极品老妈

Mom S04E21

Part 2 Jan. 3, 2020, 10:31 p.m.

I'm sorry, but Emily opened up to me about her mom.
那个女人并不想戒瘾
That woman's not trying to get sober.
她只是把戒瘾当作"出狱卡"用
She's just using rehab as a "Get out of jail free" card.
吉尔我觉得你关心艾米莉是件好事
Jill, I think it's great you're concerned about Emily,
但探视不是强制性的吗
but aren't these visits mandatory?
你不做的话他们可以带她走的
Yeah, they could take her away from you if you don't do it.
那也许我会带她去一个地方
Well, then maybe I'll take her someplace
没人能找到我们
where nobody can find us.
这叫绑♥架♥
That's called kidnapping.
夏威夷怎么样
How about Hawaii?
我需要耳目
I need some eyes on the ground there.
什么
What?
她担心亚当和前妻去夏威夷
She's nervous about Adam going to Hawaii
参加葬礼
with his ex-wife for a funeral.
她应该担心
Oh, and she should be.
葬礼就是一场角落
Funerals are basically orgies
躺着尸体的狂欢
with a cold, stiff guy in the corner.
同意妹子
Amen, sister.
比起他刻薄的老前妻你更爱我
Yeah, you like me better than his mean old ex-wife.
没错
Yes, you do.
没错
Yes, you...
这是什么
What's this?
克丽丝蒂
Christy?
克丽丝蒂下来
Christy, get down here!
怎么了出什么事了
What? What's the matter?
-它有个肿块 -怎样
- He's got a lump. - So?
它来之前是没有的
Well, I don't think he had it before he got here.
两小时长了个肿块吗
He grew a lump in two hours?
我认为是的我不知道你来摸摸
I think so. I don't know. Here, touch it.
-我不摸 -摸肿块
- I'm not touching it. - Touch the lump!
没错是肿块
Yeah, that's a lump.
我们该做什么
What should we do?
我不知道
I don't know.
我没养过狗因为我妈妈没给我买♥♥过
I never had a dog 'cause my mom never got me one.
拜托狗是给乖孩子的
Oh, please. Dogs are for good children.
你想让我说什么
What do you want me to say?
如果你担心带它去看兽医吧
If you're worried, take him to the vet.
人生本来那么顺
Life was going so good.
现在我的男友在给他的前妻背上涂防晒油
Now my boyfriend's rubbing suntan lotion on his ex-wife's back,
而我带着他长肿块的狗去看兽医
and I'm taking his lumpy dog to the vet.
-妈妈 -怎么
- Mom? - u202dYeah?
如果能让你好受点你的人生从没顺过
If it makes you feel better, your life was never going good.
很感谢你挤时间看我们
I really appreciate you squeezing us in.
我担心死了
I'm worried sick.
没关系谁推荐你来的
It's not a problem. Uh, who referred you?
没谁你在点评网上的头像很友好
Nobody. You just had a friendly face on Yelp.
谢谢
Oh, thanks.
那也是我的陌陌头像
It's also my Tinder picture.
你可以松口气了
Well... you can relax.
那个肿块只是脂肪组织
Lump's just fatty tissue.
它这个年龄的狗很常见
It's very common in dogs his age.
所以它不会死吗
So he's not gonna die?
我们都会死
Well, we're all gonna die.
我是说周日八点之前
I mean by Sunday at 8:00?
我觉得不会
I think you're okay.
太好了
Great.
所以我猜没病不收钱对吧
So I'm assuming no problem, no charge?
不要收钱
Oh, no, there's a charge.
真的吗你基本上只是摸了一下它
Really? You basically just petted him.
用一双蠢到买♥♥了船的手
With hands that were stupid enough to buy a boat.
-支票可以吗 -当然
- Check okay? u202d- Sure.
天呐你还以为买♥♥船就够后悔了
Boy, you thought you regretted buying a boat.
这地方让我不自在
This place gives me the creeps.
让我想到我在康复中心的时候
Reminds me of when I was in rehab.
真的吗因为我去康复中心看你时
Really? 'Cause when I visited you in rehab,
