呆逼还愿人（2014）

Deadbeat S03E05

Part 2 April 16, 2021, 8:32 p.m.

You can hear me? performing in here tonight.
你能听见我说话? 今天晚上要在这演出
There's no choads allowed, okay?
所以一点乱子都不能出知道么?
Uh-uh. I need to take a piss.
我需要去一趟洗手间
I'll be right back. You should probably
马上回来你应该
go hold his dick, right? I do have to pee.
过去帮他把尿吧恩? 我确实需要去洗手间了
When I start thinking about it, it's like...
当我开始思考的时候就好像...
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
等下等下
You're the only asshole who can hear me. Why?
你是唯一可以听见我声音的傻♥逼♥ 为什么?
I'm a medium, not an asshole, thank you very much.
我是灵媒不是傻♥逼♥ 谢谢
It's a power that still raises a lot of questions in me.
对于这种能力我也很费解
And tonight, I'm actually hoping to meet...
并且今天晚上我真的希望可以遇到...
I don't care. As soon as you started talking,
我不在乎当你开始说话的时候
I realized that I don't care.
我就意识到我不在乎了
Dude-bro, congratulations.
嘿兄弟恭喜呀
You get to help out DJ Skillitz right now.
你现在可以来帮助DJ战士崛起了呢
Yeah, sounds great, except for I'm a little preoccupied
耶棒呆了除了我对于如何进入你今天晚上的
with trying to figure out how to get to your show tonight.
秀场这件事儿有点问题
The show I won't be performing at because I'm dead?
是那场由于我死翘翘而无法出席的演出么?
Exactly. If that's what you want,
没错如果你想要
I got VIP passes back at my place.
我家有贵宾通行证
Yeah! Fuck yeah! Tradesies.
棒! 太特么棒了
I'm in! Okay, good. What do I have to do?
我入伙了! 太好了我需要做什么?
I left a slightly embarrassing mess in my apartment
我公♥寓♥有点凌乱
and I need someone to clean it up
我需要个人打扫一下
before I don't show up tonight
以防我今晚没有出现
and they come looking for me. Left your porn out?
他们会来找我把你的黄♥片♥丢掉?
Been there, done that. I lived
我懂你我也经历过
in a massage parlor for six months,
我在按♥摩♥院住了六个月了
had no Wi-Fi. I found a crate full of magazines
没有无线网有一次我在垃圾箱里
by the Dumpster one time,
发现了一箱杂♥志♥
brought it inside and whacked myself into oblivion.
差点把自己弄的精尽人亡
Passed out on...
昏倒在了...
Please don't tell me this story.
请不要给我讲这个故事
Yeah, you're right.
好吧
That's probably more of a friends and family story.
那更像是给朋友或家里人说的故事
Clyde, we got a case!
克劳德我们有案子了
Hey.
你好
It's, uh, not much of a mess, huh?
这恩不是特别乱恩?
I don't beat off in the kitchen.
我不在厨房♥里练习
No, oh, sure. Yeah, obviously.
不哦当然确实
Neither do I. But you could if you wanted to.
我也不但是如果你想的话也不是不行
It's beautiful. Very spacious.
太漂亮了好宽敞
You could lay out on the counter there.
你可以躺在吧台上
Oh, dude, he's got one of these things?
哦哥儿们他有这东西啊?
Yo, this thing, like, balances itself for you.
这个像是帮你保持平衡
Ask him if I can try it. Do we have time to try it?
问问他我能不能试一下我们有时间试一下吗?
No. Fucking come on.
没有你特么快点
No. Fucking come on.
没有你特么快点
Hey, we'll do it later. Okay.
我们等会儿再试好
Holy shit.
卧♥槽♥
Quite the "Pornucopia."
简直是撸男的天堂啊
"Asian Sluts Quarterly,"
《亚洲淫♥娃♥季刊》
"Persian Carpet."
《波斯地毯韵事》
Oh, fuck! The old "United States of Apparel" Mailer.
天呐! 还有旧版的《美国情趣大全》的邮递
Oh, God, that takes me back.
天了噜让我回想到了以前啊
Hey, do we have to throw these out? Can I keep this?
我们必须把这些扔掉吗? 我可以留着这张不?
No, I'm not throwing it out!
不我不打算扔掉
It's a collection.
这是收藏
He can look at it here.
他可以在这看
You gotta put it down. Put it down.
你得把它放下放下
