极品老妈

Mom S04E14

Part 1 Jan. 3, 2020, 10:26 p.m.

问题是我和亚当本来是天生一对
The thing is, Adam and I were perfect together,
却被我毁了
and I ruined it.
知道为什么吗
You know why?
因为我会毁掉我爱的一切
Because I destroy everything I love.
我女儿变成无可救药的废物是我害的
I mean, look at the hopeless mess I made of my daughter.
我的心碎了
My heart is broken.
我
And I...
我觉得我想死
I just feel like I want to die.
时间到了
Time's up.
真的吗温蒂鸭子叫
Really, Wendy? "Quack, quack"?
我侄女设定的我不知道怎么改回来
My niece changed it, and I don't know how to change it back.
好的我的时间到了多谢
Okay, well, I'm out of time, so thanks.
只是
It's just...
为什么我会破坏我所有的关系
why do I sabotage all of my relationships?
我8岁时戴维·约德告诉我他喜欢我
Like when I was eight and Davey Yoder told me he liked me.
我做了什么
So what did I do?
我咬了他的鼻子
I bit his nose.
我19岁时
Then when I was 19,
我男友带我去看亲吻乐队的演唱会
my boyfriend took me to a KISS concert,
稍后我必须解释
then later, I had to explain
我的大腿上为什么全是小丑的粉底
why I had clown makeup all over my thighs.
亲吻乐队的招牌标志满脸涂白
但这还比不上...
But that was nothing compared to...
我怎么阻止她
How do I stop her?
我讨厌做计时人
I hate being the timer.
我骗谁呢我可喜欢了
Oh, who am I kidding, I love it.
如果不吃晚餐我可以再舔一下
If I skip dinner, I can have one more lick.
如果做高温瑜伽可以再舔两下
If I do hot yoga, I can have two licks.
现在没救了
Well, wheels are off now.
准备穿大号♥裤子吧
Time to break out the fat pants.
77, 78, 79.
79块天花板吊顶板再加半块
79 ceiling tiles. Plus that half.
不知道是不是通到隔壁房♥间
Wonder if it goes all the way through to the other room
还有半块在那边
and it's a full tile?
得去看看
Got to check that out.
昨晚的《警♥察♥世家》真好看
That was such a good Blue Bloods last night.
有时候我不禁会想如果那天
Sometimes I wonder what would've happened
我真参加了海军后来会怎样
if I had joined the Navy that day.
我的天
Oh, my God.
我们这算是被劫持为人♥质♥了吗
At what point are we just being held hostage?
总之我还没准备好深入谈这个问题
Anyway, I'm, I'm still not really ready to talk about this.
所以
So...
感谢让我分享
Thanks for letting me share.
我说了感谢让我分享
I said thanks for letting me share.
还有时间让一个人分享
Okay, we only have time for one more.
我来
I-I'll go.
大家好我是玛丽我是酒瘾者
Hi, I'm Mary, and I'm an alcoholic.
你好玛丽
Hi, Mary.
我刚经历了人生最惨的一周
Well, I have just had the worst week of my life...
抱歉还有一件事
I'm sorry, one last thing.
我想念亚当的味道
I miss the way Adam smells.
我真希望这贱♥人♥被车撞死
I hope this bitch gets hit by a car.
极品老妈第四集第十四集
我和亚当第一次喝咖啡
The first time I had coffee with Adam
就在那张桌子
was at that table right over there.
真是太好了
Oh, isn't that nice?
不如你过去坐
Why don't you go sit over there?
抱歉我以为这里是表达情感的安全地带
I'm sorry, I thought this was a safe place to express my emotions.
那是在互助会上
That's at the meeting.
在这里我们利用对方的弱点让自己好过些
Here, we use each other's weaknesses to make ourselves feel better.
凯马特裤子把盐给我[零售店]
Hey Kmart Pants, pass me the salt.
裤子是在塔吉特店买♥♥的整容鼻
They're from Target, Fake Nose.
邦妮你是个坚强的女人
Bonnie, you're a strong woman.
你会跨过这个坎的
