奥卡菲娜是来自皇后区的诺拉

感觉跟当代兰迪·奎德住在了同一屋檐下
It's like I'm living with present-day Randy Quaid.
为什么我要过这种日子
What is my life?
我的脚趾...操
My toe... fuck!
布莱恩·丹内利一定能做到
Brian Dennehy could get it!
你在说什么 -什么
What? - What?
埃德蒙 你♥他♥妈♥怎么这么吵
Edmund, why are you so goddamn noisy?
抱歉把你从睡梦中吵醒
I'm so sorry to wake you from your slumber,
但我再在这里待下去绝对会感染丙肝
but I can't leave your room without catching Hep C!
这个笑话好笑
Good one.
说真的 诺拉 你的房♥间跟猪窝一样
No, Nora. Your room is foul.
你今天如果再不收拾的话
And if you don't clean your room today,
我就把你的东西都扔出去
I'm throwing all of your shit outside
把你的猪窝让大家都看一看
and advertising it on a pole.
如果我没说错的话 你现在是住在我假
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're living under my "ruff."
你啥 -我"假"
Your what? - My "ruff."
你为什么要把"家"那样读
Why are you saying "roof" like that?
当然 我知道现在是你 沃利叔叔
Also, I am aware that you, and Uncle Wally,
和奶奶收留了我
and Grandma are housing me at the moment.
但你不能刁难我 你根本不知道一个苦苦挣扎追梦的
But you can't make me feel bad about it because you don't know
演员打工人有多难
what it's like to be a struggling actor.
我不是演员不代表
Okay, well, just because I'm not an actor doesn't mean that
我没有苦苦挣扎过
I'm not struggling.
这整个城市都在挣扎 埃德蒙
The whole city's struggling, Edmund!
行吧 这么说也是
Yeah, okay, I get that.
抱歉 我还在努力接受自己被开除的事实
I'm sorry, I think I'm still adjusting to being canceled.
只是你在个人卫生和做人方面实在是
And your personal hygiene and your overall way of being,
令人悲伤
it's honestly sad.
凌乱可是高智商的象征
Messiness is a sign of intelligence.
而且在21世纪
And in the 2000's,
女孩可以兼具凌乱美和高智商
girls can be both messy and intelligent as well.
那是麦乐鸡块吗
Is that a chicken nugget?
你信不信我这样也能吃到
I think I can eat it from here.
别 呕 好恶心
Don't. Augh! No!
你不是最爱我做的法式吐司吗
You love my French toast.
你吃那么多香肠干嘛
Why are you scarfing down all that sausage?
妈 我跟你说过 不要碳水 只要蛋白质
Ma, I told you, no carbs, all protein.
我只是想变壮一点
I'm trying to get bigger.
这样你就可以在你的小团伙面前炫耀了吗
So you can show off at your little reunion?
妈 什么团伙 就是我和两个
Ma, it's not a whole reunion. It's just me and my buddies
大学里亚洲协会的兄弟
from my old college Asian Association.
他们都很成功 现在关系也很好
They are very successful and very together right now.
我记得那几个 他们都无趣的要死
I remember those guys. They were huge dorks.
是不是有一个一整年都穿得
Didn't one guy dress up
像查理·卓别林一样
like Charlie Chaplin for a whole year?
我们那时候都很呆
We were all dorks back then.
什么样的中国妈妈会给自己儿子取名叫雅克
What kind of Chinese mother names her son Jacque, anyway?
"大家好 我叫雅克 我是个呆呆的法国人"
"Hello, I'm Jacque. I'm a silly French person."
我没办法像他们一样干一番大事业或者穿着时髦
You know, I can't come up with a big career or fancy threads.
但至少我可以跟他们有一样好的身材
But I can be in at least as good a shape as those two.
如果我继续保持的话 就这样
And if I can hold my own, then it could be a lot of fun
重温我们过去的美好时光也是一种乐趣
reliving the old days and all the good times we had together.
我们曾经真是无话不说
I was thick as thieves with those two.
都是呆瓜
Thick as dorks.
你好 你知道我应该在哪里候戏吗
Hello. Do you know where I am supposed to be?
抱歉 你说啥 -我是想问
Sorry, what? - I was wondering if
我的折叠房♥车在哪
I might know where my pop-up trailer is?
你是二号♥尸体吗
Are you River Corpse ♪2?
不是
No.
