歪星撞地球（1996）

3rd rock from the sun S06E06

Part 1 Sept. 8, 2021, 3:06 p.m.

《歪星撞地球》
第六季第六集
大家早啊
Good morning, everybody!
早
Good morning.
怎么了汤米
Well, what's wrong, Tommy?
这些五花八门的大学都想收我
All these different colleges want me.
我不知道去哪所
I don't know where to go.
有哈佛耶鲁麻省理工剑桥
There's Harvard, Yale, MIT, Cambridge.
你该去那个地方
Hey, you should go to that place.
人人都神采飞扬而且就在海滩边上
Everybody's gorgeous, and it's right by the beach.
这是J. Crew品牌的购物目录
It's the J. Crew catalogue.
这所学校适合我
There's the school for me.
汤米你可以出去做个花♥花♥公♥子♥
Well, Tommy, you could go out and play the field,
但娶邻家姑娘又有什么不好呢
but, uh, why not marry the girl next-door?
潘德顿大学
Pendleton.
你觉得潘德顿大学比普林斯顿好吗
You think that Pendleton's better than Princeton?
汤米归根究底
Tommy, when all's said and done,
周五普林斯顿大学供应鱼条
on Friday, Princeton serves fish sticks,
周五潘德顿大学也供应鱼条
and on Friday, Pendleton serves fish sticks.
看这里说普林斯顿的师资队伍里
Look! It says here that Princeton has eight
有八名诺贝尔奖得主
Nobel Prize winners on its faculty!
潘德顿大学有多少名
How many does Pendleton have?
我给你说说诺贝尔奖得主的事汤米
Let me tell you something about Nobel Prize winners, Tommy.
他们吃鱼条我们也吃鱼条
They eat fish sticks, and we eat fish sticks.
好像差异不大嘛
I guess there's not that big a difference.
我能想到一大差异
Well, I can think of one thing.
我
Me.
这我倒是没想到
I hadn't thought of that.
你和我手挽手在学院里散步
You and I strolling arm in arm through the quad,
午餐时间互换三明治
swapping sandwiches at lunchtime.
还能保证你在返校节舞会上
Oh, and you're always guaranteed a date
永远不缺舞伴
for the homecoming dance.
其他孩子一定会嫉妒死的
The other kids will be so jealous.
对跟我一起去学校
Yeah. Come on to work.
我亲自带你去转转校园
I'll give you my own personal tour of the campus.
我们能手拉手吗
Can we hold hands?
当然
Sure.
报纸来了
Here's the paper.
谢了
Oh, thanks.
你们看
Hey, you guys, look!
"拉瑟福十大权贵男人"
"Rutherford's Ten Most Powerful Men!"
你排第几唐
What number are you, Don?
我排...不上
Number not-on-it.
什么他们没听说过你吗
What, have they just never heard of you?
怎么可能
How could that be?
莎莉我只是个警♥察♥
Sally, I'm just a cop.
可第八名曾因超速被我拦下
But I once stopped Number Eight for speeding, though.
他发警告把我打发了
He let me off with a warning.
这些家伙怎么会这么有权
How did these bozos get to be so powerful?
有句俗话说
You know what they say:
每个伟大的男人身下都有个伟大的女人
under every great man is a great woman.
你是想说"每个男人的身后"吧
Don't you mean "Behind every man"?
你真下流
Oh, you're dirty.
每个伟大的男人身后都有个伟大的女人
Behind every great man is a great woman?
而你是我背后的那位亲爱的
And you're mine, sweetie.
可是唐我为你做过什么呢
But, Don, what have I ever done for you?
我现在用止汗剂了
I wear antiperspirant now.
那倒是没错
Yeah, well, that's true,
可这哪够
but it's not enough.
唐我让你失望了
Don, I've let you down.
我没有成就你的伟大
I haven't thrust greatness upon you!
莎莉你没有觉得我丢人吧
Sally, you aren't ashamed of me, are ya?
亲爱的没有
Oh, sweetie, no.
我爱你本来的样子
I love you just the way you are.
为了证明这点
And to prove it...
我要把你全部拆除
