呆逼还愿人（2014）

Deadbeat S03E11

Part 3 April 16, 2021, 8:34 p.m.

at Fortress Greene Park in one hour.
你们的国王说谎者贾瑞德
Except for that foul centaur.
那边那个肮脏的半人马除外
I have no need for the spawn of horse-fuckers in my kingdom.
我的王国里不需要什么被马日出来的小杂种
All right, you know what? Fuck this shit.
我受够了你猜怎么着? 老子不玩了
I'm fucking out of here, man.
他妈的老子现在就走
If anyone can bring some water
如果谁能顺便带些水
and maybe some vitamin C tablets,
和维C过来
that'd be really great.
就再好不过了
I got really dehydrated last time.
上次我脱水可严重了
Hello?
有人么?
Curator lady? It's Kevin Pacalioglu.
馆长姐姐? 我是凯文·派克里欧格鲁
I'm here to hand in my tender resignation.
我来这儿递交我那倒霉的辞呈
What news have you of Quam?
你带来了什么消息?
Nothing great, Steve. Who's Steve?
没什么值得激动的斯蒂夫斯蒂夫是谁?
Jerryd castrated Lonathan.
贾瑞德把鲁纳森的丁日给割了
Then we all went to visit Marlin the wizard,
然后我们一起去找巫师梅林
who double-crossed us, surprise, surprise.
他竟然背叛了我们惊喜吧开心吧
Now everyone is on their way to surrender to the evil king.
现在所有人都去投奔那个邪恶的国王了
Surrender? Why dost thou not fight?
投降? 你为什么不战斗?
Even if I wanted to, which I don't,
就算我想战斗而且我根本不想
what chance in seven hells
一个低级的半人马
does a lowly centaur have against Jerryd's army?
对抗整个贾瑞德的军队有毛线的胜算?
Son of a horsefucker. That's it.
狗♥日♥的♥半人马够了吧
I'm out of here. You and only you,
我受够了可是只有你
noble steed-man, can save the day.
高尚的骏马人可以拯救我了
You just need the Staff of Many Snakes.
你只需要众蛇之杖
Only a wizard can wield the staff or whatever.
只有巫师可以使用众蛇之杖
The legend doesn't specify wizard.
并没有特别指定巫师
It merely says neither man nor beast.
只是说了人类或者兽类不行
I'm not totally there.
我好像不是很懂
A centaur, being half man...
半人马一半是人...
and half horse... Is neither!
一半是兽... 两类都不是!
Ride, horse-fucker, like the wind!
奔驰吧人马如风一般!
Ride to the Palace of Isolation.
直到孤立之地宫殿
You must take the Staff of Many Snakes
你一定要趁其不备
from the wizard Marlin when he least expects it.
拿到众蛇之杖
Find a room for a dwarf,
找到矮人的房♥间
the 34th of such.
第34间便是了
You may need the Bar of Crow.
你可能还需要撬棍
Looking for this?
找这个呢?
Knights, I am sorry, but I have failed ye.
骑士们我很抱歉让你们失望了
We have neither power nor testicles.
我既没有王权也没有丁日
The time for surrender is nigh.
该是投降的时候了
All right, Barry Potter...
行了扑克王♥丹♥尼...
Let's see what you're made of.
让我看看你有什么能耐
Come on. I summon the electricity
来吧我召集宙斯的雷霆
of Zeus. Lightning bolt,
闪电球
lightning bolt, lightning bolt!
闪电球闪电球!
What the hell?
什么鬼?
Deflection! Shield attack!
反射! 盾牌防御!
Ha! Nailed ya!
哈! 搞到你了!
Marlin?
梅林?
Buddy.
哥们
Taking a little sleep?
睡着了咋的?
Seriously, are you okay?
别闹啊你行不行?
Oh, shit.
我勒个去
Tradesies.
交换吧
You're gonna love that shield, I guarantee it.
你一定会喜欢的我保证
Who is the most skilled fighter in all of Quam?
谁是高昌最厉害的战士?
You are. And who is the best
是您谁是最棒的
