生活大麻烦（2017）

Disjointed S01E17

Part 1 July 23, 2020, 3:25 p.m.

奥莉维亚
Olivia.
我是安吉洛·第史蒂文斯
Angelo DeStevens.
你好
Hi.
你不知道我是谁吧
You don't know who I am, do you?
正常你怎么会知道呢你是新人让我来
It's okay. Why would you? You're new to the business. Allow me.
按播放请欣赏
Press play, enjoy.
我首先想让别人了解我的一点就是
The first thing I'd want people to know about me is
我是大♥麻♥的朋友
I am a friend of cannabis.
所以如果你也是大♥麻♥的朋友
So, if you're a friend of cannabis,
那我们就有个共同好友
well, we have a mutual friend.
大♥麻♥
Cannabis.
30年多来安吉洛·第史蒂文斯
For over 30 years, Angelo DeStevens has been a dynamic force
一直是推动大♥麻♥产业的原动力
in the cannabis space for over three decades.
激进分子世界最大大♥麻♥分销
Activist, founder of the world's premier chain
产业链萌芽烟斗和更多的
of marijuana dispensaries,
萌芽烟斗和更多
《抽抽这本书》
创始人
Bud Bong and Beyond.
栖身亚马逊畅销书五百强的作者
And author of Amazon Top 500 bestseller,
《抽抽这本书》
Smoke This Book.
还有它的伴侣《抽抽这本电子书》
As well as its companion, Smoke This Audiobook.
有人第一次
Some people pick up the clarinet
拿起竖笛就感觉
for the first time, and it's like
好像已经演奏了一辈子那很自然
they've been playing their whole life. It just comes natural.
对有些人来说命中注定的乐器是巴松笛
For others, it's the bassoon.
其他人可能就是倍低音巴松笛
Others, it's the contrabassoon.
就是更大的那个巴松笛
That's the bigger bassoon.
而我的倍低音巴松笛就是大♥麻♥
Well, my contrabassoon was marijuana.
从我第一次吸大♥麻♥
I knew from the minute I started smoking it
我就是知道我是生而为此
that I was born to do this.
而且我也愿意如此
And that I would do this.
好的那不是胡萝卜温斯顿
Okay, that's not a carrot, Winston.
天哪是安吉洛·第史蒂文斯
Holy shit, it's Angelo DeStevens!
-你知道我 -开玩笑吗我抽了你的书呢
- So, you know who I am? - Are you kidding? I smoked your book.
生活大♥麻♥烦第一季第十七集
安吉洛我太荣幸了
Angelo, this is such an honor.
从你只有一条辫子时开始我就在追踪你的足迹了
I've been following your career since you had one braid.
不不不
No, no, no.
不不我才荣幸
No, no. I am the one who's honored.
因为奥莉维亚的粪球
By Olivia's Shitballs.
智慧地将美味的可食用大♥麻♥
The brilliant combination of delicious edible marijuana
和便便幽默结合了起来
and poo-poo humor.
真聪明
Bravo.
我很高兴你喜欢
Well, I'm just glad you like them.
真的我真的不知道该说什么了
Seriously, I'm at a loss for words.
那我帮你找找吧
Well, let me help you find them.
创新转型
Innovative. Transformative.
赚钱
Lucrative.
你我
You. Me.
见面办公室中午
Meeting. Office. Noon.
今天六点整日落
Today. Six. Thousand. Sunset.
剩下的词都在我在你耳朵里发现的卡片上
The rest of the words are on this card I found in your ear!
天哪天哪他还会玩魔术
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! He does magic, too!
我进了卧室我说吉姆我知道你出轨了
I walked in the bedroom and I said, Jim, you're cheating on me.
一开始他还否认
At first, he tried to deny it,
但我能看到罗西塔藏在他身下
but I could see Rosita hiding underneath him.
天哪玛丽亚我很遗憾
Oh, my God, Maria, I am so sorry.
你们现在怎么样了
Where did you guys leave it?
我们分居了
We're taking a break.
我带着孩子在家住
I'm at home with the kids,
他在我之前不知道他有的市区公♥寓♥住
and he's at the apartment downtown I didn't know he had.
那里就一张床和性♥爱♥秋千他们在哪吃饭啊
It's just a bed and a sex swing. I mean, where do they eat?
露丝外面有个沃尔特找你
Ruth, there's a Walter here for you.
沃尔特那晚的约会对象吗你的新男友
Walter? The guy from the other night? Your cute new boyfriend?
-等等男友 -不不不只是个患者
- Wait, boyfriend? - No. No, he's a patient.
