出柜家庭（2016）

The Real O'Neals S01E12

Part 2 Aug. 27, 2020, 11:27 a.m.

对了莎伦... 她上我们毕业晚会的网站
Yeah, Shannon... she went on our prom website
买♥♥断所有票
and bought up every single ticket,
然后再高价倒卖♥♥给其他学生
which she is now selling back to the students at a huge markup.
她甚至改了网站的密♥码♥
She also changed the password to the website.
也许是我忘了
Or else I've forgotten it.
不管怎么说这劳什子太烦人了
Either way, it's frustrating.
你有规定每个学生只能
Did you stipulate that students were only allowed
买♥♥一定数量的门票吗?
To buy a certain number of tickets to the prom?
米有
I did not.
那你能不能告诉我
Can you tell me, then,
莎伦为什么要被罚?
What Shannon is being punished for?
我... 不能
I... cannot.
那我还杵在这干啥?
Then what am I doing here?
因为她是你孩子!
Because she's your child!
而我现在本应该在西部中区的托斯卡纳(意大利行政区)
And I'm supposed to be meeting like-minded singles
会见与我心神近似的单身女士
In the Tuscany of the midwest!
没人叫威斯康辛那名字
No one calls wisconsin that.
那你和那个郡的宣传♥单♥扯去吧
Tell that to the brochure from door county!
我已经把我衣服上的标签剪掉了
I already cut the tags off my outfit.
我还能穿那身去哪?!
Where else am I gonna wear that?!
离开闷热的学校真是一种解脱
What a relief to leave the hot and stifling school
然后又踏进这闷热的家
And enter - this hot and stifling house.
嘿筒子们看我的胸部
Hey, guys, look at my chest.
我流出了耶稣形状的汗
I'm sweating in the shape of jesus.
我就搞不懂为啥周五我们还得学习
I don't understand why we have to study on Friday.
我们要玩点带劲的然后再学习
We should do something fun and study later
比如... 周日再学
Like... On Sunday.
- 吉米... - 或者周一在公交上
Oh. Jimmy... - or Monday, on the bus.
筒子们抱怨有个毛用
Guys, there is no use in complaining.
我们被关禁闭了
We are on lockdown.
咱妈已经开始做那些恶心的甘蓝薯条了
Mom has already started making those gross kale chips.
咱妈在哪?
Where is mom?
我不造
I don't know.
这是咱爸的钱包
There's dad's wallet.
爸! 你在家吗?
Dad! Are you home?
爸?!
Dad?!
他不在但是他的警徽在
He's not here, and his badge is.
他为啥会丢下它? 他从不离身的
Why would dad have left this? He never leaves it.
天太晚了
Oh, god. So late.
好的吧快来快快快快快
Okay, come on. Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.
为啥我出这么多汗?
Why am I sweating so much?
难道我要鸡下藏鸡去约会了?
Go on a date with chicken in my unders?
不
No.
迷你风扇也消失了
And the minivan's gone, too.
你知道这意味着啥吗?
You know what this means?
他们被杀了
They've been murdered.
额... 不一定
Well... probably not.
谈如果是这样的话
But if they were,
在发现之前我们是不是该玩点好玩的?
Shouldn't we have some fun before we find out?
她说的太对啦
She's right.
我们绝不能浪费这天赐良机
We can't waste this opportunity.
想想警♥察♥们能靠他们的徽章得到多少免费的东西
Think of all the free stuff cops get for flashing their badges.
不! 没门
No! No way.
吉米假冒警♥察♥可是重罪
Jimmy, impersonating a cop is, like, a felony.
不许动!
Busted!
你被捕了!
You're under arrest
我以强行装嫩逮捕你
For being an old lady impersonating a teenage boy.
那如果他们回到家而我们不在学习咋办?
What if mom and dad come home and we're not here studying?
他们得为他们没有被谋杀而庆幸了
They'll be so happy they're not murdered,
他们不会大发雷霆的
They won't be mad at us.
吉米那脑里的食物起作用了
That brain food's working, Jimmy.
