生活大麻烦（2017）
Disjointed
第一季
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生活大麻烦（2017）
Disjointed S01E19
Part 2
July 23, 2020, 3:25 p.m.
Just single one drop of this wonder sauce will allay your seizures,
过敏和恶魔般的痉挛
allergies and demonic fits.
让你获得性高♥潮♥一般的快♥感♥
And get you as high as the proverbial fuck.
但是别信我的话 我需要一个志愿者 有人吗
But don't take my word for it. I need a volunteer. Anyone?
任何人 你 后面那位 过来吧
Anyone at all. Oh, you, way in the back, step right up.
你好
Hello.
你今早感觉怎么样 小姑娘
Now, how are you feeling this morning, young woman?
累 焦虑 没性♥欲♥
Tired, anxious and I have no libido.
真可惜
Pity.
让我给你药酊的精确剂量
Now, allow me to administer the precise dose
你选择从哪个洞进入
of my tincture through the orifice of your choice.
用嘴
I'll go oral.
她们总是如此
They always do.
你随时都会感受到效果
You shall feel the effects momentarily.
我有了新的活力 性♥欲♥旺盛
Oh, my vigor is renewed and my womanhood is in bloom.
另一个满足的顾客
Another satisfied customer.
丹克
Dank?
黛比
Dabby?
你们干什么呢
What are you guys doing?
哎呀 是官府
Egad, the authorities.
快跑 快跑
Amscray. Amscray.
大家好 我是萨宾·多特蒙德
Hi, I'm Sabine Dortmunder,
欢迎收看大♥麻♥让你嗨
and welcome to High on Cannabis.
-等等 我还以为是观察大♥麻♥呢 -是吗
- Wait, I thought it was Eye on Cannabis. - Is it?
文本还没来
听起来不对
That doesn't sound right.
我认识一个叫艾昂的人
Hey, I knew a guy named I-on once.
他很酷
He was cool.
很荣幸能上你的节目
It's a blessing to be on your show.
安吉洛·第史蒂文斯
Angelo DeStevens.
聊聊你和奥莉维亚·粪球的生意吧
Let's talk about your new deal with Olivia Shitballs here.
那其实不是我的姓
That's not my actual last name.
那是怎么
So, what?
你嫁给了一个叫粪球的人吗
You married somebody named Shitballs?
萨宾 容我为你介绍一下她
Sabine, let me tell you something about this woman.
她是个强大 坚强 有能力的女人
She is a powerful, empowered, empoweringly power-packed woman
不接受别人的命令
who does not take orders from anyone.
-说吧 -好
- Okay, go. - Yes.
奥莉维亚的品牌不止有粪球
The Olivia's brand is going way beyond Shitballs.
从粘液到尿液到呕吐物
From mucus to urine to vomit,
我能分泌 你就要吃
if I can secrete it, you're gonna eat it.
太棒了
That's amazing.
那个叫特拉维斯的呢
Uh, hey, whatever happened to that guy Travis?
我来答 女友
Let me field this one, girlfriend.
特拉维斯是个聪明的年轻人
Travis, uh, is a very bright young man
我觉得他会走得很远
who I think is going to go very, very far
往另一个方向
in the other direction.
我们有次度过了奇怪的一夜
We had a strange night one time.
他的脚踝很细小
He's got baby ankles.
总之 谢谢你们过来
Anyway, thanks for joining us.
-我是萨宾·多... -萨宾
- This is Sabine Dort... - Sabine,
我想指出我们有奥莉维亚身体分泌物的
I would like to point out that we have a whole new line
全新系列
of Olivia's bodily secretions,
还有新的专利电子烟笔
as well as a proprietary new vape pen
我们称之为奥利维亚的放屁管
that we are calling Olivia's Fart Pipe.
等等
Hold the phone.
你刚用我的节目来宣传你的产品吗
You just used my show to plug your products?
这可不酷 伙计
Uh, that is not cool, guy.
我是记者
I'm a journalist.
我有记者学位
I have a degree from journalism.
这结束了
This is over.
明天记得收看马特·达蒙谈论他的新电影
Join me tomorrow when Matt Damon talks about his new movie,
《波士顿爸爸》 合演明星本·阿弗莱克
Boston Dad, co-starring Ben Affleck.
宝贝
Hey, baby.
怎么了
Hey. What's up?
