生活大麻烦（2017）

Disjointed S01E19

Part 3 July 23, 2020, 3:25 p.m.

或者也能挂在喷头上
Or you can hang it from the showerhead.
但它湿了不会坏吗
But doesn't it break when it gets wet?
那就是重点
No, that's the whole idea.
所以那是淋浴收音机
That's why it's a shower radio.
你可以在卫生间放普通收音机
You can have a regular radio in the bathroom,
在淋浴旁边但相信我那可不是一回事
next to the shower, but trust me, it's not the same thing.
-生物波不是那样的 -好吧
- Well, you know, BioWave's not like that. - Well...
它能帮我种大♥麻♥
Helps me grow pot.
慢着慢着
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey.
你跟我双腿交叉就为了聊大♥麻♥吗
You just crisscross-applesauced me to talk about pot?
皮特拜托
Pete, come on.
最后说一次
For the last time,
大♥麻♥是邪恶的如果我可以我会永远铲除它
marijuana is evil. If I could, I would wipe it out forever.
-但我真的需要你的帮助 -皮特
- But I really need your help. - Pete.
这面墙上的哪句话你不懂
What part of this part of the wall don't you understand?
拒绝毒品
高♥强♥度楼上的武馆
启动威胁等级评估
Initiate threat level assessment.
高♥强♥度楼上的武馆
面部识别扫描
皮特
Pete.
最后说一次大♥麻♥是邪恶的
For the last time, marijuana is evil.
-如果我可以我会永远铲除它 -但我
- If I could, I would wipe it out forever. - But, I...
面部识别匹配
目标等级傻蛋
美国超级慢动作飞漆协会
是《生活大♥麻♥烦》的荣誉赞助商
黛比你和丹克最近发生了什么
Hey, Dabby, What's the latest between you and Dank?
我告诉他我们不能在一起
I told him that we can't be together
因为我在理智思考而不是受情感控制
because I'm listening to my head over my heart.
不黛比你不能放弃爱情
No, Dabby, you can't give up on love.
天啊珍妮冷静点
Oh. Jesus, Jenny, cool it.
我们只是闹着玩你这个大怪胎
We're just fucking around, you big old freak.
黛比丹克在哪有群客人想见他
Hey, Dabby, where's Dank? We got a bunch of customers who wanna meet him.
抱歉费尔德曼老鬼
Oh, sorry, Old Man Feldman,
但我想他走了
but I think he's gone.
永远走了
Forever.
黛比
愿意
干
你
我吗
真诚的
丹柯森先生
各位你们能连续工作五分钟吗
Guys, could I get, like, five consecutive minutes of you working?
你怎么说夏皮罗女士
What do you say, Ms. Shapiro?
看到"干"我就同意了
You had me at "Fuck."
该死我总是会为这种事感动
Goddamn, these things always get me.
皮特如果我在接下来一两分钟里不说话了
Pete, if I'm quiet the next minute or two,
那是因为我在进行软件更新
it's because I'm running a software update.
没什么害处
Nothing mischievous about it.
启动烦人协议
高♥强♥度拳击馆
Intensity Plus Fight School.
搞什么
The hell?
为什么传真机在给我打电♥话♥ 真烦人
Why is a fax machine calling me? That's annoying.
为什么电量降到了10%
Why is my battery down to ten percent?
我刚充电呢真烦人
I just charged this thing. That is annoying.
该吃馅饼了
Hot Pocket time.
比平常烫多了
Oh! Ow! Way hotter than usual.
说吧
Say it.
说吧
Say it.
这真是好烦人
Ah, this is really annoying.
烦人协议完成
好真棒
Oh, yeah. That's the good stuff right there. Whoo-hoo!
吃瘪去吧贱♥人♥
Yeah. Suck it, bitch.
我喜欢你对萨宾说的女性权利
I love what you were saying to Sabine about female empowerment.
我的确说了正确的话
Yes, I was saying the right things, absolutely.
今天早上我跟市场部的人
So, this morning, I had a pretty tough convo
进行了一场关于你的艰难对话
with the marketing people about you.
知道吗算了
You know what? Forget it.
不怎么了
No, what?
我只是很生气
No, I'm just very upset, you know?
我很生气因为你太胖
I'm just upset because your weight is your business.
你说什么
Excuse me?
你知道市场部的人的他们会用密语
Well, you know how the marketing people are. They use code words
像是浮肿吃玉米的和壮硕
like "Bloated" And "Corn-fed" And "Husky."
壮硕
Husky?
我会剁了说我壮硕的贱♥人♥
I will cut a bitch who calls me husky.
不是我
Hey, it's not me. You know.
是市场部的人说
Marketing people are the ones saying
你不该吃完这甜甜圈
you shouldn't finish that doughnut.
市场部的人怎么知道我在吃甜甜圈
How do the marketing people know I'm eating a doughnut?
我也是这样说的你这话跟我一样
That's what I said to them. You sound just like me.
你能让你姐夫修好电视吗
Will you get your fucking brother-in-law to fix the goddamn TV?!
卡特好啊
Hey, Carter. What's up?
-你在干什么 -我的Fitbit手环坏了
- The hell are you doing? - My Fitbit's broken
这是唯一计步的办法真烦人
and this is the only way to count my steps. So annoying.
怎么更烫了
Ah! How is it even hotter?
太烦人了
That is so annoying.
我看到你了看到你了
Yeah, yeah. I see you, I see you.
大家今晚怎么样
Hey, hey. How's it going tonight?
嗯
Right. Uh...
我是卡特
Well, I'm Carter.
我是大♥麻♥药房♥的保安
And, uh, I work as a security guard in a pot dispensary.
对大♥麻♥
Yeah, that's right. Pot, yeah. Uh...
我得告诉你们
And I... Okay, I gotta tell you,
我喜欢为瘾君子工作
you know, I like working for stoners.
他们都不知道我走了
They don't even know I'm gone.
好
All right.
我现在就在上班呢
I mean, I'm on duty right now.
好
All right.
我跟你们说说我最近看见的一个倒着走的傻♥逼♥吧
Let me tell you about this backwards-walking asshole I just saw.
我想要个解释
I want an explanation.
进来吧
Come in.
-你想坐下吗 -我不想
- Do you wanna sit? - No, I don't wanna sit.
你怎么就走到我办公室
How the hell do you just stroll into my office
说了一句爆♥炸♥性的话
and drop a bomb like,
这不是我想要的
"This isn't what I'm looking for"?
你不想要乐趣吗
You're not looking for fun?
你不想跟别人在一起吗
You're not looking to be with somebody?
现在不想
Not right now. No.
那你为什么撩我
Why did you ever start with me?
我想我不该那样做
I suppose I shouldn't have.
抱歉我没想到我们会那么亲密
I'm sorry. I never thought we'd get as close as we did.
天啊
Jesus.
我还以为我们这些老逼不会玩这种狗屁游戏了
I thought at our age, we were done with these bullshit games.
我们没未来我不知道还能和你说什么
Look, we don't have a future. I don't know what else to tell you.
你可以告诉我我为什么跟你浪费时间
You can tell me why I wasted my time with you.
你可以告诉我你为什么让我爱上你
You can tell me why you let me fall for you.
我快死了露丝
I'm dying, Ruth.
癌症
Cancer.
最多六个月
Six months. Tops.