我为喜剧狂（2006）
30 Rock S05E02
Part 1
June 7, 2022, 4:04 p.m.
退后...
Back that...
你就可以...
And you can...
到时候我就...从你的...
While I... Off your...
太恶心了 先生!
Disgusting, sir!
你会这样跟你妈
Would you talk like that to your mother
或你女儿或你的医生讲话吗?
or your daughter or your surgeon?
就算我朋友是个金发美女
Just because my friend is blonde
也不代表她的嘴永远都合不上...
and never closes her mouth fully...
我没跟她讲话 我搭讪的是你 眼睛妹
hey, I wasn't talking to her. I was talking to you, glasses.
我猜你肯定有条...
I bet you have...
...充满病菌的老二
Infected penis.
这可从来没发生在我身上过啊
That has never happened to me before.
我并不觉得奇怪
Well, I'm not surprised.
并不是因为你长得不讨人喜欢 你长得挺好的...
Not because you're not cute. You are...
就一个新闻里难民的标准来说
Like a pretty refugee on the news.
那是因为你之前散发的怨气蛮重
It's because you've always put out this negative energy.
现在你有爱情滋润了
But now that you're with someone,
你就变得开心又自信
you're happy and confident.
男人能感觉到的 - 自信是吧?
Guys can sense that. - Confident, huh?
这么说我终于可以戴那顶在97年 Kiss-FM的湖边晚会买♥♥来的牛仔帽了?
So can I finally wear that cowboy hat I bought at kiss-fm's Lake Jam '97?
重点是 当你不再剩时 你反而会变得更抢手
Um... the point is, being with someone makes people want to be with you.
要知道 好事会接踵而来的
You know, when it rains, it pours.
真想含着你的脚脚啊
I want your feet in my mouth.
好运挡不住啊
When it rains, it pours.
大家好 "Javery"
Hello, "Javery."
这样叫名字多省时间
Time-saver.
Lemon 我们有消息告诉你
Lemon, we have news.
像上帝做的那样 我创造了生命 - 我们要有一个男孩了
Like god, I created man. - We're having a boy.
那太好了 恭喜你们
That's great. Congratulations.
想象一下吧 Liz
Think about it, Liz.
我儿子以后约会的每一个女人 都会被拿来跟我做比较
Every woman my boy dates will get compared to me,
然后就会发现自己不如我好
and they will be found wanting.
他能有你当他母亲真太好了
He's very lucky to have you as his mother.
我来告诉你为什么他很幸运 因为老爸可真够老的
I'll tell you why he's lucky. He's got an old dad.
你说什么?
I'm sorry?
我爸就很老 那真是太棒了
I had an old dad. It was awesome.
我想干啥都没问题
I could get away with anything.
这正是我想要的...
This is just what I need...
来储藏我的极乐世界
To store my rock collection.
Lemon 我才不老呢 50岁是男人另一轮40岁
Lemon, I'm not an old dad. 50 is the new 40... For men.
但对女人 50岁就像是60岁了
But 50 is still 60 for women.
随你怎么说了 真当自己是Tony Randall呢 （美国演员 70多岁才有孩子）
Whatevs, Tony Randall.
的确 管他呢 所以你成了Jack Klugman那样的人
Whatevs, indeed, because that makes you Jack Klugman.
靠! 我是个作家 日子过得邋遢 爱发牢骚又惹人爱
Damn! I'm a writer. I'm messy. I'm a loveable curmudgeon.
例子举得不错啊!
That is solid!
算你赢 Donaghy
Advantage, Donaghy.
会议概要已经出来了
Rundowns are already out.
我真没想到没了Kenneth这里居然能运转得这么好
I can't believe how smoothly everything's going without Kenneth here.
是啊 你还记得我纹身的惨痛经历吗?
I know. Do you remember my tattoo mishap?
本来想纹的是"和平"但后来他们纹了"白人妓♥女♥"
It was supposed to say "peace", but they wrote "white hooker" instead.
我本来都忘了今天要去除纹身的
I forgot I was getting it removed today,
可是后来有人从我门下塞了纸条来提醒我
but someone slipped a note under my door to remind me.
没有人可以代替Kenneth
Well, no one could ever replace Kenneth,
但这些新人还真的干得不错呢
but these new kids are getting it done.
Liz Tracy今天不打算从化装间里粗来了
Liz, Tracy will not be coming out of his dressing room today.
不会吧! 又怎么了?
Oh, come on! What now?
我在变"狼人"呢 - 当然
I'm "werewolfing" myself. - Sure.
你知道当一个人知道他自己快要变狼人时
You know when a dude knows he's gonna turn into a werewolf
他会把自己关进监狱吗?
and locks himself into a jail?
我很惭愧的说
Well, I'm embarrassed to say
我已经错过了我两个儿子的出生
I've missed the birth of both of my sons
当然是有合理原因的 - 分别是做法式面包比萨还有忘了
for very legitimate reasons. - Cooking a French-bread pizza and forgot.
所以我跟Angie保证我不会错过女儿的出生
So I promised Angie I will not miss the birth of our daughter.
她昨天就应该临产了 所以我们不能出差错
She was due yesterday, so we're not taking any chances.
