呆逼还愿人（2014）

Deadbeat S03E02

Part 1 April 16, 2021, 8:31 p.m.

Dude, you live in here?
兄弟你住在这?
Yeah, check it out.
是啊去看看
Oh, dude, you live in here!
兄弟你住在这!
Yeah. What the f...
是的太特么...
How?
怎么可能?
So, back in the 90s,
90年代的时候
I registered a whole bunch of celebrity domain names
我注册了一堆名人域名
and then I sold them off years later
几年后把它们全都卖♥♥了
and made a fortune, man.
然后大赚了一笔钱
Yeah, crazy.
是的非常疯狂
ShannenDoherty.Com paid for this carpet here.
莎侬·多赫提网付了这块地毯钱
Regis Philbin paid for the entire kitchen remodel.
里吉斯·菲尔宾付了厨房♥全面整修的费用
And Zac Efron... That's nice.
还有扎克·埃夫隆... 看起来很不错
Thank you... paid for all of my pants.
谢谢... 付了为我的裤子钱
He wasn't even a thing in the '90s.
他在90年代没什么名气
Yeah, no, I know. I mean, sometimes I would
当然了我知道我的意思是有时候我需要
just make up a name and get lucky.
编一些名字来试试运气
Nice. Yeah.
真不错是啊
Oh, that's a two-man bong.
那是一个两人式大♥麻♥用具
Built it myself. No way.
我自己做的怎么可能
Yeah. Here, let me show you something.
没错到这来我给你看一样东西
Something better than that?
比这家伙还棒?
This is my bong collection.
这都是我收藏的大♥麻♥用具
Oh, my God, Clyde.
我的天呐克莱德
Oh, my God! Is everything in here smokable?
我的天! 这里所有的都可以用来抽吗?
I mean, can you smoke everything?
我是说这么多你能用得完吗?
This right here plays music when you rip it.
这种你在抽它的时候会播放音乐
Well, I'm pretty jazzed about that.
是嘛我真想试试看
And this is the first bong I actually ever made
这是我六年级的时候
back in sixth grade. Wow. Oh, holy shit!
制♥作♥的第一款大♥麻♥用具哇喔! 天呐!
There's whole half a nug in here.
这里还有大半块大♥麻♥
There is? Yeah.
是吗? 对啊
Oh, man, that's from middle school.
兄弟那是中学时的
We gotta hit that. Yes, sir.
我们玩玩儿呗好的先生
Yes Sir.
好的先生
Hit it, hit it, hit it, hit it.
搞起搞起搞起搞起
You okay?
你没事吧?
Hey, Clyde.
嘿克莱德
Clyde! Is it okay if I hit this?
克莱德! 你介意我抽抽看吗?
He seems cool.
他看起来不介意
Oh, shit.
卧♥槽♥
Can I help you?
需要帮忙吗?
You mean
你的意思是
"May I help you?"
"有什么可以帮你的吗?"
What? May I help you?
啥? 有什么我可以帮你的吗?
You may, I guess. What?
我想有吧什么鬼?
What are you...
你在...
you know him or something?
你认识他还是怎么?
Know him?
认识他?
He's the one who did this to me.
就是他把我搞成现在这个样子
Oh, shit.
卧♥槽♥
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
等等等等等等
Are you telling me that Clyde did that to you?
你是说克莱德把你搞成了现在这个样子?
What? Did he do that to you?
什么? 你身上的伤是他弄的?
Oh, no. No, no.
喔不不不
I was torn apart by guerillas in Africa.
我在非洲被游击队炸的四分五裂
thank God.
幸好
Oh, thank God.
幸好
Shit.
卧♥槽♥
For a second there I was like, "I am a fucking shit magnet
我刚刚差点以为我特么怎么总有
for people these days."
操蛋的朋友
Okay, good. Okay.
没事了没事了
So, uh... okay, so how do you know Clyde?
所以嗯... 你是怎么认识克莱德的?
I was his middle school guidance counselor.
我是他中学时期的指导顾问
Most of the children I worked with
我见过的大多数的孩子们
were... Pieces of shit?
都... 跟傻♥逼♥似的?
Far below average intelligence.
远远低于平均智力水平
But once in a blue moon,
但是难得的是
a child would come along who had the potential
总有一个孩子拥有
