生活大麻烦（2017）

Disjointed S01E20

Part 2 July 23, 2020, 3:25 p.m.

别这样
Stop that.
还有一件事谢谢你邀请我吃晚餐
Yes, and another thing, thank you for the invite to dinner.
你该高兴才是
You should be happy.
我妈妈最不需要知道的就是你是我黑男友
The last thing my mom needs to know is that you're my bloyfriend.
抱歉
I'm sorry.
你的黑男友
Your bloyfriend?
你刚说黑男友吗
Did you say bloyfriend?
不我说的是男友
No, I said boyfriend.
不是你说的是黑男友
No, you didn't. You said bloyfriend.
意思是黑人男友
As in black boyfriend.
-根本没这个词对吗 -现在有了
- That's not a thing, is it? - It is now.
她还不知道我对吧
She doesn't know about me, does she?
对相信我我妈妈对你会有几点不满
No. And believe me, my mother will have several issues with you,
最大的不满就是你不是中国人
the biggest being that you're not Chinese.
但现在我必须让她同意我在这里工作
But right now I gotta get her onboard with me working here.
几点不满
Several issues?
你觉得她不会喜欢我的黑人胡子吗
Oh, what, you don't think she's gonna like my bleard?
还是我是个黑人保安
Or that I work as a security blard?
-根本没这说法 -我觉得有这黑说法
- That one didn't make sense. - Ah! Made plenty of blense to me.
[韩语]
完全专注
Total focus.
依然完全专注
Still total focus.
烟雾报♥警♥器没烦到你皮特没烦到你
That smoke alarm does not bother you. Pete does not bother you.
毒品没有
Drugs do not--
天啊真烦人
Back to the Beach, that's annoying.
我的耶稣李小龙啊
Oh, Jesus Bruce Lee Christ!
怎么了孩子
Yes, my son?
耶稣李小龙
Jesus Bruce Lee Christ?
对我是上帝之子
Yes. I am the Son of Man
也是《龙争虎斗》的明星
and also the star of Enter the Dragon.
瞧瞧我寸拳的威力
Behold the power and the glory of my One-Inch Punch.
太棒了
That was amazing.
我都不在乎我为那玩意儿花了两百块
I don't even care that I paid 200 bucks for that thing,
还没算安装费
and that was before installation.
你的内心在为你的朋友皮特担忧
You are troubled at heart over your friend Pete.
他不是我的朋友他喜欢吸大♥麻♥
He's no friend of mine. He likes to slurf the J-bones.
-我没意见 -等等是吗
- And I'm okay with that. - Wait, you are?
是啊我原谅所有邻居的罪孽
Yes, I forgive all my neighbors their sins.
那是我的耶稣部分
That's the Jesus part of me.
我也经常用大♥麻♥
I also am a regular user of cannabis.
那是我的李小龙部分
That's the Bruce Lee part of me.
慢点耶稣李小龙
Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's just slow down there, JBLC.
李小龙吸大♥麻♥吗
Bruce Lee smoked pot?
我更喜欢碎大♥麻♥ 一般放在布朗尼里
I preferred hash, usually baked in brownies.
这有助于我放松肌肉
It helped relax my muscles.
对武术有好处
It's good for something called martial arts.
你听过吗
Ever heard of it?
哎呀 1比0 耶稣李小龙
Ouch, one-nothing, Jesus Bruce Lee Christ.
皮特向你寻求帮助而你拒绝了他
Pete came to you for help, and you turned your back on him.
你不记得浪子黑带的寓言了吗
Do you not remember The Parable of the Prodigal Black Belt?
是你跟穿着白色紧身内♥裤♥的
Oh, is that where you fought
卡里姆·阿卜杜·贾巴尔打架吗
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in his tighty-whities?
那是他的主意
Those were his idea.
我该怎么帮皮特啊
So, what should I do about Pete?
听我的手
Listen to my hands.
我懂了
Oh, yeah. I'm getting that.
感觉又冷又热
It feels like Icy Hot.
耶稣的你希望我向爱兄弟一样爱皮特
So, the Jesus you wants me to love Pete as a brother,
但是李小龙的你说
but the Bruce Lee you says
撕碎他敌人依然跳动的心脏
to rip out his enemy's still-beating heart.
太他妈对了兄弟
Fucking A, brother.
你该往脏话罐里放一块钱耶稣
That's a dollar in the swear jar, Jesus.
丹克和黛比超赞的声明
好啊油管
What's up, YouTube?
重大新闻
Big news.
我们报名五年后终于被选上参加了