Grizz守着另一个门... - 边看书
Grizz is guarding the other door... - And reading.
而且我们已经没收了Tracy的手♥机♥ 钱包... - 还有我的心情戒指!
Also, we took Tracy's cell phone, his wallet... - And my mood ring!
现在我都不知道对这个是什么感觉了
And I don't know how I feel about that.
我很高兴你要陪着Angie
Well, I'm glad you're gonna be there for Angie.
做的不错 - 对你来说也挺好的 Liz Lemon
Good for you. - And good for you, Liz Lemon.
最近我觉得你有点什么变化
There's something about you lately,
让我很想把我的脚放到你的嘴里
make me want to put my feet in your mouth.
这次该你了 - 什么?
It's your turn. - What?
编辑部还没把片头送来
Editing hasn't sent up the title sequence yet,
这次该你下去催他们了
and it's your turn to go down there.
真是的 我讨厌他们总是对我们耍威风
God, I hate how much power they have over us.
他们以为自己是谁啊... 我们的妈还是姐?
Who do they think they are... Mommy and her sisters?
天啊 冷静一点 - 他们知道我们需要他们 所以就折磨我们
Jeez, calm down. - They know we need them, so they torture us.
怎么样?
How's it going?
已经弄好了 其实
I'm done, actually.
好吧 你知道吗?
Okay, you know what?
以后编辑部的破事我来管
I will take care of editing from now on.
真的吗? - 是的
Really? - Yeah.
我这就下去 用我新的Liz Lemon招儿
I'll go down there, turn on the new Liz Lemon charm,
再加点朱.罗伯茨大嘴的笑... 哈哈哈!
a little Julia Roberts laugh... Ha ha ha!
你牙齿里的那是啥? - 玉米
What's in your teeth? - Corn.
70岁 Lemon
70, Lemon.
等我儿子读完预科时我已经70岁了
I will be 70 years old when my son graduates prep school.
不会吧 不会是我上次说 高龄老爸那件事吧?
Oh, come on. Is this about my old-dad thing?
我是开玩笑的
I was joking.
他拿到第一张法♥院♥传票时我会不会不在了?
Will I even be there for his first subpoena?
我还有机会体验父子情吗
Will I ever experience the father-son bonding
或是经历一次父子同在 城♥堡♥蒙面狂欢的遭遇?
of realizing you were both at the same masked orgy in a castle?
当我儿子正直青春的时候...
I will be senile... Or dead
我那时会很老态龙钟了或是死了
for the better part of my child's life.
我戴这个好看吗?
Am I pulling this off?
我不能逃离死亡 但我能耍个花招
I cannot escape death, Lemon, but I will cheat it.
不管发生什么事 我都要想办法
Whatever happens to me, I must find a way
和我儿子对上话...教导他 即使从坟墓里爬出来
to speak to... And guide my son, even from the grave.
这是一个火警测试 请迅速离开大楼
This is a test of the fire system. Please evacuate the building.
你要下楼吗?
You coming downstairs?
要我像个意大利人那样站在人群里吗?
And stand outside in a crowd like some Italian?
还是免了
I don't think so.
作为楼层的火警集结指挥员 Kenneth以前一直负责消防演习
You know, as floor fire marshal, Kenneth always ran the fire drills.
现在呢? - 新人吧 可能
Who's doing it now? - One of the new kids, I guess.
这是一个火警测试
This is a fire drill.
请所有NBC员工移步到广场
All NBC employees exit to the Plaza.
在Angie进产房♥之前我不能离开我化装间
I can't leave my dressing room until Angie goes into labor.
但现在总裁在叫我们出去啊
But the president is saying we have to go outside.
没事的 Tray
It's okay, tray.
我们现在一起下去 然后我们会再把你拉回来
We'll all go down together. Then we'll bring you back up.
跟好你的伙伴就行了
Just stay with your grown-up.
要是我真的是狼人
If I were a real werewolf,
我就会穿松松的衣服 这样好衣服就不会耗损了
I'd wear baggy clothes so my nice clothes wouldn't get all torn up.
如果我是绿巨人也是一样
Same rule for if I were the hulk.
我真不知道为什么这么多人喜欢早午饭
I don't get why people like brunch.
把街舞跟午饭合起来能有啥好处? - Tray?
What's the benefit of combining break dancing and lunch? - Tray?
你不是Grizz!
You're not Grizz!
喂? - 我他妈的在医院呢! Tracy在哪?
Hello? - I'm at the damn hospital! - Where is Tracy?
我不会说英语
我觉得你可能是
打错了
不好意思 - 什么?
What?
早上好 我跟你实话实说
Good morning. Now, full disclosure...
其实我"造人"比接生更有经验
Most of my experience is putting babies in women.
我要把他宰了
Oh. I'ma kill that man.
我今早好像就杀了个人
You just described my morning.
好了 Jordan夫人
Now, Mrs. Jordan,
我已经做过了无痛麻醉
I've already administered the epidural.
你也要做一个吗?
So would you like one as well?
我是想帮你的
I am trying to help you.
儿子...你可能不记得我
My son... You may not remember me.
我是你父亲
我为喜剧狂（2006）
30 Rock
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