呆逼还愿人（2014）

Deadbeat S03E12

Part 3 April 16, 2021, 8:34 p.m.

"that it ever happened?!"
"发生了的事"
Fuck it, I'm gonna go get some fish.
靠我还是去买♥♥点儿鱼吧
There he is.
他在那
Okay.
好的
Can I help you? Yes, you can.
有什么能帮你的? 是的
I'm looking for Gene.
我要找吉恩
He just stepped into his office.
他刚进办公室
Oh, good. Okay, well, I'll just head right back there.
喔好行了嗯我去后面找他
Oh, no. I'm sorry, you can't go back there.
噢不行抱歉你不能过去
He's on a very important conference call.
他在打一个很重要的电♥话♥
You're not listening to me. America is way behind
你没听我说美国人在清洁后面的问题上
when it comes to how we clean our anuses.
远远落后了
Now, the Italians have just launched a bidet
现在意大利人发行了一种坐浴器
that harnesses car-washing technology
用洗车技术
leaving the butthole so clean, it's hairless.
来清洗屁♥眼♥ 是没有毛的
Hairless, Bob! Uh, you know what?
没有毛鲍勃! 呃你知道吗?
I'm just gonna go back there, do a magic trick
我要去后面表演一个魔术
real quick. No, no, no, no, no.
很快的不行不不不不
Gene hates magic. What? No!
吉恩讨厌魔术什么? 不可能!
He loves magic. He hates magic?
他喜欢魔术他讨厌魔术?
Who hates magic? I just said.
谁讨厌魔术? 我说过了
Gene does. He hates it.
吉恩他讨厌魔术
He won't sit through a trick of any kind.
他不会看任何形式的魔术
Oh, sorry. Hang on, shut up.
喔抱歉稍等闭嘴
Oh, fuck.
喔该死
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. Uh, okay, great.
喔该死该死该死呃好的太好了
Thank you for your help, fuckface.
谢谢你了丑八怪
Hey, Danny! What's going on, man?
嘿丹尼! 怎么了兄弟?
You know how when you're fucking a chick without a condom
你知道当你没带套套跟一个小妞做
and you're just about to pop
而且你就要♥射♥了♥
and you say, "Bitch, you on the pill?"
然后你说"骚货高了吗"
And she says, "Yeah, yeah, I'm on the pill.
然后她说 "嗯嗯好爽
I want you to come inside me, Danny."
我需要你进来丹尼"
And you do and then it feels fucking great
你进去了然后感觉爽死了
and then you get that call nine months later,
然后你过了九个月收到电♥话♥
"Danny Poker, you gave me herpes."
"扑克王♥丹♥尼我起疱疹了"
Bitch shouldn't have trusted me, right?
那小妞不该相信我的是吧?
Yeah, that is not where I thought that was going.
额我没想到会这样的
Just like I shouldn't have trusted you.
就像我就不该相信你
Okay, Danny, listen. Let me explain.
好吧丹尼听着听我解释
I take you to Vegas,
我带你去维加斯
I let you help me bury a body,
让你帮忙埋个人
I drank mimosas with you at brunch,
跟你一起喝含羞草
and this is how you repay me.
你就是这样报答我的
By stealing my shit!
偷我的东西!
No, no, no, I didn't steal your shit.
不不不我没有偷你的东西
I was borrowing your shit. Listen to me very carefully,
只是借用仔细听着
you piece of shit.
你这混♥蛋♥
You're gonna return my device right now
马上把我的东西还回来
or you're gonna be a ghost.
否则你就见鬼去吧
No, hold on. Danny, you cut out there for a second.
不等等丹尼你等一下
What did you say? I said bring the device back.
你说什么? 我说把我的东西带回来
I want you to bring it back. Oh, no, no, after that.
我要你把它拿回来喔不不那句之后
After that. I heard that part.
之后那句我听到了
I said bring the device here
我说把东西拿回来
or I'm gonna fucking kill you!
否则我会灭了你这该死的!
'Kay.
好吧
Ah, shut up a-your face.
额停一下
Ah ha, get off-a the phone.
啊哈挂掉电♥话♥
Buongiorno!
你好!
I'm-a here to demonstrate the new Italiano refrigeratore,
我是来演示一个意大利新冰箱
the Leftover Pasta Keeper 5000!
剩面保存者5000!
