生活大麻烦（2017）

Disjointed S01E16

Part 3 July 23, 2020, 3:24 p.m.

No way. You were at Woodstock?
是啊
Yeah.
跟克罗斯比去的搭讪了斯蒂尔斯跟纳什走了
Came with Crosby, hit on Stills, left with Nash.
你知道伍德斯托克音乐节的哪点有趣吗
You know what's interesting about Woodstock?
从保险统计的角度来看
From an actuarial point of view,
如果你要计算负债
if you were to calculate the liabilities...
不你这样是老沃特
No, no, no. I'm hearing Old Walter.
不那人超无聊
Oh, no, no. That guy sucks.
你知道我想听谁说话吗沃利
You know who I wanna hear? Wally.
有趣的沃利
Fun Wally.
我可以是有趣的沃利
Well, I can be Fun Wally.
想试试我的电子烟笔吗
Hey, you wanna try my vape pen?
这像是外星人的手指一样发光呢
Whoa, it glows like E.T.'s finger.
外星人嗨翻了
E.T. So stoned.
我会送你一个电子烟笔
I'll get you your own vape.
你俩看起来聊得很开心
You two look like you're having a good time.
把一个贴心正直的人
Well, you know, it's always a blast to take a sweet, square guy
毁掉总是很开心
and, you know, get him wrecked.
他也很帅还没戴戒指
And he's cute, too. And no ring.
他喜欢你
He likes you.
不这只是大♥麻♥护目镜
Oh, no. It's just weed goggles.
大家总是喜欢
Everybody always has a thing
第一个让他们嗨的人
for the first person who gets them high.
你是第一个人让我嗨的人
Yeah. You were the first person to get me high.
天啊你说得对
Holy shit. You're right.
我是说我会听你下一首歌♥
You know, I'm saying... I'll catch you next song!
特拉维斯我刚在和大♥麻♥新闻联播的萨宾聊天
Travis! I was just talking to Sabine from CNNN.
她喜欢你
She's into you.
什么真的吗
Wh...? Really?
是啊
Yeah.
她说我好喜欢特拉维斯
She was like, "I'm really into Travis."
要么是你要么是叫查韦斯的人
It's either you or some guy named Chavez.
真棒我要去弄她
Sweet. I'm gonna go put it on her.
-那是什么意思 -我不知道我不擅长派对
- What does that mean? - I have no idea. I'm not good at parties.
各位听好了
Hey, everybody, listen up!
太空头盔大♥麻♥记录
The space helmet hotbox record
被我朋友查韦斯打破了
has been broken by my homey, Chavez!
查韦斯
Chavez!
查韦斯
Chavez!
查韦斯
Chavez!
查韦斯
Chavez!
查韦斯
Chavez!
查韦斯
Chavez!
你确定她说的是特拉维斯吗
You're sure she said "Travis"?
我希望她说了特拉维斯
I mean, I hope she said Travis,
因为我想上查韦斯
'cause I totally want to bang Chavez.
托德卡特是保安
Todd, um, Carter is a security guard
也是伊♥拉♥克♥战争的老兵
and a veteran of the Iraq War.
卡特托德是很有前途的赛百味三明治艺术家
Carter, Todd is an up-and-coming sandwich artist at Subway.
多谢你的服务
Thank you for your service.
这是珍妮她卖♥♥大♥麻♥ 戴帽子
Ooh, ooh. And Jenny here, she sells pot and wears hats.
不仅如此我还上了医学院
That's not all I do. I also went to medical school.
直到我退学卖♥♥大♥麻♥ 戴帽子
Until I dropped out to sell pot and wear hats.
卡特想着尝试讲单口相声
You know, Carter is thinking of trying stand-up comedy.
-什么 -真的吗太棒了
- What the...? - Really? Oh, how wonderful.
各位各位
Hey, everyone, everyone!
卡特现在要逗我们大笑了
Carter is going to make us all laugh really hard right now.
来吧会很好玩的
Ooh! Please. This will be fun.
各位给他一些空间
Come on. Everybody, give him some space.
给他一些空间好
Give him some space. Yes. Ooh!
-你现在在聚光灯下了 -不黛比
- You're in the spotlight now! - No, Dab. Dab.
黛比这是你的派对
Dab, this is your party,
-我不想 -不你听起来很蠢快开始吧
- I don't wanna... - No, you sound stupid. Go.
大家今晚怎么样好吧
How's everybody doing tonight? Uh, okay, well, um...
我是药房♥的保安
I work as a security guard in a dispensary.
那天有个女人怀孕的女人进来了
Uh, the other day, this lady... Well, pregnant lady, comes in.
怀孕的女人进来了她身躯庞大
Pregnant woman comes in. And she's big. She's a large lady.
像是怀着双胞胎
Like, she's pregnant with twins
而双胞胎又怀着三胞胎
and those twins are pregnant with triplets.
