白金狂人（2017）

My fault for farting in bed, eh, Sam?
在床上放屁都是我的错 Sam
That's not what you were going to say.
你刚才想说的可不是这个
What was he going to say? Nothing.
那他刚才想说什么 没什么
Go and play outside.
出去玩吧
Go on, I want a word with your dad.
去吧 我要和你们爸爸说点事
Hello, baby.
嗨 宝贝
Oh, I know.
我知道
Incredible, isn't she?
她美翻了 对吧
What's up?
怎么了
I thought Cachet's number one salesman might like some lunch.
我觉得金牌窗业的销♥售♥冠军可能想吃点午餐
It's only cheese,
虽然只有奶酪
but I swiped a Penguin from Robbie's school dinner tin
但是我从Robbie的校餐罐头里偷了一块企鹅牌饼干
as a little treat.
作为给你的小小奖励
I do not deserve an angel like you in my life.
我真配不上你这么好的天使
I know.
我知道
So what time you home tonight? I'm doing a curry.
所以你今晚什么时候回家 我准备做咖喱
Can't do tonight. I've got house calls to make.
今晚不行 我要去拜访几家
You are joking? This is the third night this week.
你开玩笑呢吧 这已经是这个星期第三个晚上了
Sam, honey. The best time to close a deal
Sam 亲爱的 完成交易的最好时机
is when the husband and wife are both there.
就是丈夫和妻子都在家的时候
Evenings, weekends, these are the golden hours.
晚上 周末 这些都是黄金时间
And when do you plan fitting us into your hectic schedule, then?
那么你打算什么时候把我们加进你那繁忙的日程
Christmas? Bank holidays?
圣诞 银行假日(英国法定假日)
I'm trying to build something for us here.
我这是在为我们俩努力创造点东西
In a few months, I'll ease off, but not right now.
给我几个月 我会安排的轻松点 但现在不行
I'll make it up to you, gorgeous. I promise.
我会补偿你的 美人 我保证
You realise there is no part of this I cannot see?
你知道我全都看得见吧
What are you doing?
你在做什么
Don't worry. I'm obviously not wanted here.
别担心 显然这里不欢迎我
Sam. Come back. Sam, come back...
Sam 回来 Sam 回来
Ignore her, she's mental!
别管她 她脑子有病
"Thanks for rescuing me, Carol," Might be nice.
"谢谢你救了我 Carol" 这样说才礼貌
Meanwhile, it hadn't taken Fitzpatrick long
同时 Fitzpatrick没花多长时间
to find a 73-year-old Eskimo to sell ice to.
就找到了一个73岁的爱斯基摩人去卖♥♥冰块给她
But you only put these windows in three weeks ago.
但是你三个星期前才装的这些窗户
I know, Mrs Brown. I'm embarrassed to be here.
我知道 Brown夫人 来这儿我都很不好意思
But it's only just come to light that there is a major design flaw
但是我们才发现这些窗户的塑料框架在设计的时候
in the plastic frames of those windows
有一个很大的缺陷
that no-one could have foreseen.
没有人能预见的
The white bits? Yeah, the white bits.
白色的部分 对 就是白色的部分
See, they're made from a plastic compound chloride,
是这样的 它们的材质是一种复合塑料
called unplasticised polyvinyl, or uPVC for short.
叫硬聚氯乙烯 或者简称为uPVC
We've only just discovered that when exposed to sunlight,
我们才发现当暴露在阳光下的时候
that type of plastic might explode.
这种类型的塑料可能会爆♥炸♥
Oh, no. Oh, no, indeed.
不是吧 千真万确
But it's not all bad news.
但也不全是坏消息
Have you heard of NASA?
你听说过美国航♥天♥局吗
The space people?
就那些研究太空的人
They're the ones.
就是他们
Now, as part of the space shuttle programme,
现在 作为宇宙飞船项目的一部分
they've developed a far superior plastic compound,
他们研发出了一种更高级的复合塑料
one that won't kill you.
不会要你命的那种
Does it have a name?
这塑料有名字吗
Yep, it's called...
当然 叫
PVCu.
PVCu
So, what I would like to do is exchange these dangerous uPVC windows
所以 我想做的就是把这些危险的uPVC窗户
for nice, new, safe PVCu ones, free of charge,
换成更好的 全新的 安全的 PVCu材质的窗户 免费更换
apart from installation costs.
只需要点安装费
Oh, I don't know.
我不确定
I should probably ask my son about that.
我得问问我儿子
Is your son Neil Armstrong?
你儿子是尼尔·阿姆斯特朗吗
No.
不是
Then I don't think he's qualified to help us.
那么我认为他不够格来帮我们
Read it and weep. Ugh.
看看 然后哭吧 呃
The whole house?
还是整个房♥子
How have you done that?
你怎么做到的啊
You know. Sales acumen, charm.
你懂的 销♥售♥的敏锐 魅力
Oh, no, wait. You don't know, do you?
噢 不 等等 你不懂 对吧
Now, come on, you owe me a ton.
现在 你欠我一百磅
Yeah, hold on, you've only charged her 100 quid for fitting.
