瑞克和莫蒂（2013）
Rick and Morty S06E10
Part 2
Dec. 13, 2022, 9:45 a.m.
It is?
你为什么还在玩激光剑？
Why are you still playing wth laser swords anyway?
你已经14岁了
You're fourteen.
你知道《星球大战》很愚蠢吧？
You know all that Star Wars shit is silly, right?
卢卡斯几十年前 就承诺会拍摄一部新的三部曲
Lucas promised a new trilogy for decades,
结果成品惹怒了粉丝
then when he delivered fans turned on him
接着所有的书呆子就趁机拍摄
and started giving any knucklehead with nerd cred a shot
一大堆商业烂片
and churned out these irredeemable cash grabs.
一半的粉丝假装很满足 另一半嗤之以鼻
Half pretend to be satisfied, half shit on it
最后谁都不开心
and in the end no one's happy.
莫蒂，你知道为什么吗？
Do you know why, Morty?
因为一坨屎最终还是一坨屎
Because when you start with a turd, you end with a turd.
你在哭什么？瑞克呢？
Why you crying? Where's Rick?
他在忙
He's busy,
而且我恨他
and I hate him,
我还失去了我的光剑
and I lost my lightsaber
它可能会摧毁地球
and now it might destroy Earth
你还把对X世代的仇恨 都发泄在我身上
and you're unloading all this Gen X hatred on me
只因为我想要一把光剑 这是史上最糟的圣诞节
for even wanting one and it's the worst Christmas ever!
好了，莫蒂…
Okay, Morty, Morty.
我不该用对联♥合♥国♥官员的口吻 跟你说话
I shouldn't have talked to you like you're a UN official.
我们去拿回你丢人的光剑吧
Let's get your embarrassing ass lightsaber back
你就能尽情挥舞它 而不是去亲吻女孩了
so you can swing it around instead of kissing girls.
你找到我了…
You found me! Found me! Found me!
安全漏洞
Security breach.
搞什么鬼？
What the hell?
－未经授权人员出现 －莫蒂，你在搞什么鬼？
Unauthorized presence. -What the fuck Morty?
今天早上，一把真实的
This morning, a real life version of
乔治卢卡斯注册商标光剑 剑刃朝下掉在地上
George Lucas's trademarked lightsaber was dropped point down
它正轰隆隆地掉入地心
and is whomp whomping its way to the core of the Earth
且即将把我们炸得粉身碎骨
where it will blow us all up.
敢碰我的东西你们就死定了
Touch my shit and die.
我不是在威胁你们 是我的东西太先进了
That's not a threat from me, that's how advanced my shit is.
你的巢穴真不赖，山查兹
Impressive lair, Sanchez.
你还缺六十万张许可证吧？
Got about six hundred thousand permits?
如果我想让政♥府♥进我家门 我就会买♥♥一台智能助理
If I wanted the government in my house I'd buy an Alexa!
是我邀请他进来的，瑞克
I invited him in, Rick.
好，他们可以离开了 我会摧毁光剑的
Yeah, well, they can leave. I'll destroy it.
－我们要把它拿回来 －那太蠢了
We're gonna retrieve it. -Well that's stupid.
你算是哪门子的外公？
What kind of grandfather are you?
今天是圣诞节，而你看起来像
It's Christmas for God's sake, and you look like
菲利斯佩克特 用兰迪奎德擦完屁♥股♥一样
Phil Spector wiped his ass with Randy Quaid.
要帮忙就帮忙，不然就让开
If you're gonna help, help, otherwise step aside.
祝我圣诞快乐
Merry Christmas to me.
－祝我圣诞快乐 －祝我圣诞快乐
Merry Christmas to me! -To me!
总之，我不是专家，但看来我们…
Anyhoo, I'm no expert but it seems we've gotta...
有时间打造一艘大型钻探船
a certain amount of time to build a big drill ship.
大型钻探船？
A big drill ship?
你让开之后也没闭嘴
That's some pretty loud stepping aside you're doing.
直接让我摧毁它吧
Just let me destroy the thing!
你摧毁的东西已经够多了
You've destroyed enough!
看来有人找到 我的＂我早警告过你＂发送器了
Oh, I see someone found my Told-ya so Dispenser.
天啊，看看这些街道
Oh my god, look at all these streets!
有34街
We got 34th street!
35街
35th street!
也有36街
36th street coming too!
这真是个奇迹
It's a miracle!
37街和38街都有奇迹
We got miracles on 37th street! 38th,
更别提大街上了
and don't even get me started on the Avenues!
我不敢相信他们剪掉这一段
I can't believe they cut this!
