生活大麻烦（2017）

Disjointed S01E09

Part 1 July 23, 2020, 3:23 p.m.

卡特我很高兴你终于决定倾诉了
Carter, I'm really glad you decided to talk to somebody.
给我讲讲吧
So, tell me what's been going on.
没啥好讲的
Not much.
生活大♥麻♥烦
第一季第九集
妈妈
Mom?
谁
Who's there?
叫你妈妈的人
The person who calls you "Mom."
好吧就是你
All right, your story checks out.
你干什么呢
What are you doing?
如果你是我
If you were me,
你会把这笔钱藏哪里
where would you hide this cash
好让所有人都找不到除了未来的我
so nobody could find it except future me?
记着未来的我肯定是嗑药中
And keep in mind, future me will be stoned.
保险箱行吗
What about the safe?
不行保险箱被斯奈普饮料塞满了
Oh-ho. The safe is full of Snapple.
好东西
Sweet stash.
你还有山竹桃啊
You've even got Peach Mangosteen?
是的我和山竹桃交情深了
Oh, yeah. Me and the mangosteens go way back.
你一般把钱放哪秘密保险箱吗
Well, where do you usually put your money? The secret safe?
是啊...
Yeah--
你怎么知道秘密保险箱的事的
Who told you about the secret safe?
妈妈你嗑嗨的时候什么都说
Mom. You overshare when you're high.
我知道干大♥麻♥这行的人
Listen, I know banks aren't an option
不能把钱交给银行
for people in the marijuana industry,
但总得比把钱在办公室
but there's gotta be something better than hiding cash
到处藏好吧
all over your office.
我告诉你
Look, you know,
也许你是商务管理高材生
you may have a master's in business administration,
但我可是有下雨博士证书的
but I happen to have a PhD in making it rain.
好吧确实挺酷
Okay. Okay, that was pretty cool.
但是妈妈我还是要去探索一些现金管理的其它可能
But, Mom, I'm gonna explore some other cash management options.
也许你应该分散投资
Maybe you should diversify a little bit.
我有分散啊
I am diversified.
说吧要什么
Come on, what do you want?
我有欧元比索金币
I got, uh, euros, pesos, gold coins.
还有洋娃娃
And my Beanie Babies!
很有意思莎蒂
That's very interesting, Sadie.
再讲讲光合作用的事
Tell me more about photosynthesis.
很痒
Well... it tickles.
-没错 -是的
-Yeah, it totally does. -Yeah.
天哪好可爱
Oh, God. That's adorable.
皮特还在说疯话呢
Hey, Pete. Still batshit crazy, huh?
是珍妮吗
Is that Jenny?
能再要点茶吗
Can you ask her for more tea?
珍妮姑娘们又问你茶的事了
Jenny, the girls are asking about your tea again.
那你告诉姑娘们她们没得喝
Yeah, well tell the girls they aren't getting any tea.
因为是我妈妈给我的
Because I get it from my mom
但我妈妈好几周不理我了
and my mom hasn't spoken to me for weeks.
我简直无法想象那么久不理我女儿们
I can't imagine not talking to my girls for that long.
真的吗
Really?
那你剪了它们之后怎么办
What're you gonna do after you cut them,
晾干了卖♥♥给陌生人吸呢
hang them and sell them to strangers to get high?
-谁要被剪 -没谁可可
- Who's gonna get cut down? - No one, Coco. No one.
珍妮跟我说的
Jenny was telling me about
是其它被剪了的大♥麻♥
another group of marijuana plants that got cut down
在加拿大
in, uh, Canada.
这样啊
Sounds plausible.
皮特我真的开始担心你了
Pete, you're really worrying me.
你知道到时间了
You know it's time.
它们已经可以收割了
They're ready to be harvested.
收割
Harvested?
别理她她对她妈妈都说谎
Pay her no mind, she lies to her mother.
我跟我妈妈说什么跟它们没关系
Hey, what I tell my parents is none of their business.
你不会收割我们的对吧爸爸
You'd never harvest us, would you, Daddy?
当然当然不会
Of course-- Of course not.
