生活大麻烦（2017）

Disjointed S01E16

Part 1 July 23, 2020, 3:24 p.m.

每日一药
没错油管我们是丹克和黛比
Oh, yeah! That's right, YouTube! Dank and Dabby here.
这是我们有史以来第一次主持"每日一药"
And for the first time ever, we're hosting "Strain O' The Day."
我的脑子就像我的鸡♥巴♥ 它们都才爽过
Hey, your mind's like my dick 'cause it's just been blown.
精彩天啊
Yes! Oh, man!
今天换我们主持
Now, we're hosting
因为这是我们家庭监禁的第25天
'cause we are on day 25 of our house arrest,
大♥麻♥快抽光了
and we're almost out of pot.
我们真的就剩这点儿了
This is literally all we have left.
没错那连今天下午都撑不过去
Yeah. And that will not last the afternoon.
所以我们邀请屏幕前的你们
That's why we're inviting all of you
参加丹克与黛比家庭监禁派对
to Dank and Dabby's House Arrest House Party.
没错是BYOP制的哦
Oh, yeah! It's B.Y.O.P.
自带大♥麻♥
Bring your own pot.
FU 给我们
F.U. For us.
派对就在今晚举♥行♥
Now, the party is tonight.
在我们家也叫"白金云雾宫"
At our place, a.K.A., Smokingham Palace.
-谢谢 -没错
- Thank you. - Yes. Oh, yes. Oh.
不给我们带大♥麻♥的宾客不得进入
No one will be admitted unless they bring us weed.
请将答复发送给我们的实习生扎克
So, please RSVP to our intern Zach
地址是
at
扎克是丹克和黛比的奴才@白金云雾宫.net
小提示
Just a heads up,
你们也可以发到我的学校邮箱 zach...
you can also use my Emerson e-mail. It's Zach...
管好摄像机从我面前滚走
Just work the camera. Get out of my eyeline!
是
Okay.
他是个好孩子
He's a great kid.
很不错的
Fine young man.
生活大♥麻♥烦第一季第十六集
晚安
Good night.
感谢惠顾露丝另类治...
Thank you for making Ruth's Alternative Caring your pla...
操他们走远了
Fuck it, they gone.
好了你们去丹克和黛比家好好玩吧
All right, you guys. Have fun at Dank and Dabby's.
特拉维斯妈求你了努力打一炮去吧
Travis, for God's sake, try to get laid.
我在努力呢
I am trying!
去派对前我们能先回趟我家吗
Can we swing by my place before the party?
让我猜猜你今晚特想戴一顶帽子
Let me guess, there's a hat you wanna wear tonight,
而且不是这顶
and that ain't it.
你今天早上可是花了20分钟梳胡子
You spent 20 minutes grooming your beard this morning.
我换顶帽子过分吗
I can change hats.
抱歉先生我们今晚打烊了
Sorry, sir, we're actually closing up for the night.
好吧那我下次再来
Oh, okay. I can come back.
不请进吧我来帮你
No. Come on in. I can help you.
-晚安露丝 -再见露丝
- Night, Ruth. - Bye, Ruth.
请出示身份证明和医师建议
I need your ID and recommendation.
这是证明
Here's my ID,
我的医师建议是 "尝尝小牛肉"
and my recommendation is try the veal.
知道吗或许我们真的打烊了
You know what, maybe we are closed.
抱歉我一紧张就开蹩脚玩笑
Sorry. I make bad jokes when I'm nervous.
沃尔特你患有失眠症
Walter, you have insomnia.
也不幽默
And you're not funny.
这两个毛病大♥麻♥都能治
Marijuana can fix both those things.
-大♥麻♥能让我幽默吗 -如果我抽得够多
- Marijuana will make me funny? - If I smoke enough.
"好梦小鸡好梦小牛
"Sweet dreams, chickens. Sweet dreams, cows.
好梦小鹅好梦小猪"
Sweet dreams, geese, and sweet dreams, sows."
我以前给布林和康纳读过那故事我恨死了
I used to read that to Brynn and Connor. I fucking hated it.
皮特别跟植物聊天了我们走吧
Pete, enough talking to plants, let's go.
天啊你在干什么我才哄它们睡着
Oh, my God, what are you doing? I just got them down.
现在我又得重来一遍了
I have to start their routine all over again.
《好梦农场》阿琳·比克福德著
"Sweet Dreams Farm, by Arlene Bickford.
版权所有 1957年"
Copyright 1957."
说真的它们没你死不了
Seriously, they're gonna be fine without you.
奥莉维亚你不懂这些是莎蒂的孩子
Olivia, you don't get it. These are Sadie's children.
我不能丢下它们
I can't leave them alone.
它们的妈妈才去世
They just lost their mom.
但那太蠢了
But that's stupid.
皮特我可以留下来陪它们
Pete, I can stay with the plants.
反正我还得等好几个小时才能回家
I can't go home for a few hours, anyway.
