出柜家庭（2016）

The Real O'Neals S01E05

Part 2 Aug. 27, 2020, 11:25 a.m.

and breaking out into song in the middle of a normal play.
基佬们是最棒的
Gays are the greatest.
把你手♥机♥给我
Give me your phone.
好的基达已经过时了
Okay, grindr's old news.
我都知道这个
I know the app.
嗯... 肯尼名字年龄我知道这些
Um...kenny, name, age, I got that.
尺寸?
Size?
你是说像小号♥ 中号♥ 大号♥ 或者数字型号♥?
You mean like small, medium, large, or, like, number sizes?
我不知道
I don't know.
嗯... 我最多是个中码下半身比较小
Um... i'm a medium top, small bottom.
写那个
Write that.
下一个你想找什么样的?
Next, what are you looking for?
这上面有各种类型的基佬给你选择
There's categories of guys to choose from.
什么? 熊狼水獭长颈鹿银狐
What? Bear, wolf, otter, giraffe, silver fox.
他们都是动物啊
They're all animals.
- 这些就是同性恋的类型? - 我不知道啊
- Are these types of gay people? - I don't know.
- 那你是哪一类呢? - 我不知道啊
- What type are you? - I don't know.
- 那你喜欢哪一类? - 我还是不知道啊
- Well, what's your type? - I don't know.
我需要顾问就像... 就像是一个同性恋总统内阁
I need advisers, like a... like a gay presidential cabinet.
我们可以帮你小甜心
We'll help you, sugar.
让我们一起来轻松搞定这事
So, let's walk you through this.
我是熊
I'm a bear.
通常我们胸部宽广胸毛发达
Typically, we're barrel-chested, covered in hair,
最喜欢穿法兰绒
and most comfortable in flannel.
懂了我明白了
Got it. Uh, that makes sense.
那是一个水懒
And that's an otter.
他们像熊但是小一些
They're like bears, but littler.
我们喜欢仰泳
and we like to float on our backs.
这里还有一个银狐
You also got a silver fox,
一头牛一头狼还有一个海豚
A bull, a wolf, a dolphin.
不明白为什么大家就不能叫我高人
not sure why people don't just call me tall.
- 你就是长颈鹿 - 别开玩笑了
- Giraffe. - Seriously.
- 歇歇吧 - 我们喜欢标签
- Give it a rest. - We love labels.
亲们我还是找不着北
Guys, I'm lost.
好吧
Okay.
我就像教你泡妞一样
Well, I-I'm gonna help you out the same way I would
教你搞懂基佬
if my little brother was curious about girls.
我要把这事提高到一个新高度
I'm gonna take it to a higher power.
网络黄♥片♥
Internet porn.
不
N-no.
但是... 我们都不满18岁而他们一直喜欢问年龄
But... but we're not 18, and they always ask.
肯尼你真是太可爱了
Kenny, you're adorable.
"男生看的钙片"
"Gay porn for dudes."
我还是算了
I'm out.
看看这个春天里的第一朵花
Look at this. The first flowers of spring.
小心烂泥女士
Watch the slush, ladies.
这双凉鞋要穿一个夏天的
Those sandals have to last you all summer long.
好的我先拿走了
And I'll take that.
还有这些
And these.
太阳出来的时候
The open container law is still in effect
开放容器法还是成立的
When the sun's out, people.
开放容器法:美国法律规定，在公共场所不能公开携带已经打开的酒精饮品
抱歉我有点迷路了
Hi, I'm sorry, but I'm a little lost.
你知道怎么去那边的捷径么?
Do you know which way to rush and division?
当然往前走两个街区第三个就是了
Sure. Just two blocks up, three over.
- 谢谢 - 没事
- Thanks. -Mm-hmm.
那里也归你管吗?
you cover that beat, too?
不不是的那里是扫黄组的
No, ma'am, that's vice on account of the rampant prostitution.
注意安全
Be safe.
你在干嘛?
What are you doing?
什么了?
What?
那个美女问的是
The only directions that woman needed
你俩有没有戏
was to the intersection of her and you.
拜托你今天怎么跟变了个人似的?
Come on, are you this guy today?
天气都暖和起来了在劳工节之前我都会是这个样子
It's warm out. I'm this guy till labor day.
你真的确定她是在和我搭讪?
Really think she was flirting?
欢迎回到这个世界伙计
The world is trying to welcome you back, man.
