瑞克和莫蒂（2013）

Rick and Morty S06E10

Part 1 Dec. 13, 2022, 9:45 a.m.

－好耶－好耶
等等，那是什么？
Wait, what's that?
我听到有东西从烟囱下来的声音吗？
Do I hear something coming down the chimney?
瑞克山查兹圣诞老人带了来自多重宇宙的礼物
Rick Santa-chez here with gifts from across the multiverse!
－我的天啊－好耶
Yes. -Oh my god.
给杰瑞的是超次元版本的《34街的奇迹》
For Jerry, an extradimensional version of Miracle on 34th Street.
电视频长多两小时？
Two hours longer!
他们修正了我唯一不满的地方
They fixed my only problem with it!
给贝丝的是一张我们两个的裱框照片
For Beth, a framed photo of the two of us
在这个宇宙，她在孩童时期没被谋杀
from a universe where she wasn't murdered as a child.
我的天啊，爸
Oh my God. Dad.
给太空贝丝的礼物也一样
And for Space Beth, the same thing because we,
因为我们不知道你们谁才是真的
we don't know which of you is real.
我也很感动
I am also touched.
桑美，看一下你的移♥动♥支付
Summer, ch-check your Venmo.
钱？你怎么知道？
Money? How did you know?
因为你17岁
You're seventeen.
最后
And last but not least,
给我的最得力助手的礼物
for my number one number two.
莫蒂，你很久以前就想要这个
Morty you asked for this a long, long time ago
我终于跑到超远的地方买♥♥到了
and I finally went far, far away enough to get it
因为运费贵死了
since shipping would have killed me.
真的吗？不会吧
You didn't! No fucking way.
－不会吧－不会吧
No fucking way. -No fucking way.
它会发出声音吗？
Does it make the noises?
当然会
Of course it makes the noises.
那是最好玩的部分
that's like half the fun.
太棒了
Awesome!
不要打开它
Do not turn that on!
别担心，莫蒂只会在指定的绝地区域
Don't worry. Morty's only going to use this very honorable weapon
使用这个高尚的武器像是车♥库♥，走吧
in designated Jedi zones like the garage right now.
天啊我不想这么说但我希望能攻击某样东西
Holy crap. I hate to say it but I wish there was something to attack.
对，可惜没有人买♥♥了一整个推车的水果
Yeah it's too bad nobody bought a cart a fruit!
你这个美丽的混♥蛋♥
You beautiful son of a bitch!
葡萄柚、芒果、木瓜
Grapefruit! Mango! Papaya!
西瓜、第二颗木瓜
Watermelon! A second papaya!
另一颗西瓜，打倒我吧
Another watermelon! Strike me down.
－什么？－打倒我
What? -Strike me down.
我才不要打倒你
I'm not striking you down.
打倒我，莫蒂
Strike me down Morty!
我会只剩下一堆衣服像那个老头一样
I'll, I'll become a pile of clothes like that old guy!
但你会死的，你喝醉了
But you'll die, you're drunk.
－好吧，我自己来－不
Here, I'll, I'll do it myself. -No!
天啊，你做到了
Wow, you did it!
就像欧比王一样
Just like Obi Wan.
瑞克？你可以出来了
Rick? You can come out now.
我是认真的
I'm serious.
你真的只剩下衣服了吗？
Did you like, become your clothes?
你现在是Ｔ恤瑞克了吗？
Are you T-shirt Rick now?
看这里，屁孩
Over here, buttfart.
－太酷了－对吧？
That was awesome! -Right?
瑞克，过去几个月你真的很棒
Rick, you know you've been so great the last couple months,
全家人都很开心我真的很感激你
the family's so happy, I'm really grateful.
谢了，孩子
Thanks kid,
但少说话，多杀瓜吧
but less talk more melon slaying!
注意咯
Heads up!
该死…快开门，瑞克
Oh shit shit shit. Open it, Rick!
让我来，起来，滚开
Let me do it! Get up, get fucking move!
快点
Hurry! Hurry!
你居然垂直地把它掉在地上，莫蒂
You dropped it perfectly vertical, Morty!
完美地垂直
Perfectly fucking vertical!
我拿到了…
I got it, I got it
－该死－快进电梯…
Ah, shi...Shit. -Elevator! Elevator!
我们得抢在它前面，10楼？
We gotta get ahead of it! Level ten?
不…15楼
No no no, fifteen!
等等，我们住在很酷的寿司店上面？
Wait, we live over a cool sushi spot?
－欢迎光临－你好…
Irasshaimase! -Domo. Domo.
现在别管这个
Not now though.
好，我们抢先它太多了
Okay, we overshot it.
但这样也好
