白金狂人（2017）

that while I'd been otherwise engaged,
就在我忙着处理其他事的时候
a supertanker on the Thames estuary
泰晤士河口有一艘巨轮
had been accidently loaded with contaminated crude oil.
被人不小心装了一船受污染的原油
Unfortunately, the constant monitoring required
不幸的是 我唯一的工作
to prevent such million-pound fuck-ups was my one and only job.
就是得一直盯着 防止这样上百万损失的烂事发生
Upon careful reflection,
经过深思熟虑
you are to be relieved of all duties with immediate effect.
你们将被立即解除所有职务
Do you have anything to say for the record, Mr. Swan?
你有什么要声明的吗 Swan先生
This is fucking ridiculous...
这他妈太可笑了吧
Maybe we should take a break.
我们还是休息一下吧
Listen, I've spoken to the boys.
听着 我跟哥几个说了
They're ready to walk out for you on this one, Vince.
他们这次准备去罢♥工♥来帮你 Vince
I appreciate the support of the union on this, Terry.
我很感谢工会在这件事上对我的支持 Terry
But I'm jacking it in.
但我不想干了
I fucking hate this job anyway.
反正我也恨透这份工作了
How else are you going to provide for Sam and the kids? Hm?
没了工作你拿什么来养Sam和孩子们
I'll figure something out.
会有办法的
Oi, you two, the charisma twins.
喂 叫你们呢 超凡二人组
Upon careful reflection,
经过深思熟虑
I've decided you can stick your job up your arses.
我决定 你们就随便怎么处理这烂工作吧
Here's my notice of resignation.
这是我的辞职通知
I couldn't face going home to tell Sam I'd lost my job.
我没脸回家告诉Sam我失业了
I said I'd figure something out,
我说了会有办法的
and that's what I intended to do
我也正是这么打算的
right after I got absolutely rat-arsed.
先让我喝个烂醉如泥再说
I never was a whisky drinker.
我以前从来不喝威士忌
Fuck me. Vincent Swan.
我♥操♥ 这不是Vincent Swan嘛
Dicky Cox?
Dicky Cox
Dicky Dipshit, I think you used to call me at school.
我记得上学的时候你老管我叫"傻屌♥"
Cox by name, cock by nature.
名曰Cox 生来长着鸡♥巴♥
Yeah, that was another one.
没错 你还叫我"鸡♥巴♥"
You all right, Vince? You look like shit.
你没事吧 Vince 气色好差啊
No. No, I'm not all right, Dicky.
不 不好 我一点都不好 Dicky
I got sacked this morning,
我今早被炒了鱿鱼
and now I'm crying next to a urinal full of my own puke,
现在蹲在全是自己呕吐物的小便池旁 一边哭
talking to you.
还一边跟你说话
No offence, but I think I just hit rock-bottom.
别介意啊 我觉得我已经跌到人生谷底了
I mean, it's funny how life turns out, innit?
我是说 真是世事难料啊 不是吗
Who'd have put money on me being the bloody successful one
谁会赌我成为人生赢家
and you, Vincent Swan, being such a fucking loser?
而你 Vincent Swan 却成了废柴
Cheers for the pep talk, Coxy
真是振奋人心的谈话啊 Coxy
Yeah.
可不是
Vincent, what would you say
Vincent 要是我告诉你
if I told you I earned four times as much as your monthly wage in the last week?
我上个礼拜就挣了你四个月的薪水 你会怎么说
I'd say, "Unless the demand for creepy-looking gigolos
我会说 "除非大家对面目狰狞的软蛋的需求
has gone through the roof, that's bollocks."
已经突破天际 不然你就是扯犊子"
Yeah, funny.
呵呵 真好笑
Here.
看
Have a chuckle at that.
还笑得出来吗
Plus, I've got something else that could interest you.
还有 我带了个你可能感兴趣的东西
What I've got in here might just change your life.
这东西很可能就此改变你的人生
I'm not a complete fucking yokel, I've done coke before.
我又不是土包子 我吸过可♥卡♥因♥
I'm not talking about the drugs.
我不是说毒品
What, a lump of fucking plastic?
什么鬼 不就一块破塑料吗
Is it?
是塑料吗
Or is it white gold?
或许是白金块呢
No, it's definitely a lump of plastic.
拉倒吧 这绝对是块塑料
To the uninitiated.
对外行人来说是的
But you add some know-how and some bullshit,
但要是你添油加醋 吹个天花乱坠
and this lump of fucking plastic
这块破塑料
turns into something far more eye-catching.
就能变成一种非常抢眼的东西
Coxy laid out the business for me.
Coxy给我揽上了这个生意
Since Thatcher handed us the right to buy your council house,
自从撒切尔把购买♥♥简易住房♥的权利交给老百姓之后
the world and his wife were madly renovating their newly owned dream homes.
