瑞克和莫蒂（2013）

Me neither. It's a problem.
但我们认识能帮我们解决的人
But we know someone that owes us a solution.
天啊，我们离开森林了 我们发现空旷处了
Oh shit, we're out of the forest! We found a clearing.
快去看，去看空旷处
Go check it out! Go check out the clearing!
＂你离开森林了，前往空旷处＂
＂你在空旷处，你已经不在森林了＂
＂所以吸血鬼获胜，游戏结束＂
吸血鬼？拜托，这样太不真实了
Vampires? Oh, come on! That's not realistic!
莫蒂，这游戏的设定
Morty, it's obviously set in a world
－就是吸血鬼会在空旷处狩猎 －你怎么‥
where vampires hunt in clearings. - How did you...
我跟你知道的资讯一样多
I'm working with the same information you are!
你要做完作业才能看荧幕，爸
No more screen time until your homework's done, Dad.
－那是什么意思？ －我们拒绝在乎
What did that mean... - We refuse to care.
天啊，你今年感恩节真的变成熟了
Damn. You really came of age this Thanksgiving.
我们几岁？ 我们庆祝过100万次感恩节了
How old are we? We've had a million Thanksgivings.
我可以说明一下这有多不理性吗？
Can I explain how irrational this is?
你不还把女儿做成了复♥制♥人吗？
Asked the guy that cloned his daughter.
这件事过不去了，是吗？-对
Will I ever live that down? - No.
－你们想要我学《暖暖内含光》那样
You guys are having the Eternal Sunshine
删除你们脑中的色情片场面
all the Multiplicity porn scenes from your minds?
－对，差不多 －没错
Yep. Basically. - Sounds right.
同时你们身边的所有人 爸爸、被戴绿帽的老公
Meanwhile, everyone around you your father, your cuckhold husband,
还有身心受创的孩子 只能心甘情愿地静静承担后果
your jaded children will just happily and silently bear the burden
因为对他们来说这样比较实际
because it's more practical for them than the truth
你们并不在乎，因为你们不受影响
and you don't care because it won't be your problem.
你统整得很好，爸
Solid repipe, Dad.
他仿佛有当了一辈子自私鬼的经验
It's like he has a lifetime of experience as a selfish ass.
我会想你的
最好不要
如果这方法失败了 你们两个又爱上彼此
When this fails and the two of you fall in love again
还因为我参与其中而攻击我
and you attack me for taking part in this
我会谎称我劝了你们好几个小时
I'm gonna lie and say I tried to talk you out of it for hours.
但我其实并不在乎
In truth, I don't care.
－三、二‥ －真是够了
Three, two... - Oh, for God's sake
你们成熟一点吧
all of you, grow up.
－杰瑞，你变回来了 －搞什么？
Jerry! You un-rolled! - What the hell?
剧情转折，天外救星老公
Plot twist, Deus Ex Husbanda.
不要为了让我好受而做脑叶切除术
Oh, don't lobotomize yourselves for my comfort.
我虽然是男人，但我也是个宝宝
I may be a man, but I'm also a baby.
宝宝是不会为其他人的痛苦负责的
And babies don't take responsibility for other people's suffering.
我不该说你如果离开我，我就会自杀
I should never have said I'd kill myself if you left me.
那并不是事实 我只会收拾行李和一直哭
It's not true. All I'd do is pack my shit and cry
一边用星巴克的网络找工作
while I look for a job on Starbucks' Wi-Fi.
我现在就要这么做
And that's what I'm gonna do
所以你们这对复♥制♥人女同志 可以去找机器人当证婚人结婚
so the two of you can get clone-lesbian married by a robot
在月球上互相指交
and finger yourselves on the moon
用火星法语嘲笑我的怪异小老二
while laughing in Martian French about my weird little dick!
杰瑞，等等
Jerry, wait!
杰瑞，别生气地跑走
Jerry, don't leave angry.
我应该坐在莲叶上飘走吗？
Should I float out on a lotus leaf?
我得要有双倍自信
I have to be twice as confident
因为我老婆跟她自己搞了外遇吗？
because my wife cheated on me with herself?
－这不算外遇 －你是来帮忙的吗？你烂透了
It's not even cheating. - Oh, you here to help? You suck.
你根本不知道哪个才是你真正的老婆
You don't even know which one is your real wife.
如果是我 那你之前都在跟复♥制♥人搞外遇吗？
If it's me, have you been cheating with a clone?
我不是复♥制♥人，但她说的在理
I'm not the clone but she has a point.
这段对话真引人深省 可惜发生得太迟了
Oh, what a provocative conversation. It would've been great to have before
因为你们两个，对，两个都有份
the two of you and I am counting two
一边让彼此达到不公平的专业高♥潮♥
gave each other unfairly expert orgasms
一边还嘲笑我的怪异小老二
while mocking my weird little dick!
杰瑞，＂怪异＂和＂小＂都是你说的
Jerry, you're the only one who keeps saying weird and little.
你们两个都看过
Well, you've both seen it!
你们也看过了彼此
And you've both seen each other
你们现在想对我大肆宣扬 但已经太迟了
and now you want to tell me all about it but it's a little late.
我的天啊
Oh my God.
