我为养生狂（2023）

That is between me and the physician.
还有,我今晚不回家吃饭,抱歉
Also, I have to bail on dinner tonight. Sorry.
我答应艾美要陪她去新闻奖
I promised Amy I'd be her date at the Journalism Awards.
所以妳为了她抛弃家人
So you choose her over your family.
艾美也是家人,妈
Amy is family, Mum.
先别说那个了 妳明天能载我去领♥事♥馆♥吗?
But more importantly, can I please get a lift to the consulate tomorrow?
-我要换新绿卡 -妳干嘛急着回纽约?
I need to get a new green card. - Why are you rushing back to New York?
妳人都回来了 怎麽不留下来参加婚礼?
You're here now. Why not stay till the wedding?
妈,那是电视节目 这次会改变我一生的命运
Mum, the TV show. Huge, life-altering opportunity.
我早上要带嘉瑞斯和达伯特去试西装
Well, I'm taking Gareth and Dalbert for a suit fitting in the morning.
太好了,我可以搭妳和嘉伯特的便车
Oh, perfect. I'll just hitch a ride with you and Galbert.
还是阿达与阿嘉
Or DalGaz.
那阿嘉特呢?
How about Gazert?
太讚了,玛丽,手来
Yes, Mary. Up top.
我通常不开这种镇静剂
I don't normally prescribe benzodiazepines.
只是让我今晚参加盛会不那麽焦躁
It's just to take the edge off this shitastic event I've got tonight.
我纽约的医生像糖果一样随便给
My New York doctor gives them like candy. - Well, this isn't New York.
-这裡不是纽约 -我知道
I know.
妳最近过得好吗?
How have you been generally?
很好,我壮得像头牛
Yeah. I've got the constitution of an ox.
-我还是像20岁那样狂欢 -我知道
I still party like I'm 20. - I know.
我有追踪妳的IG
I follow you on Instagram.
你能跟上科技潮流真是太棒了
Oh, good on you for keeping up with technology.
喔,这不太对劲
Ooh, this can't be right.
血压150/90
Uh, 150/90.
那对妳这年纪的人来说太高了
That's far too high for someone your age.
可能是因为我今天被抢才会飙上去
Oh, it's probably spiked because all of my shit was stolen today,
还有我妈对我很不爽 因为我今晚不在家吃饭
and Mum is on my back because I can't make dinner tonight.
-洛琳,她的脾气像鞭炮说炸就炸 -没错
Oh, Lorraine. She's a firecracker. - Yes.
但能跟爸妈叙叙旧很不错
But it must be nice to catch up with your mum and dad though.
我爸已经死24年了
Dad's been dead for 24 years,
你身为他的医生,如果不是严重误诊
and as his doctor, that's either one hell of a misdiagnosis,
不然就是有什麽瞒着我
or you know something that I don't.
我的天啊
Oh, goodness me.
真的很抱歉,我不知道自己在想什麽
I do apologize. I don't know what I was thinking.
好
Yeah.
♪ Hello, beautiful ♪
(澳洲新闻奖)
♪ Hello, beautiful ♪
很烦,我懂
It's a lot in there, I know.
-澳洲新闻界的大咖都来了 -不如说那些算什麽咖
The who's who of Aussie journalism. - More like the who's that.
艾美,我要帮妳集气
Amy. Sending all the good vibrations your way.
莉维希利,这位是杰瑞米杰克森 《标准报》的生活风格主笔
Liv Healy, this is Jeremy Jackson, lifestyle writer for Standard.
-祝福妳 -祝福你
Namaste. - Namaste.
来,我们去灌酒
Okay, let's get a lot of drinks into us.
不,我要拿两杯,这裡简直是战场
Ah, ah, ah. No, I need both of these. This place is a battlefield.
我一定要让海伦知道
I really wanna show Helen
出了办公室的艾美很酷 依然维持专业形象
that out-of-office Amy is cool while still being professional.
-妳也太在乎老闆了 -对,她好可怕
Are you a bit obsessed with your boss? - Yeah, she's terrifying.
我超爱她的,要去到处聊吗?
I love her. Hey, wanna mingle?
靠,才不要 这裡除了妳,我都讨厌
Fuck no. I hate everyone here except you.
但妳要去就儘管去,我爱妳
But you go and do your thing. I love you.
史提芬罗杰斯
Steven Rogers.
奥莉维亚希利
Olivia Healy.
幸会
Nice to meet you.
其实你在《星》杂♥志♥时 我当过你的实习生
I actually interned for you when you were at the Star.
你常在下班后传简讯给我抱怨老婆
You used to text me after hours and complain about your wife.
-妳一定是记错人了 -不,是你没错
You must be thinking of someone else. - No, definitely you.
你还砍了我所有的照片 说我“思想肤浅”
You also shut down all my pitches, said I was a "shallow thinker."
我现在在纽约工作了
I'm working in New York now.
主要替一流刊物 写美食和生活时尚的东西
Mainly for top-tier publications, doing food and lifestyle stuff.
