皆大欢喜（2021）

One...
二
two...
三
three...
四
four...
五
five...
六
six...
七
seven...
八
eight...
九
nine...
十
ten!
刺影者
1号♥警♥察♥
我真不明白你在担心什么
I don't get what you're so worried about.
我很害怕
I'm scared.
我已经搞砸第一次的调解了
I already fucked up the first mediation.
万一我又搞砸了怎么办
What if I do it again?
那就别搞砸啊
Don't do it again.
她不肯跟我好好谈
Well, she won't talk to me.
于是我就很受挫 然后就说错话
And then I get frustrated, and I say the wrong thing,
-我表现得跟个混♥蛋♥一样 -跟你谈什么啊
- And I act like an asshole. - Talk to you- - talk about what?
一切的事 老兄
Everything, dude.
比如 为什么要走到这一步
Like, why this is happening.
到底是在哪里出了差错
Where it all went wrong.
拜托 老兄 我们谈过这事了
Come on, dude. We talked about this.
什么
What?
你不能再抗争了
You gotta stop fighting it.
只有你不再抗争
You know, that's the only way
第二次调解才会有好一些的结果
this second session is gonna go any better.
你就把这当成是做正确的事的机会吧
Now, think of it as- - as an opportunity to do the right thing.
让她明白 你已经接受了这一切
And show her you're accepting this.
就当是救赎自己
Redeem yourself a little bit
然后抽身离开当前的困境
and then get the hell out of there.
你甚至可以出城去玩几天
Maybe even get out of town for a couple of days.
你说得对 老兄
You're right, dude.
天呐
Damn.
如果我不是破产了 我会去探望你的
If I wasn't so fucking broke I would come visit you.
那该有多酷啊
How cool would that be?
是啊 那一定棒极了
Uh, yeah, that'd be awesome.
把手放在我能看到的地方
Put your hands where I can see 'em!
操♥你♥妈♥的 混♥蛋♥ 我会开枪的
Fuck you, motherfucker. I'll shoot!
我有枪 我会用的
I got a gun, and I'll use it!
吉米 掩护我 掩护我 吉米
Jimmy, get my six. Get my six, Jimmy!
把手放在我能看到的地方
Put your hands where I can see 'em!
操
Fuck.
我是伦利警官 我需要支援
This is officer Renly. I need backup!
操
Fuck!
我中枪了 我中枪了
I'm hit! I'm hit!
警♥察♥受伤倒下
Officer down.
警♥察♥受伤倒下
Officer down.
太棒了
Fuck, yeah.
我真不敢相信又发生了这种事
I can't believe this happened again.
我们要怎么做
What are we gonna do?
有一件事是确定的
Well, one thing's for sure.
我们得练习动物管理部
We've gotta call Animal Control.
停
Cut.
太棒了 就要这样 完美的表演
Yes! That was it! That was it!
嘿 老兄 刚刚的坐姿太棒了
Hey, bro. Great fuckin' sitting.
你保持着完全不动
You're just so... still.
如果你能继续保持这个姿势
And if you could just stay there
免得动了位置穿帮 那就太好了
so we could do continuity, that would be terrific.
你好啊 老兄
Hey, dude!
-我是塔拉 -我是麦克斯
- I'm Tara. - Max.
抱歉 我没法动 我..
Oh, sorry, I can't. I'm not, um...
你好 塞斯
Hey, Seth!
我不想表现得无礼什么的
I don't wanna be, like, rude or anything, man,
但你可是不朽的达米安啊
but you were the- - the immortal Damien.
是啊 我演过达米安
Yep, I was Damien.
-是啊 -那是很久以前的事了
- Yeah. - That's, uh, long time ago now.
-是啊 -说真的 我念高中时的那些闺蜜们
- Yeah. - Like honestly, my girlfriends, like, in middle school,
我们都超迷恋你
we were obsessed with you.
-是啊 我的女朋友们也是 -超级迷恋你
- Yeah, all my girlfriends, too. - Like, so obsessed with you.
-谢谢 -我们在墙上贴满了海报
- Thank you. - We had, like, posters on our walls.
那真的很有爱
That's really cute.
-我真高兴你说出来了 -是吧 我懂的
- I'm so glad you said it. - Right, I know.
