无名之辈（2023）

你知道,嗯,我已经准备好当爸爸了。
You know, um, I'm ready to be a dad.
我一直在考虑这个问题,我认为终于是时候了。
I've been thinking about it, and I think it's finally time.
这是我从小就想要的一切。
It's all I've ever wanted since I was little.
我不能一直等着遇到合适的女孩,你知道吗？
And I can't keep waiting to meet the right girl, you know?
我必须採取行动。我必须负责。
I gotta take action. I gotta take charge.
我必须自己做这件事,因为它是给我的,对吧？
I gotta do this myself 'cause it's for me, right?
所以我只是...
So I just...
认为我已经准备好拥有一点皮蒂了。
think I'm ready to have a little Petey.
你觉得怎麽样？
What do you think?
你在这方面做得非常擅长。
You're getting very good at this.
我几乎相信了
I almost believed
你相信你给我的狗屎线。
that you believed the line of shit you were giving me.
我想当爸爸有那麽疯狂吗？
Is it that crazy that I want to be a dad?
是的,彼得。-为什麽？
Yeah, Peter. - Why?
因为每个有家庭的人,
Because every guy who has a family,
他他妈的幻想着拥有你的生活。
he's fuckin' fantasizing about having your life.
这就是我们恨你的原因。-我们？
That's why we hate you. - We?
你知道我爱你,但如果可以的话,
You know I love you, but if I could,
我会杀了你,穿上你的皮肤
I'd kill you and wear your skin
只是为了让我可以撞超模。
just so I could bang supermodels.
我只是——我只想在那裡为一个孩子。
I just--I just wanna be there for a child.
我想生个孩子。- 好吧,拿我的。
I wanna have a child. - Okay, take mine.
她会为複选标记做这件事。
And she'll do it for the checkmark.
我不要安吉拉。我想要我自己的新鲜的。
I don't want Angela. I want my own fresh one.
我想把它打扮得很招摇。-好吧。好吧。
I wanna dress it all swaggy. - All right. All right.
好的,听我说,我们能谈谈这个吗
Okay, listen to me, can we please talk about this
当你不是吸毒者时？
when you're not being a drug addict?
用户,汤姆叔叔。我是吸毒者,好吗？
User, Uncle Tom. I'm a drug user, okay?
也许如果我有一个孩子,
And maybe if I had a kid,
嘿,也许我不会那麽吸毒。
hey, maybe I wouldn't use drugs so much.
也许它会教我引导我内心的溷乱
Maybe it'll teach me to channel my inner chaos
并赋予我的生活意义或一些狗屎。
and give my life meaning or some shit.
我不知道。- 兄弟,什麽他妈的
I don't know. - Bro, what the fuck
你说的是？看着我。我是爸爸。
are you talking about? Look at me. I'm a dad.
我看起来我的生活有意义吗？
Do I look like my life has meaning?
彼特,你还没有准备好,好吗？
Pete, you're not ready, okay?
你不能只是去组建家庭,好吗？
You can't just go and have a family, okay?
这意味着不再有聚会,不再有毒品,
That means no more partying, no more drugs,
不再喝酒,不再有朋友。
no more drinking, no more friends.
你不能有朋友。
You can't have friends.
你见过我和朋友在一起吗？
Have you ever seen me with a friend?
没有飞往土耳其和伯利兹的喷气式飞机或其他什麽。
No jets to Turks and Belize or whatever the fuck.
听着,我知道你梦想自杀。
Look, I know you dream about killing yourself.
那是窗外的。
That's out the window.
我不知道还能做什麽,汤米叔叔,好吗？
I don't know what else to do, Uncle Tommy, okay?
我什麽都做了。
I've done everything.
我他妈的没有选择,好吗？
I'm fuckin' running out of options, all right?
我和我的——[鎚子叮噹声]
And I talked to my-- [hammer clanging]
我和我的治疗师谈过,我的治疗师认为
I talked to my therapist, and my therapist thinks
这是个好主意。
that it's a good idea.
这可能对我来说是健康的。-哦,是的？
It may be healthy for me. - Oh, yeah?
你知道,是的。- 嗯,你的治疗师需要,
You know, yeah. - Well, your therapist needs,
就像,他妈的踢球,好吗？
like, a fucking kick in the balls, okay?
没有人的生活变得更好
Nobody ever had their life become better
因为他们有孩子。
because they had kids.
他妈的。
Fuck.
他妈的。
Fuck.
这是歪的吗？
Is that crooked?
是的,有一点。是的。
Yeah, a little. Yeah, yeah.
啊,操。那是我生命中的两周。
Ah, fuck. That's two weeks of my life.
这裡。拿去吧。
Here. Take it.
只是要小心它。手柄很锋利。
Just be careful with it. The handle's sharp.
哦,两者都很锋利。
Oh, both are sharp.
嘿。-是的？
Hey. - Yeah?
永远不要忘记。
Never forget.
1992.
1992.
史坦顿岛上最性感的男人。-没错。
Sexiest Man on Staten Island. - That's right.
