娃娃脸

不 不过分
No. It's not.
你值得一个能在不失去意识的情况下
And you deserve a friend who can give you that
满足你这要求的朋友
without rendering herself unconscious.
我的无聊把周围的人都吓走了
My boring-ness is driving people away.
这多半也是我被甩的原因
It's probably why I got dumped,
现在还阻止我做一个合格的朋友
and now it's stopping me from being a good friend.
打住 就因为你无聊不代表你是差劲的朋友
Okay, just 'cause you are boring doesn't make you a bad friend.
没有你 就没人给我推荐足疗师了
I mean, without you, I'd have no one to recommend a podiatrist.
-纳兹堡医生最棒了 -我的天
- Dr. Nuzzbaum's the best, isn't he? - Oh, my gosh.
这些鞋垫改变了我整个姿态
These insoles changed my whole posture.
我就知道可以的
I knew they would.
-嘿 -你们好啊
- Hey. - Hey, guys.
麦迪逊叫我来的
Madison invited me to come.
她说我们要解决我所有的问题
She said we're gonna fix all the things that are wrong with me,
据说问题有点多
and I'm told it's a very long list.
史黛拉好像厌倦了总是去派对
I think Stella's tired of always having to be the party,
我想帮忙
and I want to help.
我想为她做点什么
I want to do something for her.
她说她需要新耳机
She said she needed new headphones.
不 我是说真的做点什么
No, I mean, like, actually do something.
我分手期间你们那么支持我
You guys have been so there for me during my breakup,
我也想做同样的事
and I just want to do the same.
我想为史黛拉筹划一个很有意思的晚上
I want to plan a really fun night out for Stella.
能让她发出感叹
The kind of night that'll make her go,
"今晚真是有意思"
"Whoa. That was a really fun night."
你真好 茱尔斯 但你没法用史黛拉的方式帮到史黛拉
That's really sweet, Jules. But you can't "Out-Stella" Stella.
这不是你的品牌
It's not your brand.
你的品牌是推荐好的足疗师
I mean, your brand is recommending a good podiatrist.
纳兹堡水平很不错
Nuzzbaum does good work.
我该向全世界隐瞒这消息吗
Should I be withholding that information from the world?
这正是我想教会伊兹的
This is exactly what I'm trying to teach Izzy.
她很困惑 假装成别人
She's all over the place, pretending to be someone she's not.
所以你是想用麦迪逊的方式帮伊兹吗
Oh, so you're trying to "Madison" Izzy?
你说什么
Oh, excuse me?
你说我想用史黛拉的方式帮史黛拉
You said I'm trying to "Stella" Stella,
但你试图用麦迪逊的方式帮伊兹
but you're trying to "Madison" Izzy.
识别她的缺点
Identifying her flaws,
扭曲真♥相♥
putting your spin on it,
管理她的形象 你是给她用上了全套麦迪逊手段
managing her image. You're giving her the full Madison.
好吧 没错 我忙完这事
Okay, fine. I am. But between that,
以及跟你徒步之后
and kicking your ass on this hike,
-我晚点需要给自己来点"茱尔斯" -那是什么
- I'm gonna need to "Jules" Myself later. - What is that?
你换完一套睡衣后
When you change out of one set of pajamas,
直接又穿上另一套睡衣
directly into another set of pajamas.
不好笑
Not funny!
不要在你上来前就死掉
Hey, don't die before you get up here.
我想要我们所有人一起合影
I want us to all take a picture.
我们在吵架 我在生你们所有人的气
We're in a fight. All of us. I'm mad at all of you.
为地球上最有趣的女生筹备一个有趣之夜
Plan a fun night out for the most fun girl on the planet.
这能有多难
How hard could that be?
我可以做到 我很有趣
I can do this. I'm fun.
我特别有趣 我要搜索"有趣"
I'm so fun I'm gonna Google "Fun."
找到有趣的地方
Find out where it happens.
"玩乐的最佳地点"
"Best places to have fun."
"举♥行♥葬礼的最佳地点"
"Best places to have funerals."
为生命里最长的睡眠做准备永远不晚
It's never too late to plan for life's longest nap.
你不了解我 网络
You don't know me, Internet.
"有趣的事情"
"Things to do for fun."
真菌
Fungus?
纳兹堡医生
Dr. Nuzzbaum.
大洛杉矶地区评价最高的足疗师
Most highly rated podiatrist in greater Los Angeles
该死 纳兹堡
Goddamn it, Nuzzbaum.
"热门夜店"
"Popular nightclubs."
俱乐部很简单
So the club is pretty simple,
如果你有网络摄像头和蜡烛的话
if you've got a webcam and you've got needles.
