爱你，维克托

我穿上了平角裤 接着发现前后穿反了
So, I put on my boxers, and then I realize that I put it on backwards,
所以裤门襟在后面 接着我想
- so the fly is in the back. And then it came to me... - Mm-hm.
-这叫屁♥股♥门襟 对吧 -对
- Butt fly, right? - Yeah.
所以 你妹妹还在生我的气吗
So, your sister's still mad at me?
-是的 她可从来不是个含蓄的人 -是啊
- Yeah, she's never really been one for subtlety. - Yeah.
-是班吉 让我躲躲 行吗 -为什么
- That's Benji. Hide me, hide me! - Oh, okay. Why, why?!
因为我现在不想跟他讲话
Because I don't want to talk to him right now.
-帮我多挡着点儿 -怎么挡 我天生苗条帅气
- Make yourself bigger! - How? I am naturally dainty.
好吧
Okay!
刚才是怎么回事
Uh, what was that?
我昨晚见了班吉 很不错
I saw Benji last night, which was great,
直到他爸出现并叫我别接近他
until his dad showed up, and told me to stay away from him.
好吧 同命相连 我们现在成了坏小子了 维克托
Well, join the club. We're bad boys now, Victor.
要成立个联盟吗 就叫不招老爸们待见小队
Should we start a club? The Daddy Don't Like Me Squad?
他说我对班吉的影响不好
He said that I was bad for Benji.
还说我制♥造♥乱子
And that I "create chaos".
行了 那是胡说 你 我的朋友 就是一束光
Okay, that is absurd. You, my friend, are a ray of light.
谢了 老兄 但我不知道 我开始觉得他也许是对的
Thanks, man, but I don't know. I'm startin' to think maybe he's right.
我觉得自己身边的人 最后都会被我伤害到
I feel like everyone I'm close to, I wind up hurting.
好吧 举个例子
Okay, name one person.
米娅
Mia.
你当时正在搞清自己的性取向 那是天赋的权利
You were figuring out your sexuality. That's your God-given right.
好吧 拉希姆
Okay, Rahim.
面对两个帅小伙 你左右为难 很正常
You were... choosing between two hotties. That happens.
接下来 是班吉
And then, of course, there's, there's Benji.
我家人没少施压 导致了他酒瘾复发
Like, all of my family stuff was so stressful that he wound up relapsing.
这么说的话 你听上去确实会制♥造♥混乱
Okay, yeah, when you lay it out like that, you do sound a teensy bit like an agent of chaos.
-我知道 -你们能不能小点声
- Yeah, I know. - Do you guys mind keeping the personal banter down?
还没开始上课呢 连姆
Class hasn't even started yet, Liam.
天啊 感觉他就是要自找招人恨
God. It's like he wants people to hate him.
早上好 同学们
Good morning, class!
今天 我们要开始一个新的 令人兴奋的小组项目
Today, we will begin an exciting new group project
来探究蛋白质的合成
exploring protein synthesis.
你们以为我喜欢早上说这个吗 我本来是想当一名舞者的
Ya think this is my dream morning? I wanted to be a dancer.
行了 大家三个人一组
All right, everyone, choose groups of three.
不如我们跟连姆一组吧
Hey... why don't we partner up with Liam?
-我知道他有点… -讨厌吗 没错
- I mean, I, I know he's a little... - Horrible, yeah.
听着 他看起来好孤独
Well, he just looks so lonely.
不 你是想通过善行 来证明你不是个混乱制♥造♥者
No, you're trying to do a mitzvah to prove you're not an agent of chaos.
什么是善行
What's a mitzvah?
你真得看看 《了不起的麦瑟尔夫人》了
Dude, we really need to get you on the Mrs. Maisel train.
嘿 连姆 你想跟我们一组吗
Hey, Liam... Do you wanna be our partner?
真的吗 谢谢
Really? Thanks.
我要去问问辅♥导♥员
Ah, you know, I'm gonna ask the guidance counselor
跟你们两个笨蛋一组 算不算做社区服务
if working with you two dummies counts as community service.