You'll get over this,
以后你会认识其他人
and in time you'll meet someone else.
不会了我太老了
No I won't. I'm too old,
太自私太高
I'm too selfish, I'm too tall.
我得尿尿了
Ugh, I got to pee.
又是一个缺点我总是在尿尿
That's another thing, I got to pee all the time.
我告诉你们我快爆发了
I am telling you guys, I am close to snapping.
我们能帮什么忙
What can we do to help?
把她带去沙漠丢个球
Take her out to the desert, throw a ball,
她追球时把车开走
when she chases it, drive away.
这周我可以带她去吃午餐
I could take her out to lunch somewhere this week.
太好了带去葡萄牙怎么样
Great. How about Portugal?
我可以带她去上即兴表演课
I can bring her to my improv class.
没错我很幽默
That's right, I'm funny.
我们可以去做按♥摩♥ 这样我做了好事
We can go for massages, that way I still get the credit,
却不用和她共处一室
but I don't have to be in the same room with her.
你们最好了
You guys are the best.
我们乐意这样做别担心
Oh, we're glad to do it. And don't worry.
她很快就会走出来的
She'll snap out of this soon.
我不太确定
Uh, I would not be too sure about that.
我觉得我好多了
You know, I feel like I've really turned a corner.
太好了替你开心
Well, good, I'm glad.
看那只没有两条后腿的狗
You see that dog with no back legs,
靠小车到处跑
rolling around on that little cart?
一周前它会让我想起亚当
A week ago, he would've reminded me of Adam
我立马♥会♥崩溃
and I would've fallen apart.
-现在呢 -现在
- And now? u202d- And now...
它和亚当完全一个样
he looks just like Adam.
真是抱歉邦妮
Oh, I'm sorry, Bon,
可以开快一点吗
but can you speed up a little?
按♥摩♥就快迟到了
We're gonna be late for our massages.
稍等一下
Hang on just a minute.
我们做什么
What are we doing?
我得重新振作起来
I just need to pull myself together.
老天他住哪一栋楼
Oh, Lord, which one is his building?
有残疾人专用滑道的性感的那栋
Oh, the sexy one with the wheelchair ramp.
我的天
Oh, my God.
我怎么才能忘掉这一切
How am I ever gonna get over this?
邦妮
u202dBonnie,
我曾经也失去过我所热爱的
I've loved and lost,
我的人生上了重要的一课
and it taught me an important life lesson.
想忘掉这个男人你得上五个男人
It's gonna take you five penises to get over this guy.
前三个只是牺牲品
First three are sacrificial,
第四个让你熬过假期
the fourth one gets you through the holidays,
第五个能让你说"亚当是谁"
and number five gets you all the way to "Adam who?"
知道吗
You know what?
你是对的
You're right.
太对了
You're totally right.
别动
Stay put.
我去摸摸他的邮箱
I'm gonna go touch his mailbox.
你提前回来了
You're back early.
你应该带我妈出去
You're supposed to be out with my mother.
你为什么没带我妈出去
Why aren't you out with my mother?
你的即兴表演太烂了
You're horrible at improv!
克丽丝蒂
Christy?
妈
Ugh, Mom.
别躺在地上
Get off the floor.
你过来了吗
Hey, you on your way?
坏消息克丽丝蒂
Bad news, Christy.
不今天到你了
No, it's your day.
你必须带她去吃午餐
You have to take her to lunch.
维克托踩在了猫身上扭伤了脚踝
Victor stepped on one of the cats and twisted his ankle,
我得看兽医能不能治他们两个
so I'm gonna see if I can get the vet to treat them both.
不能让他们待在家
Can't they just stay home
舔自己舔到你回家吗
and lick themselves till you get back?
克丽丝蒂
Christy?
我的天她来了
Oh, my God, she's coming.
克丽丝蒂
Christy?
你在外面吗