尝试（2020）

Another pause. Look, I've seen the film before.
又停顿了 我已经看过好戏了
So, I'm not on the edge of my seat the way I was the first time.
所以当然不会像第一次看戏那样激动不已
But it's still, literally, my favorite film of all time.
但这仍然是我最爱的一部戏
I find new things in it every time I watch it. I--
每次看我都温故知新 我…
All right, is it over? Do you want to break up?
好 结束了吗？你想分手吗？
Okay. Yeah, lovely. Let's break up.
好吧 真棒 分手吧
And then when people ask you, "Why did you break up?"
以后人们问起你：“你们为何分手？”
You can say, "Oh, there was a pause."
你可以说：“他停顿了一下”
And then everyone's gonna think you're nuts.
大家都会觉得你是疯子
And they're gonna stay friends with me instead of you.
他们会继续和我做朋友 抛弃你
See? What?
看到没？ 什么？
This is what happens to people without kids.
没有孩子的人就是这个下场
Just slowly become bored by each other.
渐渐地厌倦彼此
I am not bored of you.
我没有厌倦你
When we first met, we spent hours on the phone talking.
我们刚认识时 可以聊几个小时电♥话♥
We don't do that now. We live together now, don't we?
现在不会了 我们现在同居了呀
That would be a bit weird, wouldn't it? Jason, you know what I mean.
再聊电♥话♥不会很奇怪吗？ 杰森 你懂我的意思
If we were still on the phones together.
怎会现在还聊电♥话♥
I think I'm ready to talk about adopting.
我准备好谈领养的事了
Yeah?
真的？
Okay. Okay. Yeah?
好的 好吗？
Yeah. No. Yeah. I mean. Brilli-- Yes. Let's talk.
好 不 好 我是说很棒…好 我们聊聊吧
Okay.
好的
I know it sounds bad
我知道这么说很不妥
but do you think they'd feel like someone else's child?
但领养的孩子会不会感觉像别人的孩子？
I think they probably would, at first. Yeah.
一开始很可能会 对
But I think, you know, you would wear 'em in like trainers.
但我觉得就像穿新鞋一样 你会慢慢适应
You know what the best thing would be? If we took no funny-shaped heads.
你知道最棒的是什么吗？ 我们不要头型怪异的孩子
Really? Yeah.
真的吗？ 对
We could swipe left past the funny-shaped-headed ones.
头型怪异的都左滑拒绝
I don't think it works like that. It's exactly how it works.
好像不是那样操作的吧 就是那样
People are gonna come from miles around to see our perfectly round-headed baby.
人们会远道而来 只为看我们头型完美的宝宝
Be a source of extra income for us. Would it?
还可以挣一点外快 会吗？
Because people will wanna draw her.
因为大家会想画她
But people won't be able to draw her head freehand, will they?
但那个脑袋不能免费让人画 对吧？
Because it's so perfectly round.
因为那是完美的圆脑袋
They have to use a compass. Use a compass. Yeah.
要用圆规才能画好 用圆规 对
Or they can draw around a saucer. There's options.
也可以描碟子的边 还有别的办法
Yeah, I'd like that.
对 挺好的
Now, please may we have sex now? No.
那我们现在可以上♥床♥了吗？ 不行
Oh, go on.
好吧 继续
It's a good call. Being pregnant sucks.
这是个很好的决定 怀孕最烦了
Right. When were you pregnant? I've been pregnant.
对 说得像你怀孕过一样 我怀孕过
Really? How long for?
真的？多久？
Like, four, five months, I suppose.
四、五个月吧
Oh, my God. Jen! I had no idea. I'm so sorry.
天啊 珍 我完全不知道 真抱歉
No, not all in one go.
没有 不是一次那么长时间
Just a week here, a week there, you know?
这一周、那一周 加起来 你懂吗？
Oh, right.
这样啊
So, you gonna go foreign?
你会领养外籍宝宝吗？
I would. They're less entitled.
是我就会 他们被惯得没那么厉害
Oh, I don't know. We're just talking at the minute.
我不知道 我们目前只是在考虑
Do you just pick one? Or is it like an auction?
是不是直接选一个就行？ 还是像拍卖♥♥那样？
No, see, you register with an agency.
不 你要去领养机构登记
They make sure you're nice, then you just meet some kids.
他们确保你人品好 然后你去见一些孩子
Why would anyone bother getting pregnant? Yeah, I know.
那有谁会想怀孕啊？ 对啊
I mean, they won't look like us.
不过领养的孩子长得和我们不像
Well, that's good.
那挺好的
Cheers, mate. That's nice.
多谢夸奖 姐妹 你真甜
Hi. Thanks for holding.
你好 多谢你的耐心等待
Yeah. I just checked with my boss, and I'm afraid that is the cheapest we can do.
对 我刚和上司谈了 很遗憾我们最低只能给这个价
Have you thought about hitchhiking?
你考虑过搭便车吗？
Look at that bromelia.
瞧瞧这凤梨花
It's given me nothing.
真是白养了
Venezuelan.
委内瑞拉的
That's where radical social democracy gets you.
极端社会民♥主♥主义的土壤果然开不出好花
I'm not sure the socialists are in charge of the bromelias, Dad.
