生活大麻烦（2017）

Disjointed S01E07

Part 3 July 23, 2020, 3:23 p.m.

And he's checking out your ass.
没错老娘正面美丽忧伤
Yeah, baby. Beautiful sadness in the front,
背面性感风♥骚♥
party in the back.
摩托车头盔我喜欢
A motorcycle helmet, I like it.
这就像在说 "我很酷但也要命"
It says, "I'm cool, but I don't want a brain injury."
看呐似乎你未来的老公
Okay, look, it seems like your future husband
认识丹克和黛比
knows Dank and Dabby.
真棒
Oh, great.
或许他们不是朋友只是刚认识
Maybe they're not friends. Maybe they just met.
这可需要些练习
That took some practice.
这就好像他们是队友
It's like they're on a team
在庆祝比赛得分
and they're celebrating sports points.
我才不管他们是不是朋友我可以改变他
Well, I don't care if he's friends with them. I can change him.
关键是他认识丹克和黛比我们直接问他俩就行
The point is, he knows Dank and Dabby, so we can just ask them.
没错有道理
Yes, you're right.
查理的卡特有线索了
Charlie's Carters has a lead.
《如何管教小霸王》
妈妈是我和皮特
Mom, it's me and Pete.
稍等
Uh, just a second.
先让皮特进来
Uh, send Pete in first.
不不这是我的"很高兴见到你"转身
No, no, no. That was my happy-to-see-you swivel.
看起来好有攻击性
It felt very aggressive.
妈妈皮特有话想跟你说
Mom... Pete has something he'd like to say to you.
不我想先说些话
No, no. I wanna say something first.
皮特对不起
Pete, I'm sorry.
你怎么会知道自己不许见跆拳道格的
How could you know you were forbidden to see Tae Kwon Doug?
你不知道但现在你知道了
You-- You didn't know. But now you do.
你不许见跆拳道格
You're forbidden from seeing Tae Kwon Doug.
他就是坨屎
He's a shit bird.
现在我们讲和了吧
So, we cool?
-我猜是吧 -很好
- I guess. - Great.
欢迎回到我这一队
Welcome back to Team Me.
不不不
Oh, no, no, no.
皮特
Pete?
露丝...
Ruth...
我想继续跟跆拳道格拉斯上课
I would like to continue taking lessons from Tae Kwon Douglas.
我明白了
I see.
看来现在时机正好
Well... I suppose this is good timing.
因为我...
'Cause I, uh...
我才喝了杯珍珠奶茶
I just had a boba tea and...
食道正好非常湿润你可以...
my esophagus is nicely lubed so you can...
伸手进去挖出我的心了
reach right in and rip my heart out!
-不 -不好啊
- No, no. - No. All right?
不许霸凌任何人
No. No bullying people.
好吗尤其是他们正敏感的时候
All right? Especially when they're sensitive.
给伙计
Here you go, buddy.
没事了
Yeah. Yeah.
没事了
Yeah.
看你对皮特做了什么他大♥麻♥都抽不好了
Look at what you've done to Pete. He can barely smoke weed.
皮特
Pete.
皮特
Pete, Pete, Pete.
拜托说实话吧
Come on, be honest.
你真的喜欢上那些课吗
You really like taking those lessons?
不但...我喜欢道格拉斯
No, but... I do like Douglas.
那你能保证对你更喜欢我吗
Well, do you promise to like me better than him?
快答应了走啊
Just say yes and go!
走吧
Go!
对那绝对是我们
Yeah, that's definitely us.
没错因为那个是她那个是我
Yeah, you can tell because that's her and that's me.
你真聪明
You're so smart.
但这个抱着摩托车头盔
But this guy with the motorcycle helmet
想娶我的男人是谁
who wants to marry me, who's he?
什么叫"呃"
What do you mean, "Ugh"?
这个"呃"你哪里不懂了
What part of "Ugh" Don't you understand?
等等各位
Wait, hold on a second, you guys.
这家伙看起来好像我表亲保罗
This guy looks a lot like my cousin Paul...
他13年前就去世了
