生活大麻烦（2017）

Disjointed S01E03

Part 1 July 23, 2020, 3:22 p.m.

*早安星光*
*Good morning, starshine*
*地球向你问安*
*The Earth says hello*
*清晨高歌♥*
*Early morning singing song*
你们知道我刚意识到什么了吗
Hey. You know what I just realized?
鉴于我昨晚被捕
With my arrest last night,
我有了连续五十年被捕的记录了
I have now been incarcerated in five consecutive decades.
厉害吧
Wow.
你真棒妈
Good for you, Mom.
你是大♥麻♥界的"米尼·米诺索"
You're the Minnie Minoso of marijuana.
我不知道你说谁
I don't know who that is.
别装了米尼·米诺索
Yes, you do. Minnie Minoso?
你知道的
You know.
上网查一下
Google him.
不要直接告诉我
No, just tell me.
你自己查一下绝对值得
Google him. It's so worth it.
跟"米妮老鼠"的读音一样
Minnie, like the mouse.
-大米的米... -我知道怎么写
- M- I- N... - I know how to spell "Minnie."
米诺索
Minoso.
米诺索
M-I-n-o-s-o?
对然后按回车
Yes. Now "Return."
所以你妈是芝加哥白袜队第一个黑人球手吗
Okay, so your mom is the first black player on the Chicago White Sox?
不是搜一下"米尼·米诺索几十年"
No. Try "Minnie Minoso decades."
你就说吧
Just tell me.
不行你马上就查到了
No, but you're so close.
特拉维斯你不说我就给你一拳
Travis, I swear, I will punch you right in the tits.
所以我才喜欢你奥莉维亚
That's why I love you, Olivia.
你"孺子可教"啊
You're a quick study.
好吧
Fine.
米尼·米诺索史上第一个拥有
Minnie Minoso was the first man to play professional baseball
五十年职业生涯的选手
in five different decades.
知道了
Okay.
那为什么绝对值得呢
So, why was this worth it?
你还不明白吗
Don't you see?
同理米尼·米诺索...
In the same way Minnie Minoso...
别他妈再提什么"米尼·米诺索"了
Shut the fuck up about Minnie-fucking-Minoso.
总得有人说啊
Someone had to say it.
别开别开
No, no.
别开车窗
Keep the window shut.
不然我们就过于暴露了
Otherwise, we're... We're too exposed.
暴露于什么啊
Too exposed to what?
抱歉我以为...
Sorry. I thought I was...
没什么
Never mind.
皮特真是什么情况下都能睡着啊
Man, Pete can sleep through anything.
也不是所有情况
Almost.
好谢谢
Yes, please.
生活大♥麻♥烦
第一季第三集
棒
Yeah.
-碰一个 -棒
- Right on. - Yeah.
谢谢好碰了
Thanks. All right. Gotcha.
天呐特拉维斯怎么回事
Jeez, Travis, what's going on?
我这一早上都在跟人碰拳
I've been getting fisted all morning.
你可以为此感谢丹克和黛比
Well, you can thank Dank and Dabby for that.
托他们的福店里才来了这么多新客
They're the reason we have all these new customers.
但他们就像一群猿人似的
But they remind me of a bunch of Chewbaccas.
我觉得不像
I don't think that's true.
她人呢你
Where is she? You.
今天别搞事兄弟
Whoa. Oh. Not today, bro.
-那... -卡特没事
- That... - Carter, no. It's fine.
遵命
Copy.
跆拳道格抱歉伤了你的手腕
Tae Kwon Doug, sorry about your wrist.
但我有俩呢混♥蛋♥[屁♥眼♥]
Yeah, well, I got two, asshole.
听到了吗卡特这家伙有俩屁♥眼♥
Wow. Did you get that, Carter? Guy's got two assholes.
露丝我来此只为一事
Ruth, I am here for one reason.
那就是告诉你两件事
To tell you two things:
第一我有强烈的意愿要起诉你
A, that I am strongly considering pressing assault charges.
-是吗 -没错
- Really? - Yeah.
你想让大家都知道你一个武术教练
You want everyone to know that a martial arts instructor
被一个嗑嗨的犹太老太婆揍了吗
got his ass beat by a stoned old Jewish lady?
第三我昨天离开这里时
And three, when I walked out of here yesterday,