at talking to females? You are.
撩妹高手? 还是您
Indeed, I am.
没错就是我
And do you pledge undying fealty to me?
你们宣誓对我忠诚么?
We do.
是的
I've changed my mind.
我改变主意了
He twice-crossed us again!
他又骗了我们?
Kill them! Kill them all!
杀了他们! 把他们全杀光!
Not so fast!
别着急啊!
The Staff of Many Snakes!
众蛇之杖!
Bingo!
没错!
You imbecilic barnyard creature!
你个下流瘪犊子!
Only a wizard can wield the staff.
只有巫师才能使用众蛇之杖
Wrong, Jerryd! The wording says
错了贾瑞德! 原话指的是
neither man nor beast.
非人非兽
Guess what, dickhead. A centaur is neither!
没想到吧你个龟♥头♥ 半人马正好就是!
Balderdash! If anything, a centaur is both!
瞎几把说啥! 非要说的话半人马又是人又是兽才对!
Actually, I think he's right.
实际上我觉得他说得对
A centaur is a foul monstrosity
半人马是被双方
rejected by both communities.
都拒绝承认的傻♥逼♥
Well, yes, but as a species the...
这么说没错可是物种上作为...
the origin of the...
起源...
You know what? Let's consult the rule book
这样吧咱们研究研究规则先
cause this is a head-scratcher.
这实在不太好说
What's that?
干啥去了都?
Someone help me with my bum.
你们倒是帮我抬一下我屁♥股♥啊
Guys?
哥们?
Damn it.
日了
Prince Lonathan,
鲁纳森王子
I give back to you your balls.
我愿你的丁丁重生
Regeneration!
重生!
Yorba the Goblin-Slayer... for you, the Golden Battle Axe.
地精杀手约巴... 我给你黄金战斧
For you, the ability to, like,fly and shit.
对于你给你飞翔之类的能力
And for you, my friend,
至于你我的朋友
the ability to sleep through the night without farting
要是能整晚不放屁
would be nice.
就再好不过了
That felt good.
太爽了
What of me, my lord?
还有我呢我的大人?
Invisibility.
隐形吧
I'm right here. Carol, where'd you go?
我就在这呢你去哪了?
Carol? Get out of my face.
卡罗尔? 别摸我脸了
Not the same scared little boy
不是我杀你老子时
you were when I slaughtered your father.
那怂样了你
Jesus, that stings!
天啊这下可疼啊!
Fuck! That really stings, man.
卧♥槽♥! 这可真疼啊大兄弟
I surrender, all right?
我投降行了吧?
Victory!
胜利了!
Well done, centaur.
干得好半人马
Lonathan will make a fair and just king.
鲁纳森会成为一个公平正直的好国王的
Castration!
阉♥割♥!
In time. Testicles!
迟早会是的蛋蛋!
Farewell, centaur. Farewell, king.
别了半人马别了我的陛下
Anybody else want
还有谁也不想
their nuts chopped off?
要蛋蛋了么?
And then...
然后...
remember when I was like, "Castration!"
还记得我这么举着喊 "阉♥割♥!"
You... you've gotten so good, my lord.
您... 您实在太棒了我的陛下
Remember when I gained invisibility
还记得我隐形了
and I smoked that knight? An invisible
然后一刀结果了那个骑士么? 隐形骑士
necromancer knight. Now I've really
现在我真是
borne witness to everything.
啥都见过了
Remember where you got the invisibility from?
还记得你咋能隐形的不?
Will you shut your face, centaur?
你能不能把嘴闭上半人马?
Men are talking. Men without horses' asses.
没看大人们说话呢么傻蛋人马可不算人
Nice, nice!
说得好!
Me? I... Okay, okay, everyone.
我?要不是我... 好了好了
All right, all right. It's now time
静一下我们现在应该
to name our MVK, most valuable knight.
感谢我们功劳最大的骑士
Without his courage and bravery,
多亏了他的胆量和勇气
we would have surely lost.
我们才能转败为胜
The MVK goes to
这个伟大的骑士就是