等等 你只收了她一百英镑安装费
Have you given her a house full of free windows just to win a bet?
你是不是就为了赢个赌给她整个房♥子免费换了窗
Lavatory. The word "Free" Is not in my vocabulary.
"厕所" 我的字典里根本不存在"免费"这个词
Just like the phrase "I've had a number one hit" is not in yours.
就像你的字典里不存在"我拿过第一"一样
No, I've got a fitter coming tomorrow to rip out those windows
我安排了一个师♥傅♥明天来卸掉这些窗户
and pop the very same ones straight back in again.
然后再把这些装回去
The old bag'll never know.
那个老家伙不会知道的
So not only have I sold ice to the Eskimos,
所以我不仅仅把冰块卖♥♥给了爱斯基摩人
I've sold them their own fucking ice.
我卖♥♥给他们的还是他们自己的冰块
I'm a genius! Come on, pay up.
我是个天才 来吧 付钱
Oh, yes, there we go.
太好了 这就对了
Unlike Fitzpatrick, I don't need to use the dark arts to close a deal.
和Fitzpatrick不同 我用不着使诈来促成交易
Good morning, Mr Solomon. Vincent from Cachet Windows,
早上好 Solomon先生 我是金牌窗业的Vincent
we spoke on the phone earlier.
我们之前通过电♥话♥的
Ah, Mr Vincent, yes.
Vincent先生啊 我记得
Look, I'm so sorry,
不过不好意思
but we're about to sit down for prayer.
我们正要开始祷告
Maybe you can leave some brochures
要不你给我们一些宣传册
and we can phone you about prices tomorrow?
然后我们明天电♥话♥里谈价格
Want to know the percentage of people who sleep on it and call you back?
想知道人们隔夜给你回电♥话♥的概率吗
A big fat fucking zero.
是一个大写加粗的零
This may sound odd, but may I join?
这么说可能有点不合适 我能一起祷告吗
It's been a spiritually exhausting last few days for me.
最近这段时间我精神疲惫
Er... We'd be delighted. Come in.
呃 我们很欢迎啊 快请进
One more thing, salesmen are like vampires.
还有一点就是 推销员就像吸血鬼
Never invite one into your home.
永远不要引狼入室
Once you do, we won't leave your side until we taste blood.
一旦你打开家门 我们不吸上血是不会善罢甘休的
Not even for a piss.
尿个尿也寸步不离
Thank you! No problem!
谢谢 别客气
The peace of God...
上帝的平安
Using the homeowner's loo is a cardinal sin,
在屋主家上厕所是一项大忌
no matter how desperate you are.
不管你有多急都不行
The second you leave those poor bastards alone,
你一留这帮混♥蛋♥独处
they'll try to conspire a way to get you out of their house.
他们就会立刻算计如何赶你出门
You need to get the kids to bed? That's OK.
要哄孩子睡觉是吧 行啊
I'll give you a hand with bath time.
我来帮你带孩子洗澡
Your husband is having a heart attack?
你老公心脏病犯了吗
Let me run you both down to A&E, you lying shitbags.
我送你俩一起去急诊 满口胡扯的人♥渣♥
These God-fearing fuckers have been praying for almost two hours.
这些虔诚的傻♥逼♥祷告了近两小时
And it's not just world peace shit, either.
还不仅仅是祈祷世界和平这些屁话
Lord, please use thy divine power
主啊 请用您神圣的力量
to find a good cash buyer for Brian and Kellie's car.
为Brian和Kellie的车找一个有钱的现金买♥♥家吧
Dear merciful Lord, please do what you can
仁慈的主啊 请竭尽所能
to get a better reception for Aggy's TV.
给Aggy的电视增强信♥号♥♥吧
Dear Lord, please give me the strength not to piss my pants
主啊 请赐我力量让我别尿裤子
in front of these time-wasting sons of bitches.
别当着这帮浪费时间的王八蛋的面尿
Eventually, my bladder's prayers were answered
最终 我的膀胱祷告得到了回应
and Mr Solomon signed for a full house of windows.
Solomon先生签了合同 要给整间房♥子换窗户
It's safe to say I eat, sleep, breathe, shit and piss...
毫不夸张地说 我的生活就是吃睡 呼吸 拉撒
..Sales.
还有推销
But like Einstein, my true genius wasn't spotted until later in life.
不过就像爱因斯坦 我的过人天赋也是后期才被发掘
So, after spending a couple of grand
所以 在花费了几千大洋
having this fucking mutt's back legs amputated and wheels put on it,
给这只杂种狗截肢又装上轮子之后
he takes it out for its first walk, and the fucking dog panics,
他第一次带着它出来溜 结果这傻狗吓死了
and rolls straight under a bus.
一咕噜滚进了公交车底
Poor bastard is devastated.
那可怜虫都崩溃了
I told him, "Look on the bright side.
我跟他说 "你要往好的方面想
At least now, you've got a ￡2,000 rug."
至少现在你有一张价值2000英镑的地毯"
Yeah, this is him.
嗯 是我
Fuck.
操
Now, that was a call informing me
刚才那通电♥话♥是通知我