我为养生狂（2023）

My filthy hole. My filthy hole. Filthy hole.
好啦,我去,快闭嘴
All right, I'll come. Just shush.
这不是我老闆要的鼻到尾全餐报导
This isn't exactly the nose-to-tail story my boss was--
喔,好喔,也太直接
Whoa! Okay, just right in there.
妳会感觉到自己正在膨胀
You will feel yourself expand now.
-心灵上? -是妳屁屁裡面,亲爱的
Oh. Spiritually? - In your arsehole, dear.
看起来像在兽医院
Uh, well, this looks veterinary.
-妳的如何? -有点油
How'd you go? - Quite oily.
我们排空室不能带手♥机♥进来
We ask no phones in the shedding space.
谢谢妳好意提醒
Oh, thank you for asking.
我拒绝
And my answer is no.
抱歉
Sorry.
天啊,小姐,妳吃东西要嚼
Ugh, God. Dude, you need to chew your food.
天啊,我太不健康了
God, I'm so unhealthy.
看我,我需要用水管冲乾淨
Look at me, I need to be hosed out. - Hmm.
好丢脸
This is humiliating.
-我们应该来拍张照 -好喔
Oh, we should get a photo. - Ooh, yeah.
拿高一点
Hold it up.
-抢到了 -莉维!
Yoink. - Liv!
姊妹,妳要放轻鬆,喝点茶
No, mate, stop. You need to relax. Drink some tea.
分♥析♥我的内容物
Analyze my insides.
我的吹哨者!
My whistleblower! - Oh.
拜託别过来,还在导流
Oh, please, not mid-drain.
靠,干!
Oh, fuck! Fuck!
相信我,最好别那麽做妳不能再回电吗?
You don't wanna do that. - Uh, can you call them back?
不行,这是未显示号♥码
No, it's an unlisted number!
别拉,拜託
Don't pull, please.
喂?
Hello?
干!
Fuck. [groans] Oh!
-也许... -闭嘴,拜託妳
Maybe-- - Don't, just don't.
-最近天气真好 -真的,外面天气真不错
Lovely weather we're having lately. - Really is. Isn't it lovely out there?
我瞭解,我们保证不会再犯
I understand. We'll ensure it doesn't happen again.
谢谢
Thank you.
再次向您道歉
Sorry again.
-这次又怎麽了? -他开错药了
What was it this time? - He's prescribed the wrong drug.
两倍剂量
Twice the dose.
威而钢
Viagra.
晚上铁定是场硬仗
Must have been a hard night, eh? Eh?
很高兴又见到妳...
Good to see you again, uh...
雪莉
Shirley.
没错,雪莉
Of course, uh, Shirley.
祝妳的...
Uh, best of luck with...
-一切好运 -谢谢
With-- With all of it. - Don't worry. Yeah.
总之,我只是想让你心裡有个底
Anyway, I just thought I'd put it on your radar.
这...我的天啊
Uh, well-- Well, goodness.
希望他没把药一次全吃完
I hope he doesn't take it all at once. His wife won't be able to walk.
否则他老婆走路都有困难
也是,幸好我不是她
Oh, yes, I wouldn't like to be her.
只是这个星期已经发生第二次了
It's just that this is the second time it's happened this week,
当然人难免会出错
and, of course, human error.
我们都难免会出错
It happens to the best of us,
但已经是常态了
but there is a pattern,
我只是觉得如果我保持沉默就是不负责任
and I just felt it would be irresponsible if I didn't mention something.
洛琳,妳到底想说什麽?
Lorraine, what are you trying to say?
我对这些疏失很担心
I'm worried about these mistakes.
加上你的家族病史
And given your family history,
我认为你应该去做失智症检查
I think you should be checked for dementia.
嘿,我刚好到附近艾美在吗?
Hey. I was in the neighborhood. Is Amy around?
姊妹,她可能不欢迎不速之客
Mate, I'm not sure she's up for a pop-in.
艾美,莉维来了
Hey, Ams, Liv's here.
什麽叫你们不能做 纯素且无麸质香肠捲?
What do you mean you can't do vegan and gluten-free sausage rolls?
好吧,那就做成两种
Fine. We'll need both then.
关伯伯和关妈妈,你们好
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Kwan.
-你们好 -妳好
Hi. - Hello.
这看起来超好吃的
Oh, wow, this looks so good.
莉维,要一起吃晚饭吗?
Hi, Liv. Here for dinner?
-别跟我们客气 -我不行
You're always welcome. - Oh, I can't. I wish.
