, sir.
哥们 这让我好感动 伙计 你喜欢我的内容吗
Man, that means so much, dude. How do you like the content?
是的 内容很好
Yeah, it's good.
太好了 哥们 这太棒了
Fuck yeah, man. That's what I'm talking about.
因为我不骗你
'Cause I'm not gonna lie.
这是个大投资 需要花时间保持高参与度
It's a big investment taking the time and keeping engagement up.
不过这是现如今唯一重要的事情了
But at this point, it's really the only thing in town that matters.
-你的账号♥是什么 -我
-So, what's your handle? -Me?
-对呀 哥们 -为什么问
-Yeah, man. -Why?
因为我看得出你是个好人 并且我喜欢你的工具腰带
'Cause I can tell you're a good person, and I like your utility belt.
我会标记你 给你带来一些关注者
So I'm gonna tag you and get you some followers.
-你当真 -是啊
-Are you for real? -Yeah.
你以为我是混账王八蛋 我会对你说谎
What do I look like, a fucking asshole? Like I'd be lying to you right now?
-快告诉我 -好的
-Give it to me. -All right.
是“又一个维克多莫拉莱斯”
So it's "AnotherVictorMorales."
-没有空格 -好的 喂
-Together. Yeah. -Okay, all right. Yo.
这名字挺俗套的 不过如果是你的名字也行
It's been done a lot, but it works if that's your name, so…
-那就是我的名字 -好 我们来看看 伙计
-That is my name, so… -Word. Let's check you out, dog.
-不用 你不用看我的 -不错呀 维克多 443人
-Nah, you don't have to check me out. -Shit, Victor. Yo, 443.
伙计 关注你的人快到500个了
Dude, you're creeping up on half a K.
喂 今晚我们搞一搞 让你到500人 哥们
Yo, tonight we might fuck around and get you to 500, bro.
-真的 -当然
-For real? -Fuck yeah.
听着 我没说会很容易 但是你绝对做得到
Look, I didn't say it was gonna be easy, but you can definitely do it.
喂 乔希 尖耳朵蓝精灵爸爸
Hey, yo, Josh, get your pointy-eared Papa Smurf,
-蓝人组合 快过来… -不 我不用了
-Blue Man Group-looking ass in-- -No, I'm good.
-你们想喝一杯吗 -喝一杯
-You guys want a drink? -A drink?
天啊 你真是太体贴入微了
Oh, my God, you're just so fucking thoughtful.
梅根真不该跟你这个家伙分手
Megan should have never broken up with your ass.
这话太损人了 伙计
That's some cold-ass shit, dude.
-我没说什么 -我在开玩笑 伙计
-I didn't say shit. -I'm playing, dude.
行了 哥们 都怪我 我逗你呢
Come on, dog, it's me. I'm just fucking with you.
我要一杯伏特加苏打水
Can I get a vodka soda?
-拜托你 谢谢 -给我来个可乐
-Please and thank you. -I'll get a Coke.
-可乐 -对 太好了
-Coke? -Yeah, great.
谢谢
Thank you.
（你还在吃饭 ）
（萨拉：抱歉 我的朋友们太慢了）
好吧 你是一只小猫 让我猜猜 你很独♥立♥ 对吗
All right, you're a kitty-cat. So let me guess, you're independent, right?
你是那种我只需给你留一碗牛奶的类型
You're the type I could just leave you alone with a bowl of milk
你就会过得很好
and you'd be cool?
是啊
Yeah.
嘿 兔子 你是哪种兔子
Hey, bunny. What kind of bunny are you?
我不知道
I don't know.
混♥蛋♥
Asshole.
万圣节是女人以为 自己比实际上更热辣的节日
Halloween, it's the holiday where women think they're hotter than they are.
-嗨 我可以… -嘿
-Hi. Can I-- -Hey,
再来三杯詹姆森威士忌加冰块吗
can I get three more Jamesons on the rocks?
我其实比你先到
I was actually here before you.
-喂 -喂
-Yo. -Yo.
抱歉 等了好久
Sorry. That took forever.
没事 你的女朋友还来吗
All good. Your girl coming?
-是 刚收到她的短♥信♥ -很好
-Yeah, I just heard from her. -Dope.
你知道达克斯在哪 我给他拿了酒
You know where Dax is? I got his drink.
-不知道 哥们 -太好了
-No idea, bro. -That's great.
我们要不要去找找他
Should we go look for him?
-行吧 -好的 好
-I guess so. -All right. Right.
抱歉
Sorry.
借过
Excuse.
好吧…好精彩 精彩极了
Okay. Okay. Intense. Intensity.
伙计 你跟我一样 都是刺猬索尼克
Dude, you're Sonic just like me, man.
同样的服装
Same costume.
-不 我是箭头 -不 我好像在照镜子一样
-No, I'm Arrow. -No, it's like looking in a mirror.
我将让我们的国家再次富裕起来
I'm going to make our country rich again.
特朗普…
Trump! Trump! Trump!
加州之梦
Dream of Californication
加州之梦
Dream of Californication
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
加州之梦
Dream of Californication
-太爽了 -我太爱这首歌♥了
-Fuck. -I fucking love that song!
-太好听了 -喂
-It is so good. -Yo.