我觉得凤梨花不归社♥会♥主♥义♥分子管吧 爸
You totally sure about this?
你确定吗？
Yeah. We think it's the right time. Yeah.
对 我们觉得这是对的时机
You got to be careful with adoption.
领养这事要谨慎
Mel from the club got a rescue dog. Shat everywhere.
俱乐部的梅尔领养了一只狗 到处大便
I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that information.
我不知道该对这个信息有何反应
I've heard they can be trouble, the adopted ones.
听说领养的小孩可能很麻烦
And will they let Nikki adopt, even though, you know?
而且妮基符合资格领养吗？毕竟…
What?
怎么？
Well, you know what she's like, Jason. I do, yeah. She's lovely.
你知道她是怎么样的 杰森 我知道 她很可爱
They let anyone adopt nowadays.
现在谁都能领养孩子
Mel knows two fellas got gay married, and then they gay adopted.
梅尔认识两个结了基婚的男人 然后又领养了基宝宝
You know you can just say "married" and "adopted"?
你知道你只需说“结婚”和“宝宝”吧？
Yeah, well, I don't know all the lingo.
我又不知道所有的术语
Look, it's gonna be fine, okay?
听我说 不会有事的 好吗？
We're takings things slowly, and we're not rushing into anything.
我们一步步慢慢来 不会操之过急
Okay.
好
All right, I know that this looks crazy.
好的 我知道这看上去有点疯狂
But I think that if I just acknowledge that, then it's not.
但我承认这有点疯狂 那就不是真的疯狂
Crazy people don't know they're crazy. And yet here we are.
疯子不知道自己是疯子 但事实似乎不是如此
Look.
看
These were on offer. And I just thought, you know, why not?
这些在减价 我心想 心动不如行动
Do you think you might be getting ahead of yourself?
你会不会有点太心急了？
I got us some leaflets. Oh, all right, have you?
我还拿了几本宣传册 是吗？
Look at page 15. Okay.
快看第15页 好
Do you think she's still available?
你觉得她是不是还没被领走？
You know this isn't a catalog, don't you?
你知道这不是商品目录吧？
I've signed us up for an information evening tomorrow night.
我给我们报名了明晚的简介会
God, I hate Camden sometimes. Yeah.
天啊 我有时真讨厌肯顿 对
Man bun, vegan, flip phone, beard oil wankers.
男人丸子头、纯素主义、翻盖手♥机♥ 抹胡须油的混♥蛋♥们
Why don't you get an office job? Contribute.
你怎么不找份办公室工作？贡献社会
None of your dads are proud of you. All right.
你两边的爸爸都对你失望 好了
Can we go now? Are we done?
我们可以走了吗？买♥♥完了吗？
Are you serious? Have you seen this list?
-别逗了 看到这个清单没？
Bloody hell. Yeah, right.
真该死 是啊
How is Erica, anyway? She all right? Yeah, she's great. Yeah, yeah.
对了 艾瑞卡怎么样？她还好吗？ 她棒极了
She's loving the whole pregnancy experience.
她很享受怀孕过程
I mean, I'm kidding. It's a shitshow. Everything's sore.
我是开玩笑的 糟透了 浑身酸疼
And last week she cried because they changed the Newsnight theme tune.
上周她因为《新闻之夜》主题曲变了而哭
She wants to get the leather saddle on the rocking horse redone.
她想重新弄摇摇马的皮马鞍
Do you know any good tanners? Do you know what?
你认识手艺好的皮匠吗？ 你猜如何？
I think we're between tanners at the minute, so
我们刚炒了上一个皮匠 所以…
You know, this kid doesn't even exist yet. I've dropped two grand on it.
孩子还没生 我已为他花了两千英镑
Why can't we just have a baby without all the
为何不能随随便便生个孩子…
In other countries, they just have babies.
在别的国家 人们说生就生
You know, you go there, and there are, like, babies just on the floor.
你一进门 孩子就落地了
They strap them to the front of their tuk-tuks, and they drive around with them.
他们把孩子绑在突突车前面 载着孩子到处跑
They just get on with their lives.
继续生活
I mean, it's happened seven billion times. It's not exactly a miracle.
毕竟已经发生了七十亿次 又不是什么奇迹
Having one without starting a blog about it.
生个孩子 别为此开个博客
That would be a miracle.
那才叫奇迹
All right.
好
She wants yogurt.
她想要酸奶
Does she want plain or Greek or what?
她想要原味还是希腊式的？
It's for my wife's vagina, mate. I'm not really fussed.
这是给我妻子的阴♥道♥用的 哥们 我不在乎
Probably Greek then.
那还是希腊式吧
I know it's stupid,
我知道这么问很傻
but is it possible that they'll just give us one today?
但他们会不会今天就给我们一个宝宝？
At our initial information meeting? Yeah.
在第一次简介会上？ 对
Yeah. We are pretty great. I know, right?
有可能 我们很优秀 对吧？
Why does everyone look so miserable?
为什么这里的人看上去都好悲伤？
Because it's a community center.
因为这是社区中心
Here we go. Here's another one for the collection.
好 又收集到新的宣传册了
We could always just move to the country and raise our leaflets.
我们大可现在就搬到乡间 将宣传册抚养长大