对
Yep.
不!
No!
我们不能像小警♥察♥那样跑来跑去!
We are not running around like tiny cops!
得了吧肯尼
Oh, come on, Kenny.
我是你哥
I'm your brother,
拐你上船是我的职责
And it is my duty to get you on board.
这是我们出入这座城市的通行证
This is our key to the city.
所以大胆的开脑洞吧
So just think as big as you can.
我们既年轻又美丽城市尽在我们掌握
We were young and beautiful, and the city was ours.
我们过着上层生活
We were living the high life,
没有什么能够阻挡我们
And nothing was gonna stop us.
欢迎来到莱尼之家
Welcome to Lenny's,
这里有世界闻名的浅棕吐司
Home of the world-famous lightly browned toast.
这和我想象中的有点差别啊
Well, I imagined it a little differently,
但是... 这也不错
But... this works.
帕特里克·奥尼尔警官
Officer Patrick O'Neal.
我是警♥察♥ 随时为您服务
Cop... at your service.
我们至此以保护服务...
We're here to protect, serve...
还想吃点免费的烤干酪辣味玉米片
And eat free nachos.
玉米片玉米片玉米片...
Nachos, nachos, nachos...
好嘞孩子们冷静
All right, kids. Calm down.
你单身很久了吗?
Have you been single long?
感觉很久了
Feels like so long.
离婚太费神了
Divorces are rough.
不像那些南希·迈耶斯的电影里
They're not as glamorous as they make them seem
演的那么迷人
in those Nancy Meyers movies.
上次我理了个头发
Last time I got a haircut,
我脸一直靠着那个女孩的手臂就像只猫
I kept leaning my face into the girl's arm, like a cat.
她估计不会再帮你理发了
She may not cut your hair again.
对她也是这么说的
Yeah, that was the impression I got.
但我理解
Well, I understand it, though.
真的
I do.
我一般不会承认但是...
And I don't usually admit this, but...
有时我想...
Sometimes I think...
和人类交谈交谈也很棒
It's nice to get a little...human contact.
我要给莎伦打电♥话♥
I'm gonna go call Shannon.
不错
Uh, that'd be good.
好的吧
O-kay.
嗨是我!
Hey, it's me!
我把我的电脑落下了
I left my laptop,
我还想看看有木有帅帅的农夫关注了我
and I want to see if any hot farmers branded me.
哦艾琳
Oh. Eileen.
你这个姿势是羞愧球我知道这种形状
You're in a shame ball. I know that shape.
怎么了?
What happened?
我跟我家孩子的副校长...
I did something...
做了件错事
to my kids' vice principal.
我的妈哎艾琳你杀了他
Oh, my god, Eileen. You killed him.
没有我没杀他!
No, I didn't kill him!
我吻了他
I kissed him.
这比你杀了他更惊悚
Oh! That is so much more shocking.
我知道!
I know!
那个吻嗨特别有赶脚
And it was really good.
- 是吧 - 但他甚至都不是我的菜
- Yeah. - But I'm not even attracted to him.
啊我的主啊我为什么要做这样的事?
Oh, god. Why did I do this?
是不是因为帕特去约会的缘故啊?
Is it because Pat went on a date?
你还是我老是问没脑的问题呢?
And you say I always ask the dumb questions?
哦日了狗了
Oh, god.
这太糟糕了
This is terrible.
他是负责我家孩子教育的人啊
He's responsible for my children's education.
我以后还要见他的
I'm going to have to see him again.
这个吻会不会影响到他们的成绩?
Could this affect their grades?
恶! 我这张臭嘴都做了些什么啊?
Ugh! What have I done with my mouth?
这就是为什么农夫的生活更简单的原因...
This is why farmers' lives are simpler...
因为他们离对方的距离就像牛郎织女那么远
Because they live, like, acres and acres away from each other.
我必须去跟他谈谈
I'm gonna have to talk to him
去告诉他这个吻是错误的
And tell him this kiss was a mistake.
我的手还因为愧疚在抖着呢
My hands are still so shaky from the shame.
赶紧的你得开车带我去
Come on. You're gonna have to drive me.
你在出汗吗?
Are you sweating?