哦 天啊
Oh my God.
有人来告诉我
不会有事的
有人来告诉我不会有事的
如果有人曾经历过
现在就告诉我 因为我只是需要听到这句话
所以 我刚刚又参加了一次 高考模拟考试 结果不太理想
So, I just took another SAT practice test and the results were... not pretty.
-可你很漂亮 -真可爱 但帮不上忙
- But you're pretty. - Aww, cute, but not helpful.
今晚要好好学习吗 我们可以做些提示卡
Wanna do a study sesh tonight? We can make some flashcards.
-求你了 -好吧
- Please? - Okay, fine.
你们要一起吗
You guys?
绝对不要 我的高考项目是跳投
Oh, absolutely not. My jump shot is my SAT.
抱歉 等一下
Uh, sorry. One second.
嗨
Hi.
什么
What?!
什么 等等 我以为
Wha... Um, I... Wait, I thought,
我还以为她还要再过三个星期才会生
I thought she wasn't due for another three weeks.
好啊 当然了 有空给我打电♥话♥
Um, oh, yeah, of course, um. Call me when you can.
爱你
Love you.
维罗妮卡要生了
Veronica's in labor.
马上就要见到布鲁克斯宝宝了
Whoa, Baby Brooks comin' in hot!
你不觉得高兴吗
So, are you not excited about this?
高兴 可我本来应该在场的
Yeah, um, but I was supposed to be there.
我已经把机票什么的都订好了 可现在
You know, I, I booked my ticket already and everything,
我要错过这一切了
and now I'm, I'm just gonna miss the whole thing.
你没法看到宝宝出生 但重要的是你就要当姐姐了
Right. So, you'll miss the birth. What's important is you're gonna be a big sister.
没错 而且既然我是你的姐妹 那就是说我要成为这个宝宝的阿姨了
Yeah, and since I'm your sister, that means I'll be the baby's auntie.
等等 如果你是我的姐妹 那你不应该也是宝宝的姐姐吗
Uh, wait, if you're my sister, wouldn't that make you the baby's sister, too?
所以我才需要学习
This is why I need to study.
皮拉尔 嘿
Pilar... Hey, Pilar, Pilar, hey, hey.
我知道你现在很生气 我觉得我们应该谈谈
Um, look, I know you're pissed. I just... I, I, I think we should talk about it.
好啊 你想跟我在一起 还是你依然害怕惹怒我爸
Okay, fine. Let's talk. Do you wanna be with me, or are you still too scared of making my dad angry?
说句公道话 你♥爸♥已经生气了 我怕的是他更生气
To be fair, your dad's already angry. I-I'm scared of making him angrier.
再见 菲利克斯
Goodbye, Felix.
瞧啊 我们要跟连姆一起吃午餐了
Oh, look, we are eating lunch with Liam.
今天可真是越来越好了
You know, this day is just getting better and better.
我觉得我们彼此了解一下比较好
Well, I figured it'd be good for us to get to know each other.
我先来讲讲我自己吧
- Okay, well, here's all you need to know about me. - Mm.
我一直以来各方面都是最优秀的 我可不想破坏了这一点
I have never gotten less than an A on anything, and I don't intend to start now.
我要成为在毕业典礼上致辞的那个人 这样我才能被哈佛大学录取
I need to become valedictorian, so that I can go to Harvard,
你们懂的 要是哈佛法学院 之后再当总统
and then, you know, obviously Harvard Law, and then, become the President.
你的个性倒是很适合
Oh, well, you certainly have the personality for it.
Um... Oh!
刚想起来 我其实要准备AP英语文学测验
Just remembered I actually have an AP Lit quiz to cram for.
-我们回头见 -回头见咯
- I will see you two later. - Um, yeah, see you later.
哦 天啊
Oh my God.
那不是你那个同志交友软件的声音吗
Hey, isn't that the sound your gay dating app makes?