我心想 "淡定啊道格
I said, "You gotta chill out, Doug-o.
没必要因为几个嗑嗨的废柴
There's no need to lose your kuk gi
而失去了习武之人的风骨"
over a few losers snorfing some derbs."
所以我决定不跟你们一般见识
So, I decided I was just gonna let it slide.
我本来想大人有大量
I was gonna be the bigger man.
但昨晚的事你让我颜面尽失变小心眼了
But then last night happened and you turned me small.
我小肚鸡肠了
Real small.
所以你当心点吧露丝
So, you watch out, Ruth.
因为小心眼男要来对付你了
'Cause a tiny little man is coming after you.
你们都死定了
Coming after all of you!
你们喝倒彩只会让我更小心眼
Oh, yeah, your "boos" only make me smaller.
瞧见没这小伙懂
Yeah, see? He gets it.
我是个女的
She.
该死
Horseshit.
亲爱的梅梅
Dear Mei Mei.
我们知道你正在医学院里努力地学习
We know you're working hard in medical school,
所以我们把这个送给你
so we're sending this
希望它能帮你学得更好
to help you through.
妈妈爸爸
Mom and Dad.
滤水器
Water filters.
他们怎么知道的啊
How did they know?
*碧然德的净♥水♥器♥*
*These Brita water filters hearken back*
*是我爸妈的期待*
*To my parents' esteem*
他们最关心
My liquid safety
*我的饮水安全*
*Is of their utmost importance*
*但是我的生活他们还蒙在鼓里*
*But they are deceived with regard to my activities*
*也许我活该生水源类疾病*
*Perhaps I deserve the water-borne diseases for which*
*我♥干♥嘛撒谎*
*Why do I lie*
*关于我医学院的学业*
*Regarding my medical school instruction*
*在加州大学洛杉矶分校*
*At the University of California, Los Angeles*
我最爱的舞蹈队表演时刻到了
Say, it's time for my favorite dance team,
来看吧
so let's look.
一盒火柴和3.5克的罗慕伦绿色大♥麻♥
A box of matches and an eighth of Romulan Green marijuana.
你有这些就够了亲们
That's all you need, my friend.
你们很快就能享受到最香醇的
And soon you'll be enjoying the smoothest,
最清淡的口感最好的烟草
mildest, tastiest bud ever created.
每一份罗慕伦烟草
Every Romulan Green cigarette
都是纯手工卷制让您尽享极致
is hand- rolled for maximum smokeability
所以这些最香甜的大♥麻♥制品
so, that all that sweet, cannabis goodness
会直达你的神经接受体
goes straight to your neuroreceptors
带来独一无二的罗慕伦烟草体验
for that one-of-a-kind Romulan Green experience.
天呐太想干这俩人了
Gee, I'd like to fuck those two.
由于我妈昨晚搞事进监狱了
With my mom's hot prison action last night,
我们还没好好谈下昨晚在我家的事
we never got to talk about what happened at my place.
是啊我一直在想
Yeah, I've been thinking,
我们当时打住再好不过了
it's probably for the best that we stopped when we did.
好吧
Oh. Okay.
我能问原因吗
Can I ask why?
你算是我的老板吧
Well, in a sense, you're my boss,
要是睡了会很尴尬
so it would've been weird.
我想我明白你的意思
Yeah, I guess I see what you're saying.
但我从没把你当员工看
I never see you as an employee, though.
我知道
No, I know.
我说你是我的老板
And believe me when... When I say you're the boss,
只是指表面上
I just mean technically.
我们都清楚你妈才是真正的老板
I mean, we both know your mom is the real boss around here.
这话我可不太同意
I don't think we both know that.
是是没错对外来说你俩都说了算
No, no, you're right. You're both officially in charge.
-对外对内都是 -你开心就好
- Officially and actually. - Sure, fine.
-我感觉你在"唬弄"我 -是糊弄
- I feel like you're patronizing me. - Patronizing.
特拉维斯
Travis!