我为养生狂（2023）

Yes! - Wow.
真是可悲到惨不忍♥睹
This level of pathetic is hard to watch.
听这每週五天回家看妈妈的阿嘉说的
Says the guy who visits his mum five times a week, Gaz.
才没那麽频繁
It's not that often. - I love having you both home.
我喜欢你们俩回家看我
-所以你们晚餐想吃什麽? -给我惊喜
Now, what do you want for dinner? - Surprise me.
不,妳的羊排,超好吃
Oh! No. Your lamb chops. Delectable. - Hmm.
我有天大消息要宣布
I have some big news.
想像一下
Picture this.
国际名厨争夺世界第一宝座
Internationally renowned chefs compete to be crowned world's best.
今年秋天,请收看《皇家盛宴》 您最新的销魂美食飨宴
Coming this fall, Banquet Royale, your newest food obsession.
是电视节目,我是评审之一
It's a TV show, and I'm one of the judges.
可是,等等,妳不是作家吗?
But, wait, aren't you a writer?
优异的作家,所以他们才会要我
A great writer. And that's why they want me, my voice,
还有我的见解 让我和无数观众分享我的品味
so I can share my taste with, like, a gajillion people.
妳知道谁才是厨艺高手?
Do you know who is a wonderful cook?
安卓雅赛德曼
Andrea Seidelman.
记得她打过篮网球吗?
Do you remember her from netball?
-她爸爸很性感 -她爸爸很性感
Oh, her dad was hot. - Oh, her dad was hot.
她上次为冲浪俱乐部募款
Well, she cooked the most delicious date slice
做的枣泥糕太好吃了
for the surf club fundraiser.
妳突然说这个要做什麽?
What's this got to do with anything?
我只是说那枣泥糕很湿润
Well, I was just saying it was very moist.
真抱歉,我不知道有那麽湿润
Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize it was moist.
奥莉维亚
Oh, Olivia.
我要去透透气
I need some air. - Hmm.
搞什麽?
Oh, that's--
妈,那会有害健康
Mum, that's a health hazard.
你那张脸才有害健康
Your face is a health hazard.
♪ Put all of my pennies In a roll of the dice ♪
♪ 'Cause lately I've been ready For a lightning bolt to strike ♪
♪ I'm a fool's paradise ♪
♪ Oh, I will never slow down ♪
♪ I will never go round and round, no ♪
♪ I'm just out here trying every day... ♪
算了,我去找愿意出面的吹哨者
Forget it. I'll find a whistleblower willing to go on record.
依菲,能不能先把抖音暂停 去把床铺好?
Uh, Evie, can you pause TikTok and go make your bed?
抖音是不能暂停的
You can't pause TikTok.
如果妳想去莎拉家,现在就上楼去
If you wanna go to Sarah's, get upstairs now.
天啊,艾美,妳也太易怒了
God, you need to chill, Amy.
可以这样跟妳妈说话吗?
That's "Mum" to you.
她最近态度很差
Her attitude stinks lately.
和妳小时候一样
Just like you at that age.
刚收到昨天的帐单
Just got the bill from yesterday. - Mmm.
那张桌子不像是值700澳币
Didn't look like a $700 table.
至少是个难忘的生日
At least it was a memorable birthday.
莉维为妳飞半个地球回来很酷
Yeah, it's pretty cool Liv flew halfway around the world for you.
不过你安排了很棒的午宴
But you organized a beautiful lunch.
而且,像你这麽贴心又善解人意
In fact, you're so sweet and understanding,
应该不介意今晚 我带好姊妹去参加颁奖典礼
you probably wouldn't mind if I took my best friend to the awards tonight.
先是要我赔700块,现在又来这个
Oh! First I'm down 700 bucks, now this.
莉维从大学就一天到晚 听我唸着澳洲新闻奖的事
Oh, Liv's heard me bang on about the AJAs since uni.
拜託嘛
Please?
好吧,我就穿着燕尾服看电影
Fine. I'll watch a movie in my tux.
你最棒了
You're the best.
你这臭小子,那是我的东西!
Oh, you little shit. That's my stuff!
过来,你这个溷蛋!
Come here! Call the authorities!
不行,这双很贵
Oh, no, they're expensive.
天啊!
Oh, God!
等等!喔,好痛!
Wait! Oh. Oh, it hurts!
-天啊 -妳还好吗?
Oh, my God. - Are you okay?
-那小鬼抢了我的东西 -跟我来
Oh, it's just the kid's got my shit. - Come with me.
你们是警♥察♥,就只能做这些吗?
You're the cops. Really, that's all you can do?
我的绿卡在包包裡,我不能困在这裡
My green card is in that bag, and I cannot be stranded here,
要是找到,拜託尽快通知我
so can you please let me know if it shows up?
对,我知道机率很小,可是...
Yeah, I know it's slim odds, but...
谢了,NWA那首歌♥果然是对的
Thanks. NWA were right.
喝点硷性水?
Some alkalized water?
好,谢谢
Oh, yes, thank you.
妳的气场很紫
Your aura is very purple.