Okay, so what do you think?
好吧所以你想放哪儿?
Uh, under the closet, into the bed?
衣柜下面床里面?
Where do you want this stuff? That all can go
你想放哪儿? 那些可以
into the closet. Okay.
都放在衣柜里好的
Oh, shit!
卧♥槽♥!
And that can come out of the closet.
那个可以从柜子里拿出来了
What the holy fuck?
这特么是啥?
See, that's the reaction.
看看这反应
That's the reaction everybody has
当你因为打手♥枪♥而死
when you die jacking off. Wait, this is
每个人都这反应等等
a jacking-off accident? This is a "Jaccident"?
这是打手♥枪♥的事故? 自♥慰♥到精尽人亡?
Look, it doesn't matter now.
现在不重要了
Let's just clean this place up
我们把这地儿打扫干净吧
so this is not how I'm remembered.
我在大众眼中可不是这样的人
And then we can all go about our business.
然后我们可以谈我们的交易了
You do you, I'll do me.
你是你我是我
This is a very, very different cleanup
比起我原来做的大扫除相比
than I was originally sold on.
这真是个太特别了
Do you want those VIP passes?
你还想不想要贵宾通行证了?
I mean, yeah, those would be nice.
我是说是我很想要
Then be a good little girl and do what daddy wants.
那就做一个爸爸喜欢的乖女孩
How much better?
爽多少?
What?
什么?
How much better than a normal beat-off? Ask him.
问问他他这么做比一般的打手♥枪♥爽多少啊?
10 times, easy.
轻轻松松爽十倍
I don't know, man. Let's just get this over with.
我不知道我们先把事情做完吧
No, no, no. Listen.
不不不听着
This guy had everything
这货什么都不缺
and he died with his dick in his hand.
死的时候手里还握着自己的阴♥茎♥
It must feel fucking incredible.
这真是太不可思议了
Ask him. You gotta ask him, man.
问问他你得问问他
Think about all the things we could be missing out on.
想想我们可能错过的所有事情
Look at his dick. It's... All right, okay!
看看他的阴♥茎♥ 它... 好的好的!
Clyde, it's 10 times better, okay?
克劳德爽十倍行了么?
Would you just help me lift? 10 times?!
你帮我抬起来行不行? 十倍?!
10 fucking times?
特么的十倍?
Think about how amazing a regular jerk-off feels.
你想想一次普通的打手♥枪♥的感觉
I don't want to right now. I'm not in the mood.
我现在不想知道没心情
And then times it by fucking 10!
他还特么得爽了十倍?
Are you kidding me? Good convo, Clyde.
你在逗我? 说的好克劳德
Okay, come here.
好的下来
Strictly from a time management perspective,
严格从时间上来看
I could beat off 10 times less
如果我每次也能爽上十倍的话
if I was getting 10 times more out of every session.
我就可以少打十次飞机
Oh, shit!
卧♥槽♥!
Oh, shit! Oh, God!
卧♥槽♥ 天了噜!
Clyde!
克劳德!
Oh, we're touching dicks. Oh, shit.
我们蹭鸟了卧♥槽♥
Clyde, help me get his dick off my dick.
克劳德帮我把我们的大鸟分开
No, roll him off. Roll him off! Come on!
不把他翻过来翻过来! 快点
Ah, God! Oh, shit.
我的天哦卧♥槽♥
Oh. Oh, shit. It's debatable
卧♥槽♥ 这事儿值不值咱们这么做
how worth it this would be.
还真值得商榷啊
Oh, God! I gotta put him down. Okay.
天啊我要把他放下了好
Let's get him over to the toilet.
把他放在马桶上
So gross! Put him on the toilet.
好恶心! 把他放在马桶上
God, he's heavy for a little guy.
天呐看不出来他这么重
Okay.
行了
Here we go.
来
We'll get some water. Come on, Clyde.
咱俩得喝点水来吧克劳德
Okay. We're cool!
我们太棒了
Yo, what the hell is this?
喂你俩这是干啥呢?
This is as far as we take you, buddy.
这是我们可以移♥动♥你的最远的距离了
Elvis fucking Presley died on the toilet,
死在了厕所里
so this... this is how you wanna be remembered.
所以这就是... 就是你流芳百世的样子
You know what I mean?
你知道我什么意思吗?
I guess it is better than autoerotic asphyxiation.
我觉得这比窒息性的性行为强多了
Totally. Passes are on the counter.
那肯定是通行证在柜台上
Tell the fans that I love them.
告诉我的粉丝我爱他们
Skillitz!
战士崛起!