我为喜剧狂（2006）
30 Rock S05E05
Part 3
June 7, 2022, 4:04 p.m.
别担心 我会送点钱过去好让你做手术
Don't you worry.I'm sending you some money so you can get your operation.
现在你能让一个活人来听电♥话♥吗?
Now, can you put a human on the phone?
喂?
Hello?
Parcell农场 (经过烧轮胎那地方) 石头山 Dekalb自治县 乔治亚
Kenneth 一切结束了 我在Carvel店里被抓包了
Well, Kenneth, it's over.I got made at Carvel.
他们发现了我们的伎俩 然后给了我这个
They figured out our scam and gave me this.
终身没冰淇淋 Jenna Maroney
什么 不
What? No.
抱歉 这是个短暂的诈骗生涯 你得接受现实
Sorry. It's the short grift.You got to walk away.
我们不能停啊 我家需要钱
We can't stop now.My family needs money.
但他们已经盯上我们了
But they're onto us.
我还有个主意... 长远的计划
I have another idea... For a long con.
Kenneth 我知道你的意图是好的 但我不喜欢你的变化
Kenneth, I know your intentions are good,but I don't like what this is doing to you.
你看上去又邪恶又充满了力量
You seem meaner and stronger.
要不你去搞辆摩托车 然后我们在上面嘿♥咻♥?
What if you got a motorcycle, and we did it on it?
你来还是不来? - 怎么个搞法?
Are you in or not? - What's the angle?
当时你的感恩节游♥行♥彩车里还有谁?
Who else was on that Thanksgiving float with you?
最后一次 是吧?
One last long grift, huh?
好吧 算上我吧
Okay, I'm in.
但 一个条件 如果有人受到伤害
But one rule...Anybody gets hurt during the score,
我们就装作没看见 这样吧...
we leave them behind to die.Now...
你是谁 我们在干嘛?
Who are you, and what are we doing?
那蛋糕值40刀啊
That cake is worth $40.
我不确定我们能成功
I'm not sure we can do that.
Liz在她走前写好了这个剧本了
Liz wrote this sketch before she left.
吃冰激凌蛋糕比赛?
Ice-cream-cake eating contest?
好 我们大概需要20个蛋糕 我会通知道具组的
Okay, we're gonna need about 20 cakes for this.I'll tell props.
不 Pete 我来通知道具组 - 好吧
No, Pete. I'll tell props.- Okay.
下午好 我想订21个蛋糕 上面写
Good afternoon.I would like 21 cakes that read,
"Frajer 团聚会 2010"
"Frajer reunion 2010."
不是"Frasier"吗? - 不 是"Frajer"
Isn't it "Frasier"?- No, it's "Frajer."
我知道的 因为我是"Frajer"
And I should know. I'm "Frajer."
发♥票♥
Frajer 团聚会 2010
"Frajer"? 不会吧
I mean, "Frajer"?Come on.
我该用凉拌色拉和炒鸡蛋来砸你脸上
I should throw some tossed salad and scrambled eggs at you.
"Frajer"
"Frajer."
不要啊
No.
"Frajer"!
"Frajer"!
我们把蛋糕卖♥♥了两次
We sold the cakes twice.
Kenneth 你真是个天才
You're a genius, Kenneth.
八百美刀 分三份
$800 split 3 ways.
那些卖♥♥甜品的傻瓜总有一天 会为给"好朋友帮"惹麻烦...
Those ice-cream saps will rue the day they ever tangled with...
而追悔莫及
The best friends gang.
Lemon! 你怎么走了? 我在想办法帮你
Lemon! Why did you leave?I'm trying to help you.
你帮不了我 没人可以
You can't help me. No one can.
我正在帮你呢 在帮你挽回感情
Well, I'm fixing you,and I'm saving your relationship.
我可以的 你瞧
I can do it.Look,
性♥爱♥是我们人类所经历的事情中 美好 自然又轻松愉快的一件
sex is a beautiful, natural,and joyful part of our shared human experience.
嘿 你们俩想开个派对吗?
Hey, you two want to party?
现在不行 小姐
Now is not a good time, miss.
20块可以派对 60块你可以在开派对时咬我
$20 for a party,$60 to bite me during it.
我可以和狗干 但是狗得我来挑
I'll do stuff with a dog, but I get to pick the dog.
还有人喜欢这样的? - 这样只会适得其反!
People want that? - This is not helping!
你想看我和她干? 我和你干?
You want to watch me be with her?Me with you?
我把我的腿取下来 和你俩干?
Me and both of you without my leg?
谢谢 呃 收着这个 快走吧
Thank you.Just, uh, take this and, uh, move along.
作为在桥下乱晃的人 你们俩拘谨了点
You two are pretty uptight for hanging out under a bridge.
性真的很糟糕
Sex is horrible.
怎么了? - 四点了 先生
What is it? - It's 4:00, sir.
你做到了 完美解决一整天的问题
You did it... a day of perfect problem solving.
整个下午 礼物不断送上门来
Gifts have been coming in all afternoon.
都四点了? - 你已经解决了我的问题 所以...
It's 4:00?- And you fixed me, so...
耶
Yay.
把东西都退回去 - 什么? 为什么?
Send everything back.- What? Why?
我没做到
I didn't do it.
我失败了 - 是她 对吧?
I failed.- It's her, isn't it?
抱歉 - 我恨她!
Sorry.- I hate her, sir!
破蛋糕店!
Stupid cookie puss!
你还好吧 小姐?
Are you all right, miss?
因为Kelsey Grammer骗了我 所以我被解雇了
I just got fired 'cause Kelsey Grammer scammed me.
放弃什么改过自新吧 我要回到桥下去接客了
Forget trying to go straight.I'm going back to working under that bridge.