我丈夫今晚想跟罗西塔好好聊聊
My husband wants to have a serious talk with Rosita tonight.
听着
I mean, listen.
我是不在乎她穿低领衬衫和紧身牛仔裤
I don't care that she wears low-cut shirts and tight jeans,
但吉姆想狠狠教训一下她
but Jim wants to give her a tongue lashing
不让我在家碍事
and doesn't want me around.
这没关系
Yeah. I mean, which is fine.
我受不了看他对她喷发的样子
I can't bear to be there when he unloads on her.
你们知道吗
You know, I...
我还真挺佩服她她居然乐在其中
I gotta give her credit, though, she takes it like a champ.
第二天从来不生他的气
She's never mad at him the next day.
还说"吉姆先生你想去办公室做个按♥摩♥吗"
She's like, "Mr. Jim, would you like a back rub in your office?"
我怎么想起来嘲笑她的
I mean, why am I making fun of her?
她又没对我做什么
What has she ever done to me?
帕斯与斯托[传着抽]
费城 1753年
扎克搞什么鬼
Zach, um, W-T-fuck?
我们家马上就要站满宾客
Our home is about to be full of guests
我却连一个蟹肉塞蘑菇都没看到
and I don't see a single crab meat-stuffed goddamn mushroom cap!
蘑菇正在烤呢
Mushrooms are in the oven.
给尝个焦糖洋葱挞吧
Here, try a caramelized onion tartlet.
天啊这才叫精致
Oh, my. Now, that is exquisite.
我能再吃一个吗
May I have a little more?
我说了让你用奇波利尼洋葱混♥蛋♥
I told you to use cipollini onions, asshole!
我用了珍珠洋葱我以为那是一样的
I used pearl onions, I thought they were the same.
"我叫扎克我以为不一样的东西
"Oh, I'm Zach. I think things are the same
是一样的"
when they're not the same."
扎克这些娘们儿点心都是什么
Zach, what is all this damn ballerina food?
我说了要"多"字结尾的食物
I told you, get food ending in "-ito."
调味玉米片油炸玉米饼膨化玉米条油煎玉米卷饼
多力多菲利多奇多塔奎多...
Dorito, Frito, Cheeto, taquito...
还有奇多
Cheetos again!
这很难吗扎克多
How hard is that, Zachito?
实际上亲爱的是我让他做小点心的
Um, actually, lover, I told him to make hors d'oeuvres.
我觉得我们要是招待客人
I feel like if we're going to entertain,
就得有格调和高雅一点
we should do it with style and panache.
那没托斯蒂多吃了吗
So, no Tostitos, then?
油炸玉米片蘸酱
我就是觉得我们今晚不该吃这些
I just don't think that's what we want for tonight.
我还给我们租了衣服
Oh, I also rented us some outfits
好打扮成《了不起的盖茨比》那样
so we can dress up like The Great Gatsby.
真棒
Yay.
我可以弄一小袋托斯蒂多的
I could set aside a small bag ofTostitos.
-舔屎去吧扎克 -去死吧扎克
- Lick the shit out of my ass, Zach! - Go fuck yourself to death, Zach!
沃尔特我大胆猜测一下
Walter, I'm going out on a limb here.
你这辈子从来没抽过大♥麻♥
You've never smoked pot in your life.
是的
I have not.
我也大胆猜测一下你抽过
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you have.
真有洞察力
That's very intuitive.
好我们从基础的开始
Okay, we're gonna start with the basics.
这是一根烟卷你知道什么叫烟卷吧
This is a joint. You know what a joint is, right?
是一根烟卷就是一单位的大♥麻♥
Yes, a joint is a unit of marijuana.
很接近了
Close enough.
好既然你有失眠症
Okay, so, since you have insomnia,
我会推荐你使用"印度大♥麻♥"这个品种
I'm gonna recommend a kind of cannabis called indica.
我们常说 "印度大♥麻♥让你离不开沙发"
We always say, "Indica leaves you 'in da' couch."
等我嗨了这句话就会好笑是吗
So, that'll be funny when I'm high?
沃尔特你个老油条
Walter, you sassy bastard.
好了你抽过香烟吗
Okay, uh, have you ever smoked a cigarette?
是我在大学
Yes. In college,
演过《红男绿女》里的斯凯·马斯特森
I played Sky Masterson in Guys and Dolls,
我以为那是角色要求
and I thought the role called for it.
好我想让你抽一口
All right. So, I want you just to take a puff
然后尽量憋住不要吐气
and hold it in for as long as you can.
没错你会咳嗽大约三分钟
Yeah, you're gonna cough for about three minutes.
我今晚可真淑女
Luck be a lady tonight.
《Luck Be a Lady》是《红男绿女》的配乐之一