保罗·蒙特罗和凯尔·亨内西。
Paul Montello and Kyle Hennesy.
永远不要忘记。- 永远不要忘记。
Never forget. - Never forget.
这傢伙不知道他在说什麽。
This guy doesn't know what the hell he's talking about.
生孩子可以解决你所有的问题。
Having a baby would solve all of your problems.
你有没有告诉他会怎麽做,
Did you tell him about how it would,
比如,引导你的溷乱？
like, channel your chaos?
它会给你的生活意义吗？
It would give your life meaning?
是的,我告诉他正是如此。
Yeah, I told him exactly that.
我不认为他知道他在说什麽。
I don't think he knows what he's talking about.
那麽你知道你想和谁在一起吗？
So do you know who you'd like to have it with?
有特别的人吗？
Is there somebody special?
好吧,我想我自己会拥有它,
Well, I think I'm just gonna have it myself,
但妮基说她,你知道,
but Nikki said she'd, you know,
卖♥♥给我一个她的鸡蛋,所以... - 卖♥♥？
sell me one of her eggs, so... - Sell?
是的,嗯,你知道,她去了哈佛,所以——
Yeah, well, you know, she went to Harvard, so it's--
这就像一个——这是一个精英蛋。
it's like a-- it's an elite egg.
我不知道,如果你要买♥♥鸡蛋,
I don't know, if you're gonna buy the eggs,
你还不如做大。
you might as well go big.
凯利克拉克森。哦,我的上帝。
Kelly Clarkson. Oh, my God.
那宝贝会这麽有才华啊！你能想像吗？
That baby would be so talented! Can you imagine?
她唱歌♥,你知道,做其他事情。
She's sing and, you know, do other things.
是的,我认为我们不需要担心
Yeah, I don't think we need to worry
关于现在的鸡蛋。
about the egg right now.
我想我们必须找到一个 - 一个负载支架。
I think we gotta find a-- a load holder.
它被称为代理人,亲爱的。
It's called a surrogate, honey.
是的,我可以非常轻鬆地为您处理。
Yes, and I can take care of that for you very easy.
你是代理人,是的。
You're the surrogate, yeah.
哦,彼得,我们要生孩子了。
Oh, Peter, we're having a baby.
我们要生孩子了。- 嗯嗯。
We're having a baby. - Mm-hmm.
我很兴奋。-是的。
I'm so excited. - Yeah.
* Ain't nothin' like hip-hop music ♪
*不喜欢嘻哈音乐 ♪
♪ You like it 'cause you choose it ♪
♪ 你喜欢它,因为你选择了它 ♪
那麽,就像,我最终能告诉她吗？
So, like, would I be able to tell her eventually?
比如,在我生命的尽头之前？
Like, before the end of my life?
就像,我们只是等到最戏剧性的时刻,
Like, we just wait until the most dramatic moment possible,
就像我在临终前一样。
like I'm on my deathbed.
我只是,就像,抓住她的脸,
And I just, like, grab her face,
我说,“我是妈。”
and I'm like, "I'm your mom."
太戏剧化了。
So dramatic.
不,这不是秘密。你可以告诉她。
No, it wouldn't be a secret. You could tell her.
好吧,所以我会,就像,半礼物的乐趣爸爸？
Okay, so I'd be, like, the semi-present fun dad?
我一直想成为有趣的爸爸。
I always wanted to be the fun dad.
是的。- 虽然可能不是
Yeah. - Though it might not be
生孩子的最佳时间。
the best time to have a baby.
我现在已经是一个照顾者了
I'm kind of a caregiver already right now
因为我哥哥有那种非常强烈的恋物癖
because my brother has that really intense fetish
对于死气沉沉的妈妈们。
for deadbeat moms.
他他妈的忍♥不住,是吧？
He can't fuckin' help himself, huh?
不,这个孩子的妈妈在这件事上,就像,
No, and this kid's mom is on this, like,
现在的“精神之旅”,只是一种花哨的方式
"spiritual journey" right now, which is just a fancy way
说她在哥斯大黎加做死藤水,
of saying she's in Costa Rica doing ayahuasca,
把她的脑袋塞进水桶裡。
shitting her brains out into a bucket.
很痛苦。- 这实际上太悲惨了。
So sad. - It's actually so tragic.
人们不知道你可以在皇后区做死藤水。
People don't know you can do ayahuasca in Queens.
来吧,这是关于孩子的。
Come on, this is about the kid.
她八岁了。-八？
She's eight years old. - Eight?
这意味着她明白为什麽它如此糟糕,
Which means she gets why it's so fucked up,
但她也只是,就像,真的需要一个妈妈,你知道吗？
but she also just, like, really needs a mom, you know?
好吧,那让我们 - 让我们,嗯...
Well, then let's-- let's, um...
让我们为她做一些有趣的事情。呃,我不知道。
Let's do something fun for her. Uh, I don't know.
我们可以带她去游乐园或一些狗屎吗？
Could we take her to, like, an amusement park or some shit?
她会非常喜欢的。
She would love that so much.
好吧,很酷。让我们去做吧。
Okay, cool. Let's do it.