瑞克和莫蒂（2013）

Rick, let a dog have one day.
我会的…
I'm letting. I'm letting.
那是能量球吗？
Are those orbs?
我指的就是这个 有混♥蛋♥看到了你打架的画面
This is what I'm talking about. Some asshole saw that fight
信不信由你，他们很嫉妒尿大♥师♥
And believe it not, they were jealous of Pissmaster.
我是永恒的布拉格纳
I am Blagnar the Eternal.
我们要寻找教训了尿大♥师♥的地球人
We seek the earthling who beat up Pissmaster.
就是我爸杰瑞史密斯
That's my dad, Jerry Smith!
杰瑞史密斯 我们的银河能量球会渴望正义 以及主持正义之人
Jerry Smith. Our Galactic Orbship thirsts for justice and those who deliver it.
－等等，什么？ －我们伟大的理事会
Wait, what? -Our great council
想将这个银色能量球赠予你 以及理事席位
would like to offer you this silver orb. And with it, a place amongst us.
天啊，这球粘粘的
It's sticky.
对，这代表它找到了 想结合的纯正之心
Yeah. That means it's found a pure heart it wants to bond with.
你们在新闻上看到了我女婿
you guys saw my son-in-law on the news,
他就得到了粘粘的能量球
now he gets a sticky orb,
有什么陷阱？我们不是笨蛋
What's the catch? We're not rubes.
是，我们非常了解你的力量 瑞克山查兹
Yeah your power is well known in our jurisdiction, Rick Sanchez,
你应该也不意外 我们的能量球对你没兴趣
and it should come as no surprise that our orbs are unsticky for you.
不，我之前被禁用邻居应用程序 现在又被排除在外了
Oh no, first I get banned from the Next Door app, now this.
我很荣幸能加入你们的组织
I'd be honored to join your organization.
所以我该做什么？ 在看到有人犯罪时摩擦能量球吗？
So what do I do, rub the orb when I see crime,
还是把能量球当成菠菜吃？
Or eat the orb like spinach?
能量球是原始力量 相信你的内心，杰瑞
The orb is raw power. Trust your heart, Jerry.
它会知道该怎么做
It will know what to do.
你把微波炉打开了吗？-没有？或许有？我是想飞起来
Did you turn on the microwave? -No? Maybe? I was trying to fly.
－干嘛？ －拜托，瑞克
What? -I mean, come on, Rick.
你很理解能量球和圣杯
Orbs and goblets, this is your thing.
能量球和圣杯？
Orbs and goblets.
我的意思是 你是我们家最懂能量球的人
I'm just saying, you're the orb guy in the family.
可以拜托你帮帮我吗？
Can you please help me?
杰瑞，我如果给了你原始力量 你就会变得跟我一样悲惨
Jerry, I give you raw power, you'll end up miserable like me.
相信我，我不帮你才是在帮你
Trust me, I'm helping by not helping.
－有没有搞错，瑞克？ －搞什么，外公？
Seriously, Rick? -What the eff, Grandpa!
有个变♥态♥想尿在我的奶♥子♥上 你却什么都没做
Some creep tried to pee on my tits and you did nothing,
你现在又要坐在一旁
Now you're gonna sit there
不帮助我们的爸爸当英雄？
And hold our dad back from being a hero?
你真的这么小心眼吗？
Are you seriously that petty?
那好吧
Okay, you know what, fine!
这该死的超人装就给你
Here. Here's your goddamn suit.
我把能量球的无限能量接上去了
I hard-wired the orb's infinite energy right into it.
这能发射的东西看起来很酷
This shooty-thing looks cool.
那＂能发射的东西＂ 是可以把星球炸掉的核子破坏武器
That "shooty thing" is a nuclear disruptor that can blow up planets.
－真棒 －好性感
So tight. -Kinda hot.
好，请显示…银河周遭的犯罪行为
Ok show me acts of evil happening around the galaxy.
天啊，太空希♥特♥勒♥？
Space Hitlers?
＂太空希♥特♥勒♥ 在泽普勒主星召开集♥会♥＂
"Space Hitlers are convening on Zeplar Prime."
天啊，他们每一个人 都是不同类型的希♥特♥勒♥
My god, each one of them is their own type of Hitler
－很好，就这个 －没错，这问题得解决
Yeah, that's a problem. -Oh shit, do that one.
－你们真甜蜜 －他们是我爸妈
You guys. -That's my parents.
各位家人，看来杰瑞史密斯 要出第一个能量球任务了
Well family, looks like Jerry Smith has his first orb mission.
草坪红鹤
Lawn Flaming-ho!
别忘了，是你们自己要求的
Just a reminder, you guys asked for this.
不久之后，我们的希♥特♥勒♥军团就会带来全新的银河秩序
Soon, our legion of Hitlers will bring about a new galactic order.
也可以说是帝国
A reich, if you will.
谜语希♥特♥勒♥问你…
Riddle Hitler me this.
抱歉，现在什么希♥特♥勒♥ 都能加入我们吗？
I'm sorry, are we just letting in all Hitlers now?
再会了，各位坏人
Auf wiedersehen, bad guys!
除掉他
Exterminate him!
该死，天啊，一个一个来
Shit, oh Jesus. One at a time!
我的天啊
Oh my god!
希望那个星球上没有其他人
Hope there weren't other people on that planet.
那个星球上没有其他人
And there were no other people on the planet.