After five years of trying, we finally got picked to be on...
-《极速前进》 -我们做到了
- The Amazing Race! - Oh, we did it!
-《极速前进》 -是的
- The Amazing Race. - Yeah.
事情会有些奇怪
It's gonna be a little weird,
因为我们告诉他们我们是兄妹
because we told them that we're brother and sister.
-是啊 -嗯
- Yeah. - Yeah.
我们也告诉他们
And we also told them that
我们在进行训练要当奥林匹克冰上舞者
we are training to be Olympic ice dancers.
我来管机场物流
Now, now, I'm gonna be in charge of airport logistics,
开车和吃虫子
driving, and the eating of bugs.
而我就是那个弄丢地图的人
And I'm gonna be the guy that loses the map.
-地图去哪儿了我们要去哪 -地图呢
- Where'd the map go? Where do we go? - Where's the map?
-地图呢 -我在找
- Where's the map? - I've been looking.
-在哪里 -我找不到了
- Where is it? - I can't find it!
我们一直在练习
We've totally, totally been practicing.
第二名在我们后面多远菲尔
How far behind us is the second-place team, Phil?
对我想给那俩坐轮椅的傻♥逼♥设置路障
Yes, I'd like to Roadblock those two assholes in the wheelchairs.
我们绝对会唱主题曲
And we totally know the theme song.
*极速前进有爱竞赛*
*Amazing Race How sweet the race*
*我们表现棒极了*
*We raced amazingly*
该死
Goddamn it.
*我们都迷路了骑了头鸵鸟*
*We both got lost And rode an ostrich*
*了解了自己*
*And learned about ourselves*
回头见吧蠢货们
All right, we'll see you later, you sacks of shit.
蠢货们我们去伊斯坦布尔了
Fucking shit sackers, we're off to Istanbul.
对等等我们能带大♥麻♥去吗
Oh, yeah. Wait, can we bring weed there?
希望如此否则那就是伊斯坦不行了
Shit, I hope so. Otherwise, that's some Istanbullshit.
天啊你们听到了吗
Oh, my God. Did you hear that?
我等不及干我哥哥了
I can't wait to fuck my brother.
你笑一笑吧
Hey, you, how about a little smile?
我们似乎没在卖♥♥奥莉维亚的天生臭脸
I don't think we're selling Olivia's Resting Bitch Face.
抱歉我想我今天不高兴吧
I'm sorry. I guess I'm not having a great day.
好吧
Aw, well,
我付钱给你也不是为了让你高兴
I'm not paying you to have a great day.
而是让人们吃屎[粪球]
I am paying you to get people to eat shit.
奥莉维亚
Olivia.
特拉维斯
Travis.
很高兴见到你
Good to see you.
我也是
It's good to see you, too.
天啊真是难以置信
Oh, my God, this is unbelievable.
-这把手是干嘛的 -别玩
-What does this handle do? -Please don't.
我必须玩
I have to.
怎么做到的
How?
你来干什么
What are you doing here?
我是来告诉你我很抱歉的
I came to tell you that I'm sorry.
你接受了交易我不该苛责你
I shouldn't have given you a hard time about taking this deal.
-真的吗 -是啊我妈妈开解了我
- Really? - Yeah, I was talking to my mom.
你和我是朋友我该为你高兴
You and I are friends. I should be happy for you.
我希望你成功
I wish you every success.
谢谢
Thanks.
-很高兴你来了 -我也是
- I'm glad you stopped by. - Me, too.
-我能再冲一次吗 -可以
- Could I flush it again? - Go ahead.
-跟变魔术似的 -是啊
- It's like magic. - It is.
-露丝 -玛丽亚你好吗
- Hey, Ruth. - Hey, Maria. How are you?
好些了
Better.
好些了我见了律师
Better. I saw a lawyer.
我们要离婚了吉姆和我不是我和律师
We're getting divorced. Jim and I, not me and the lawyer.
律师是基佬我觉得是
The lawyer's gay. I think he's gay.
希望他是他拒绝我了
I hope he's gay. He turned me down.
但他也打了个波洛领带我有什么好争的
But he also wears a bolo tie, so what am I fighting for?
-很高兴听说你翻篇了 -谢谢
- Well, I'm glad to hear you're moving on. -Thanks. Yeah.
最近怎么样沃尔特怎么样
So, what's going on? How's Walter?
他跟我分手了
He broke up with me.
天啊我讨厌男人我他妈恨死男人了
Oh, my God, I hate men. I fucking hate men.
-他因为癌症要去世了 -让我说完
- He's dying of cancer. - Let me finish.
我他妈恨死男人的癌症了
I fucking hate men's cancer.