You were just here a little... dude, just get out of here.
你刚来过...伙计出去吧
Donald, Donald, that's enough, okay?
唐纳德唐纳德够了行吧?
Why don't you go take a cigarette break?
出去抽根烟休息下
You know I don't smoke.
你知道我不抽烟的
Well, if the Italians are treating their fridges
好了如果意大利人对冰箱
with the same inventive tenacity as they are their toilets,
也像对发明坐便器那样坚持
sweet mother of Mary, I want in.
赞美圣母我愿意加入
Let me see what you got. Grazie Mille.
来看看你的东西谢谢
Allow me to demonstrate some of its bellissimo features.
请允许我展示一些它绝妙的特点
Please do. The Leftover Pasta Keeper 5000
请剩面保存者5000
is all about making your life easier, more beautiful.
让你的生活更方便更美好
La dolce vita for you, huh?
为你创造甜蜜生活懂?
You like? Yeah.
喜欢吗? 嗯
Now, what would you say if I tell you that this fridge
现在如果我说这个冰箱
can tell you how much milk you have left?
能告诉你你还剩多少牛奶呢?
Well, I would be very interested to hear how it can do that.
嗯我很想知道是怎么做到的
I bet you would.
我想也是
Now, I could just tell you,
现在我可以告诉你
but I'm Italian and we love the theater.
但我是意大利人我们喜欢剧院
We love il teatro, so I'm gonna show you.
我们爱剧院所以我将为你展示
I just need to borrow your watch.
我想借用一下你的手表
Your watch, your watch.
手表手表
I borrow your watch. Okay, all right, all right.
借用一下好好吧行
And this is gonna help you show me
这能帮你展示
how the fridge keeps track of my milk?
这个冰箱是怎样记录牛奶的么?
Oh, Si. I take your watch,
噢看我拿着你的手表
which I borrow.
我借的
I come over here and I step inside of the magic box...
我走过来进到魔术箱里...
step inside of the fridge! Wait, what the hell?
进冰箱里! 等等什么鬼?
I step inside of the fridge. What? No. I'm sorry. No.
走进冰箱里什么? 不抱歉不行
No magic, no magic. What are you trying to pull over here?
不要魔术不要魔术你现在叫停干嘛?
Do you wanna hear about the milk or not?
你还想不想听牛奶的问题了?
I would like to hear about milk, not magic.
我想听关于牛奶的问题不是魔术
You!
你!
You're a lying, thieving magician!
你这个骗子! 骗子魔术师!
This man has stolen my act.
这个人偷了我的表演
I am the real Levitating Luigi.
我才是真的漂浮者路易吉
Oh, shart, no. Listen, hey, Luigi, buddy?
喔该死不听着嘿路易吉伙计?
I... I didn't... I didn't steal your act.
我... 我没有... 我没有偷你的表演
Hey, hey, I thought you said you were Italian.
嘿嘿你说你是意大利人的
Well, I did.
嗯是的
I did say that, but, guys, this...
我是说过但伙计们这...
this is not what it seems, okay?
不是这样的好吗?
Oh, so you're saying it's an illusion?
哦所以你说这是个幻境?
Did you see that? Hoo!
看见了吗? 嚯!
Did you really pull that out of your hat?
那真的是你从帽子里拉出来的吗?
Ow! Fart!
哎呦! 混♥蛋♥!
What was that?
那是什么?
Impressive.
好厉害
Perhaps I underestimated you.
看来我低估你了
Perhaps you did.
也许是的
What?
啥?
Dude. Okay, dude, I think you scratched my cornmeal.
哥们行了哥们你刮到我玉米面了
Stop, stop, stop.
停下停下停下
Fuck.
妈的
Fuck.
妈的
Are you gonna throw up?
你要吐了吗?
No, no. No, Luigi!
别不不路易吉!
I catch you stealing my act again,
再被我抓到偷我的东西
I will fucking kill you.
我绝对会杀了你
I was already down, you dick.
我已经倒下了你个龟娃子
Gene.
吉恩
Gene? What?
吉恩? 干嘛?
Gene, I got a confession to make.
吉恩我有些事要坦白
I am not an Italian refrigerator salesman.
我不是个卖♥♥冰箱的意大利商人
Yeah, I know.
是啊我知道了
You're a magician. Nope, nope.
你是个魔术师不不是
No, I'm not that either.
不是我也不是魔术师