呆逼还愿人（2014）

Deadbeat S03E03

Part 2 April 16, 2021, 8:31 p.m.

Okay, well, this is gonna sound, maybe, a little bit weird,
行吧行吧你可能不太相信
but I am a medium and I have been talking
不过我是个灵媒
to the ghost of your old friend Weasel.
最近在帮你老朋友威斯尔l的鬼魂还愿
"Easy Weasy"?
"开心小威"?
He needs your help. Of course!
他需要你帮忙必须的呀!
I'd do anything for that guy.
赴汤蹈火在所不辞啊
Okay, he needs you to enter
好极了你只要参加
the annual Bong Pong-a-thon this weekend
这个周末的大♥麻♥乒乓赛
and he needs you to win.
并且夺冠就行了
I can't do that. Yes, you can.
我做不到啊你当然可以的
You just need a little confidence.
相信自己就行了
I'm the Chief Resident and the Head of Neurosurgery
我可是这里最好的医院里的
at the most prestigious hospital in the city.
住院总医师和神经外科主任
I can't smoke weed.
我可不能抽大♥麻♥
But we need you, Nugget. But we need you, Nugget!
我们很需要你啊鸡块兄我们很需要你啊鸡块兄!
Nugget is dead.
鸡块兄已经死了
Hold on.
等等
Nugget's dead, too?
黄金鸡块也死了?
I feel like I just saw him, man.
我还以为刚才见到他了呢
Come on, let's go.
算了咱们走吧
Of course I've heard of bong pong.
我当然听说过大♥麻♥乒乓赛
It's like beer pong, but with a twist.
那就是抽大♥麻♥的啤酒乒乓嘛
Yeah, well, the bigger twist
行吧不过现在最大的问题
is that this guy's partner, Nugget,
是黄金鸡块也就是他当时的同伴
is a 40-year-old brain surgeon
是个不再抽大♥麻♥的
who doesn't smoke weed anymore.
40岁的脑外科医生
What are you doing?
你一直弄什么呢?
Well, you know how our vacuum cleans good,
你还记得我们那个吸尘器很好用
but it doesn't clean great
但没有超级好用
and you and I have sort of been trying
所以咱俩一直想办法
to figure out ways to make it more powerful?
让它变得更好用么?
I've never once thought about the vacuum.
我可从来没在乎过那个吸尘器
There's a huge market for industrial-strength vacuums, man.
现在强效吸尘器有很大的市场啊哥们
I could knock on any door in the city and sell one.
我可以卖♥♥给任何人
Clyde, I believe you and I don't care!
克莱德我知道了不过我不在乎啊!
I have a ghost case to solve, man!
现在我要解决鬼魂问题呢哥们!
Why don't you just ask the ghost if you and I can enter?
你咋不问问他我们俩替他夺冠行不行?
Uh, no go, bro.
呃这可不行的
One of you can play for me,
你们可以代替我参加
but the other one has to be,
不过另一个一定得是
we just saw him. Nugget?
我们刚见过他来着黄金鸡块?
That's right. Nugget, man. No go, bro.
没错就是黄金鸡块不行啊哥们
It's gotta be Nugget.
只有黄金鸡块才行
Okay. Team Brain Damage'd has to win.
好吧脑残队要夺冠是必须的
And it's not Team Brain Damage'd without...
而且没有那个谁的话就不是脑残队
Nugget!
黄金鸡块!
Nugget is a brain surgeon, right?
黄金鸡块是个脑外科医生是吧?
Pretty smart guy. We're smart guys.
一定挺聪明咯我们也挺聪明的
So... Right.
所以... 没错
All we have to do is fight smart guy fire with smart guy fire.
以毒攻毒脑性男对付脑性男
You again? What?
怎么又是你? 这?
What are you doing here?
你到底想怎么样?
Yeah, hi. My brain is kind of fucked up.
嗯你好啊我的大脑有点乱套了
I was wondering if you could take a look at it.
你给我治治行不行
Excuse me? The tiger is in the barn!
你说啥? 引狼入室了吧!
What... hey!
说什么呢... 欸!
Hey! Ow! Oh, stop that!
嘿! 喔! 住手!
Stop that, please!
快住手啊!
Hey, what the hell is going on?
嘿! 到底要干嘛啊?