嗯总之她给了我她的身份证
Yeah. So, anyway, she gives me her ID.
我在看然后她看着我
I'm looking at it, then she sees me.
她说我知道你在想什么
She's like, "I know what you're thinking.
我知道你在想什么但我医生说没关系
I know what you're thinking. But my doctor said it's okay,
因为这能帮我的婴儿稳住阵脚
because it's gonna help my baby stay mellow."
我想着你的医生是谁啊德雷博士[歌♥手]吗
And I'm thinking, "Lady, who is your doctor? Dre?"
她肚子里的婴儿肯定会疑神疑鬼的
I mean, if anything, the baby's gonna be paranoid in there.
一个磕嗨了的胎儿
You know, just like a stoned fetus. You know?
天啊我被困在另一个人身体里了
"Holy shit, I am trapped inside of another person.
我要怎么出去啊我知道出口在哪里
How do I get out out of here? I know where the exit is,
但那只独眼囊地鼠会从那里进来
but that's where that one-eyed gopher comes in."
天啊
Oh, my!
看来你治好了失眠
Guess you cured the insomnia.
我得说他睡着的样子很帅
I gotta say, he's a cute sleeper.
我的吉姆大部分时候也在沙发上睡
My Jim spends most nights on the couch, too.
说对他的背更好
Says it's better for his back.
罗西塔一大早叫醒他
Rosita wakes him up early in the morning
然后他们一起做瑜伽
and they do their yoga routine,
我下去吃饭时他们总是大汗淋漓的
which always makes them so sweaty when I come down for breakfast.
-玛丽亚你听见自己的话了吗 -你什么意思
- Maria, do you hear yourself? - What do you mean?
你觉得有没有一丝可能性
Do you think it's at all possible
吉姆和罗西塔
that Jim and Rosita are, you know...
搞上了
fucking?
不不可能
No! No. No, no. No way.
不我能看出你为什么会这么想
No, I mean, I can see why you would think that,
我也这么想过
and it's crossed my mind, too,
但吉姆说我只是太多疑了因为我吸了太多大♥麻♥
but Jim says I'm being paranoid 'cause I smoke too much weed.
不你丈夫背着你和管家出轨了
No, your husband is cheating on you with your housekeeper.
为了逃脱惩罚
And to get away with it,
他让你以为那是因为你太嗨了你疯了
he's making you think that because you're high, you're crazy.
他说你嗨了是在骗你
He's grass-lighting you.
什么
What?
玛丽亚仔细想想
Maria, think about it.
如果真的发生了就不是多疑
It's not paranoia if it's really happening.
玛丽亚亲爱的妻子
我得回家了
I have to go home.
什么出什么事了
What? What's happening?
没出什么事你睡了会儿
Nothing's happening. You took a little nap.
看着我
Wow, look at me,
我在沙发上
I'm "On da" Couch.
是在沙发里
It's "In da" Couch.
我现在懂了
I get it now.
这是菲欧娜她很调皮
And this is Fiona. She's a rascal.
她们长得好快
Oh. They grow up so fast.
等你有了自己的大♥麻♥ 你也会懂的
You'll get it when you have plants of your own someday.
-我们得谈谈 -别走开还有500个呢
- Okay, we need to talk. - Don't go away, there's 500 more.
我和药房♥的其他人得忍♥受你
Me and everyone else at dispensary has had to live through you
跟你的大♥麻♥植物说话
talking to your plants,
假装被诅咒做大♥麻♥内衣
fighting a fake curse, making hemp underwear,
基本上是在发疯
and generally being fucking nuts.
奥莉维亚你没有为人父母你不懂
Olivia, you're not a parent, you don't understand.
你才不是它们的爸爸除非你日了地
You are not their father. Unless you stuck your dick in the dirt.
我是说它们只是植物
I'm saying they're just plants.
如果这很刻薄我很抱歉但这话必须说出来
And I'm sorry if this sounds mean, but it had to be said,
而这场派对上只有我还喝酒了
and I'm the only person at this party who's also been drinking.
萨宾我没看见你
Hey, Sabine, I didn't see you there.
特拉维斯查韦斯刚走
Oh, hey, Travis. You just missed Chavez.
他和丈夫佩雷斯一起来的
He's here with his husband Perez.
我知道我是说我不知道我刚知道
Yeah, I know. I mean, I don't know, I just learned.
-这派对挺有趣啊 -我想是的
- It's a fun party, huh? - I guess so.
我宁愿回家
I'd rather go home and...
我听到了我听到了一部分
Oh, yeah, I hear that. I mean, I heard some of it.