娃娃脸

-我能解释 -我觉得人们谈论
- Look, I can explain- - I find people talking about stories
我不知情的事情 会让我回想起初中
I'm not a part of to be very triggering of middle school.
不是马上就要告诉你了吗
You're literally going to find out this second.
我们去年去滑雪
So, we went on this ski trip last year
困在了观光缆车上
and got stuck on this chair lift
旁边有个史黛拉觉得超棒的男人
with this guy Stella thought was nice.
但我们没带手♥机♥
But we didn't have our phones,
于是他就在史黛拉手套上写了电♥话♥号♥码
so he wrote his number on Stella's glove.
我以为我弄丢了 但如果这手套合身的话
Which I thought I lost. But if the glove fits...
我当时有很微小的不详感觉
I just had a teeny tiny nagging feeling
他是百分百的反♥社♥会♥人士
that the guy was 100% a sociopath.
他超级体贴
He was unbelievably sweet.
在这事上你得相信我
You just have to trust me on this.
不 在这事上我不相信你
No. I don't trust you on this.
你不能为我做决定 好吗 我是成年女性
You don't make my decisions for me. Okay? I am a grown woman.
我的决定只能由宇宙帮我做
And my decisions will be made solely by the universe.
实际上 我现在就要给他打电♥话♥
In fact, I'm gonna call him right now
邀请他来参加明天圣诞老人♥大♥会之前的活动
and invite him to pregame with us before Santa-Con tomorrow.
来我家 休想
At my home?! Oh, you are not!
太晚了 已经拨通了
Too late. It's already ringing.
我们是嫁给了圣诞老人♥大♥会计划吗
So, are we, like, married to the Santa-Con plan?
因为这是杰瑞米
Because that's Jeremy's
最爱的圣诞主题串酒吧活动
absolute favorite Christmas-themed bar crawl,
我不想碰到他
and I really don't want to run into him.
要是他和别的女生在一起怎么办
I mean, what if he's there with a girl?
我们去定了 这是顶级拍照活动
We're going. Look, this is a class-A Gram-able event,
你唯一需要担心
and the only girls at Santa-Con
参加圣诞老人♥大♥会的女生都在这屋子里
you need to worry about are in this room.
如果你真的碰到了杰瑞米
I mean, and if you do run into Jeremy,
那也是在最棒的情况下
it'll be under the best possible circumstances--
周围是挚友 个个打扮得像性感圣诞老人
surrounded by your best friends, lookin' like sexy Santas.
我们会保护你的
Look, we will protect you.
不知为何
For some reason
之前吃的超♥市♥室温寿司让我肚子不太舒服
that room-temp supermarket sushi isn't sitting right.
厨房♥ 进来
Kitchen! Get in here!
很棒吧
Pretty good, right?
你在我们来之前就开始喝了吗
Did you start drinking before we got here?
也许
Maybe.
伊兹
Wow, Izzy!
你看上去
You look...
很具体
...specific.
我是光明节哈利
I'm Hanukkah Harry.
那个在手套上写号♥码的人给了我灵感
That guy writing his number on the glove
在鸡蛋面包上写上我的号♥码 我就可以这么干了
inspired me to write my number on challah so I can do this.
给你鸡蛋面包
Challah at ya girl.
小黛 我看你还是想通了
So, Stell, I see you came to your senses
没有邀请丹
and decided not to invite Dan.
正好相反 丹已经在来的路上了
On the contrary, Dan's on his way over,
我已经没有理智了
and my senses are nowhere to be found.
知道吗
You know what?
这会是次有趣的学习经历
This is gonna be a fun learning experience.
我们都会知道
We can both learn what happens
没有我来保护你会发生什么
when I don't step in to protect you.
-我们来做个交易 -你说
- I'm gonna propose a deal. - Hmm. I'm listening.
如果今晚结束的时候 你仍然不同意我
If at the end of the night you don't agree with me
丹是一个应该回避的精神病
that Dan is a full psycho who should have been avoided,
我就绝不再干涉你的生活
I will never intervene in your life again.
但如果我是对的 你就得准备一个地震应急包
But if I'm right, you have to make an earthquake kit.
好
Fine.
那如果
And in the case
证明你才是彻底的精神病而丹是个暖男
that you're actually the full-blown psycho and Dan's a sweet guy,
我们要让谁来做无偏见的裁判
what unbiased judge are we gonna have make that call?
我外婆跟鲁斯·巴德·金斯伯格[大♥法♥官]是一个姐妹会的
My grandma was sorority sisters with Ruth Bader Ginsburg,
所以我体内天生就流淌着法官的血液
so in terms of being a judge, it's, like, in my blood.
-嗨 -你好 史黛拉
- Hi! - Oh, wow! Hi, Stella!
-你真美 -谢谢 进来吧
- You look amazing! - Thank you. Come on in.