我知道
I know.
Kenneth 我们想了个新骗局
Kenneth, we got a new con.
我们要南下佛罗里达 开一家药店
We're gonna go down to Florida,open up a medical-supply store,
然后去搞些社保号♥码 - 通过色♥诱♥哦
then get some social security numbers.- Through seduction.
很抱歉 女士先生们 我退出
I'm sorry, sir-ma'am.I'm out.
什么? 为什么?
What?Why?
因为Maroney小姐错了
Because miss Maroney was wrong.
的确有人因为我们的行为而受到伤害
People did get hurt by our actions.
的确 我家很需要那几百美元 但是这样做不对
And, yes, my family sure could use a couple hundred more dollars, but it's not right.
几百美元哈? 我想我可以帮你
A couple hundred dollars, huh?I think I can help you out.
但我需要五十美元做为启动资金
But first I'm gonna need $50 to get started.
Kelsey 别这样
Kelsey, no.
我为你骄傲 Kenneth 你有一颗善良的心
I'm proud of you, Kenneth.You've got a good heart.
我希望你哪天碰到车祸 这样我就能得到你的心脏了
I hope you get into a car accident someday,so I can have it.
现在只有一件事要做了
Now there's only one thing left to do.
把你揍出"好朋友帮"
Beat you out of the best friends gang.
这一天过得可真够呛 但好歹我们到了诺瓦克机场了
Well, it's been a pretty rough day,but at least we're in Newark now.
你要对Carol怎样?
What are you gonna do about Carol?
我要和他分手 让他解脱
I'm gonna break up with him, let him off the hook.
这是一个错误 Lemon
That would be a mistake, Lemon.
你在性方面的难搞程度 相当于一百万个兴登堡 (波兰城市 相当难搞)
Yes, you are the sexual equivalent of a million hindenburgs, but you deserve
但你的生命里应该有一个像Carol一样的人 而他也值得拥有你 因为-
someone like Carol in your life,and he deserves you, because...
这句话我十年才会说一次啊-
And I'm only gonna say this once a decade...
你很棒的
You're great.
你tmd是Liz Lemon
You're Liz Lemon, damn it.
以东海岸(迈阿密除外)超过35岁女人 的标准而言 你能得8分
In certain lights, you're an 8 using east coast over-35 standards,excluding Miami.
谢谢你 Jack
Thanks, Jack.
你进去抓住Carol 把他拽到男女通用的家庭卫生间里
You go in there, you grab Carol,you take him into one of those unisex family bathrooms,
把那个换尿布的板拉下来 和他一起在上面找点乐子
pull down that diaper-changing thing,and go to town on him.
我会试试的 但如果在拉斯维加斯 看完Penn& Teller节目之后 我们都不成功
I'll try, but if I couldn't get it done in Vegas after a Penn & teller show,
我不认为在厕所里会好到哪里去
I don't know how it's gonna happen here.
等一下
Wait a minute.
你和Carol发生问题的时候是在拉斯维加斯?
You had your problem with Carol in Las Vegas?
那又怎样? - 那张Tom Jones海报
So? - The Tom Jones poster.
Tom Jones一直在拉斯维加斯演出 他的大广♥告♥牌到处都是啊
Tom Jones plays Vegas all the time.He has billboards everywhere.
绝对的 我们宾馆窗外就有一个 哦 我的神啊
No kidding.There was one right outside our hotel-room window.Oh, my god.
回想一下你上大学的男朋友 那时候是不是也-
Think back to your college boyfriend.Was there any...
是的! 当我和Joel爱爱时
Yes!When this happened with Joel,
那辆巴士上正在放"风流绅士"
what's new pussycat? Was playing on the bus we were on.
我是说 房♥间里正在放那首歌♥
I mean, the room we were in.
和Dennis那次 他正好烫了个大♥波♥浪
And when it happened with Dennis,he had just gotten a perm.
Tom Jones是问题关键 他让你想起来你妈妈把所有海报拿走了
Tom Jones is the trigger.He makes you remember your mother taking the people away.
这是否意味着我的问题解决了?
Does this mean I'm fixed?
哦 不是的 你要看很多年的心理医生 或许还要进行电击疗法
Oh, god, no. You've got years of therapy ahead of you,probably electroshock.
但这是一个突破 一个重大突破
But this is a breakthrough, Lemon, and a big one.
Jack Donaghy 在我的字典里 你比里根伟大多了
Jack Donaghy, in my book, you're better than Reagan.
我谢谢你啊 Lemon 但你如果再讲里根的坏话
I appreciate that, Lemon, but if you ever speak ill of Reagan again,
我就一拳把你的门牙打掉
I will smack those teeth straight.
美-利-坚! 美-利-坚!
U-s-a! U-s-a!
美-利-坚! 美-利-坚!
U-s-a! U-s-a!
他在肯尼迪机场 我写错了
He's at JFK.I wrote it down wrong.
我为喜剧狂 第五季第5集
你和他性♥爱♥如何?
How is the sex?
很快 而且只在周末 太完美了
Fast and only on Saturdays.It's perfect.
我曾被男人在性方面拒绝过 不是一个 而是...
I have been sexually rejected by not one, but
两个 后来他俩都上了小丑学院
two guys who later went to clown college.
有一次夏令营真心话大冒险 我吻了个女孩 后来她淹死了
And one time at summer camp, I kissed a girl on a dare,but then she drowned.
那是我吻过的第一个同性恋
It was the first gay guy I ever kissed.
单口相声 神马玩意? 有啥意思呢?
Standing up? What?How does that even work?
你们俩没上过床? - 嘘
You haven't had sex? - Shh.
我们当然上过 取悦彼此
我为喜剧狂（2006）
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