所有人还有他老婆都开始疯狂翻修新买♥♥的梦寐以求的房♥子
White gold was just plastic, a cheap alternative to timber,
白金只是塑料而已 是一种便宜的木材替代品
but it brought the cost of making brand-new windows down to peanuts.
但这大大降低了制♥作♥全新窗户的成本
Coxy would then sell them on with a 600% mark-up.
Coxy会按成♥本♥价♥的六倍来卖♥♥这些塑料
For those that couldn't afford the astronomical prices,
对于那些付不起天价的人
he'd sell them finance.
他则会提供赊账
That way, they could pay back what they thought they could afford each month
这样一来 他们就能每月偿还自己能承受的额度
for the rest of their natural lives.
偿还一辈子
Eventually, those shiny new windows
到头来 那些闪亮的新窗户
would cost more than their dreary former council houses.
会比他们之前住的沉闷的简易住房♥花的还要多
It was beautiful.
真是赞爆了
I want this.
这就是我想要的
You can have it.
送你了
No, not this!
不 不是说这个
I mean, meeting you. Losing my job. Everything.
我是说 遇见你 丢工作 这一切
It's happened for a reason.
事出皆有因
You ain't going to cry again, are you?
你不会又要哭吧
You always were a fucking dipshit.
你这傻屌♥真是一点没变
My fate was sealed the very next day.
接下来那一天决定了我的命运
I'm not a big believer in kismet,
尽管我不是一个虔诚的宿♥命♥论♥者
but you'd have to be blind, deaf and dumb as shit
你得是瞎了聋了 蠢得像屎
not to hear destiny calling me.
才听不到这命运的召唤
Sorry to interrupt.
抱歉打扰一下
Oh, it's an elephant.
哦 这是大象
It's not male genitalia.
不是男性生殖器
I'm looking for the owner.
我找店主
Oh, sorry, I'm new here.
哦 抱歉 我是新来的
Right. Is the owner around?
好吧 那店主在吗
Like I said, I'm new, so I literally can't help you.
我说了 我是新来的 真帮不到你
Fuck me, Carol. You're a receptionist.
我去 Carol 你是前台啊
Just take some details, will you?
你记录下信息总行吧
Well, it doesn't hurt to be careful, Tony.
谨慎点总没坏处 Tony
He just wandered in off the street.
他随随便便就走进来了
This is a fucking showroom!
这他妈是个展示厅啊
We want people to wander in off the street.
就得让人随随便便走进来啊
Hello, sir. I take it this is your business?
先生您好 我猜你就是店主吧
You've got two minutes, pal.
给你两分钟时间 小伙子
For what?
干嘛
To sell me whatever the fuck it is you're selling, then fuck off.
推销你要卖♥♥的破玩意儿 然后滚出去
Meet Tony Walsh, the world's angriest small business owner.
认识一下Tony Walsh 世界上最愤怒的小店老板
No, I don't want to sell TO you, I want to sell FOR you.
不 我不要向你推销 我要为你推销
My name's Vincent.
我叫Vincent
I don't care if it's Barbra Streisand.
就算你是芭芭拉·史翠珊我也不在乎
I've already got a sales team.
我已经有一个销♥售♥团队了
Well, that was succinct.
直截了当啊
Now we've got 90 seconds to fill with small talk.
现在我们还有90秒时间结束闲谈
Or you could just fuck off early.
或者你也可以早点滚蛋
Right. And where's the fun in that?
嗯 但这有什么意思呢
You see that couple?
看到那对情侣没有
They walked into your showroom four minutes ago.
他们都进来4分钟了
In another 45 seconds, they're going to walk out,
再过45秒 他们就将走出去
along with thousands in lost revenue.
几千块的收益没了
I've got 20 quid that says Tweedledum and Tweedledee over there
我赌20英镑 那边两个懒蛋
will still be scratching their arses when they walk out.
等客人走了 他们还是无动于衷
All right, pal.
行吧 小伙子
Here's a price list.
这是价目表
You sign them up, I'll give you a two-week trial.
你拿下他们 我就给你两礼拜的试用期
I hear congratulations are in order!
我得要恭喜两位
Erm, sorry?
你说什么
The centennial customer award? Oh, wait, no one told you?
获得"百位顾客奖" 没人跟你们说吗
As our hundredth customer today,
作为我们今天的第一百个客户
you've won the opportunity to turn your house into a show-home
你们赢得了把家改造成
for the Cachet range of windows and doors.
金牌窗业定制门窗展示屋的机会
My name's Vincent, nice to meet you.
我叫Vincent 幸会
Hi, I'm Mark. This is my wife, Lorna.
嗨 我是Mark 这是我妻子 Lorna
Hello. Wow, we've never won anything before.
你好啊 哇哦 我们还从没中过什么奖呢
Well, I guess some people are born lucky,
我想有人就是生来幸运吧