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Put it on.
快穿上
It looks cute.
真可爱
Guys...
各位...
I don't know what to say. Don't.
我不知道说什么了 不用说
Here.
拿着
Parents suck. Hey.
父母最烂了 喂
Oh, I'm sorry, Nicky.
抱歉 尼基
I'm sure your kids will never need therapy
我相信你的孩子永远都不需要治疗
because their dad's a bartender.
因为他们的老子是酒保
Hey, fuck you. Your dad hasn't called you in a year.
去你♥妈♥的♥ 你♥爸♥一年没给你打电♥话♥
Fuck you. Eight months.
去你♥妈♥的♥ 是八个月
He called to tell me that he had another kid that he named Ariel.
他打来跟我说他给他的另一个孩子取名叫艾瑞尔
Terrible boy's name.
男孩叫这个真糟糕
My parents think I'm a failure.
我父母觉得我就是个失败者
Yeah, magna cum laude from fucking Princeton.
是哦 他妈普林斯顿大学的优等生
Never done anything right.
什么都做不好
William's mom got fat when he leaves home.
威廉离家后 他妈就胖了
Why would you say that?
你为什么要说这个
Because it's true. She has no life without you.
因为是真的 没有你她都不知道怎么过
I'm the only child my parents don't pester about having grandkids.
家里只有我不会被我爸妈缠着要给他们生孙子
Isn't that a good thing? No, it's offensive.
这不是好事吗 才不是 这是对我的侮辱
My kid would be fucking awesome.
我的小孩肯定超屌♥
My mother never had a passport,
我妈妈从未有过护照
and she never learned how to drive.
她也没学过开车
She hasn't once visited me in New York
她一次都没来纽约看过我
because I won't let her.
因为我不让她来
And my mom went for a swim and never came back.
我妈去游泳后就再没回来过
Now it's a party.
现在这才叫派对
My mommy is the most fabulous person
我妈咪是全世界
in the entire world.
最好的人
A saint. Yeah, but she's in Russia.
简直是圣人 是啊 但她在俄♥罗♥斯♥
You'll never see her again.
你再也见不到她了
It's true.
这倒是
To orphans Annie?
敬孤儿安妮
To orphans Annie.
敬孤儿安妮
Na Zdorovie. Na Zdorovie.
干杯 干杯
You should burn that jacket.
你该把那外套烧了
Fast.
赶紧的
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