我为养生狂（2023）

没有停车位
Oh, God, kill me now.
-拍卖♥♥会上无情地厮杀 -厮杀
Auction, just total carnage. - Carnage. Carnage.
厮杀
Carnage.
莉维,妳最近有看到什麽中意的吗?
You got your eye on anything at the moment, Liv?
妳面前的39岁女人刚刷爆美国运通卡
You're talking to a 39-year-old who just maxed out her Amex
现在还跟妈妈住
and lives at home with her mum.
妳问我有没有在看♥房♥♥子?
Am I looking for property?
当然有
Absolutely, yeah.
找房♥子真让人爱恨交加,对吧?
Gotta love hate-browsing real estate, right?
质疑人生抉择的绝佳方式
Excellent way to question your life choices.
-所以妳在哪一行高就? -我是作家
So, what do you do for a living? - I'm a writer.
写些有的没的,美食、生活时尚
Bits and pieces, food, lifestyle. Mainly for Banquet magazine.
主要是《盛宴》杂♥志♥
我最近的断食是为了写一篇报导
The fast is actually for an article I'm writing.
-天啊,那真是我的梦想人生 -是她太谦虚了
God, I wish that was my life. - Oh, she's totally being humble.
我能告诉大家吗?
Can I tell them?
莉维将在一个全新的 酷炫烹饪节目裡担任评审
Liv is gonna be a judge on a very cool and very exciting new cooking show.
其实评审名单还没正式公布
Well, the judges haven't officially been announced yet,
但这的确是件大事
but it's a pretty big deal.
-我的吹哨者! -爸?
My whistleblower! - Dad?
-怎麽了? -巴登说派对好无聊
What's wrong, mate? - Baden said the party's boring.
亚契,我相信他不是真心的
Oh, Arch, I'm sure he didn't mean it.
-你知道吗?我... -妳去吧,交给我
Um, look, I-- - Go. Just go. I've got it.
-好 -好
Go. - Okay.
天啊
Oh, God.
也太无趣了
Jeez, that's grim.
妳好啊
Hey.
爸认为有教育意义的游戏 能让其他家长刮目相看
Dad thought it'd impress the other parents if the games were educational.
我懂,真的不行
Yeah, that's a no.
来吧,孩子们?
Okay. Kids?
玩游戏了!
Games!
♪ Whores in this house ♪
♪ There's some whores in this house There's some whores in this house ♪
♪ There's some whores in this house ♪
♪ I said certified freak Seven days a week ♪
♪ Wet-ass pussy Make that pullout game weak ♪
加油,提米,要打头!
Oh, come on, Timmy, get its head!
对了...不行
Yeah-- Ugh, no.
妳不觉得这会助长虐待动物?
You don't think this might promote animal cruelty?
驴子知道牠做错了什麽,丹妮丝
The donkey knows what it did, Denise.
-我是黛安 -来,我来...
It's Diane. - Hey, kid-- Thank you.
喂!
Hey!
♪ Beat it up, nigga, catch a charge Extra large and extra hard ♪
♪ Put this pussy right in yo' face Swipe your nose like a credit card ♪
♪ Hop on top, I want a ride... ♪
我有肾上腺素针
I've got the EpiPen!
-奔牛! -奔牛!
Bullrush! - Bullrush!
-食物大战! -食物大战!
Food fight! - Food fight!
♪ I want you to park that big Mack truck Right in this little garage ♪
♪ Make it cream, make me scream... ♪
史上最棒的派对!
Best party ever! - Oh.
♪ I don't clean But let me tell you, I got this ring ♪
♪ Gobble me, swallow me Drip down the side of me... ♪
爸!
Dad!
-嘿,妳还好吗? -不好,我很不舒服
Hey, hey, you okay? - No, I don't feel great.
-来,快坐下 -好
Oh, sit down, sit down. - Okay.
来,吃这个 这是无麸质,但有糖分
Here, eat this. Okay? It's gluten-free, but it has sugar.
-不行,我正在排毒 -吃吧
I can't, the cleanse. - Eat it.
这...有得到消息吗?
Did you get the story?
有
Oh, yeah.
快提升妳的血糖
Mmm. - Get your blood sugar up.
很抱歉,那天晚上颁奖典礼 我没有留下来陪妳
I'm sorry I wasn't there for you at the awards the other night.
别说没关係
And don't say it's okay, 'cause I know it's not.
我知道明明有
我只是想让妳知道,我很抱歉
I just want you to know that I'm sorry.
谢了
Thanks.
-我们没事吧? -当然没事
We're cool? - Yeah, we're cool.
真抱歉,我让那孩子过敏了
Hey, sorry for giving that kid anaphylaxis.
他死不了的
Oh, he'll live.
巴登是个小溷蛋
Baden's a little cunt.