拜托 "地下派对"
Come on! "Underground parties."
"眼圈之下" 粗俗
"Under eye circles"? Rude.
你还在看《英国家庭烘焙大赛》吗
Are you still watching The Great British Bake Off?
点击播放继续观看
Press play to continue.
好吧 不过就把这集剩下的看完 然后继续搜索
Fine. But just the rest of this episode, then I keep searching.
首要事情
First things first.
我们不能给一个假身份打造品牌
We can't build a brand off a fake identity.
你在公♥司♥里假装是艾莉森
You pretended to be Alison at work,
因为你对真实的自己不够自信
because you're not confident in who you really are.
伊兹 没错
Izzy. Yes, that's correct.
好 我相信"伊兹"肯定也有卖♥♥点
Okay. Well, I'm sure "Izzy" Has selling points.
我们只需要将其阐明
We just have to clarify them.
你会怎么把自己卖♥♥给我
How would you sell yourself to me?
免费 你可以拥有我
For free. You can totally have me.
我会给你钱让你带走我
I'll pay you to take me.
-错 -在Etsy[手工艺品网站]上卖♥♥
- Wrong. - On Etsy?
-错 -易趣网
- Wrong. - EBay.
-错 -是Etsy 对吗
- Wrong. - It's Etsy, isn't it?
我是说
I, I meant,
你要怎么推销你的为人 比如市场营销
how would you sell yourself as a person? Like, marketing.
在乌姆做市场营销
Well, for marketing at Woom,
我一般都会做一个推销演示
I usually make a pitch presentation.
你觉得如何
So, what do you think?
你说你今晚给我准备了惊喜的时候
When you said you wanted to surprise me with plans tonight,
我以为会是在家里放松
I kind of assumed, like, a chill night in,
玩不脱衣的UNO牌游戏什么的
where we play non-strip Uno or something.
他们就称之为UNO牌
They just call that "Uno."
我甚至穿了我的舒适衣服
I mean, I even wore my comfy clothes.
你没有努力打扮的时候就穿成这样
This is how you dress when you're not trying?
-是的 -好吧 不
- Yeah. - Okay. Nope.
跟我来
Follow me.
你好 怀莉 两位
Hi. Wiley. Party of two.
网上显示只有4:30有预约
Um, online you only had a 4:30 p. M. Reservation,
但我打电♥话♥ 你说或许可以给我安排位置
but I called and you said you might be able to accommodate me.
我们满客了
We're fully committed.
我是史黛拉 费比安的朋友
Hey. It's, uh, Stella. Fabian's friend.
天 抱歉 这边请
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. Right this way.
谢谢
Thank you.
你竟然认识这里的人
I can't believe you know someone here.
这里才开业四天
This place has been open for four days.
我参加了试营业 不过我没看到这外面
I went to the soft opening. But I didn't see it from out here.
我们当时在后面的私人厨房♥里
We were in the back, in some small private kitchen
跟着一个世界闻名的主厨
doing this dumb, curated tasting menu thing
品尝精选菜肴
with this stupid, world-renowned head chef.
你好 能跟我们说说特色菜吗
Oh, hi. Um, could you tell us the specials?
不
No.
脱盐蛇毒
Desalinated snake venom.
如果你不喜欢这个 我们可以在沙发上点外卖♥♥
If this isn't your vibe, we can totally do couch, takeout,
吃巧克力酱 真的
Nutella from the jar. Seriously.
不 别想了
No. We're not doing that.
-我们要玩乐 -好吧
- We're being fun. - Okay.
现在 我感觉有点怪 要吃这个 不过
Now. Ahem. I feel a little weird about having these, but...
给
Here.
小人形酸味软糖
Sour Patch Kids?
什么 不 这些是
What? No. These are...
大♥麻♥软糖
weed gummies.
-亲爱的 这是小人形酸味软糖 -不可能
- Honey, these are Sour Patch Kids. - That's impossible.
杰瑞米表弟去年来看大学的时候
Jeremy's cousin left them at our place
留在我们家的
when he was here visiting colleges last year.
我在一个可疑的塑料袋里发现的 上面还有张纸条写着
I found them in a sketchy plastic baggie with a note that said,
"享受你的旅程[迷幻之旅]"
"Enjoy your trip."
我猜那是他妈给他旅途准备的零食
I'm guessing because his mom packed him snacks for his trip.
因为她是母亲 不是贩毒的
Because she's a mom, and not a drug dealer.
味道像小人形酸味软糖吗
Taste like a Sour Patch Kid?
这证明不了什么
That doesn't prove anything.