这样吧尝试着和其他人聊聊
here, just try chatting somebody up.
我心里还没准备好
I'm just not ready, okay?
如果我和一姑娘聊天然后我们可能就得去约会
Because if I chat up a girl, then I probably have to go on a date.
是啊!
Yeah, you do!
然后如果她和我年龄相仿她通常也有孩子
And then if she's my age, she's probably got kids.
生孩子的年龄！
Child-bearing age!
我只是不想我的孩子和她的孩子共用卧室
I just don't want my kids sharing bedrooms with her kids
离婚家庭很多孩子都有行为问题
who have behavioral issues from their parents' divorce,
因为当他们偷卖♥♥了电视去换毒品时
because then when they steal our tv for drug money,
都是家长的错你懂吧?
It's all on me, you know?
是的你的确没准备好
Yeah. You're not ready.
这里有很多分类啊
There are a lot of categories.
你想从哪个开始?
Where do you want to start?
我不知道
Mm, I don't know.
但我貌似喜欢
Mm, but I do like
布鲁克斯兄弟公♥司♥广♥告♥上的衬衫
The shirt in the brooks brothers ad.
亚麻又开始流行了
Oh, linen's back.
是啊终于
yeah, finally.
我们从一些柔和的开始吧
Um, okay, let's start with something mellow.
我喜欢这个
Oh, like this one.
"办公室狂欢"
"Office party."
我想说如果是在工作的话
I mean, it's at work.
大家搞不出什么乱子对吧?
People can't misbehave too much, right?
- 哇 - 天哪
- Whoa, nelly! -Oh, god!
这个不温和太不温和了
That's not mellow. It's not mellow.
- 人太多了太多了 - 真的太多了
- There are so many people at this party. - far too many.
我就是想看一些不错的基佬做正常的基佬事
Come on, I just wanted to see nice men doing normal gay stuff.
我也是
Yeah, me too.
我要支持你我正试着支持你
To be supportive. I'm trying to be supportive.
我们为什么不上网搜搜别的呢?
Why don't we search for something else?
- 不是说我恐同啊 - 不你不是恐同
- Not to be homophobic. - No, you're not homophobic.
重新搜索
New search.
怎么不动了
It's not working.
死机了
It's frozen.
天哪怎么办?
Oh, god! What's happening now?
妈呀... 为什么这些窗口不停跳出来?
Wha... why are all these windows popping up?
亲这是黄♥片♥广♥告♥
Dude, it's a pornado.
关掉快点关掉肯尼!
Shut it down. Click it off now! Kenny!
- 停不了啊 - 越来越糟了
- It's not stopping. -It's getting worse.
这么多窗口要关还有一个男女向的广♥告♥
So many close-ups, and that one's straight porn.
- 有点一致性好嘛! - 怎样才能关掉呀?
- Be consistent! - Where does it end?
天哪我只是想找个喜欢的人
God. I just wanted to find someone to like.
我搞不定了!
I can't handle this!
别留我一个人面对这些白花花的大屁♥股♥啊!
Don't leave me with all the butts in my face!
我真的不恐同!
Not to be homophobic!
你知道我不喜欢别人奉承我
You know I'm not one to hand out compliments,
但我看起来真的很棒
but I look amazing.
你看起来真的很棒
You look so great.
他会喜欢你的
He's gonna love you.
拭目以待吧
We'll see.
我会开车送你过去以表支持
I'll drive you for moral support.
你从中午开始就一直在喝酒
You've been drinking since noon.
那就你开车带我
You'll drive me for moral support.
等等我要带上我电脑里的照片
Oh, wait. My computer with my pictures.
我很快回来
I'll be right back.
你喜欢我的篮子?
You like my baskets?
我的荣幸老板大人
You're welcome, mr. President.
好嘞咱们赶紧重启电脑，清除历史记录
Okay, let's just reboot the computer, clear the history,
然后我会静静地坐在我的寝室
and then I'll go sit quietly in my bedroom
过着孤独的无性生活
and live a lonely life of sexless reflection.
电脑呢?
Where's the computer?
也许小黄毒把它从床上吹跑了
Maybe the pornado blew it off the bed.
莎伦你拿走电脑了么?!
Shannon, did you take the laptop?!
不我觉得妈妈拿走了
No, I think mom did.