Come on, come on! Yes!
得了吧我靠! 成了!
We have pictures of you
我们手上
in a private room with a naked man.
有你单独和裸男在一起的照片
Looks like you're gonna be competing
现在看来你必须要参加
in that Bong Pong-a-thon after all.
大♥麻♥乒乓比赛了
Guess you're not the only smart one
你可不是这房♥间里
in the room now, are ya, Doc?
唯一有智商的人是不是啊医生?
Your... your lens cap is on.
可是... 你镜头盖没开
Pfft. Yeah, nice try.
噗你想的美
Oh, shit. Fuck.
我去日啊
I wish I could help, but I haven't played
我也很想帮他可我已经
bong pong in forever.
退出这圈太久了
I haven't even smoked weed in, like, 25 years!
我甚至已经25年没吸过大♥麻♥了!
You haven't smoked weed in 25 years?
你是说25年没碰过大♥麻♥?
Okay, all right, you know what? Ahem.
行吧行吧那这样吧
Fine, we will leave.
嗯我们走
Okay.
那就好
But only after you take a hit from this joint.
但我们走之前你先吸一口这个
I don't know. I... I'll pass.
我说不好... 我还是算了
You can pass,
你可以就这么算了
but you've gotta puff-puff first.
除非你先噗噗一口这个
If my wife found out I was smoking pot again,
要是被我老婆发现我吸大♥麻♥
she'd ground me.
她一定会关我禁闭的
I mean she would leave me. She'd leave me!
我是说她会离开我她会和我离婚!
Your wife sounds like a huge cunt.
似乎你老婆是个母夜叉啊
She's very particular.
她挺特别的
Particularly huge cunt.
特别的母夜叉
I mean... I mean, sure, sure,
我是说... 这个这个
we could have sex more often
如果每个月的能在第三个星期四
than the third Thursday of every month.
以外的时候做♥爱♥当然好
And it's true,
还有就是
it could be a position other than missionary.
我也想试试传教士之外的姿势
And, yeah, she decided I was vegan,
嗯没错她只让我吃素
but a quinoa steak
不过奎奴亚藜牛排
is...
实在...
Give me that fucking joint. Yeah, here.
快他妈的把烟给我来一口给你这就对了
Sorry.
不好意思啊
The first one always makes me sneeze.
每次第一口都让我打喷嚏
Yeah, on my tits.
喷在我乳♥头♥上
Towel the door.
快把门缝堵上
Yes! I'll use my robe.
这就对了我用长袍来堵
Nugget, now, you've been out of the game for a long time.
鸡块你已经脱离这个比赛太久了
Long motherfuckin'time!
太他妈的久了!
And weed has changed.
大♥麻♥也不再是原来的大♥麻♥了
We got a whole bunch of new strains and cross-strains
现在出现了各种新品种交叉品种
and hybrids and...
杂交品种等...
we wanna make sure you're prepared out there.
我们要让你做到万无一失
Okay. That's why I've compiled
没问题所以我准备了
every type of weed that there is.
所有种类的大♥麻♥
And we're... Gonna smoke the shit out of it?
那我们... 吸到爽翻天?
You bet we are!
必须的啊!
Oh, the batteries are weird.
电池好像有问题
You gotta... you gotta get it just right.
这得... 这也需要技巧
Montage song, kick in already!
蒙太奇音乐赶紧开始啊!
Oh, that was close!
诶呀这个差一点就进了
You're fucking sad, both of you.
你们俩真是太可悲了
Throw shorter.
扔近点
Throw fucking shorter.
扔他妈的近点啊
What? Open up.
干嘛呢? 张嘴啊
I'm supposed to be operating on the mayor.
我应该给市长做手术的
Right now.
就现在
But seriously, I have to go.
没开玩笑我得赶紧过去
Scalpel.
解剖刀
Forceps.
镊子
Doritos?
多力多滋?
No?
没有么?
How about, uh... how about some reggae music?
那来点... 雷鬼音乐怎么样?
Huh, set the mood?
烘托下气氛?
All right, let's put a clamp on that.
那好吧呃这块先等一下
Are we still doing this?
要继续么?
Cue the music. Sweet!
切音乐吧棒极了!