出柜家庭（2016）

The Real O'Neals S01E07

Part 1 Aug. 27, 2020, 11:26 a.m.

我们家开始了寻找新生活的节奏之旅
The o'neals had begun to find the rhythm of our new life.
我爸爸已经开始张开双臂拥抱他的地下室生活
My father had embraced basement living
还掌握了慢炖锅的艺术
and mastered the art of crock-pot cooking.
妈妈负责补充蔬菜
And my mom filled in the greens.
他们合作的相当好
They worked together pretty well.
我妈甚至已经开始把我的性取向
My mother had even started referring to my sexuality
视为"特定现状"
as "the situation,"
所谓接受你的同志孩子的94步旅程中的第2步
which is step 2 of the 94 steps of accepting your gay child.
是的一切看起来都不错然而...
Yep, things were looking good, and then...
我之所以不给你小费是因为我知道
I'm not tipping you because I know
你在你自己国家还是个富翁呢
you're a millionaire back in your own country.
神啊那个疯狂的种族主义者是谁啊?
Geez, who's the crazy racist?
祖母大人
Grandma.
这就是我为什不喜欢出租车的原因
This is why I don't like cabs.
允许你在我们国家生活已经够给你脸了还敢要小费
Allowing you to live in our country is tip enough.
祖母艾格尼丝我妈妈的妈妈
Grandma Agnes, mother of my mother.
一个真正的天主教黑帮
A Straight-Up Catholic Gangsta.
快去拿上帝的盒子! 快去拿上帝的盒子!
Get the God box! Get the God box!
我们是纯正的天主教♥徒♥
We're pretty catholic,
但是在祖母眼里我们总是不够纯正
but we could never be catholic enough for grandma.
交换教皇
Pope swap.
把弗朗西斯拿下来把保罗二世换上去
Francis down. John Paul up.
为什么每次你妈来的时候都不先打声招呼?
Why doesn't your mom ever call before she comes?
因为她知道打招呼的话我们就会准备好
Because then we'd be ready.
- 吉米把这些圣经放好 - 好的
- Jimmy, scatter these bibles around. - Yep.
- 你戴的是个什么玩意? - 外婆的复活节圆帽
- What are you wearing? - Grandma's easter bonnet.
这帽子给我赚了20块她上次来的时候跟她换的
This hat made me 20 bucks and change on her last visit.
马屁精!
Suck-up!
我可不是来交朋友的我是来比赛的
I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to play the game.
- 我们得谈谈 - 现在吗?
- We need to talk. - Right now?
- 我们还是夫妻 - 法律意义上吗?
- We're still married. - In the eyes of the law?
- 我妈的意义上 - 什么?!你还没跟她说?!
- In the eyes of my mother. - What?! You haven't told her?!
你怎么能和世上最清白的天主教♥徒♥说
How do you tell the world's most sinless catholic,
"我发现圣经里关于婚姻的观点都是错的
"I've decided the bible was wrong about marriage
而且我准备直接下地狱"?
and I'm going straight to hell"?
也许不是那样啊
Probably not like that.
而且我也不只是离婚这么简单
Plus I'm not just getting a divorce.
我是离开了她唯一对我满意的东西... 就是你
I'm divorcing the only thing she likes about me ... you.
我妈在的这段期间拜托你再做会儿我丈夫好吗
While my mother is here, please just be my husband.
嘿等一下
Hey, wait a second.
我已经开始新生活了... 在地下室开始了属于我自己的新生活
I've made a new life ... for myself in the basement.
我留了胡子我可以用手吃饭
I grew a mustache. I eat with my hands.
我可以自♥由♥做决定不用害怕你的批评
I make decisions without fear of criticism.
帕特你是长了胡子但你也不是拓荒者啊
Pat, you grew a mustache. You are not a pioneer.
她顶多待两个小时
Her visits only last two hours.
拜托你配合我一下还有不要搔她的痒
Please, just go along with this. And no tickling.
- 什么? 老年人最喜欢瘙痒了 - 什么?!
- What? Old women love tickling. - What?!
对了还有件事你也不是同性恋
Oh! One more thing. U're not gay.
妈妈! 见到你真好!
Mom! So good to see you!
妈妈!
Mom!
你在干嘛?
What are you doing?
我在拥抱你啊
I'm hugging you.
我的天啊帕特瞧你那胡子
My goodness, Pat, that mustache.
你看起来就像是年轻版的艾利克斯·崔柏克
You look like a young Alex Trebek.
艾格尼丝赞美的话给我200块就好了
Well, I'll take compliments for $200, Agnes.
不要！不要！不要这样！
Stop! Stop! Stop that!
过来一下
Um, quick sidebar.
你为什么还没告诉外婆我是同性恋
Um, why haven't you told grandma that I'm gay
还有你已经离婚了?
and you're getting divorced?
没机会提起啊
Well, it hasn't come up.
