无名之辈（2023）

Bupkis S01E03

Part 1 May 6, 2023, 5:47 p.m.

什麽？
What?
您拨♥打♥的号♥码不在 ser--
The number you dialed is not in ser--
邮箱已满,无法接受
The mailbox is full and cannot accept
此 TI 的任何消息——
any messages at this ti--
哦,不,不,不,不。
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
哦不。
Oh, no.
哦,我的上帝。
Oh, my God.
哦,我的上帝,彼得！
Oh, my God, Peter!
* 我只是在寻找更高的爱 ♪
* I'm just looking for a higher love ♪
* 寻找更高的爱 ♪
* Looking for a higher love ♪
嗯,他妈的。
Mm, fuck.
他妈的。
Fuck.
早上,女士们。
Morning, ladies.
呃,你们有手♥机♥充电器吗？
Uh, do you guys have a phone charger?
我的手♥机♥没电了。
My phone died.
谢谢。
Thank you.
搞什麽？
What the fuck?
我死了吗？
Am I dead?
看,妈。我看得出来你有点不高兴。
Look, Ma. I can tell you're a little upset.
对不起。- 有点不高兴？
I'm sorry. - A little upset?
彼得,我以为你死了。
Peter, I thought you were dead.
是的,好吧,我不是,好吗？
Yeah, well, I'm not, okay?
所以我们都应该心存感激,好吗？
So we should all be grateful, all right?
我只是不明白有人怎麽能把
I just don't understand how somebody could put
互联网上有这样一个故事,
a story like this on the Internet,
没有人对此做任何事情。
and nobody does anything about it.
是的,我也不明白,妈,好吗？
Yeah, I don't get it, either, Ma, okay?
但我对此无能为力,所以——
But there's nothing I can do about it, so--
天啊,我还在发抖。
God, I'm still shaking.
我正在抽20年来的第一支烟。
I'm having my first cigarette in 20 years.
完全不像第一个回来。
Nothing like the first one back.
这不是我的任何香烟,对吧？
It wasn't any of my cigarettes, right?
“因为我的香烟不是香烟。
'Cause my cigarettes are not cigarettes.
我们已经讨论过这个问题。
We've talked about this.
妈的,妈的。我——我得走了。
Shit, Ma. I--I gotta go.
彼得,什麽可能
Peter, what could possibly
现在比这更重要吗？
be more important than this right now?
我在拯救地球。
I'm saving the planet.
等等,彼得——
Wait, Peter--
现在的电比任何电都便宜
Electricity is now cheaper than any electricity
这可以由化石燃料製成。
that can be made from fossil fuels.
哥们,什麽鬼？他们仍在使用照片。
Dude, what the fuck? They're still using the photo.
我讨厌这他妈的画面。为什麽人们一直使用它？
I hate this fucking picture. Why do people keep using it?
呃,我知道。
Ugh, I know.
我认为他们从维琪百科上得到了它。
I think they got it from Wikipedia.
比如,我们没有人在上面吗？
Like, don't we have somebody on this?
有人不能删除这个吗？-是的。
Can't somebody remove this? - Yeah, yeah.
他——他做到了,但有人一直把它放回去。
He--he did, but someone keeps putting it back up there.
你能把它删除吗？
Can you get it removed?
这他妈的很尴尬,好吗？
This is fuckin' embarrassing, okay?
我知道。对不起。
I know. I'm sorry.
嘿,再为乔恩·斯图尔特鼓掌。
Hey, one more round of applause for Jon Stewart.
哦,我的上帝！
Oh, my God!
我的孩子。- 他们怎麽样？
My boy. - How are they?
不要提全球变暖了。他们非常敏感。
Don't mention global warming. They're very touchy.
我要感谢我的朋友乔恩·斯图尔特
I'd like to thank my friend Jon Stewart
因为能够谈论海平面上升,
for being able to talk about rising sea levels,
不知何故,令人惊讶的是,
and somehow, amazingly,
把它变成搞笑的嘘声。[轻笑]
turn it into hilarious shtick. [light laughter]
现在,女士们,先生们,
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
我非常高兴地宣佈他还活着。
I am extremely happy to announce he's alive and well.
欢迎彼特·大卫森。