我刚刚都不好意思说
I was so embarrassed to say anything.
-那 那真的很有爱 -我们都超迷恋你
- That's... That's very sweet. - We were obsessed with you.
有那么八个月的时间 你都是我的偶像
You were, like, my icon for, like, eight months- ish.
是啊 天呐 是所有人的偶像
Yeah. Oh, my god, everyone's yeah.
-那真是... -我们能拍张你的照片吗
- That's... - Could we get a photo of you?
-是啊 是啊 -不行 他们好像说过...
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, no, I think that they're- -
他们好像说了在片场不准拍照
They, actually, they said that there's no photos on set.
不不 那只是针对配角们的规定
No, no, that's just for the supporting roles.
-真的 我们可以拍的 -但我现在...
- Yeah, no, we're allowed to. - But you know, I'm kind of, uh...
-竖个大拇指吧 很好 -用你沾满血的手
- Big thumbs up here. Yeah! - With your bloody palm
-不朽的达米安 准备好了吗 -我希望还是别...
- Immortal Damien on three. Ready? - I'd rather not- -
-别拍... -一 二 三
- Take- - take a- - - One, two, three!
-不朽的达米安 -不朽的达米安
- Immortal Damien! - Immortal Damien!
天呐 这张拍得太棒了
Oh, man. That was so good.
跟浣熊击个掌吧
Give the raccoon a high five!
-我不太... -要我来拍吗
- I'm not- - I can't- - - Should I shake it?
是的 快伸手 拍进去
Yeah, get in there, get in there.
好了 好了
Yep. Yeah, there you go.
好了 继续开拍
All right, back to one!
好了 各位 继续开拍
All right, back to ones, everyone, back to ones!
我们该上了
That's us.
开拍了
Pictures up!
-好了 祝你好运 -继续开拍
- OK. Good luck! - Back to one!
继续开拍
Back to one.
青豆和胡萝卜 青豆和胡萝卜 青豆和胡萝卜
Peas and carrots, peas and carrots, peas and carrots.
好了
All right.
-收音人员 -第二遍
- Sound! - Take two.
开拍
Action!
这应该是个简单的交易啊
This should be a simple exchange.
我有你想要的东西
I have something you want.
如果我给你 那我也应该获得一些东西
If I give it up, I should get something in return.
我只想要真♥相♥ 达米安
All I want is the truth, Damien.
真♥相♥是不应该要付出代价的
And the truth shouldn't come at a price.
告诉我到底是谁咬的我 你个混♥蛋♥
Now just tell me who bit me, you asshole.
停
Cut!
随便吧
Whatever.
7号♥摄影棚怎么这么冷啊
Why is it so cold on stage 7?
我觉得你一直在说冷
I feel like you're always talking about it being cold.
因为一直都很冷啊 我真是太...
It's always cold, though! I'm so...
刚刚的表演太棒了
That was so good.
-真的很有趣 -谢了 金
- It was really fun. - Thanks, Kim.
现在正好可以
And this would be a great time
跟我们年轻的竞赛优胜者合个影
to go take a photo with our young contest winner.
她在等着呢 杰瑞米之前拍过了
She's been waiting. Jeremy took a photo earlier,
-现在... -什么时候拍正好
- And now it's just- - - When is a good time?
现在拍就正好 对吗 我们...
Now would be great, right? We're gonna- -
我知道 但是我们...
I realize that, but we- -
-我们转过来休息了 -已经...
- like we're turning around. - It's been, like- -
我们这场戏刚拍一半呢 所以不行
But we're still in the middle of a scene, so.
我只想坐在这 保持状态
I just kind of wanna sit here and just stay in it.
好吧 但她已经等了几个小时了
Yeah, I mean, she's waited a few hours. Um.
不拍完就没有节目播 对吧
Ain't no show without the scenes, right, is there?
混合浆果沙拉 有中式鸡肉沙拉
The mixed berry salad, got the Chinese chicken salad.
有熏三文鱼
We've got a s- - a smoked salmon stack
有烤桃子
Uh, we've got grilled peach.
有街头墨西哥卷饼
We've got street tacos.
-我们刚吃过街头卷饼了 -是啊
- Uh, we just had street tacos. - Yeah.
真的 你当时还没来 我们周二吃的