呆逼还愿人（2014）

Deadbeat S03E02

Part 3 April 16, 2021, 8:31 p.m.

That is one smart phone.
这是一部智能电♥话♥
Shit, you're right.
靠你说得对
What? Uh...
啥? 呃...
That's a smart phone, man!
这就是部智能电♥话♥ 兄弟!
Oh! This is a... a...
喔! 这是个... 是个...
a pussy that you keep in your pocket.
可以放在口袋的阴♥道♥
A pocket pussy? Yeah.
口袋阴♥道♥? 是的
And you fuck it? Yeah.
然后你可以操它? 是啊
Holy shit.
天啦噜
That's already a thing. I have one.
这东西已经有了我就有一个
It is? Yeah.
是吗? 是啊
You can order it online. I got a few of them.
你在网上就可以买♥♥到我都买♥♥过好几个了
Fuck! What?
卧♥槽♥! 怎么了?
What... okay, what about this?
怎么了... 好吧那这个呢?
That's just my school yearbook.
这只是我学校的年鉴
This is a fucking yearbook?
这特么是年鉴?
Oh, my God, I've never actually seen one of these.
天呐我从没亲眼见到过这种东西
Back in the orphanage, they just put us in catalogues.
在孤儿院的时候他们只把我们做成名字列表
Why'd you cross your photo out?
你为什么把自己的照片画成这样?
Uh, I... I didn't.
呃我... 我没有
Why would you do that, Clyde?
你为什么这么做克莱德?
Let's just go, all right?
我们走吧成吗?
Wait, hold on, hold on. What... what?
等等怎么... 怎么了?
Who scribbled out your yearbook photo, man?
是谁在你的年鉴上乱涂乱画兄弟?
You wouldn't understand, man.
你不懂的兄弟
I mean, I'm sure you were one of the cool kids.
我想说我相信你在学校一定是一个很酷的孩子
Yeah, of course.
是啊当然了
Cooler than you.
比你要酷
Well, not all of us had special powers like you did.
但不是所有人都像你一样拥有一些超能力
All I had was this bully.
我遭受的就是这种欺凌
Brody Keller. Fucking grody Brody Keller.
布罗迪·凯勒去特么恶心的布罗迪·凯勒
That's exactly what I used to call him.
我以前就是这么叫他的
That guy dunked my head in the toilet so many times,
这家伙总喜欢把我的头按在马桶里
I got swimmer's ear.
搞得我得了游泳性耳炎
Why do you think I started smoking weed?
不然你以为我为什么要抽大♥麻♥?
'Cause you couldn't hear them telling you not to?
因为你听不到他们的劝阻?
Because I wanted to be cool.
因为我想变酷
I wanted to stop getting stuffed in my own locker.
我不想再被人塞我自己的柜子里
You know, Brody left me in there over a long weekend once.
你知道吗布罗迪曾把我关在柜子里整整一个周末
I had to eat my own pet snake
我只有吃了我的宠物蛇
just to survive. Ew, raw?
就是为了活命呃生吃?
Hey, that's it. What?
就是这个啥?
That's it! That's how we're gonna win the Idea Fair!
就是这个! 我们可以用这个在创意比赛中获胜!
Snake snacks? No!
零食蛇? 不!
We need to put a stop to bullying
我们要在欺凌产生之前
before it even starts. I like it.
就阻止它我觉得不错
We need to invent a line of bully-proof clothing
我们要发明一些防欺凌的衣服
and accessories! What the fuck, man!
和饰品! 太特么棒了兄弟!
Yes!
没错!
Wait, Clyde!
等等克莱德!
You gotta say break right or break left!
你应该告诉我往哪边跑!
Yo mama is so ugly
你妈太丑了
that people forget how fat she is.
丑到别人都不在乎她有多胖
Yeah, I can read lips.
我会唇语
Shit, I'm sorry, man. I... Fucker.
卧♥槽♥ 对不起兄弟我... 靠
Only one thing left to do.
只有一件事没做了
Win that Idea Fair.
那就是在比赛中夺冠
No. We gotta test this out in the field.
不我们应该先试用一下
Oh, yeah.
噢对