爸，你最近好棒
Dad. You've been so great lately.
我好害怕这不是真的
I'm almost afraid it's not real.
你不是机器人，对吧？
You're not a robot, are you?
这么说吧，亲爱的
Put it this way, honey.
就算我是机器人
If I am, I'm a robot
我也是被设计成非常爱你们的机器人
programmed to love you very, very much.
这个钻头的速度能快到 抢在光剑前面吗？
Will this drill down fast enough to get under the lightsaber?
可以，一小时后 它就会位在光剑下方，因为…
Yep. It will be under the lightsaber in one hour, because the...
等等，它比钻头低了
Wait, it's lower now.
对啦，因为它会动
Oh, right, it's moving.
你这该死的白♥痴♥，滚出去
You fucking idiot. Get out of here!
祝你在圣诞节期间找到好科学家
Good luck finding a good scientist on Christmas!
我是混♥蛋♥国的总统
I'm President of the United Assholes.
好吧，天才，我允许你
All right, genius, I give you permission
让我们的钻探船速度加快
to make our drill ship faster.
我才不要碰那个东西
I'm not touching that thing.
我会被传染神经性病
I'll get neurotypical cooties,
我的女婿还比较有想象力
I have son-in-laws more imaginative
好吧，直接摧毁光剑吧
Alright, just destroy the lightsaber!
我以为你不会开口问我了
Thought you'd never ask.
才怪，我就知道你会问
Not true, I knew you'd ask.
那是什么？
What is that?
第二把光剑
A second lightsaber
剑柄里有人工智能控制的回转火箭
with an AI controlled gyroscopic rocket in the hilt.
你有一把光剑？
You had a lightsaber?
你想要一把吗？
Oh did you want one?
那会是很糟糕的礼物
What a terrible gift that would have made.
垂直光剑，说出你的最高指导原则
Vertisaber, state your prime directive.
保持垂直
To stay vertical.
示范给他们看吧
Then show ‘em how it's done.
收到
Affirmative.
好耶，美国万岁
Yeah! -America!
保持垂直，垂直光剑
Maintain verticality, Vertisaber.
收到
Affirmative.
好，看起来不错，继续锁定目标
Alright, looking good. Stay on target.
进度报告
Progress report.
垂直光剑？有收到吗？
Vertisaber, do you copy?
每次我都要回答吗？
Do I have to respond every time?
你说什么？
Excuse me?
我的设计是要保持垂直
I'm designed to stay perfectly vertical,
而不是不断回报
not to give constant affirmation,
我们各司其职吧
you do your job I'll do mine.
是我在控制你
I control you!
好，你继续吧 我要关闭我的大脑了，再见
Okay, I'll just turn off my brain and you can do that, bye!
开什么玩笑？可恶
Fucking kidding me? Shit!
它偏离轨道了，长官
Trajectory's drifting, sir.
它会从哪里出来？
Where is it coming out?
应该是意大利，长官
Looks like Italy, sir.
好吧，还不算太糟糕
Okay, that coulda been worse.
那绝对不是爱情
Well, that is definitely not Amore.
你的示范还真棒，瑞克
Way to show us how it's done, Rick.
－随便啦 －意大利总理在一线
Whatever. -Italian Prime Minister on line one.
叫他等一下
Put him on hold.
我们可以把错推给沙特阿♥拉♥伯
We can pin this on the Saudis.
这是他们会做的事
This is something they'd do.
他们可能会这么做
They may as well have done it.
他们的确做了这件事
They did do it.
在401大道和70000街的交叉口又出现了一个奇迹
Oh, there's another miracle at the end of the intersection of four hundred and first boulevard and seven thousand street!
目前每个街区都出现了一个奇迹
That's a miracle per block so far.
好，连我都快到极限了
Okay even I'm nearing my limit.
我们来玩圣诞游戏吧
Let's play a Christmas game!
你们玩过＂你是机器人吗？＂
Have you guys ever played “Are You a Robot?”
每个人都要决定自己是不是机器人
Each person here has to decide whether or not t-they're a robot.
－好耶… －我喜欢
Ooh I like that. -Yes, yes, yes.
但别大声说出来
But don't say it out loud.
因为如果你是机器人，你不能说出来
Because if you're a robot, you're not allowed to say you are,
这是规定
that's the rule.
这就是当机器人的痛苦之处
That's the horrible, painful thing about being a robot.
但你还是得回答大家的问题
But you do have to answer everyone's questions.
而他们必须决定
And it's their jobs to decide
你是不是机器人
瑞克和莫蒂（2013）
Rick and Morty
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