你不是介意这件事跟你有关 而是介意这件事跟你无关
You're not mad that it was about you. You're mad that it wasn't.
他想允许我们相爱
He wanted to permit our love.
好，告诉自己的老公 可不算是《使女的故事》
Okay, it's not Handmaid's Tale to loop in your husband.
但是我同意，我们犯了错
I agree, for the record, we made a mistake.
因为我们应该要注意到自己失控了
Oh, because we should've noticed ourselves losing control
去找主人杰瑞
and gone to Sexmaster Jerry and said
跟他说＂拜托，杰瑞 我可以跟自己亲热吗？＂
"Oh, pretty please Jerry, can I make out with myself?"
可以
Yes, you may.
看吧？ 见光后就没那么刺♥激♥了，狐狸精
Yeah. See? Not so hot when it's above board, homewreckers.
你是说亲热就不会有快♥感♥了吗？
Oh, so we won't enjoy this?
等等，这样很奇怪
Well, hold on... this is weird.
很奇怪，但我允许
Weird and permitted.
－等等，你喜欢这样？ －谁在乎他喜欢怎样？
Wait, you like this? - Who cares what he likes.
－我在乎 －我或许喜欢
I do. - I might like it.
她如果喜欢，我就允许
And if she likes it, I permit it.
－你这个小变♥态♥ －你就喜欢小变♥态♥
You little pervert. - You like a little pervert.
我喜欢羞辱小变♥态♥
I like humiliating a little pervert.
我认可，请继续
I approve. Carry on.
这样子的刺♥激♥让我很震惊
I'm freaked out by how hot this is.
你允许我这样吗？
Am I permitted to do this?
目前可以
Until further notice.
－我喜欢 －那我从今以后都允许
I love it. - Then it's permitted from now on.
因为她喜欢怎样，你就喜欢怎样
Oh, because you like whatever she likes.
因为你是只虫子
Because you're a worm.
我允许你这样的见解
I will allow that assessment.
－把盐递给我好吗？ －我不在乎你允许什么
Pass the salt? - I don't care what you allow.
－该死 －你允许什么？
Dammit... - What do you allow?
－我允许这样 －那就一定要这样
I allow this. - Well, then it's required.
我认同这个需求
I approve the requirement.
－你去那边 －好主意
You get over there. - Good idea.
天啊，好，老公？
Oh, wow. Okay. Honey?
你不介意我就不介意
I'm fine if you are.
－你不可能不介意，闭嘴 －好，但‥
You're never fine, shut up. - Okay, but...
天啊，好 -我没预期会这样，但‥
Okay. - This is not how I pictured this, but...
我到目前为止没有任何不满
I have zero complaints so far.
因为我知道你想要什么
Because I know what you want.
－我不反对这个 －我可以提案吗？
I do not disagree with that. Can I make a pitch?
－我们如果‥ －真的吗？
What if we... -Are you serious?
－这是在嘲笑我吗？ －你不喜欢吗？
Hey, is this making fun of me? - Well, is that bad?
我允许，天啊，好
I'll allow it.
天啊，你得把传送枪修好，瑞克
Jesus Christ, you need to fix the portal gun, Rick.
莫蒂，你叫我修，我只会更不想修
Morty, you asking me makes me wanna do it less.
好，感恩节，我们来聊聊感恩节
Okay, Thanksgiving! Let's talk about Thanksgiving!
你们有什么感恩的事？ 来，夏茉，你先说
Who's thankful for what? Go, Summer, you... you first.
我很感激水？
I guess I'm thankful for, like... - water?
太棒了，很好，莫蒂呢？-我靠
Perfect! Wonderful! - Morty, what about you? - Fucking...
这是在开什么玩笑？
Are you fucking kidding me? Why...
为什么？探索频道，为什么？
Discovery Channel! Discovery Channel, why?
好，快吃东西吧，我们快吃东西吧
Okay, just eat your food. Everyone, eat the food.
抱歉，我‥这样好吗？
Sorry, is this...
再见了，小朋友
Well, bye, kids.
我会在外太空留意我孙子的
I'll keep an eye out for my grandkid in space.
第五季第4集中莫蒂的精♥子♥和夏茉的卵子结合，造出了一个漂浮在太空的乱♥伦♥巨婴，取名Naruto Smith
随后在第五季第7集太空机甲大战中为瑞克一家解围
你的什么？对，鸣人
Your what? Oh! Right, Naruto.
谢谢你来见我们，太空贝丝
Thanks for visiting, Space Beth.
看来大家这周末都很有收获
Well, seems like we all learned a little lesson this weekend.
至少我有
At least, I know I did!
我也有，杰瑞，我也有
Me too, Jerry. Me too.
你好，杰瑞 你今天需要什么服务吗？
Hello there, Jerry. How can I help you today?
你好，我只是来找大家玩
Howdy! Yeah, just...just here to hang.
抱歉，亲爱的
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.
你不能自己来这里
You can't come here by yourself.
为什么？里面都是我
Why not? It's just me in there.
虽然你应该不会
Well, not that this is something you'd do
但有些杰瑞会来这里
but sometimes we have Jerries come here
试图碰其他杰瑞
and try to touch other Jerries. - Oh, no, that's...
不，太糟糕了
that's not good.
好，下次见
Well, see you later.