我也很想,但我正在断食
I'm doing this fast.
是朋迪排毒,我不能吃东西
Bondi Cleanse. No food for me.
他们白人应该多经历一点飢荒
White people need to experience more famines.
莉维
Liv.
嘿!
Hey, hey!
给生日快到的小寿星
It's the almost-birthday boy.
-是给我的吗? -没错
Is that for me? - It is.
我现在可以打开吗?
Can I open it now?
当然,有何不可?
Yeah, why not?
-哇 -糟了
Wow. - Oh, no.
-很好 -看莉维送了什麽给亚契
Yeah. - Look what Liv got Archie.
不能以“兴奋”来形容
"Thrilled" is not the word.
-我们能谈一谈吗? -怎麽了?我们要开饭了
Hey, can we have a chat? - What-- We're about to eat.
依菲,快去洗手,要吃晚饭了
Evie, can you wash your hands? It's dinnertime.
-好 -妳在生我的气
Okay. - You're annoyed with me.
我只是压力很大
I'm just stressed.
亚契,要说什麽?
What do we say, Archie?
谢了,莉维,妳会来我的派对吗?
Thanks, Liv. Are you gonna come to my party?
我就是来自告奋勇的
That's why I'm here. If you need help with Archie's party, I can help.
有需要的话 我可以帮忙亚契的派对
-莉维可以负责游戏 -她可以
Liv can help with games. - She could.
她真的可以
She really could.
-好吧 -太好了
Fine. - Yes!
头髮有光泽、指甲结实、眼睛发亮
Hair, shiny. Nails, strong. Eyes, luminous.
嗅觉敏锐,完全不饿
Sense of smell has sharpened, not hungry at all,
也不痛了
and pain free.
还有,意外地慾火中烧
Also, weirdly horny.
激烈的梦,和半人马做♥爱♥?
Intense dreams. Sex with a centaur?
惊人的大鵰
Massive cock.
大鵰的话题可以下午再说吗? 拜託妳,奥莉维亚
Can we leave the cock talk till afternoon, please, Olivia?
我是在录工作笔记
Um, well, I'm actually recording notes for work.
妳没事吧?妳气色很不好
You all right? You look rough.
谢了,我懂妳的暗示
Thank you, hint taken.
妳猜怎麽着?今天是周末
Well, guess what? It's the weekend.
我要跟妳去散步 “我每天早上走五公里”小姐
So I'm gonna come for that walk with you, Miss 5-Kilometers-Every-Morning.
今天不行
Not today.
妳不是每天早上都要走?
But you go every morning.
我没那个心情 况且,妳不是快饿死了?
I'm not in the mood. Besides, aren't you starving yourself to death?
对,但我现在活力充沛
Yeah, but I've got, like, a surge of vitality.
我觉得好像重生了
I feel like I've been reborn.
这句说得真好
Actually, that's good.
活力充沛,觉得好像重生了
Surge of vitality, feel like I've been reborn.
薇乐莉一定会爱死这篇报导
Valerie is going to eat this story up.
妈,妳看
Mum, look at this.
我不痛了
Like, no more pain.
-其实还有一点 -去找个健身专家
Well, a bit. - See a fitness professional.
妳家族裡就有一个
Like the one you're related to.
打给妳弟弟
Call your brother.
附注,如果把半人马老二 比拟为水果
Note, if centaur cock had to be compared to fruit,
应该是凤梨吧?
it would be pineapple?
(滑翔健身房♥)
(嘉瑞斯,个人教练)
♪ I believe in miracles ♪
♪ Where're you from, you sexy thing? ♪
♪ You sexy thing ♪
♪ I believe in miracles ♪
♪ Since you came along, you sexy thing ♪
♪ How did you know I needed you? ♪
糟了...好喔
No, no, no, no, no! Oh, okay. All right, yeah.
快来人救我,天啊!
I need help! Help.
妳没事吧来,拉着我
Are you all right? Here you go. Grab this.
好的
Um, okay.
天啊,我打到你的老二吗?
Oh! Oh, my God, was that your penis?
-没关係 -天啊,我真的很...
My fault. It's okay. It's fine. - Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
-没事,我可以... -来,没关係
It's fine. No, I'll just-- - Come on, just-- No, you're okay.
-没什麽大不了 -不行!
Nothing to it. It's okay. - No!
-靠 -我的天啊
Oh, jeez. - Oh! Oh, my God!
干,我真对不起
Oh, fuck. I'm so sorry.
你还好吗?