to change the world.
改变世界的潜力
And Clyde was, like, that student?
克莱德就像是这种学生?
He wasn't "Like" That student.
他不仅仅是"像"这种学生
He was. He's a genius.
他就是他简直就是天才
Kind of. Whoa.
可以这么说哇哦
Pac? Hey.
派克? 嘿
What are you doing? Well...
你在干啥? 嗯...
Ooh! You're talking to a ghost, aren't you?!
喔! 你在和鬼讲话是不是?!
Aren't you?! Oh, oh, oh, oh!
是不是?! 喔喔喔喔!
Calm down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh, what happened?
冷静点告诉我都发生了些什么?
Uh, actually, it's... Wait, don't tell me!
呃事实上... 等等别告诉我!
Shit! Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
操! 好好好
Uh, okay. Is it, uh... is it, uh... uh...
呃它是... 呃... 它是... 呃...
is it Ethel Merman? Who... who's Ethel Merman?
是艾瑟儿·蒙曼? 艾瑟儿·蒙曼是... 谁?
"Who's Ethel Merman?" Is she merfolk?
"艾瑟儿·蒙曼是谁?" 她是个人鱼?
Seriously? Okay, well, it's not her.
真的? 好吧不是她
Oh, I give up, then. Who is it?
我放弃所以到底是谁?
It is the ghost of your middle school guidance counselor.
是你中学指导顾问的鬼魂
Mr. Faggy?
肥基先生?
"Mr. Faggy"?
"肥基先生"?
Is that your name?
这是你的名字?
It's Fa-jzeh!
是法杰!
The "G" Is soft. You know that!
"G"要轻读你知道的!
He says it's Fa-jzeh with a soft "G" Or whatever.
他说是法杰 "G"要轻读还是啥的
Oh, shit, it's him! Yeah!
卧♥槽♥ 是他! 是啊!
Well, whatever happened with that guy?
好吧那家伙怎么样了?
I haven't thought about him in years.
我好多年没想起他了
You got me fired, that's what happened!
怎样了你害我被炒了鱿鱼!
You got him fired, that's what happened.
你害他被炒了鱿鱼
Oh, yeah!
我想起来了!
Yeah.
是的
Oh, I think I may have told the principal
我好像告诉了校长
that he had... he had showed me his balls.
他... 把他的小♥弟♥弟♥给我看
Ugh. I had "Shown" You my balls.
呃我把我弟弟给你看
You did?! Oh! What?
你真这么做了?! 什么?
Why? No, no, no!
为毛? 没有没有没有!
He made that up!
都是他在胡编乱造!
Look, I wasn't trying to get him fired, okay?
听着我没有想害他丢掉工作知道吗?
I was just sick of him always trying to correct my grammar
我只是烦他总是纠正我的语法错误
and motivate me and stuff.
还鼓励我激励我
Right, well, you got him sent away to Africa.
好吧但你害他被送去了非洲
Okay, okay, I chose to go to Africa.
行了行了是我自己选择去非洲的
What, he get eaten by a lion or something?
他被狮子吃了还是咋了?
Uh, no. A gorilla, actually. Whoa.
呃没有其实是游击队天呐
Right? Actually,
－是吗? - 事实上
it was a band of guerilla fighters.
是一支游击队员组成的乐队
I got caught in the middle of a political coup.
我在一次政♥变♥中被抓
Holy shit, it was a band of guerillas.
卧♥槽♥ 是一支游击乐队
Oh, shit. What kind of music?
卧♥槽♥ 玩什么样的音乐?
I don't know. He did not specify.
我不知道他没具体说
Wait a second. If Mr. Faggy died in Africa,
等等如果肥基先生死在了非洲
what's he doing here? Good question.
他为什么在这? 问得好
Even as the guerillas were ripping me to shreds
即使是在游击队员把我撕的粉碎
and feeding me to actual gorillas,
拿我喂猩猩的时候
all I could think about
我想的依然是
was Clyde. That's weird.
克莱德真奇怪
No.
不
I can't leave
我不能就这么离开
until he has lived up to his full potential.
除非他把他的潜力发挥到极致
Okay, I got it. It's making sense now.
好的我知道了这样就说得通了
All right, so how does he make that happen?
好吧那你要他怎么做?