只有希♥特♥勒♥
Only Hitlers.
他们正准备推动各自的种族屠♥杀♥
Each one ready to start their own holocaust,
代表这一发攻击就估计拯救了三百亿条性命
meaning an estimated thirty billion lives were saved by a single blast.
这一切都是杰瑞史密斯的功劳
And the galaxy owes it all to Jerry Smith.
也就是红鹤爸
Hashtag FlamingoDad.
有没有搞错？
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
接下来…
Up next,
其实没事了
Oh actually nothing.
我们就继续谈杰瑞史密斯吧
I guess we're just gonna talk about Jerry Smith some more.
我也不知道，我开始觉得 心理咨♥询♥根本没有希望
I dunno, therapy is starting to feel hopeless.
我有太多问题了
I've got so many issues!
我们需要谈谈
We need to talk.
嘿，不行，你如果不尊重我还有我的个案，我是不会跟你谈的
Hey. No. I will not speak with you if you refuse to treat me and my patients with respect.
天啊，我刚刚变成苍蝇了
Oh lord. I was a fly!
无忧无虑又没有任何羞耻
So unburdened, so free of shame!
好，我彻底被治好了
Welp, I'm officially cured!
拿去，这是你要的资料 这是神恨我的确切证据
Here. Here's your data. Hard proof that god hates me.
我忽略了一个蠢蛋，杰瑞打了他一顿
I ignored a troll and Jerry beat the guy's ass.
结果他就获得了能量球 他利用了我给他的力量
Now he's got this orb and he's using the power which I gave him
消灭希♥特♥勒♥星球 大家都在开香槟庆祝
to annihilate planets of Hitlers and everyone's popping champagne.
瑞克，你是因为希望现况改变 才来找我的
Rick, you came here because you wanted things to change and they're changing.
现况已经改变了，这样是有用的
It's working.
所以如果是 我那个糊里糊涂的蠢蛋女婿
So if my bumbling moron of a son-in-law
揍人就是有用，但如果是我揍人
Beats up people, it's "working". But if I do it,
就是滥用能力？
it's a cosmic abuse of power?
瑞克，听听你自己说的话
Rick, listen to yourself.
你在抱怨你得小心使用自己强大的力量
You're complaining about how you have to be careful with your immense power.
还有希♥特♥勒♥死了 你刚刚提到的事都是正面的
And that Hitlers are dead. Everything you're describing is positive.
该死，所以不予理会 真的是必杀绝技吗？
Oh shit, not reacting. That really is the kill move?
我不确定你需不需要 用杀人的角度来想这件事
I don't know if you need to think about it in terms of murder,
不过没错，继续保持吧
but yes just stay the course.
好，聊得真愉快
Okay, good talk.
你刚刚形容的是心理咨♥询♥
Well what you're describing is therapy
你如果想继续做心理咨♥询♥
and if you'd like to keep receiving it,
就去跟外面的茱蒂约时间
start scheduling your visits with Judy up front.
谢谢，谢谢各位红鹤粉
Thank you, thank you Flamingo Fam.
他们问我想不想当第一位
you know, when they asked me if I wanted to be the first human
驾驶三菱太空菱帅的人类时
to drive a Mitsubishi Space Lancer,
我心想，＂不用吧？＂
I thought well I don't know,
＂我已经有速度很快的能量球装了＂
I got this cool orb suit that goes really fast.
知道我是怎么被说服的吗？
But you know what sold me?
理事会说我可以自己挑机组员
The Council said I could pick my own bridge crew.
莫蒂、桑美、贝丝，你们愿意吗？
Morty, Summer, Beth, what do you say?
什么？真的吗？
What? Are you serious?
当然，我超爱三菱
Oh shit yeah, I love Mitsubishi!
－我也是，我有听说过三菱 －真是太棒了
Me too! I've heard of them! -This is so exciting!
天啊，太酷了
Oh my god this is so cool!
好，各位，我们出发吧
Alright gang, orbs away!
我的天啊，我眼前这是人♥渣♥吗？
O me o my, can it be? A giant piece of shit I see?
我是豆子先生
I am Mr. Stringbean!
谁都无法抵挡我的押韵攻势
No one resists my rhyming scheme!
嘿，混♥蛋♥，要不你冷静点吧？
Hey douchebag, why don't you chill out?
这个混♥蛋♥是谁？
Who's this asshole?
我是扣具博士，我要束紧你的意见
I am Doctor Buckles! Here to tighten the belt on your opinions!
你想惹豆子生气吗？
You wanna see the Bean get mean?
还真的有用，我不斗了
I'll be damned. I'm out.
我不斗了
I'm out.
没酒了
I'm-I'm out.
天啊，那个尿人被揍得好惨
Oh my god, this Piss Guy is getting wailed on.
看看他，他还想爬到车底，太逊了
Look at him, he tried to crawl under the car. What a loser.
－你们在看尿大♥师♥的视频吗？ －没错
Hey you watching the Pissmaster video? -Yeah.
他一定是全银河最烂的人♥渣♥，对吧？
He has to be the biggest piece of shit in the galaxy, right?
那当然
Without a doubt.
谁能体会当那样的人♥渣♥是什么感觉？
Who could relate, being that much of a piece of shit.
真是的
Goddamnit.
糟糕，可恶
Fuck, shit,
醒醒吧，可恶，快啊，在哪里？
Come on man. Fuck, come on where is it?
可恶…
Shit, shit.
糟糕