哇,突然变成鲜红色了
Wow, it just went bright red.
来,我来帮妳淨一淨
Here, let me cleanse it for you.
好心的女士
Okay. Thank you, nice lady, for the magic water, but I'm gonna head off.
谢谢妳的符水,我要走了
等等
Wait. Wait.
我有东西要给妳
I have something for you.
赤铁矿
Hematite.
能帮妳稳定心神
It will ground and stabilize you.
我不需要被定下来
I don't need to be grounded.
我明天要搭飞机,可是绿卡丢了
I have a flight tomorrow and no green card.
我得想办法回美国去
I need to figure out how to get back into the US.
好,我们应该没有那种水晶
Yeah, I don't think we have that crystal.
真的,我不需要水晶,我需要...
Yeah, no shit. I don't need a crystal, I need a--
我需要奇蹟仙子
I need a miracle worker.
你真是奇蹟仙子
You're a miracle worker.
感谢,我无以回报
Thank you. I owe you big time.
好了,我找人帮妳约了 明天早上10点到美国领♥事♥馆♥
Right, my contact got you an appointment at the US consulate tomorrow at 10.
他们会帮妳办旅行证件
They'll give you a travel document,
妳下午就能顺利上飞机
and you'll be good to make your flight.
妳真是人脉广阔的女神,太感谢了
You are one well-connected goddess. Thank you.
我的确是,而且...
I am. And can't smoke in here, okay?
这裡不能抽烟,好吗?
Trying to teach my preteen drugs are bad. I can't let her know I'm a hypocrite.
我正在教小学的孩子毒品坏坏 不能被发现说一套做一套
这好讚
Ooh, that's good.
好,我该穿什麽好呢?
Right, what am I gonna wear?
-这套如何? -阴爆了
What do we think of this? - Ah, serious BVE.
-阴♥道♥力爆发 -爆妳个头,我生了两个孩子
Big vag energy. - Get fucked. I've had two kids.
我是在称讚妳,就是...
Oh, God, it's a compliment.
哦。 - 像是… - 耶。
Oh. - It's like- - Yeah.
妳的得奖感言写好没?
Have you written your acceptance speech yet?
-我被提名就很开心了 -那根本是干话,小关
I'm just happy to be nominated. - That is absolute bullshit, Kwan.
-我知道妳想得奖 -当然,但妳不能说那麽白
I know you wanna win. - Yeah, of course, but you can't say that.
有何不可?妳最棒了
Why not? You're the shit.
好吧,这个亚洲女人 不见得能打败四个叫克里斯的男人
Okay, it doesn't mean this Asian woman will win up against four men called Chris.
酷,那得体的失败者表情呢?
Cool. All right, well, what about your gracious loser face?
好
Oh, yeah.
完全不行
Oh, no. Stop it. You look constipated at best. No.
别闹了,妳根本是一脸便秘
我是真的不会
Oh, I'm bad at this.
-没错 -好吧
Yes. - Okay.
所以我在想 妳今晚陪我一起去,好吗?
So I was thinking, why don't you just come with me tonight?
什麽?
What?
走进一个场合,裡面的人 不是拒绝过我,就是开除过我?
And walk into a room full of people who have either rejected me or fired me?
-对 -那就是我所谓的地狱
Yeah. - That's my idea of hell.
对,有道理
Yeah, I know.
我就是因为这样才搬到纽约 妳明明很清楚
It's the reason I moved to New York, and you know that.
拜託,可是妳现在出头天了,好吗?
Oh, but come on, now you're killing it. Okay?
What is the best revenge?
最好的复仇是什麽?
如果妳说过得很好 我会把妳尖挺的胸部揍扁
If you say living well, I will punch you in your perky bosoms.
不,让那些溷蛋亲眼看到妳成功
No, shoving your success in the face of those arseholes.
妳即将在厉害的电视节目上当评审
You're gonna be a judge on a fancy TV show,
而且我欠了人家大把人情 帮妳约了领♥事♥馆♥
and I did just call in a massive favor to get you that consulate appointment.
好吧,我去
Fine, I'll come.
除非让我穿这件
But only if I can wear this.
妳最好敢穿
Oh, I dare you.
还记得我在妳婚礼上 跟道格的哥哥上♥床♥吗?
Remember when I had sex with Doug's brother at your wedding?
-什麽? -什麽?
What? - What?
谢谢
好的,非常感谢
Thank you. Yes. Thanks very much. Appreciate it.
-嗨 -亲爱的
Hi. - Oh, hi, darling.
-嗨,玛丽 -听说妳包包被抢的事了
Hi, Mary. - Heard about your ordeal with your bag.
-对 -要吃棒棒糖吗?
Yeah. - Want a lollipop?
-好,我要吃,谢谢 -真是意外的惊喜
Yes. Yes, I do. Oh, thank you. - This is a nice surprise.
妳来做什麽?
What are you doing here? - I just need to see Dr. Price.
我只是来找普莱斯医生
为什麽,妳怎麽了?
Why, what's wrong?
那是我和医生之间的事