我们是一家人嘛
We're family.
太好啦
Oh, yay!
*我们是一家人*
*We are family*
*姐♥妹♥们♥都在身边*
*I got all my sisters and me*
*我们是一家人*
*We are family*
*所有人放声高歌♥*
*Get up everybody and sing*
-卡特 -你好
- Hey, Carter. - Hey.
你拿的什么
What do you got there?
这是我奶奶做的卷卷软糖
These are my nana's fudge swirls.
看起来像便便
They look like shit.
不是什么意思很好吃的
No. What do you mean? They're delicious.
是是是也许但是...
Yeah, yeah, maybe, but, um--
但看起来真的很像粪便
But they look like actual piles of poop.
不是它们不是
No they-- No, they don't.
特拉维斯来看看奥莉维亚奶奶的粪球
Hey, Travis, come check out Olivia's nana's shitballs.
不是粪球是卷卷软糖
They're not shitballs, they're fudge swirls.
-看起来像便便 -对吧
- They look like shit. - Right?
-闻起来不像哎 -因为就不是
- They don't smell like shit. - Because they're not shit.
天哪你奶奶的粪球好好吃
Oh, my God. Your nana's shitballs are amazing.
-但请别再这么叫它了 -谁说粪球
- But please stop calling them that. - Y'all talking shitballs?
-哈哈哈算上我们 -耶
- Ha-ha-ha. Count us in. - Oh, yeah.
-一定要算上 -是卷卷软糖
-Count us all the way in. - They're fudge swirls.
而且可以请品尝
And, yes, you may have some.
天哪这粪球太好吃啦
Goodness gracious, these are great balls of shit!
我觉得有一点点马达加斯加可可豆豆味道
Yeah, I'm getting a subtle hint of Madagascar single bean chocolate.
还有豆蔻和小豆蔻
Yeah, with some cardamom and nutmeg.
-炒豆蔻 -一定得炒
- Toasted nutmeg. - Yeah, you gotta toast that shit.
厉害你们怎么知道的
That's amazing. How did you guys know that?
奥莉维亚这不是我们第一次尝粪球了
Well, Olivia, this is not our first shitball.
但是等等那是
But wait, what's that, um...
我没尝到的那是什么
What's that thing I'm not tasting on the back of my palate?
没错严重缺少一点什么
You're right. There's a strong absence of something.
里面没有大♥麻♥
Well, there's no pot in them.
混♥蛋♥
Motherfucker!
-你应该提前告诉人家的 -是的
- You have to warn a person. - Yeah.
天哪这要是孩子的派对怎么办
Man, what if this was a children's birthday party?
我吃了三个
And I ate three of them.
结果吃完了我居然没嗨
And the next thing you know, I'm not high!
两位我我很抱歉
You guys, I am-- I am so sorry.
抱歉能让我嗨起来吗
"Sorry" doesn't get me stoned, does it?
-能吗不能 -不能
- Does it? It doesn't! - No.
-他们管这叫烘培点心是有原因的 -就是
- They called "Baked goods" For a reason! - Yeah!
要有心
Because they're good!
为孩子们想想啊
Think of the children!
-我们来干什么的 -我不知道
- Why did we come here? - I don't know!
我打赌如果我们给里面加些大♥麻♥
Well, you know, I bet if we put weed in these,
肯定大卖♥♥
we could sell them.
是啊名字已经朗朗上口了
Yeah, they already have a catchy name.
奶奶的卷卷软糖吗
Nana's Fudge Swirls?
我们还是用粪球吧
I think we're gonna stick with Shitballs.
爸爸
Daddy.
继续睡觉
Go back to sleep.
你拿的是什么
What are you holding?
这个吗
These?
这是我的爱之剪
These are my love scissors.
我们要第一次剪头发了吗
Are we getting our first haircut?
剪头发
Haircut.
我要刘海
I want bangs.
凯蒂·派瑞那种
Katy Perry bangs.
我要短发
I want a bob.
天哪我是个禽兽
Oh, God, I'm a monster!
祝大家大♥麻♥快乐
"Merry-juana," one and all!
欢迎来到丹克和黛比的
Welcome to Dank and Dabby's
每天都是圣诞节圣诞特辑
"Every Day is Christmas Christmas Spectacular."
因为每天就是圣诞节
Yeah. Because every day is Christmas