God, my heart is beating so fast right now.
天呐我心跳好快
It's probab... probably all the Adderall.
可能... 可能兴♥奋♥剂♥吃多了
I got it, too.
我也是
Can I help you? Brody Keller.
有什么事么? 布罗迪·凯勒
Clyde Shapiro. Let's do this.
我是克莱德·夏皮罗让我们来场决斗吧
Clyde Shapiro?
克莱德·夏皮罗?
From Don Quixote Middle School?
唐吉诃德中学的?
No way!
怎么可能!
Hey, man!
嘿老兄!
It's been a long time. Maybe for you.
好久不见对你来说可能是
What? I don't understand.
啥? 我不太懂
Hasn't it been the same amount of time for both of you?
你们俩没见面的时间不一样?
I was trying to be mouthy. Oh, fuck. Okay.
我只是在耍嘴皮子喔操好吧
Brody, dinner! Yeah, coming!
布罗迪吃晚饭啦! 好的马上来!
Sorry, guys. Just about to sit down to dinner with the fam.
不好意思伙计们我刚准备跟家人吃晚饭
Oh, hey, you two wanna join?
你们想一起吗?
Yeah, sure. What?
好啊当然了什么?
No, wait. What, no!
不等等什么不!
Don't you wanna give me a noogie
难道你就不想敲我的头
or tell me my mom has AIDS and I caught it from her
或者对我说当我从我妈的阴♥道♥出来的时候
when I was coming out of her vagina
我从她那儿遗传了艾滋
and now it's only a matter of time before I die?
或者是我迟早会死掉?
Jeez, man.
天哪伙计
I was pretty awful, huh?
我以前很糟糕是吗?
Regularly.
时不时
You know, I was just a lost kid.
你知道我那时只是个迷茫的孩子
I was just trying to gain some control
我只想通过戏弄你来
by keeping you down.
获取一点威信
So you have no desire to bully me right now?
所以你现在不想欺负我了?
No, I'm a changed man, Clyde.
是啊我已经变了克莱德
I'm a father now.
我是一位父亲了
I'm married. I work with autistic kids.
我结婚了而且总和自闭症儿童打交道
Okay, so you have no urge to say,
好吧所以你一点都不想
I don't know, punch Clyde right in his big, dumb face?
怎么说呢比如向克莱德这张大饼脸上来一拳
None whatsoever.
我不想这么做
Just a tap on the chin? Nah.
只是在下巴这来一拳? 不
Dude, it would really help us out right now.
兄弟你这么做会帮我们大忙的
I just, you know... sorry, guys.
我只是你知道的... 对不起伙计们
I... I can't.
我... 我不能这么做
All right.
好吧
Okay. Thanks, asshole.
好吧谢了混♥蛋♥
Shitballs.
混球
What do we do now?
我们现在怎么办?
Hey, girls, I know what we could do now.
嘿娘娘腔们我知道我们该怎么办
Oh, that's familiar.
同款啊
Oh, shit.
卧♥槽♥
Oh, the anus. Oh, so exposed.
喔我的菊花赤♥裸♥裸地袒露在外啊
The anus.
菊花
All right.
好了
Okay, you ready?
你准备好了吗?
I'm ready.
准备好了
Did it hurt?
疼吗?
No, it was, uh...
不只是呃...
it was refreshing.
好爽
Pac,
派克,
we're literally sitting on a million-dollar idea.
我们菊花下面可是价值百万美元的创意
Oh, it was refreshing! Right?
喔太爽了是吧?
Yeah.
是的
Oh, it smells like money. Yeah, right?
闻起来像钞票是吧?
Good morrow, milady.
早上好女士
We are here to win the pres...
我们是来赢得...
prestigious Big Apple Idea Fair.
著名的纽约创意比赛的冠军的
Ooh, I like your enthusiasm!
我欣赏你们的激♥情♥
Believe me, enthusiasm has nothing to do with it.
相信我这和激♥情♥没有半毛钱关系
Except for when we came up with the idea.
除了在我们想出这个创意的时候
Obviously.
很显然是的
Okay, well, I will be happy to sign you in.
好的我很高兴帮你们注册
Where is your child?
你的孩子在哪?
My what?
我的什么?
以及12岁以下
面向12岁
Your child.
你的孩子