我为养生狂（2023）

Do we have to go? - Yeah, it's Gaz's wedding, not Liv's.
我还是阿嘉的朋友
I'm still friends with Gaz.
-我的旧西装不是很好吗? -不,你的旧西装烂了
Isn't my old suit fine? - No, your old suit is foul.
你试这件看看
Hey, why don't you try this?
真的假的?
Really?
我们刚认识的时候,你打扮得很酷
You used to wear cool stuff when we first met.
我们刚认识的时候,常做很多事
Used to do a lot of stuff when we first met.
好,现在就要?
Oh! Okay. Now?
-你常来这里吗? -什么?
Do you come here often? - What?
可以请你喝杯酒吗? 你看来像是喜欢喝马丁尼
Can I buy you a drink? You look like a martini lady.
-什么...这是在做什么? -我们在假装刚认识
What-- What are we doing? - Pretending we just met.
在更衣室里?这根本不合理
Um, in a change room? That doesn't even make sense.
-那是什么口音? -是柯林佛斯
What is that accent? - It's Colin Firth.
-你听起来像扫烟囱的 -别想太多
You sound like a chimney sweeper. - Don't overthink it.
我的头发
Oh, my hair.
-抱歉 -没关系,把这脱掉
Oh, sorry. Okay. - It's okay. It's okay. Get this off.
-不行,我穿了旧内衣,很丑 -我不介意
No, I've got an old bra on, it's gross. - I don't mind.
-好吧 -来,转过去
Okay. - Okay, spin around.
-这是什么... -等等...
What are these-- - Hang on--
-你自己先脱裤子 -好
Oh, you take your pants off. - Okay.
-好,我们都把裤子脱掉 -好
[Doug] Let's both take our pants off. - Oh, yeah.
-转过去 -好
[Doug] Spin around. - Okay.
好了
[Doug] Oh, all right.
天啊
Oh, my God.
太恶心了
This is gross.
抱歉,是我们有欠考虑
Sorry, we weren't thinking.
听着,你们在家里怎么做我管不了
Look, what you do in your own home is your business.
我不评断你们的癖好但这是卫生问题
Now, I don't wanna yuck your yum, but here, it's an OH&S issue.
我懂,好吗?我是建筑业的
Look, I get it, okay? I'm a builder.
好喔,要是我跑到你的工地做♥爱♥呢?
Oh, okay. And what if I came to your worksite and had sex, bro?
能让我们走吗?
Can we go?
不行,兄弟,这是公然猥亵
No, bro. Public indecency.
这是犯法的,警方正要过来
It's an offense. Police are on their way.
咿哈!
Yeehaw!
咿哈!
Yeehaw!
加油,女孩!
Come on, girl. Woo! Woo!
方块步
Do-si-do.
你好啊,搭档
Howdy, partner.
-搞什么? -天啊,这比我想的还难
What the hell? - God, this is harder than I thought.
退后,不然我就去申请禁制令
Okay, back off, or I'll take out a restraining order.
好吧
All right, okay.
我只想跟你说对不起,好吗?
I just wanna say that I'm sorry, okay?
我真的很抱歉
Really, I really am. I wanna apologize for this whole situation.
我想为这整件事道歉
你怎么知道我会来练舞?
How do you even know that I do this?
因为我发挥惊人的记者才能
Well, I used my amazing journalistic ability,
还有追踪你的IG
and also stalked your Instagram.
-对了,猫咪很可爱 -我的天啊
Cute cats, by the way. - Oh, my God.
我只想请你签核我的体♥检♥
Hey, uh, I'm just gonna need you to sign off on my medical,
然后我们从此分道扬镳
and then we never have to see each other ever again.
-去找别人做 -我没办法
Get somebody else to do it. - Well, I can't.
察德不肯派其他人给我
Chad won't assign me anyone else.
我懂了,你一直往这边 我就一直往这边
Oh, I see, you keep going that way, I keep going that way.
你签个名就好 你也知道是形式上的文件要求
Please just sign it. You know it's just bureaucratic box-ticking.
你别再说了
Just stop it.
你是我见过最自恋
You are one of the most self-obsessed
最自以为是的人
and entitled people I have ever encountered.
你是个自私的巨婴
You're a selfish child.
所以你不肯签核我的体♥检♥?
So you won't sign off on my medical?
一二三,给我赶快闪
Do-si-do the fuck away from me.
跟我走,走到大门口
Here we go right out the door.
一直走...
All the way...
-嘿 -嘿
Hey. - Hey.
你好,抱歉...
Hey. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, um...