所以妳的思想不再肤浅了
So you've really moved on from being a shallow thinker then.
失陪了,奥莉维亚
Oh, excuse me, Olive.
我要准备去领终身成就奖了
I have to prep for my Lifetime Achievement Award.
(性别友善厕所)
♪ I take a pill To help me through the day ♪
去你的
Oh, fuck off.
♪ I stay inside until I feel okay ♪
振作点,姊妹
Get it together, woman.
再忍♥个12小时就好
Twelve more hours of this shit.
20块一包?
Twenty bucks for a bump?
一百
A hundred. - Oh!
天啊,把妳剩下全包了要多少?
Jesus. How much for the rest of the bag?
两百
Two hundred.
成交,但我要郑重声明
Deal, but I would like it noted
澳洲的毒品真♥他♥妈♥的贵得离谱
the price of narcotics in this country is fucking outrageous.
收到
Noted.
阿杰,欢迎来到狂欢现场 要来一点吗?
Hey, Jez. Welcome to the party, man. You want in?
我很久没碰恶魔头皮屑了
Been a while since I've had the devil's dandruff.
俗话说“把握当下”,朋友
They say, "Carpe that diem," my friend.
♪ I walk alone, I stumble to the beat ♪
谢了
♪ My stack of drums are always on repeat ♪
♪ You never win... ♪
莉维,妳不觉得吗?
Don't you agree, Liv?
艾美是个难得的人才
That Amy's a rare talent.
她正在建立典范
She's really forging a legacy. - Yeah, she's an assassin.
没错,她是个刺客
但就像妳说的,宝贝 最后赢的还是平庸白男
But as you said, babe, some average white guy's gonna win it
因为体系本身就对妳不利
because the system's rigged against you.
所以我对这些奖不抱任何希望
That's why I don't put much stock in these awards.
很好,因为出了这四道牆
Good because no one outside these four walls
没人会鸟这些东西,相信我
gives a shit about any of this. Trust me.
其实我不太同意,莉维
Actually disagree with you there, Liv.
就在今年,我们的一则报导
Only this year, one of our stories
揭发了人蛇集团的运作
broke a human trafficking operation wide open.
我们《标准报》着重的是...
At The Standard, the focus--
可是妳和我都很清楚 艾美在《标准报》是大材小用
But you and I both know that Amy's too good for The Standard,
但在地球的屁♥眼♥这裡 再拼也只有这样了
but in this backward arsehole part of the planet, it's the best she can do.
怎样?
What?
妳要好好呵护她,免得她爬到妳头上
And you need to keep her star so she doesn't outgrow you.
我要去找我的位子
好
- I am going to find my seat. - Okay.
-妳在搞什麽? -怎样啦?
Dude, what the fuck? - What?
-妳刚刚侮辱了我老闆 -她不错...我说妳很棒啊
You just insulted my boss. - She's fine-- I said you were amazing.
好,妳觉得这一切都是笑话 但对我很重要
Okay, you think this is all a joke, but it's important to me.
所以我才会陪妳来 虽然我痛苦得要死
Which is why I'm here, even though it's fucking torture.
妳是嗑药吗?
Are you high?
-开心一下有什麽不对? -因为妳老是玩得太过火
What's wrong with trying to have fun? - Because you always take things too far.
真抱歉,我害妳丢脸了
I'm so sorry I'm an embarrassment.
-是妳自己求我来的 -显然是我判断错误
You're the one that begged me to come. - Obviously, it was a bad idea.
好吧,如果妳那样想,那我要走了
Oh, all right, then. Well, if that's how you feel, I'll just go.
别这样,我们先坐下来
Let's just sit down.
-不要,没关係,我要走了 -莉维!
No. Forget it, I'm going. - Liv! Liv!
让开
Move.
♪ My type of baggage Ain’t holding me down ♪
晚安,各位女士先生
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
欢迎来到澳洲新闻奖
and welcome to the Australian Journalism Awards.
♪ I don't hide my issues Got my issues on my sleeve ♪
♪ I don't hide my issues All my issues, they're all me ♪
♪ And they do what they do ♪
♪ And they show what they show ♪
♪ Won't pretend that... ♪
真是令人兴奋,是吧?
Well, this is exciting, isn't it?
我爱新闻!
I love journalism!
得奖的是...
And the winner is
克里斯怀特曼
Chris Whiteman!
♪ My trust is broken, so broken ♪
下次吧
Next time.
♪ My type of baggage Ain’t holding me down ♪
♪ I’m so cool with it I keep it around, yeah ♪
♪ Keep it open ♪
看警♥察♥送了什麽来
Look what the police brought by.
我的绿卡
Oh, my green card.
颁奖典礼如何?
How were the awards?
艾美有得奖吗?
Did Amy win?
不见了
It's gone.
他们连我的月亮杯都拿走了
They even took my moon cup.
干
Fuck.
偷绿卡要做什麽?
Who would take a green card?
真是太好了
Far out.
天啊