我本来想带花过来的
I was gonna bring you flowers,
但是在路上我碰到了一个无家可归的女士
but on the way over I met a homeless lady
-看上去她今天过得不太顺 -你真好
- who seemed like she was having a bad day. - Oh, how sweet.
我好像没有收到"打扮成圣诞老人"的提醒
It looks like I didn't get the "Dress like Santa" Memo.
光明节哈利 我喜欢
Oh, Hanukkah Harry! I love that.
我是丹 很高兴认识你
I'm Dan, by the way. It's nice to meet you.
安息日平安 幸会
Shabbat shalom and enchanté.
你们俩这么快就熟络起来了
Well, aren't you two becoming fast friends.
麦迪逊 你肯定记得丹吧
Oh, Madison, I'm sure you remember Dan.
很高兴又见到你
Yeah. It's good to see you again.
你家漂亮又壮观
Your place is both awesome and amazing.
我当然记得丹
Oh, I certainly do remember Dan.
你有参演过广受赞誉的纪实电视剧《制♥造♥杀手》
From the acclaimed docudrama “Creating a Killer,”
调查了一桩残忍♥的护理学生遇害一案
which investigated the brutal slaying of nursing student
-露西·加拉格在帕尼拉面包店里相亲被杀 -什么
- Lucy Gallagher on a blind date at Panera Bread. - Wait, what?
是真的 发生在我家乡
Yeah, it's true. It happened in my home town.
他们有集让我作为随机目击者采访了我
They even interviewed me for one episode as a random witness.
我想那算是我转瞬即逝的名气
I guess it was my 15 minutes of fame.
丹 你太谦虚了
Oh, Dan, you're being modest.
你的新朋友伊兹
I'm sure your new friend Izzy
肯定想了解更多关于此案的事
here would love to know more about the case.
时至今日 那个案子还没侦破
Which, to this day, remains unsolved.
作为这个故事的无党派聆听者
Well, as a non-partisan listener of this story,
我想知道更多细节 拜托了
I'd love to know more details, please.
-我们不用 -面包汤杀戮
- Oh, we don't have to- - The Bread Bowl Killing.
一个不明身份的嫌疑人和露西一起去了帕尼拉面包店
An unidentified suspect joined Lucy at Panera Bread
他们共享一份面包蛤蜊浓汤
where they shared a clam chowder bread bowl
很可惜也是她最后一次品尝
that sadly would be her last.
几小时后 露西被肢解的尸体
Hours later, Lucy's body was found dismembered
被发现于餐厅背后的垃圾箱里
in a dumpster behind the restaurant.
我的天 好恶心 他们还共享一份汤
Oh, my God, that's so gross! They were sharing soup? Ugh!
警♥察♥有理由相信
Police have reason to believe
吃了那道黏稠浓汤的神秘男子
that the mystery man who ate from that doughy dish
正是将她送进谷物坟墓的杀手
is the very killer who sent her to her grain-based grave.
麦迪逊 原来是这样吗
Madison, that's what this is about?
你根据你看过的一个谋杀节目
You're seriously implying that Dan killed someone
暗示丹杀了人
based off of a murder show that you binged?
史黛拉 没事 我理解
Look, Stella, it's okay. I understand.
人们有时会沉迷于这些真实犯罪案件
People get really into these true crime stories.
但既然你提起了 我其实有乳糜泻
But since you brought it up, I actually have celiac disease.
即使是最微量的麸质
So, even the smallest amount of gluten
也会让我生病
will make me violently ill.
丹 就当我是铁粉吧 不过
Well, Dan, call me a superfan, but, uh...
如果你有乳糜泻 那你的车当初
If you have celiac disease, then what was your car doing
怎么会停在帕尼拉面包店外面
outside of a Panera Bread in the first place?
他们在节目里从未解释过
They never explained it on the show.
我是去办事
Oh, well, I was just running errands.
我妈妈失业之后
You see, ever since my mom lost her second job,
我就只能挑起家里的担子
I've had to pick up the slack around the house
帮忙照顾我阿姥 就是我外婆
and help out with my mee-moo. That's my Grandma.
你简直是小天使
Are you a living angel?
没错 伊兹
That's right, Iz.
你可以说
You could say that
丹代表着圣诞精神和一切美好
Dan embodies the Christmas spirit and all things good.
我真庆幸我重新联♥系♥了他
I mean, thank goodness I called him to reconnect.
我想为此举杯
I'll cheers to that.
不如我们喝点蛋奶酒吧
Why don't we have some of these egg nog shots?
我去看看茱尔斯到哪儿了
I'm gonna go see where Jules is.
-那我们多喝点 -好啊
- More for us. - Yeah!
-喂 -茱尔斯
- Hello? - Jules?
你在哪儿呢
Where are you?
抱歉 我得帮公♥司♥跑个腿
I'm sorry. I had to drop off a gift basket
去给博物馆的无声拍卖♥♥慈善活动送礼品篮
at this silent auction charity thing at the museum for Woom.
其实 我现在想一想
You know what? Now that I think about it,