娃娃脸

因为发生了一场三♥级♥烧伤事故
because of a third-degree burn situation,
我洗个脸就过去...
so I'm just gonna wash my face and head over--
计划有变 我们要在你家吃晚餐
Change of plans. We're having dinner at your place.
天啊 这是什么
Oh, my God, what is this?
-我表姐的单身派对 -在这里办的吗
- My cousin's bachelorette party. - The party was here?
去他妈的社交媒体的危险
Fuck the dangers of social media,
你怎么不拍Instagram故事啊
this is what Instagram stories are for.
我肯定知道这根屌♥是谁的
I swear I know the model for this.
你为什么要把晚餐聚会搬到我家
Why would you move the dinner party to my house?
因为伊兹把我的鞋给烧了
Because Izzy set my shoes on fire
我不知道你在举办阴♥茎♥节
and I didn't know you were hosting a penis festival.
阴♥茎♥节
Penis festival.
好了 大家分头行动
Okay, everyone split up.
柯林随时会到 把阴♥茎♥藏起来
Colin's gonna be here any minute. Hide the dicks.
永远相伴同一根阴♥茎♥
好 应该搞定了
Okay, I think we got it all.
放不了气 太硬了
It won't deflate! It's too hard!
-试试踩蛋蛋 -好
- Try stepping on the balls. - Okay.
咚咚 带了黑比诺葡萄酒
Knock-knock. I brought Pinot.
欢迎来到我家
Welcome to my home.
各位 这是柯林
Uh, everyone, this is Colin.
柯林 这是我的朋友们
Colin, this is everyone.
你们好
Hey, girls.
那根阴♥茎♥真大
That's quite the large penis you have there.
那是个艺术品
It's an art installation.
茱尔斯非常喜欢女权现代主义
Uh, Jules is really into feminist modernism.
对 我在一个艺术馆买♥♥的
Yep. I got it at a... gallery.
真酷 在哪一个艺术馆
Cool. Cool. Which one?
它就叫艺术馆
It's just called, um, Gallery.
极简主义派
It's minimalist.
史黛拉 伊兹 去吧台给柯林
Stella, Izzy, why don't you guys make Colin
倒一杯喝的吧
a drink from the bar cart
那里面有各种各样的陈年酒和新酿酒
that houses various types of aged and unaged alcohols?
坐吧 亲爱的 茱尔斯 来厨房♥帮帮我
Sit down, honey. Jules, I need your help in the kitchen.
好 不必拘束 请随意
Perfect. Well, feel free to make yourself at home.
通常我会问你为什么看起来像是
Normally I would have questions about why you look
多莉·帕顿的模仿者 但我们现在需要专注
like a Dolly Parton impersonator, but we need to focus.
美国乡村女歌♥手
之前的单身派对上他们找了个人化妆
The bachelorette party had this guy doing makeovers.
你惹到他了吗
What, and you did something to make him hate you?
我能看到你的线
I can see your line.
-我的什么 -你的粉底线
- My what? - Your line.
你的粉底完全没有抹匀
The completely unblended line
粉底线一直延伸到你的颈部
where your foundation dead-ends into the rest of your neck.
它在嘶吼"如果你想知道
The line that screams, "In case you were wondering,
这根本不是我的真面目"
this is not at all what I actually look like!"
像不像正常的麦迪逊
Oh, is it anything like the line between normal Madison
和一个像烹饪雨人一样不断在盘子里
and the person who keeps rearranging the same six Brussels sprouts
反复摆放六个球茎甘蓝的人之间的那条线
on that plate like a culinary Rain Man?
晚点再互相伤害吧
We can insult each other later.
现在我需要这顿晚餐能完美进行下去
Right now, I need this dinner to go perfectly.
柯林看起来是个很随和的人
Colin seems like a pretty chill guy.
我知道他说他不在乎我有多成熟
Look, I know he says he doesn't care how mature I am,
但他的海滨别♥墅♥可不同意
but his beach house says otherwise.
他的前妻显然是个了不起的家庭主妇
Look, his ex-wife was obviously an incredible homemaker
有着乔纳森·阿德勒的室内设计天赋
and had the interior design instincts of Jonathan Adler.
所以今晚一切都得精致
So tonight has to be the definition of sophistication.
饿了吗
Who's hungry?
伊兹 史黛拉 能帮忙摆桌吗
Ah. Izzy, Stella, can you help set the table?
我们经常举办晚宴
You know how we normally do
你们知道通常该怎么做
during all the dinner parties we're constantly throwing.
我来开门
I got it.
你好 这是茱尔斯家吗
Hey. Is this Jules' place?
我是史蒂夫 是来参加派对的
I'm Steve. I'm here for the party.
-是的 进来吧 -谢谢
- Sure, come on in. - Oh, thank you.
茱尔斯 你的朋友史蒂夫来了
Jules, your friend Steve's here.
