我为喜剧狂（2006）
30 Rock S05E02
Part 2
June 7, 2022, 4:04 p.m.
I am your father.
当你看到这段录像的时候 要么就是我已经死了
This message is coming to you either from beyond the grave
要么就是我已经疯了
or because I am in the grip of insanity.
我录制这盘DVD是为了在我死以后
The purpose of these DVDs is to educate
给予你人生的教诲和指导
and guide you through life in my absence.
先从我们的家族史讲起
I will begin with our shared history.
Donaghy家族源于爱尔兰的Steve郡
The donaghys originally come from Ireland's little known county Steve,
在历史上 我们曾是威士忌试酒员 和捣蛋鬼
where, historically, we were whiskey testers and goblins.
我在麻省的Sadchester长大
I was raised in Sadchester, Massachusetts,
我获得了Amory Blaine帅哥奖学金 考入了普林斯顿大学
I won the Amory Blaine handsomeness scholarship to Princeton
之后进入哈佛商学院进行学习
and then attended Harvard business school
其间 我很受欢迎
where I was voted "most."
我打棒球赢过卡斯特罗
I once hit a stand-up triple off fidel Castro.
我是第一个说
I was the first person ever to say,
"我要在休假中再加个休假"的人
"I need a vacation from this vacation."
"你太自负"这首歌♥ 实际上是我写的
The song you're so vain was, in fact, written by me.
换句话说 我活得有声有色
In other words, I have lived.
在生活中 我不断学习
In living, I have learned.
现在我想把这些知识传授给你
And now I want to impart that knowledge to you.
先从最基本的讲起
I will begin with the basics.
你正在日本的高原上徒步旅行
You are hiking in the Japanese highlands.
一对雪豹正尾随着你
A pair of snow leopards is stalking you,
你的刀被冻在鞘里 无法拔出
and the blade of your katana is frosted into its scabbard.
什么事? - 最近怎么样? 编辑七人组
What? - What's up, edit seven gang?
Ritchie Donna Ray
Ritchie, Donna, Ray...
把这两段分开 保留音乐
Split the difference, but keep the music where it is.
你们在干什么呢? - 为今日秀做准备
What are you guys working on? - Piece for the today show
话题是"为什么下个月是十月"
about how next month is October.
孤岛队? 你觉得他们最终会卖♥♥了那法国佬吗?
Islanders, huh? So you think they're gonna end up trading... Francen Fren?
你说谁? Matt Moulson吗? 他们应该卖♥♥
Who, Matt Moulson? They should.
我都比那白♥痴♥强
I'm better than that clown.
你也打冰球吗? - 你问我打冰球吗?
So you play? - Do I play?
我每年都参加孤岛队粉丝夏令营
I go to islanders fantasy camp every year.
那你肯定很会滑冰了 - 我还不会往后滑
You must be a strong skater. - Well, I can't go backwards.
不过 我确实滑得挺好
But, yeah, I'm good.
你参过军吗? - 没有 比那要好
Were you in the army? - Oh. No.
我是个重现内战的演员
Better... civil war reenactor.
我现在很精通于演被滑膛火枪击中
Kind of an expert at getting shot
by, uh, smooth-bore firearms, you know?
像这样...
Like... kah, kah!
林肯去死!
Kaw, kaw! Ah, death to Lincoln!
噢 南方人 - 对 没错
Oh, so a southern gentleman. - Oh, yeah.
谢谢 非常感谢
Well, thank you. Thank you very much.
Ritchie! - 嗯 嗯
Ritchie! - Yeah. Yeah.
顺便说一下 帽子很不错啊
Cool hat, by the way.
这样吧 先别做这个了
Hey, uh, you know what? Let's switch to the other deck.
我忘了要给Liz做TGS的片头
I forgot I got to get those TGS titles done for Liz here.
我现在要马上去医院等着! 出租车!
I just got to get to the hospital and wait there! Taxi!
先生...我身无分文
Sir... I don't have any money,
但我现在急着去西奈山医院
but I need to get to mount sinai hospital.
没问题 上车吧
No problem. Hop in.
哇 就像我常说的那样
Wow. It's like I always say...
"白人司机就是怪"
"white cab drivers are weird."
你正在"金钱出租车"中 这是一档电视游戏节目 现在马上开始
You're in the cash cab. It's a TV game show that takes place right here in my taxi.
规则是什么? - 你来回答问题以赢取现金及免费乘车
Explain the rules. - You answer trivia questions for money and a free ride.
但如果你答错了
But if you answer incorrectly,
游戏就结束 你必须马上下车
the game is over, and you're out of the cab.
所以为了亲眼见证我女儿的出生
So for me to be there at the birth of my daughter,
我必须回答问题
I have to answer trivia questions,
尽管我是在加油站上的中学?
despite having gone to middle school in an exxon station?
没错 准备好了吗? - 来吧!
Yeah. You ready to play? - Bring it!
这是你要的片头 夫人
Your main titles, milady.
还有这个...
And this...
这是内战时期的歌♥曲CD 我觉得你会喜欢
Is a cd of some civil war songs I thought you'd like.
原汁原味
It's very authentic.
所以别在黑人面前放
So don't play it around your black friends.
谢谢你 Ritchie
Well, thanks, Ritchie.
好了
Mm-hmm. Okay.
哇 拥抱的感觉真好
Oh! Wow, this is a nice hug.
感觉像合体 哈?