Please welcome Pete Davidson.
谢谢,伙计。
Thanks, man.
嘿,艾尔,对不起所有的假死生意。
Hey, Al. Uh, sorry about all the fake death business.
哦,武当。
Oh, Wu-Tang.
嗨,伙计们。
Hi, guys.
呃,非常感谢你邀请我。
Uh, thank you so much for having me.
感谢艾尔和乔恩·斯图尔特。
Thanks to Al, and Jon Stewart.
来到这裡真是太棒了,呃,为了环境,而且——
It is awesome to be here, uh, for the environment, and--
呃--
Uh--
这他妈的是什麽？
what the fuck is that?
呃,有一个——
Uh, there's a--
我——我有一个巨魔。
I--I have a troll.
那是一艘破冰船。
That's an icebreaker.
说到破冰船——
And speaking of icebreakers--
他妈的。
Fuck.
那麽谁一直在把图片放回去呢？
So who keeps putting the picture back up?
某个使用者名为ImAScatMan76的傢伙。
Some guy with the username ImAScatMan76.
我他妈的喜欢那首歌♥。
I fucking love that song.
把它删除,好吗？这很尴尬。
Get it removed, okay? This is embarrassing.
我在上面。- 看看那张照片。
I'm on it. - Look at that picture.
乔恩看起来比我年轻十岁。
Jon looks ten years younger than me.
彼得！-炖！
Peter! - Stew!
唷！唷！
Huh! Huh!
很高兴你还活着。
So glad you're alive.
我认为戈尔喝醉了。-哇。
I think Gore's drunk. - Wow.
是的。我分不清是不是南方的东西,
Yeah. I can't tell if it's a Southern thing,
或者如果他只是他妈的鎚子。
or if he's just fucking hammered.
是的,他很糟糕。-是的。
Yeah, he's shitfaced. - Yeah.
也不回收。-真？
Doesn't recycle, either. - Really?
是的。该死的傢伙。
Yeah. Fucking guy.
伙计,这些狗屎,伙计,我——
Man, all this shit, man, I--
我们必须谈谈,伙计。我想——我认为是时候了。
we gotta talk, man. I think--I think it's time.
我想你必须把你的帽子扔进擂台。
I think you gotta throw your hat in the ring.
是时候了——是时候竞选总统了。
It's time-- it's time to run for president.
是的,我——我认为这不会发生。
Yeah, I--I don't think that's gonna happen.
来吧,炖菜。对吧,埃文？
Come on, Stew. Right, Evan?
世界他妈的陷入危机,伙计。
The world's in fucking crisis, dude.
是的。- 外面是狗屎。
Yeah. - It's dogshit out there.
我们完蛋了,伙计。你得跑。
We're fucked, man. You gotta run.
我的意思是,如果你不这样做,乔恩,我将不得不这样做。
I mean, if you don't, Jon, I'm gonna have to.
是的,我没有——
Yeah, I don't--
我认为你不应该这样做。
I don't think you should do that.
你必须多大？
How old do you have to be?
看,就是——就在那裡。
See, that's--right there.
为什麽,你,像——
Why, are you, like--
你是怕我赢不了,还是什麽？
are you afraid I won't win, or something?
是的,这不是我害怕的。
Yeah, that's not what I'm afraid of.
听着,我——我得走了。
Listen, I--I gotta go.
好。- 我有一个世界要运行。
Okay. - I've got a world to run.
你知道,我们控制了很多这种狗屎。
You know, we control a lot of this shit.
不要告诉任何人。
Don't tell anybody that.
只是,就像媒体、金融和狗屎一样。
Just, like, media and finance and shit.
是的。- 和政♥府♥。
Yeah, yeah. - And government.
确定。
Sure.
服装。
Clothing.
大气层。
Atmosphere.
犹太人。
Jews.
不要和我们做♥爱♥。
Don't fuck with us.
你们所有人,我的一半。
All of you, half of me.
不要竞选总统。
Don't run for president.
请别再告诉他不了。
Please stop telling him no.
这隻会让他想跑得更多。
It only makes him wanna run more.
这是我的周年纪念日。
It's my anniversary.
我可以借你的鸡♥巴♥吗？
Can I borrow your cock?
好的,所以他说我们可以捐赠所有这些东西。
Okay, so he said we could donate all this stuff.
耶稣。
Jesus.
我有一段时间没有收到你的消息了。
I haven't, uh, heard from you in a while.
彼特怎麽样？
How is Pete?
哦,是的。他——他很好。
Oh, yeah. He's--he's good.