天啊 你好 史蒂夫
Oh, my God. Hello, Steve. Uh...
你能来太好了 欢迎
So good of you to come. Welcome.
这他妈是谁
Who the fuck is that?
这一定是我忘记取消的
It's not not the stripper
请来单身派对的脱衣舞男
from the bachelorette party I forgot to cancel.
-茱尔斯 -冷静 我来处理
- Jules! - Handling it. Handling it.
要喝一杯吗 你看起来很老派
Make you a drink? You look like an old-fashioned kind of guy.
好 我要一杯老式的野格和红牛
Yeah, sure, just an old-fashioned Jager and Red Bull for me.
好
Okay.
天啊 不 不 不 天啊
Oh, my-- No-no-no-no! Oh, boy!
应该... 天气冷 对吗
We should, uh, it's cold, right?
应该穿着外套
So we should just leave the coat on, I think.
随你便 反正你给的钱
Oh, okay, whatever you want. You're paying for it.
听着 史蒂夫
Uh, look, uh, Steve, listen.
出了点误会
There's been a little misunderstanding, okay?
我觉得我们得谈谈
And, uh, I think we really need to talk
趁今晚还没有彻底乱套
before this night goes completely off the rails.
我们时间不多了 史蒂夫
We don't have a lot of time, Steve.
我们得赶紧换挡
We have to switch gears quickly!
我很抱歉没人通知你取消了
I'm very, very sorry no one called to cancel,
但今晚你不是脱衣舞男
but, uh, tonight you are not a stripper.
好吗 史蒂夫 你是一个晚宴的客人
Okay, Steve? You're a guest at a dinner party.
你懂我的意思吗
You understand what I'm saying?
明白 我是一个晚宴的客人
Got it. I am a "Guest" At a dinner party.
史蒂夫 我感觉你没明白
Ooh, Steve, I feel like you're not following
我们必须要达成一致
and it is very important that we get on the same page right now.
你今晚是谁
Okay? Who are you tonight?
我是一个晚宴的客人
I am a "Guest" At a "Dinner party."
别用空气引号♥ 史蒂夫 很让人担忧
No air quotes, Steve. The air quotes are very concerning.
这事生死攸关
This is a matter of life or death.
如果今晚出差错 麦迪逊会杀了我的
If this night is a train wreck, Madison is going to kill me.
别吃三明治
No sandwiches!
我们准备好了 史蒂夫
We're as ready as we'll ever be, Steve.
我们得跳车
We have to jump.
快
Come on!
衣服拉上 史蒂夫
Uh... Keep that closed, Steve.
你们在里面干什么
What were you two up to in there?
接吻
Kissing.
这个鸡肉很好吃 麦子
This chicken is delicious, Mads.
我以为你的厨艺
I thought your knowledge of food
仅限于从肥龙点外卖♥♥
ended with takeout from Fat Dragon.
我们看法国电影的时候总会点外卖♥♥
We always get takeout when we have our French cinema marathons.
亲爱的 我们该再看一次《红磨坊》
Oh, honey, we should watch Moulin Rouge again.
完全由澳大利亚制♥作♥的电影 拍摄于澳大利亚
Fully Australian film, shot in Australia.
总之 我不是总有时间做饭
Anyway, uh, I don't always have time to cook,
我是个很忙的女生 女人 很忙的女人
I'm a very busy girl-uh, woman, very busy woman.
但偶尔做一顿美味鸡肉和九道配菜
Oh, but it's such a treat to casually throw together
也会让人心情大好
a gourmet chicken and nine sides.
你现在真的很多余
Oh, wow. You are really extra right now.
超棒的做妻子的料
Extra great wife material.
并不是说你需要一个妻子 或者你曾有过
Not that you need a wife. Or have ever had one.
或者现在仍然有 当我没说
Or still do. Never mind.
我们不该说这个的 离婚
We weren't supposed to talk about this. Divorce.
亲爱的 你想再来点芝士通心粉吗
Honey, uh, would you like more mac and cheese?
好啊
Uh, yeah, please, yeah.
我有跟你说过我在新奥尔良
Have I ever told you about the, uh, mac and cheese
最爱的芝士通心粉餐厅吗
at my favorite spot in New Orleans?
我们二月打算去参加狂欢节
Oh, we're supposed to go in February for Mardi Gras.
我们上次去的时候
Last time we were there,
我遇到了一个人 他超喜欢
I met this guy who had the biggest fetish for a--
鸡肉 还有人想再吃点吗
Chicken! Anyone want seconds?
这里还有好多鸡肉 柯林 你要吗
There's so much chicken here. Colin, you?
过会儿吧
Uh... Yeah, maybe later.
-好的 -现在也行
- Okay. - Or, right now is good, yeah.
味道感觉很熟悉
There's something that tastes so familiar about it.