Good problem to have.
你还有在做鳗鱼卷吗？
Still doing the eel roll?
我就说应该去10楼
I told you we shoulda gone to ten!
不，莫蒂，不能到10楼
No, Morty, not ten!
莫蒂，等等…
Morty, wait, wait, wait!
搞什么鬼？
What the fuck?
瑞克
Rick?
你这该死的蠢机器人你只有一项任务
You dumb fucking robot. You had one job!
那项任务就是当个好外公
Hey, that job is to be a good Grandpa,
－我一直跟着这个孩子－别碰我
I go where the kid goes. -Don't touch me!
你骗我多久了？你说你不是机器人
How long have I... You said you weren't a robot!
欺骗你让我难过到想死，莫蒂
It killed me to lie to you, Morty!
但不欺骗你我就会真的死掉
But it would have literally killed me not to lie to you.
背叛，我完全被背叛了
Betrayal! Betrayal on all sides!
别反应过度，莫蒂
Don't overreact, Morty.
我在太阳骑士事件初期就用它替代我了
I replaced myself towards the beginning of that whole Knights of the Sun thing.
在我解决我的宿敌之前我帮不了任何人
I'm no good to anybody until I resolve this arch nemesis crap.
你还在追捕杀死你妻子的人？
You're still hunting the guy who killed your wife?
别在伤口上洒盐了，莫蒂
You don't have to rub it in, Morty,
所以我才避不见面
that's why I removed myself.
我变成了我最恨的东西
I've become the thing I hate.
这里就像Netflix的剧情片一样
It's like a Netflix drama down here,
我指的不是出乎意料的好片
and I don't mean an accidentally good one,
而是很平凡的Netflix剧情片
I mean a regular-ass Netflix drama.
我算是帮了你一个忙
I did you a favor.
你送他一把光剑当圣诞礼物？
You gave him a fuckin' lightsaber for Christmas?
因为有人把我设计成一个
It's almost like someone designed me
比你体贴22％的人
to be twenty-two percent more thoughtful than you.
好，够了，我要把你关掉
Alright, that's it, I'm shutting you down.
不准，你做得够多了
Don't you dare. You've done enough.
瑞克，全家人…
The whole family, Rick.
大家都爱这玩意
Everybody loves this thing.
很好，对了，你的光剑
Oh, good. By the way, your lightsaber's
可能已经掉出地下室了，所以恭喜你
probably run out of sub-basement by now, so, congrats.
难以置信
Unbelievable.
我不敢相信你骗我们爱上你
I can't believe you tricked us into loving you!
我也不乐意啊，但这是我的工作
Not because I like it, because it's my job!
谢天谢地，我不用再继续了
But thank god I don't have to do it anymore.
才怪，圣诞节到了
The fuck you don't. It's Christmas!
你得上去欺骗大家，让他们更爱你
Get up there and trick everyone into loving you more!
来看奇迹吧
Let's get our miracle on.
说到奇迹…
Speaking of miracles.
怎么？已经厌倦你的玩具了？
What, bored of your toy already?
我只是很期待跟家人在一起
Just excited to spend time with my family.
你也知道我和莫蒂很喜欢这些街道
You know me and Morty, we're all about those streets.
你看看，纽约市
Would ya look at this! New York City!
谁想得到会有这么多街道？
Who woulda thought it had so many streets?
还有大街，天啊
And avenues too. Oh Gosh!
先生，你有看到奇迹吗？
Hey, sir! Sir, have you seen any miracles?
我女儿生病了，她需要奇迹
My little girl, she's sick and she needs a miracle.
总统的黑鹰直升机正降落在草坪上
The Presidential blackhawk is landing on the lawn.
我去打发他
I'll get rid of him.
莫蒂，你有话要跟我说吗？
You got something to tell me, Morty?
圣诞快乐？
Merry Christmas?
是谁把光剑完美地垂直掉在地上？
Who dropped a lightsaber perfectly fucking vertical?
你猜怎么着？笨蛋
Guess what, numb nuts,
它掉了一哩深，而且还在往下掉
it's a mile deep and still going.
你知道剑柄里有什么吗？
You know what's in the hilt of that thing?
－凯伯水晶－好啦，书呆子
Kyber Crystals. -Okay, nerd.
不管它是什么，一旦它击中地心
Whatever it is, when it hits the core,
便会造成连锁反应，摧毁地球
it's gonna cause a chain reaction that destroys the Earth.
是吗？