连姆是个没出柜的同志
Liam is in the closet.
所以他才这么紧张 疏远大家
That explains why he's so uptight and pushes everyone away.
他不是个混♥蛋♥ 他只是喜欢男人
Oh, he's not a dick. He just wants dick.
他可能只需要有个人能跟他谈谈 我就可以啊
He probably just needs someone to talk to, and I could be that someone.
我可以当他的西蒙
I could be his Simon.
哦 对啊 没错 西蒙 那家伙怎么了来着
Oh yeah, that's right. Simon. What ever happened to that guy?
好吧 小帅哥
Okay, mi lindo.
独♥裁♥跟寡头有什么区别
What is the difference between a dictatorship and an oligarchy?
不知道 那是什么
No idea. What is it?
这个嘛… 显然 我是知道的 可要是我告诉你 那就是作弊了 所以你自己查查吧
Oh... well, obviously, I know, but if I told you that would be cheating, so look it up.
-嘿 两位 -嗨
- Hey, guys. - Hi.
Oh, wow.
皮拉尔没在房♥间里 大声地播放充满愤怒的音乐吗
No loud, angry music coming from Pilar's room.
没有 她没在家 我让她跟拉希姆出去了
Yeah, she's not home. I let her hang out with Rahim.
什么 可我们说好了的 她放学后要直接回家
What? But we agreed she'd come straight home after school.
你不能不跟我打个招呼 就把规矩给改了
You can't just change the rules without telling me.
我知道 可自从我们不让她见菲利克斯
I know, but our daughter has been miserable
她就很沮丧 我觉得她需要跟朋友倾诉一下
since we forbid her to see Felix, and I thought she needed a friend.
她需要的是吸取教训 不能跟我们说谎
What she needs... is to learn not to lie to us.
你给她打电♥话♥ 叫她回家来
Now, you call her right now and tell her to come home.
-我觉得那没什么 -我不在乎你怎么觉得
- Honey, I think it's okay. - I don't care what you think.
-我自己给她打电♥话♥ -好啊 你打吧
- I'll call her myself if you won't do it. - Fine. Go do it.
我真没想到你这么独♥裁♥
I didn't realize that we we're living in a dictatorship.
或者说寡头 我说谎了 我不知道它们的区别
Or an oligarchy. I lied. I don't know the difference.
这些应用真叫人不爽
Ugh, these apps are a hellscape.
我为什么不能就像以前那样和某人偶遇
Why can't I just have an old fashioned "meet-cute"
我们在店里碰巧要买♥♥
where a hot stranger and I reach for the same kombucha
同一款康普茶 那有这么难吗
in the grocery store? Is that so hard to ask?
-说够了吧 -天啊 冷静 我就抱怨了那么一小下
- Enough! - Oh my God, chill. I was, literally, complaining for, like, a second.
不是说你 是菲利克斯
Not you. Felix.
他不停地发这些道歉表情
He won't stop with the apology memes.
他要么男人点 背着我爸跟我约会 要么就别来烦我
I mean, either man up and date me behind my father's back, or leave me alone.
我知道我们在生菲利克斯的气 但至少能看到他的脸
I know we're mad at Felix, but at least he has a face.
- Mm. - Mm-hm.
好极了 是另一个惹我生气的男人
Oh, good. The other guy I'm furious at.
-干吗 -小姑娘 立刻给我回家来
- What? - Come home right now, young lady.
-我跟拉希姆在一起呢 妈妈同意的 -我不管 我要你15分钟后到家
- I'm with Rahim. Mom said I could. - I don't care what she said. I want you in your room in 15 minutes.
再见
Goodbye.
够狠
Whoa... that was badass.
妈妈 舅舅
Mom? Dayi? Uh.
-你们怎么来了 -你舅舅想喝咖啡
- What are you doing here? - Your uncle wanted coffee,
而且你总是念叨这个地方 还有这里的智利摩卡拿铁
and you're always raving about this place and their chile mocha latte.