泳池救生员带我去了你的水边帐篷
the pool boy led me out to your cabana.
那不意味着不艰难
Doesn't mean it wasn't hard.
那个泳池没有加热
That pool was not heated.
她们来了
Here they come.
吉尔我妈妈想跟你打个招呼
Hey, Jill. My mom wanted to say hi.
很高兴见到你
Hey, it's nice to meet you.
你过来吧
Get over here, you.
非常感谢你照顾我女儿
Thank you so much for taking care of my girl.
是我的荣幸
Oh, it's my pleasure.
艾米莉没告诉我你是个辣女
Emily didn't tell me you were such a knockout.
你为什么自己没孩子
How come you didn't have any kids of your own?
我离婚了我们从没有...
Well, I'm divorced, and we just never...
我开玩笑的你很聪明保持住这火♥辣♥的身材
I'm kidding. You're smart. Keep that hot body.
我是克丽丝蒂吉尔的朋友
Hi, I'm Christy, Jill's friend.
我是娜塔莎你看起来很眼熟
Natasha. Hey, you look familiar.
你想的一定是那个平底锅广♥告♥
You must be thinking about that frying pan commercial.
所有人都说我看起来像那个
Everyone says I look like the woman
让鸡蛋轻松倒出来的女人
who gets her eggs to slide out super easy.
不是那个
That's not it.
你在裸体在线跳过舞吗
Did you ever dance at Live Nudes?
那是很久以前了
Uh, it was a long time ago.
但他们还在平面广♥告♥上用着我的照片
But they still use my picture in the print ads.
我以前也在那里工作
I used to work there, too.
我敢打赌我们滑过同一根钢管
I bet we slid down the same pole.
不好意思
Oh, excuse me!
屋里有孩子
Child in the room.
放松她知道我跳脱衣舞
Relax. This one knows I stripped.
我靠数零钱学会的数学
I learned my numbers counting singles.
亲爱的不如我们去自动售货机
Sweetie, why don't we go get something
买♥♥点东西吧
from the vending machine?
别买♥♥奇多芝士条它们从来不掉下来
Don't get the Cheetos; they never fall.
这真是疯狂
Wow, this is so wild.
知道吗我要告那家俱乐部
You know, I'm suing that club.
你还在那里工作吗
You still work there?
不我四十岁了他们让我去值早班了
No, I hit 40, they put me on the breakfast shift.
没错年龄歧视
u202dThat's right. Age discrimination.
看看这屁♥股♥
And look at that ass.
跟石头一样硬
That's hard as a rock.
来吧抽一下
Go on, slap it.
我相信你
I believe you.
抽一下
Slap it.
非常硬
Very firm.
可不是都能夹开胡桃了
That's right. You can crack a walnut on that thing.
喂
u202dHey, hey, hey.
记得我以前总想当歌♥手吗
Remember how I always wanted to be a singer?
说实话我记不太清90年代
Honestly, I don't really remember the '90s.
我最近才开始看《老友记》
I'm just now catching up on Friends.
"你怎么样啊"
"How you doin'?"
我很好
I'm good.
总之
Anyway,
我认识一个人他认识洛杉矶的一个唱片制♥作♥人
I met this guy who knows a record producer in L.A.,
我一到那里他就会帮我出一个小样
and as soon as I get down there, he'll help me make a demo.
在洛杉矶认识某人的某人
A guy who knows a guy in L.A.
我以前被骗去给"电影"试镜也是这样的
That's how I wound up auditioning for a "Movie."
那么你在这里怎么样
So, how's it going in here?
喜欢戒瘾的感觉吗
You liking sobriety?
拜托克丽丝蒂没人喜欢戒瘾
Come on, Christy, nobody likes sobriety.
我喜欢
I do.
我戒了四年很享受
I've got four years and I love it.
扯吧就你
Get out. You?
我记得曾见过你在钢管上边转边吐
I remember watching you spin around the pole while you were vomiting.
你就像个草坪撒水器
You were like a lawn sprinkler.
那天可不适合当日本商人
Not a good day to be a Japanese businessman.
但是我现在上大学了在学习成为律师
But now I'm in college, studying to be a lawyer.
-真的吗 -真的
- Really? - u202dYeah.
戒瘾以后你基本上能做到任何事