-我们走吧? -好
Shall we? - Yes.
好
Yeah.
卡布奇诺
Um, cappuccino, please.
我要...
Um, could I...
我只要酪梨和蛋,不要吐司 麻烦你了
Could I just do the avocado and eggs, but no toast, please?
-就这样,谢了 -好的
Cool. Thanks. - All right.
婚礼前不能碰醣类
No carbs before D-Day.
外表很辣,内心很惨 经典的悉尼婚姻
Look hot, feel miserable. Classic Sydney marriage.
我是开玩笑的
Uh. Hey, I'm kidding.
我很替你高兴
艾伯特看起来很贴心
I'm happy for you. Albert looks sweet.
他叫艾伯特没错吧?
Is that his name, Albert?
听起来像艾伯特,只是有个达
It-- It's like Albert, but with a D.
-艾伯达? -不对,是...
Alberd? - [chuckles] No, uh, like--
-埃达特?埃达达? -是达伯特
Aldert? Alderd? - Dal-- Dalbert.
-达... -埃达特?艾...
Dalbert. - Alderd? Al--
-不,是达伯特 -我觉得自己好像中风了
No, like Dalbert. - Okay, I feel like I'm having a stroke.
有可能,他叫达伯特
[laughs] Maybe you are. It's Dalbert. Just...
-酷 -好
Cool. - Yeah.
-谢谢 -谢谢
Thank you. - Thank you.
-糟了 -没事
Oh, shit. - No.
-抱歉 -没什么
Sorry. - Don't worry about it.
我...我很高兴你联络我
I, uh... I'm glad you reached out.
听说你要结婚 但我不确定你会想跟我联络
I wasn't sure if you wanted to hear from me when I heard the news.
我...
I, uh...
我不怪你,经过那些事你一定恨死我了
I wouldn't blame you if, after everything, you hated my guts.
我恨死了
Oh, I totally did.
但我现在没事了都过去了
But I'm-- I'm fine now. We're-- We're fine.
对不起
I'm sorry.
我配不上你
You deserve better,
我很高兴你现在和达伯特一起
and I am glad that you found that with Dalbert.
所以...要结婚了
So, uh, marriage.
你一定很兴奋
You must be excited,
因为在我们交往之前 你就一心想结婚
because you were dying to tie the knot even before we started dating.
是啊,要找到对的人
Oh, well, yeah, but, you know, to-- to the right person.
毕竟我和达伯特,我们...
I mean, Dalbert and I, we're...
顺理成章的下一步 要全心投入,对吧?
It's the next logical step. You gotta commit, right?
我怎么知道
I don't know.
要结婚的人是你,你说呢?
You're the one getting married. You tell me.
对
Yeah.
他们在...该怎么说呢?
They were-- How do I put it?
在更衣室里...
In the change room...
这不就是你想要的?
Isn't this what you wanted?
在更衣室被抓?
Getting busted in the change room?
抱歉,妈 要请你再多陪亚契一下
Sorry, Mum, you'll have to mind Archie a bit longer.
不,是做♥爱♥的事
No, the sex part.
所以我应该感谢你
Oh, so I should be grateful
这几个月来第一次主动?
for the one time in how many months you've initiated sex?
真是难为你了不,妈,亚契早就不吃肉了
Sorry it's such a chore. No, Mum, Archie doesn't eat meat anymore.
你是什么意思?
What's that supposed to mean?
我看过你打手♥枪♥
I've seen you jerking off.
不,不是说你,妈
No, not you, Mum.
我们听得到你们说话
We can hear you.
告诉亚契那是豆腐,我们会尽快回家
Just tell Archie it's tofu. We'll be home as soon as we can.
-你到底是怎么了? -我来告诉你,我是怎么了
What's with you? - I'll tell you what's with me.
你的闺蜜告诉全世界 “引擎发不动,你上不了车”
Your best friend told the whole world you couldn't get mounted in a demountable.
-我不想再听到那句话了 -我也是
I never wanna hear that phrase again. - Same.
但深植人心
But it's very memorable.
所以你看过了?
So you've read it?
我看过了,全公♥司♥的人都看过了
I've read it. The guys at work have read it.
大家都知道我无法让老婆在床上满意
Everyone knows I'm shit at pleasing my wife in bed.
不是所有人都看过
Okay, not everyone's read it.
《标准报》那篇文章?我看了
That essay in The Standard? I've read it.
写得很棒
Great piece.
对,我也看了
Oh, yeah, I've read it too.
天啊,你就是那个闺蜜
Oh, my God, you're the best friend,
所以你就是...
which makes you...
好惨