-他来买♥♥大♥麻♥的 -显然是不想从我这儿买♥♥
- He's here to buy pot. - Not from me, apparently.
告诉沃尔特我马上出去
Tell Walter I'll be right out.
搞定他露丝
Go get him, Ruth.
别让我一周失去两次爱好吗
Don't let love die on me twice this week. Okay?
说真的我真的需要这个
Yeah, no, seriously, I need this.
好的你可以走了走吧
Okay. Now you can go. Go.
-你好 -你好露丝
- Hello there. - Hello, Ruth.
你好吗
How's it going?
等等你是老沃尔特还是有趣的沃利
Wait, is this Old Walter or Fun Wally?
你说呢
You tell me.
雪地靴
Uggs.
先生你真是活在危险当中
You, sir, are living on the edge.
我又鲁莽又狂野
I'm reckless and wild.
最棒的是我的脚上满是汗
And the best part is my feet are drenched in sweat.
-有什么能效劳的 -露丝今早我醒来
- So, what can I do for you? - Ruth, this morning, I woke up,
平生第一次我的大♥麻♥没了
and for the first time in my life, I was out of marijuana.
大♥麻♥永远不会没你只是还没抽到下一口珍妮
You're never out of marijuana. You're between marijuanas. Jenny?
-在怎么了 -我也帮忙行吗我也想帮
- Yes. How can I help? - Can we both help? I wanna help.
给沃特弄八分之一印度宴会用大♥麻♥好吗
Uh, could you get Walter an eighth of Hindu Kush?
看看我穿着雪地靴出门
Look at me, walking around in my Uggs
带着八分之一印度宴会用大♥麻♥
with an eighth of Hindu Kush.
感觉我自己是伯特·雷诺兹
I feel like Burt Reynolds.
所以你今天还有什么冒险计划
So, what other adventures have you got on your agenda today?
我知道这听起来很可笑但我想尝尝寿司
Well, I know this is gonna sound funny, but I might go try sushi.
天哪你从来没吃过寿司吗
Oh, my God. You never had sushi?
我吃过金枪鱼罐头
I've eaten tuna straight out of the can.
但别人说这不算
But I've been told that doesn't count.
我知道一家寿司店
Well, uh, I know my way around a sushi bar.
你要是愿意我可以...
If you'd like, I could...
你不介意吗
You wouldn't mind?
开始了
It's happening!
没错瘾君子们跆拳道格拉斯回来了
That's right, dopers, Tae Kwon Douglas is back.
干什么呢小姑娘写日记吗
Whoa, what are you doing, little girl? Writing in your diary?
保管好你的钥匙我的丢了
Take care of that key. I lost mine.
我在写单口相声的段子
Yeah. I was working on material for my stand-up.
这样
Oh, yeah.
-你的腿怎么了 -你的脸怎么了
- What's up with the leg? - What's up with your face?
你都一瘸一拐的了
You're limping.
因为我被你的同事皮特弄伤了
That's because I was severely injured by your co-worker, Pete,
他给我们的营地装了死亡之球陷阱
who booby-trapped our campsite with a giant ball of death.
幸运的是我用我的大腿和后臀
Luckily, I was able to absorb the blow
吸收了冲击
with my upper thigh and rear glute.
这是人体最大的肌肉网络医生说的
It's the body's biggest muscle, according to WebMD.
也许我还是把本子拿手上吧笑点太多
You know, maybe I should keep my notebook handy.
不我来是要通知大家
No, I'm here to inform you all
我在此宣布外面有一个车位
that I hereby claim a parking space
将为高♥强♥度拳击馆的客户永远保留
to be reserved solely for customers of Intensity Plus.
道格这不行
Doug, you can't do that.
是吗
Oh, really?
就凭皮特和他的军队阻止我吗
Pete and what army?
你觉得很好笑吗
That's funny to you?
你怎么不把这个写在你的笑话本上
Why don't you write this down in your funny book?
亲爱的日记道格很酷我不酷
"Dear Diary, Doug's cool, and I'm not." Yeah.
这句就是我送你的不好笑
And with that, I bid you a not-so-fond
你好天哪
yeoboseyo! God.
-你说什么道格 -不
- Yobo-say-what, Doug? - No.
这句好好笑
Oh, that shit's funny.
格雷格
Greg.
你回来了
You're home.
我怎么会错过圣诞节呢
I couldn't miss Christmas.
大家还都没起床
No one else is up yet.
我知道怎么叫他们起来
I know how to get them up.
那是小烟枪吗
Is that Tokelers?
格雷格
Greg.
圣诞快乐妈妈
Merry Christmas, Mom.
小烟枪
Tokelers.
我们谈谈粪球吧