who died 13 years ago.
操我们拥抱了一只鬼
Oh, shit. We hugged a ghost!
天啊
Oh, my God.
你们真不知道那人是谁吗
So, you guys have no idea who that guy is?
你们抱他抱得就像铁哥们儿一样
You're hugging him like best friends.
卡特你知道我们一天之内会拥抱多少人类
Carter, do you have any idea how many humans, animals and plants
动物和植物吗
we hug in a given day?
32个
Thirty-two.
每个代表黑人历史月的一天
One for each day of Black History Month.
拜托你们肯定多少了解这人的
Come on, you have to know something about this guy.
对他可不是随便什么人
Yeah, 'cause he's not just any guy.
他是洛杉矶男孩她的灵魂伴侣
That's L.A. Dude. That's her soul mate.
如果他是你的灵魂伴侣
Well, I mean, if he's your soul mate,
那你就该相信命运
then you just have to trust in destiny.
对我们就是这么在斯坦福医学院认识的
Yeah. That's how we met. At Stanford Medical School.
你们俩上[去]过斯坦福医学院吗
You went to Stanford Med School?
我都只在候补名单里
I was wait-listed there.
他们就直接让我们进了
Well, they just let us right in.
今日大♥麻♥研究
好今天的大♥麻♥耐受研究就到这里
Okay. That concludes the Cannabis Tolerance Study.
请把烟雾抽走吧
Can we clear the smoke?
跳我背上来
Get on my back.
等等那不是我们
Oh, wait, that wasn't us.
我们是在疯鸡餐厅认识的
We met at EL Pollo Loco.
对
Oh, you're right.
那地方有汽水来着
That place has soda!
想寻找革命般的剃须体验吗
Looking for a revolutionary shaving experience?
试试"麻泡"吧首款含有大♥麻♥素的剃须膏
Try Cannafoam, the first ever cannabis-infused shaving cream.
麻泡独具的润肤保湿与四氢大♥麻♥酚混合成分
Cannafoam's unique blend of emollients, moisturizers and THC
能让你顽固坚硬的面部毛发
transforms your straight, rigid, inflexible facial hair...
您的胡茬表情可能存在不同
我们要占领你的脸
We'll conquer your face!
变得温顺柔软
...into docile, tranquil strands of compliant stubble
茫到无法抵抗刀片的攻击
too dazed to offer resistance to the blade.
顺向剃须逆向剃须
Shave with the grain, against the grain,
或只是告诉胡须水池里有个东西特别酷
or just tell the hair there's something cool you saw in the sink.
我们去看看
Let's go!
都能让你拥有最为干净的剃须体验
You'll be rewarded with the closest shave you've ever had.
真性感
Sexy.
天啊你摸了我脸
Oh, my God, you touched my face.
麻泡
干净剃须嗨飞皮肤
麻泡
Cannafoam.
大♥麻♥类剃须产品售卖♥♥处有售
Available wherever cannabis shaving products are sold.
你要想的话我们可以继续找
You know, we can keep looking if you want.
没关系或许他会再回来
That's okay. Maybe he'll come back in again.
如果不是你肯定也能找到更好的
And if he doesn't, I'm sure you'll find somebody else.
因为你就很棒
'Cause you're pretty great.
谢谢卡特
Thanks, Carter.
知道吗
You know...
我看两个人之间来不来电还是挺厉害的
I'm pretty good at spotting chemistry between people. And, uh...
珍妮你和洛杉矶男孩绝对来电
Jenny, you and L.A. Dude have it!
我不受外界影响
My self is centered.
我不受外界影响
My self is centered.
我不受外界影响
My self is centered.
好的我不受影响了
Okay, I'm self-centered.
道格
Doug.
露丝
Ruth.
道格
Doug.
露丝
Ruth.
我们要聊聊皮特
We need to talk about Pete.
你是说我的新徒弟吗
Oh, you mean my new student?
我是说我从他6岁起就认识的员工
I mean my employee... whom I've known since he was 6.
6岁吗
Six, huh?
那还...
That's, um...
还真是个可爱的年纪
That's an adorable age.
的确
Yeah, it is.