我是《丹克和黛比》浪漫喜剧的合演明星
Well, I'm a co-star in the Dank and Dabby rom-com.
黛比在抵抗喜欢丹克的冲动
Dabby's fighting her attraction for Dank
因为她不想影响自己的事业
because she doesn't want to affect her career.
但她从农场镇搬来这里
But she didn't move to the city
不是为了轻易放弃的
from Farmtown to give up this easy.
你该来看看
You should come watch.
这是小妞电影 但挺好笑的
It's kind of a chick flick, but it's pretty funny.
我不知道 现在我觉得什么都不好笑
I don't know. Nothing seems funny to me now.
真的吗
Really?
就连
Not even...
挠痒痒怪物也不好笑了吗
The Tickle Monster?!
真的吗
Seriously?
抱歉
Sorry.
每个单口相声演员都会冷场
You know, every comic bombs.
你得继续尝试
You just have to keep trying.
知道是谁教我的吗
Know who taught me that?
-挠痒痒怪物 -好 好了
- The Tickle Monster! - Okay, all right, okay.
别闹了
Come on, come on.
我知道你说得对 但是
Look, I know you're right, but...
就我现在的感受 我觉得我再也不会走上舞台了
the way I'm feeling now, I don't think I'll get on that stage again.
也许有东西能让你振作起来
Maybe something will snap you out of it.
我对天发誓 如果你说挠痒痒怪物 那我们就完了
I swear to God, if you say The Tickle Monster, we done.
等着看上面的景色吧
Wait until you see the view from up here.
真是美得惊心动魄
It's breathtaking.
是啊
Yes.
有时候我上来 沉迷在自己的思绪中
Sometimes I come up here and get lost in my thoughts.
然后朝流浪汉扔硬币
And throw pennies at bums.
我不确定我们该待在这里 丹柯森先生
I'm not sure we should be up here, Mr. Dankerson.
拜托 叫我丹克
Please, call me Dank.
丹柯森先生是
Mr. Dankerson is...
我的小♥弟♥弟♥
my penis.
我得说我真的很支持他俩
I gotta say, I'm really rooting for those two.
听好了 坏男人
You listen here, bad guy.
我要陪这位好心的老太太
I'm walking this nice old lady
去她的退休社区 所以走开
to her retirement community, so back off.
走吧
Let's go.
抱歉 什么
Excuse me. What?
你刚说什么
What did you just say?
你想强♥奸♥人
Hey! You wanna rape someone,
何不强♥奸♥跟你差不多高大的呢
why don't you try raping someone your own size?
看起来你的护照好像掉了
Oh, it looks like you may have dropped your passport.
道格拉斯
Hey, Douglas.
皮特 我不知道
Pete. I don't know how much
刚才的那一幕你看到了多少
of that last scenario you just caught,
但我只是在救那位老太太
but I just saved that old woman.
你现在可以走了 米勒太太
You can run along now, Mrs. Miller.
太棒了
That's amazing.
我
I, uh... I...
我知道我们有阵子没聊过了 但是
I know we haven't spoken in a while, uh, but...
我有个问题 我只能跟你聊
I have a problem and you're the only one I can talk to.
你能重复最后那句吗
Can you repeat that last part?
我只能跟你聊
You are the only one I can talk to.
药房♥里所有人都只会认为我疯了
Everyone in the dispensary will just think I'm crazy.
因为他们都嗨了
'Cause they're all hopped up on the shrub.
我们能双腿交叉吗
Can we crisscross applesauce?
我还以为我再也听不到这话了
I thought I would never hear those words again.
怎么了
What's up?
我买♥♥了一台机器 它在接管我的生活
So, I bought this machine and it's taking over my life.
是Fitbit手环吗 因为我很喜欢我的
Is it a Fitbit? Cause I'm kinda obsessed with mine.
-我每天得走一万步 -不 是生物波
- I gotta get my 10K a day. - No, no, no. It's a BioWave.
是次声简谐波发生器
It's a harmonic subsonic wave generator.
像是淋浴收音机吗
Is that like a shower radio?
我不知道那是什么
I don't know what that is.
听名字就该知道了吧
It's pretty self-explanatory from the name.
就是挂在浴室的收音机
It's a radio you hang in the shower.
-怎么挂 有吸力吗 -有吸力
- How? With suction...? - Suction, sure.
生活大麻烦（2017）
Disjointed
剧集 | 生活大麻烦（2017） | 导航列表