Two becoming one, hmm?
怎么回事? Liz 我还以为Ritchie在撒谎
What the hell, Liz? I thought Ritchie was lying.
如果你要给Carol戴绿帽子
You know, if you wanted to cheat on Carol
和一个满身烟味的意大利人 搞外遇的话
with an Italian dude who smells like cigarettes,
我跟你说的很清楚了 我随时奉陪
I've made it very clear I would flip over my futon for you.
你这样很不好!
Not cool!
他在说什么? - 是这样 没什么大不了的
What is he talking about? - Okay. It's not a big deal.
Ritchie一直在跟工作人员说
Ritchie has just been telling the crew
你们两个上♥床♥了
that you two are sleeping together.
什么? - 你的新气象就是一把双刃剑
What? - Your new vibe is a double-edged sword...
就像Mickey Rourke用来杀我的那把一样
Much like the kind Mickey Rourke tried to kill me with.
太好了 我满面春风
Great. So that's what I get
待人友善
for being happy, for being nice,
还戴着被音乐DJ称为"甜甜帽"的牛仔帽 最终就换来这些?
and rocking a cowboy hat that a kiss-fm dj once called a "sweet lid"?
你不能去跟他挑明
But you can't say anything to him.
你开什么玩笑? - 要是你说了 他会报复TGS 报复我们的!
Are you kidding me? - If you do, he'll take it out on TGS, on us!
我就要在这为编辑等到凌晨4点 那时我早该回家了
I'll be here waiting for edits till 4:00 in the morning when I should be at home...
火车站附近有家酒吧就叫"早该回家了"
Which is the name of a bar I found near the train station.
不好意思 你是让我为了集体的利益 忍♥受着一切?
I'm sorry. You want me to just take this for the team?
拜托 你知道他能让我们生不如死
Please. You know he can make our lives a living hell.
我们都要做出牺牲 Liz
We all make sacrifices, Liz.
我今天早上11点就要上班
I had to be at work this morning at 11:00.
好吧 好吧
Fine. Fine.
噢...你弄我一身酱!
Oh... You got sauce on me!
跟我身材一样的邻居不是天天都会死的!
You know, neighbors who wear my exact size don't die every day!
作为法国送给美国的礼物
A gift from France to the United States,
自♥由♥女神像 建成于哪一年?
the statute of Liberty was completed in what year?
拜托 我不知道
Come on, I don't know that.
你还有15秒 答不出来就请下车
You've got 15 seconds, or you're out of the cab.
好吧 我还记得去参加 自♥由♥女神像的百年纪念
Okay. I remember going to the statue of Liberty centennial,
因为那年有人散播谣言说
'cause that year someone had spread a rumor
女神会把衣服脱下来
that she was gonna slip out of her toga,
我想看她绿色的波波
and I wanted to see some green boobies.
那晚大都会队刚刚赢得了 世界职业棒球大赛
And the Mets had just won the world series,
因为那天晚上 我被一个大都会队的粉丝袭击了
'cause that night, I was randomly attacked by a Mets fan that I had threw a bottle at.
那是1986年 百年纪念也就是100年
That was 1986. And centennial is 100 years,
因为"百交"这个词的意思是 和100个女人上♥床♥
because "centipeding" means having sex with 100 women.
我知道了! 是1886年! - 没错! 回答正确
I got it! 1886! - Yes! That is correct.
重达4吨♥ 哪种哺乳动物是著名的杀人鲸?
Weighing up to 4 tons, what type of mammal is the famous shamu?
是逆戟鲸 Benjamin
She is an orca, Benjamin.
顺便告诉你 你很难在鱼缸里养它们
FYI, they're very difficult to keep in a home aquarium.
又答对了! - 我来了 Angie!
Right again! - I'm coming, Angie!
儿子 我可能无法参加你的婚礼
Son, I may not be there for your wedding.
这伤透了我的心
It breaks my heart to realize that.
但我要给你一条父亲的忠告
But I want to offer you one piece of fatherly advice.
不要让斯汀在婚礼上演唱
Do not hire Sting to play the reception.
他会坚持演奏爵士版的警♥察♥歌♥曲 那实在是...
He'll insist on doing jazz versions of police songs, and it's just...
很扫兴
Demoralizing.
我死了以后 你妈妈可能会约会其他人
After I'm gone, your mother may meet someone else.
我希望她快乐 所以...
I want her to be happy, so...
那人必须看起来像意外出事才死的
His death must appear to be accidental.
拥有一头健康茂盛秀发的秘密
The secret to a strong, healthy head of hair
在于用多芬... 其实是鸽子血
is dove... Blood.
记住 后空翻百分之九十靠自信
Remember, the backflip is 90% confidence.
Kenneth 你在这干吗? - 很抱歉 先生
Kenneth, what are you doing here?
我在擦您的阳台
I'm sorry, sir.
然后您就进来了 我被困在这里了
I was just sweeping your terrace, and then you came in, and I was trapped.
就像我在打扫我的橱柜的时候
Just like the time I was cleaning my closet,
我妈妈和她的朋友Ron进来了
and my mom and her friend Ron came in
在我的床上打了个哼哼叽叽的盹... - 打住
to take one of their grunting naps on my bed... - hang on.
你偷偷溜进来干活?
Are you sneaking in here and working?
我知道你们有多需要我...
I know how much you all need me...
我为喜剧狂（2006）
30 Rock
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