(电费)
谢谢你帮忙,达伯特
Thank you for doing this, Dalbert.
你的工作已经够忙了
As if you're not busy enough with work.
拜託,以现在的房♥市 房♥子会自己卖♥♥出去
Oh, please, in this market, the houses are practically selling themselves.
况且,我们是一家人了
Besides, we're family now,
所以妳应该知道我不可告人的小秘密
so that means you should probably know my dirty little secret.
我超爱理财的
I love sorting out finances. I'm serious.
我是说真的,整理阿嘉的退休金是我人生中最美好的一天
Consolidating Gaz's superannuation was the best day of my life.
我只想知道我是否存够老本
I just need to know that I've got enough to tide me over
再去找别的工作
before I find something else.
好,我们来看看目前的状况
Okay, well, let's just see what we're looking at here.
说来好笑,自从葛拉罕死后 我就在那裡工作
It's funny, I've worked there ever since Graham died,
风雨无阻
rain, hail, or shine.
是那个工作拉了我一把
That job saved me.
要是没有这份工作,我不知道会怎样
I don't know who I'd be without it.
洛琳,我老实跟妳说妳现在毫无后顾之忧
Lorraine, I gotta say, you are really well-positioned here.
以妳的积蓄加上退休金
I mean, between your savings and superannuation,
妳不想工作的话,随时可以休息
you could say goodbye to work altogether if you wanted to.
-你是说... -退休
You mean-- - Retirement.
今天就可以,妳已经过着梦想生活了
Today. You are living the dream.
-什麽?
What?
-迈向妳崭新的人生吧
Say hello to your brand-new life. - Oh.
这次排毒疗程到此结束
And this brings us to the end of your cleanse.
张开眼睛
Open your eyes.
感觉如何?
How do you feel?
感觉很好,真的
Really good, actually.
不过我搞砸了
Although I screwed up.
怎麽说?
What do you mean?
我吃了一个杯子蛋糕
I had a cupcake.
大部分的人都会破戒
Most people slip up.
-真的吗? -没有人是完美的
Really? - Mm. No one's perfect.
一个杯子蛋糕不会破坏整个排毒效果
And one cupcake doesn't undo the whole cleanse.
一次排毒也无法洗淨
And one cleanse doesn't undo
我们这辈子对身体所做的破坏
everything we do to our body over a lifetime.
妳的旅程才刚开始而已
This is just the start of your journey.
这到底是怎样的过程?
So, what happened exactly?
从口臭和腹泻
From death breath and diarrhea,
到光泽头髮、和半人马做♥爱♥的梦
to shiny hair and centaur sex dreams,
这个历程充满惊奇
this story has been full of surprises.
但我的确睡得比较好思绪也更清晰
But I did sleep better, and I am thinking more clearly.
在什麽东西都没吃的过程中
And by putting nothing in my mouth,
我才发现 过去吃了太多乱七八糟的东西
I realized just how much shit I was putting into it before.
虽然人生偶而还是需要杯子蛋糕
Although sometimes life does call for the occasional cupcake.
还有我的血压也降下来了
Also, my blood pressure went down,
只是还不够低
just not as much as I needed.
不然妳以为结果会是怎样?
What'd you think was gonna happen?
妳浪费了好几天妳明明可以好好利用这几天
You've wasted days, days where you could've been doing something right.
我的血压下降了
Well, my blood pressure went down.
-勉强 -我的眼睛都亮起来了
Marginally. - And my eyes are luminous.
没有医学上的意义
Not medically relevant.
那个做排毒的女人说,我们的代谢...
The woman at the cleanse actually said that our metabolism--
那个做排毒的女人有什麽医学资历?
And what medical qualifications does the woman at the cleanse have?
我是薇乐莉
Valerie here.
我不懂妳写自己清肠排毒的事
Don't know how you thought writing about your bowel movements
要如何博取节目高层青睐
would impress the show execs.
妳快给我回来 我要妳在纽约好好写报导
Get your ass back here. I need you in New York, writing stories.
干
Fuck.
(嘉瑞斯,个人教练,滑翔健身房♥)
-阿嘉 -天啊,怎麽...
Gaz. - Oh, Jesus. What--
对不起
Oh, sorry.
我真的需要你帮忙
I really need your help.
我真的需要你帮我
I need your help with this.
这份纽约的工作很重要,我不能搞砸
This job in New York is huge, and I can't fuck it up.
我不该那样说你的婚礼,对不起
I'm really sorry about what I said about your wedding.
我没那个意思
I didn't mean it.
而且我帮你找到 可以从国外买♥♥到芍药的人
And I've actually, um, hooked you up with a contact
毕竟这裡买♥♥不到了
who can source peonies overseas, even though they're not available here.
我知道对环境冲击很大,但花很漂亮
Pretty sure the environmental impact is massive, but they'll look great.