我们聊了强力球（美国的一种彩票）
We talk about powerball,
聊到了当季的核果
what kind of stone fruit is in season.
根本没时间闲聊啊
We don't have time for idle chitchat.
妈你不能这么一直逃避下去
Mom, you cannot keep avoiding this.
她现在来了如果你不去的话我会去告诉她
She's here now. if you don't tell her, I will.
天啊我真怀念那些
Man, I really miss the days
我可以直接用奶嘴堵住你的嘴的日子
When I could shove a binky in your mouth.
好吧我会去说的但是得让我找一个好时机
Fine. I will do it. But let me find the right time.
好吧
Fine.
莎伦给你5块钱
Shannon, here's $5.
我爱死这个圆帽了
I love that bonnet.
我也爱我的外孙们
And I love all my grandchildren.
我原以为我会有更多孩子的但你们妈妈出生的时候
I thought I'd have more, but when your mother was born,
直接顶着我的子♥宫♥就出来了就像戴着帽子一样
she came out wearing my uterus like a hat.
就像我的圆帽!
Just like my bonnet!
我们差点都死了
Oh! We almost both died.
但是我们都活下来了
But then we didn't.
但是我完美的外孙们弥补了
But my perfect grandbabies make up
我在你们妈妈身上失去的部分
for some of what I lost with your mother.
那我们先干嘛呢?
What should we do first?
这样我们可以先玩一个特别酷的新游戏
Oh! Well, we could play this really cool new game
在那就是我们必须得诚实的分享彼此的生活
where we all talk honestly about what's happening in our lives.
听着好无聊啊
That game sounds boring.
来吧我想给你看看我厨房♥里新买♥♥的滤锅
Come on. I want to show you my new colander in the kitchen.
我给你们准备了礼物
I have gifts for you kids!
莎伦我给你带了我主日学校的
Shannon, I brought you a coloring book
填色本
from my sunday school.
主题是"罪恶"
The theme is "Sins."
你看这两个男人在私通
You see, these two men are fornicating.
而且你每涂一页我都会给你2块钱
And I'll give you $2 for every page you color.
涂色还能赚钱? 这么好?!
Getting paid to color? What?!
然后肯尼我给你带了一罐我的腌黄瓜
And, Kenny, I brought a jar of my famous dill pickles.
我超爱你的腌黄瓜的外婆
Oh, I love your pickles, grandma.
那是因为它们很粗大
That's because they're thick.
它们都既粗大又硬实
They have to be long and thick and hard.
没关系妈妈
That's fine, mom.
不不不不
No, no, no, no, no.
我喜欢聊腌黄瓜
I'm okay with pickle talk.
还有吉米我的圣经学习小组都给我们的孙子们
And, Jimmy, my bible study group bought these clever puzzles
买♥♥了这些聪明拼图
for all of our grandchildren.
我们想看看谁的孙子能最先解决谜题
We want to see who can solve it first.
你要当第一个啊
Be first.
没问题! 怎么弄?
Neat! What is it?
这是个天才测验
It's a genius test.
你得把他们拼成一整块
You have to get rid of all the pegs but one.
哈!
Bam!
我是个天才
I'm a genius.
我会帮他看说明书的外婆
I'll walk him through the introductions, grandma.
肯尼亲爱的
Kenny, sweetheart,
跟我说说你最近怎么样
Tell me what you've been up to lately.
不错啊
Yeah, okay.
对了外婆我很想跟你详细的说说
Um, well, I'd love to tell you about it in detail, grandma.
你知道我一直都很喜欢"追梦女郎"?
You know how I've always loved "Dreamgirls"?
我么忘记拿蛋糕了!
We forgot to get cake!
肯尼我们去餐厅聊聊
Kenny, let's talk about it in the dining room.
他一直都那么爱音乐剧
He always loved musicals.
妈妈你在拖延时间
Mom, you're stalling.
相信我撕开伪装说出真♥相♥才是上上策
Trust me, it's better to just rip the band-aid off.
你知道我才不会这么做
You know that's not how I do it.
我会用矿物油好好保养它
I massage the band-aid with mineral oil.
然后当你看《猫和老鼠》的时候
And then while you watch "Tom and jerry,"
我再慢慢揭开然后你就有曲奇吃啦
I slowly peel it back, and then you get a cookie.
不!不!
No! No!
不行她都那么老了
But it's not right. She's old.
她可能到死都不了解实情
She could die without knowing the truth.
我知道你认为我在骗你但我是支持你的
I know you think you're listing a con, but that's a pro.
得了吧你跟她说实话我也说
Come on, you tell her your thing, and I'll tell her mine.
好的噻行
All right, fine.
吃完甜点后我们一起说
We'll tell her together, but after dessert.
糖会让她云里雾里懵懵懂懂