生活大麻烦（2017）

Disjointed S01E15

Part 4 July 23, 2020, 3:24 p.m.

Babe, why...?
你为什么反应这么奇怪
Why are you acting all crazy?
是因为我在宜家没拉你手吗
Is this 'cause I wouldn't hold your hand at IKEA?
不是是因为我...
No, it's 'cause, I...
我是你女友
I'm your girlfriend.
看到你对别人敞开心扉
It's tough for me to see
而不是对我令我很难受
you opening up to someone else and not me.
-我不知道这很奇怪 -是的
- I don't know, this is weird. - Yes, yes. It... It...
我知道很奇怪
I know it's weird.
西尔弗曼医生认为茉茉对我
One of the reasons why Dr. Silverman thought Jasmine...
有帮助的原因之一是她能帮我对你更坦诚
would be good for me is so I could learn to open up to you more.
这样啊
Oh, well...
我希望能那样
I would like that.
早前你进来时我正在对茉茉说
And earlier, when you walked in... I was telling Jasmine that...
我知道这听起来很傻
Look, I know this sounds dumb.
但我一直想试试说单口相声
But I've always wanted to... try stand-up comedy.
也许吧
Maybe.
我觉得听起来一点不傻
I don't think that sounds dumb at all.
但不是幽默的人才能讲相声吗
But don't you have to be funny for that?
你在砸我场吗
Are you heckling me?
我想当第一个砸你场的人
I wanted the first one to come from me.
他允许你在他身上拉屎吗
Does he let you shit on him?
我看没有吧
I didn't think so.
骑这个很难耍酷
It's really hard to look cool on this thing,
所以我的成功才更显伟大
which makes my achievement all the more remarkable.
你终于去看医生了
So, you finally went to the doctor.
是的谢丽尔劝服我的
Yeah, Cheryl talked me into it.
谢丽尔你听谢丽尔的话那个认为
Cheryl? You listened to Cheryl? The woman who thinks
以某种方法折一美元就能看到华盛顿老二的人吗
if you fold a dollar bill right, you will see Washington's dick?
很有意思
It's funny.
当一个疯子说你疯了你肯定是疯了
When someone crazy tells you you're crazy, you know you're crazy.
当一个正常人说你疯了你只是觉得烦
But when someone sane tells you, it's just annoying.
我也爱你妈妈
I love you, too, Mom.
说到爱
Oh, speaking of love.
猜猜我在医务室碰到谁了
Guess who I ran into at the doctor's office.
阿曼达大学时你谈过的美女
Amanda, that pretty girl you dated in college.
-真的吗她怎么样了 -非常好怀孕了
- Really? How is she? She's... - Oh, so good. Super-pregnant.
-是会离婚的那种怀孕吗 -我看不是
- Like getting-divorced pregnant? - Oh, I doubt it.
你应该看看她老公
You should see her husband.
看他一眼我都要怀孕了
Yeah. One look at him practically made me pregnant.
我是麻友皮特
"Oh, hey, I'm Pothead Pete.
我只想吞云吐雾
All I care about is burfing snabs.
我不在乎我的好友和格斗教练
I don't care about my best friend and combat-sports instructor.
我在树林里制♥作♥蠢东西
I make stupid stuff in the woods,
我甚至听不明白简单的鬼故事
and I don't understand simple ghost stories."
知道吗我走了
You know what? I'm out of here.
什么
What the...?
F·默里·亚伯拉罕
F. Murray Abraham!