你叫什么 -林埃德
What's your name? - Ed Lin.
你是阴影演员吗 -是的
You're a shadow actor? - That's right.
不错 兄弟
Yeah, good one, bro.
那边有空折叠椅 随便坐
Your folding stool should be somewhere over there.
书好看吗
Is that good?
你们...
Do you guys...
你们知道卫生间在哪吗
Do you guys know where the bathroom is?
好吧...
Okay..
已到达目的地
You have arrived.
三明治外卖♥♥已到达
I have arrived with the sandwiches.
好了
All right.
请将车莉·安德伍德下线
Stand back from Car-rie Underwood.
车莉·安德伍德已下线
Car-rie Underwood disarmed.
急救网
The Casualty Network.
这也太酷了
That's so cool.
真实的拍摄现场 太棒了吧
A real TV set. This is awesome.
快点 我准备好开拍了
We gotta move. I'm ready to shoot.
还等啥呢
What's the hold-up?
那个阴影演员还在上厕所
We're waiting on the shadow re-enactor to get off the john.
大家好
Hello? Hello?
有谁点了泽西·迈克家的外卖♥♥吗
Has anyone ordered Jersey Mike's?
泽西·迈克家的外卖♥♥ 一英尺长热狗
Jersey Mike's, a footlong?
靠 我的背
Fuck, cracked my back.
等等 她可以替上
Wait a second. She'll work.
开拍吧 -太好了
Let's shoot it. - Great.
大家 一镜准备
Let's go for one, guys.
你现在是演员了 -什么
You're an actor now. - What?
接着你刚才的动作 -刚才的动作吗
Just do what you're doing. - Do what I'm doing?
别管那个家伙了 拍她
Yeah, fuck the other guy. Let's roll on her.
不等那个人了 现场安静 大家安静
Fuck the other guy! Quiet on set! Everybody quiet!
开拍
And action!
这样吗
Like this?
诺拉
Nora?
你♥他♥妈♥在这干嘛
What the fuck are you doing here?
我的肚子要爆了
I have cauldron ass.
孩子们 今天工作怎么样啊
Kids. How was your day at work?
就那样
It was fine.
还行
It was good.
好吧
Okay.
行吧 又怎么了
Okay, what happened?
说来话长 简而言之就是我...
It's a long story, but basically I...
简而言之 诺拉出乎意料地出现
Basically, Nora miraculously showed up
在我工作的地方 并且作为被勒死的受害者1号♥
at my job and was cast on the spot
在现场进行了拍摄
as Strangle Victim ♪1.
就 算是个试镜而已
I mean, I kind of auditioned for it.
现在好了 我只能去试其他三个角色了
Yeah, well, I had to go to three different callbacks!
三个角色 还挺多的
Three different callbacks? So many.
随便吧 没...没关系
Whatever. It's... it's fine.
事发突然
It was a weird situation.
但如果那让你很难过的话 我根本不会去的
But if it upsets you this much, I don't have to do it at all.
没事 不用管我 -你确定吗
It's fine. I'm fine. - You sure?
没关系 我没事 -好吧
It's fine. I'm fine. - Okay.
现在 我要吃掉这一整坨
Now, I'm going to take this block
胆固醇
of CTown cholesterol
对着我威斯康星州的前男友手冲
and masturbate to my Wisconsin ex-boyfriend!
沃利
Wally!
海象
Walrus!
见到你真好 兄弟
Good to see you, man!
海象 天啦
Walrus? Man,
我已经很久没听人叫我这个外号♥ 了
I haven't heard that nickname in years.
那晚在大学 你喝醉了 嘴里塞满了吸管
That night in college, you got drunk and you sucked straws
学狗叫
in your mouth and barked?
你一会可得再学一下 海象
You gotta do that later, Walrus.
再看吧 再看
Well, we'll see, we'll see.
快进来 快进来 参观下我家
Come on in, come on in. Check out the rest of the abode.
韦恩的家
Wayne is in the house!
我装的都是顶配的设备
I decked it out with top-of-the-line electronics.
韦恩 很棒诶
Wayne, this is nice.
风韵犹存 是不是
Still hot. Am I right?
蒂亚·卡雷尔 满分中的满分
Tia Carrere, the 10 of all 10's, man!
听听这个
Check this.
环绕立体声 是不是酷毙了
Surround sound, baby! Isn't it dope?