娃娃脸

-你应该甩了他 -嗯
- You should dump him. - Mm-hmm.
他一周前甩了我
He dumped me a week ago.
你看 你多会给自己做主
See? Look at you sticking up for yourself.
我们的沙拉好了 一会见
And we have salad. See you out there.
我一会去找你们
I'll catch up with you guys.
我们还没来得及单独聊一聊 自从我跟你...
Um... We haven't gotten to talk one-on-one yet since I told you...
说了我的羞耻之后
my shame.
是啊 抱歉 艾莉...
Yeah, sorry, Alis-Eh...
伊兹
Izzy.
我这周过得太不顺了
It's just been a really long week.
是不是很想改名换姓
Kind of makes you want to change your name
换个身份生活 对吗
and live under a totally different identity, right?
我开玩笑的 别这样做 太难了
I'm just kidding, don't do that. It's actually really hard.
我得从我前男友家里搬出来
I have to move out of my ex's place,
但我去问闺蜜要建议的时候
but when I went to my girlfriends for advice,
她们意见不合 导致直接全面开战
they disagreed and it caused this huge war between them.
你可以把我当成联♥合♥国♥
Well, consider me the United Nations
因为我是来实现国际和平的
because I'm here to bring international peace.
也因为大家从来都不在意我
And also because people don't take me seriously.
不过说真的
But, for realsies,
我家还多一间卧室 你可以来住
I have an extra bedroom and you can totally stay with me.
就当试一下
Like a trial run.
真的吗 也许是个好主意
Really? That might be perfect.
要是找到了室友 我就不用听她们的建议了
I wouldn't have to pick anyone's advice if I got a roommate.
议案通过
Motion approved.
模拟联♥合♥国♥经常说这句
That's a Model U. N. thing.
就是这里了
So this is it.
欢迎来到伊兹家
Welcome to Chez Izz.
这是我受戒礼的主题
Also my bat mitzvah theme.
基本就是《巴黎一夜》 很好看
It was basically "A Night in Paris," very classy.
我待会在床上给你看DVD
And, yes, I will show you the DVD in bed later.
挺好的
It's great.
我先去洗个澡可以吗
Do you think it'd be okay if I just grabbed a shower?
我需要把今天的污秽给冲洗掉
I really need to wash this day off me.
天哪 当然可以 走廊尽头就是
Oh, my God, of course. Just right down the hall.
里面的毛巾都很干净 我刚洗过
All the towels in there are clean. I just did laundry.
居家 贤妻良母
Domestic. Wife material.
快娶我吧 来个人 谁都行
Marry me, someone, anyone.
水压很合适吧
Pretty good water pressure, right?
我不是把门关上了吗
Oh, um... I thought I closed the door.
你是习惯关门吗 不好意思
Oh, did you want it closed? I'm so sorry.
我在给你做浴后面膜
I'm making you a post-rinse face mask.
气氛好棒啊 我们就像奥尔森姐妹
Okay, this is amazing. We're basically like the Olsen twins,
不过 在你说话之前
and, um, before you say anything,
我必须是阿什莉
it is very important to me that I be Ashley.
伊兹 这个有刺痛感是正常的吗
Izzy, is this supposed to tingle?
对 是活性炭 刺痛说明有用
Yeah, it's activated charcoal, that means it's working.
这么多人找 要我帮你看吗
Hi, popular. Do you want me to check it?
-不用了 没事 -麦迪逊给你发信息
- Oh, no, no, that's okay. - Madison's texting you.
那天早午餐我明明很通情达理
I was being totally reasonable the other day at brunch, right?
什么早午餐
Oooh, what brunch?
就是她和史黛拉吵架那次吗
Oh, when her and Stella were fighting?
"你和史黛拉吵架那次吗" 发送
"When you and Stella were fighting?" Send.
发送 什么发送
Wait, send? What do you mean, send?
我们没吵架啊 是她说我们在吵架吗
We weren't fighting! Did she say we were fighting?
-告诉我她说了什么 -J 麦迪逊给你发短♥信♥说到了我吗
- Tell me what she said. - Hey, J, has Madison texted you about me?
-是史黛拉吗 -我该怎么回呢
- Is that Stella? - What should I say back?
我就是觉得她当时说得有点狠
I just felt like she was kind of harsh at brunch,
你明白我意思吗
you know what I'm saying?
我也是人 我也是会受伤的啊
Like, I'm a person, I'm allowed to have my feelings hurt.
我不知道该说什么
I don't know what to say,
她难道不该跟麦迪逊说吗
shouldn't she be telling this to Madison?
好主意 发送
Good idea. Send.
发送 什么发送
Wait, send? Wh-what send?