I'm gonna tear you down to the studs
重新打造成
and rebuild you into the powerhouse
你做梦也没想过的权威人士
you've never dreamed of being.
好吧
Okay.
汤米你这样的学生
Oh, Tommy, we are so thrilled
考虑进潘德顿大学我们真是太激动了
to have a student like you consider Pendleton.
我们打算先给你看些
We're gonna start by showing you some slides
展示潘德顿大学杰出面貌的幻灯片
of Pendleton's magnificent physical plant.
尼娜插上投影仪的电源
Nina, plug in the projector.
不行
No.
这样职工厨房♥的烤箱会跳电
It'll blow out the toaster oven in the faculty kitchen.
尼娜
Nina!
我们在努力招个学生进来
We are trying to recruit a student here.
而我在烤土豆皮
And I've got potato skins working.
那你能把幻灯片对着灯光吗
Then can you hold the slide up to the light?
迪克拿上我的手电筒
Dick, get my flashlight.
看这是潘德顿大学宏伟的图书馆
Uh, now, this is Pendleton's stately library,
藏有2300余册图书
housing over 2.3 thousand volumes.
你是说"百万册"吗
You mean "Million"?
不
No.
请放下一张幻灯片
Next slide, please.
我有点眼疲劳了
Uh, you know I'm gettin' a little bit of an eye strain here.
他不会来了
You're losin' him.
我可以坐在教室听课吗
You think I could just sit in on a class or something?
当然可以
Well, of course you can.
告诉你吧
I'll tell you what.
明天你可以坐在我的课堂听一节课
Tomorrow, you could try to sit in on one of my classes,
但我预言你会站起来欢呼
but I predict you'll be on your feet, cheering.
莎莉怎么回事
Sally, what's going on here?
我为你筹办了能量[权威人士]早午餐
Oh! I am throwing you a power brunch.
真好今天是什么好日子
That's nice. What's the occasion?
我要让你成为成功人士
Well, I'm gonna turn you into a success
而不是失败者
instead of a failure.
我不是...
I am not--
这件外套上有我的名字
Hey, this jacket's got my name on it!
我请了"十强名单"上的所有人
I invited everyone from the "Top Ten List,"
还请了其他拉瑟福的重量级人士
along with some other very important Rutherfordites.
这位是杜布切克太太
This is Mrs. Dubcek.
她在拉瑟福地区
She owns quite a bit of property
有着诸多房♥产
in the Rutherford area.
我认识她她是你的房♥东
I know her. She's your landlady.
非常好
Excellent.
你们继续联络感情
You keep networking.
莎莉我很感激你这么努力
Sally, I--I appreciate what you're trying to do,
可我和这些大人物不是一路人
but I'm not in the same league as these big guys.
唐你过去可能是这样
Don, that may have been true of you before,
可现在有莎莉帮你操心
but you've got Sally on the case now.
就把我当做你屁♥股♥下面的风吧
Just think of me as the wind beneath your ass.
天呐
Oh, my God.
各位这是第六名古斯·地马默
You guys, it's Number Six, Gus DeMarmel,
地马默午餐肉公♥司♥的董事长兼首席执行官
president and CEO of DeMarmel Lunch Meat.
那肉很好吃
Ooh! That's good meat.
古斯·地马默
Gus DeMarmel!
佩格和孩子们还好吗
How are Peg and the kids?
我妻子名叫珍妮特
My wife's name is Janet.
小佩格知道这件事吗
Little Peg Junior know about that?
喂泰瑞
Uh, hello, Terry?
泰瑞你安排我参加这顿早午餐时
Terry, when you scheduled me for this brunch,
了解过举办人是谁吗
did you bother to find out who was throwing it?
你被炒了
You're fired.
地马默先生
Hi, Mr. DeMarmel.
听说你在找一个新助手
Um, rumor has it you're looking for a new assistant.
这位是唐·奥维尔
Meet Don Orville:
积极主动做事有条理的能人
organized, energetic, a real self-starter.
你有经验吗
You have any experience?
没
No.