"狠" 她觉得我有点狠
Harsh? She thinks I'm being harsh?
你跟麦迪逊说什么了吗
Did you just say something to Madison?
她刚让我还她一双细跟鞋
She just asked me to return a pair of kitten heels
那都是六年前借的了
I borrowed from her like six years ago.
伊兹 你做了什么
Izzy, what did you do?
天哪 又瞎又疼 痛感还在攀升
Oh, my God, ow! Blind, stinging, it is multiplying.
别担心 我刚才已经
Don't worry, I just sent
把史黛拉发你的内容截图发给麦迪逊了
Madison the screen shot of what Stella told you.
你干了什么
You did what?
不 伊兹 我的意思是
No, no, Izzy, I... I just meant
她们应该直接沟通
that they should be working this out directly.
好的 发送
Oh, okay. Send.
你为什么要把我们仨拉个群
Why the fuck did you just put the three of us in a group text?
我不懂 马天尼表情和树表情是什么意思
I'm confused, what does martini emoji, tree emoji mean?
-伊兹 -别说
- Izzy! - No, no, no.
橄榄 枝
Olive... branch.
懂吗 我们是和平使者
Get it? We're, like, such peacemakers.
我的天哪
Oh, my God.
-有人吗 -什么情况
- Um, hello? - What's going on?
-茱尔斯 -茱尔斯
- Jules! - Jules?
-茱尔斯 -把我手♥机♥还我
- Jules? - Give me my phone!
天哪
Oh, God!
你知道苹果电视的遥控器在哪吗
Hey, do you know where the Apple TV remote is?
没事了 我找到了
Never mind, found it.
只是脚踝扭伤 死不了
It's just a strained ankle. You'll live.
我去帮你拿拐杖
Let me go grab you some crutches.
谢谢
Thank you.
我感觉这是我的错
I feel like this is my fault.
我去给你找个口罩
I'm gonna find you a mask.
你现在脚崴了 最不需要的就是染上禽流感
The last thing you need on top of this sprain is bird flu.
伊兹 不用
Izzy, it's okay.
我只是不懂怎么这么快就有医生来看我
I just don't understand how I got seen so quickly.
候诊室里有大概一百号♥人
There's like a hundred people in that waiting room
有个人还拿着自己的手指
and one of them's holding their own finger.
茱尔斯 那不是他的手指
Jules, that was not his finger.
这没什么 我认识医院的人
Look, it's not a big deal. I know someone at the hospital.
认识人还是贿赂了人
Know someone or paid someone?
行了 别又吵起来
Okay, let's not start this again right now.
怎么 她想让我闭嘴 她可以塞给我20块
What? She wants me to stop, she'll just slip me a twenty.
-不是吧 -史黛拉 这不公平
- Really? - Stella, that's not fair.
-谢谢 -但如果你真的贿赂了人
- Thank you. - But if you did pay someone off,
我会把钱还给你的 也许会分期付款
I will pay you back, probably in instalments
因为我不知道贿赂要花多少
'cause I don't know how much bribes cost.
我没有贿赂任何人 我在跟人交往
I didn't pay anyone off, okay? I'm dating someone.
我跟一个在这儿工作的人交往
I'm dating someone who works here.
-等等 你在交往 -谁
- Wait. You're dating someone? - Who?
我妈的一个医生
One of my mom's doctors.
她生病期间 我们关系变得亲近
When she was sick, we got close and,
就自然而然在一起了
I don't know, it just happened.
你怎么没跟我们说
Why didn't you tell us?
因为刚确立关系 而且很复杂
Because it's new and complicated
有时你不想你的朋友给你提各种建议
and sometimes you don't want your friends weighing in with all their opinions,
尤其是当你对某事有强烈的感觉时
especially when you've got a gut feeling about something.
-强烈的感觉 -嗯
- A gut feeling? - Yeah.
我之前对我该住在哪有强烈的感觉
I had a gut feeling about where I should live
但你跟我说我会被谋杀
and you told me I was gonna get murdered.
而你想把我送去猴子冻原
And you tried to ship me to a monkey tundra,
我洗澡的时候你坐在卫生间里 不好意思
and you sat in the bathroom while I showered, and, I'm sorry,
你不太适合做室友
but I really don't think you're well-suited for a roommate.
如果我不适合做室友
If I'm not well-suited for a roommate,
那为什么过去三个月内我换了八个
then why have I had eight in the last three months?
知道吗 这不是你们任何人的错
God, you know what? This isn't any of your faults.
这是我的错 我的问题就在于此
This is my fault. This is what's wrong with me.
其他人知道怎么生活
Other people know how to run their lives
接受建议 拥有朋友
and take advice and have friends
而不知为何 我不行
and for some reason, I can't.