退休警察烦事多（2016）

Kevin Can Wait S01E22

Part 1 Aug. 10, 2020, 2:50 p.m.

快点吃完早餐上学要迟到了
Hey, finish your breakfast. You're gonna be late for school.
好事被你说成了坏事
You say that like it's a bad thing.
当你住在纸箱里找罐头
Well, when you're livin' in a cardboard box looking for cans
这样可以喝热汤时
so you can have some hot soup,
你会希望听了我的话
you'll wish you'd listened to me.
上学迟到5分钟
Whoa, five minutes late for school,
你就让他住纸箱了吗
and you got him living in a box?
有可能喝上热汤
With the possibility of hot soup.
早盖布家的
Morning, Gables.
我在炖锅里煮了麦片
Uh, hey. I made some oatmeal in the Crock-Pot.
我才不吃呢
Yeah, I'm gonna give that a Crock-Pass.
我猜猜
Let me guess.
昨晚吃了冰淇淋现在还不饿吗
You still full from the ice cream you had last night?
是的
That's right.
我听到你起床下楼到厨房♥
I heard you get out of bed and come down to the kitchen.
那你应该也听到了水龙头的声音
Okay, well, then you also heard the faucet
因为我只喝了杯水
because all I got was a glass of water, so...
就是说如果我现在打开冰箱
So you're sayin' that if I went to the freezer right now,
薄荷巧克力片冰淇淋依然在里面
there'd still be that mint chocolate chip ice cream in there?
我就是这个意思
That's what I'm sayin'.
想看就去看我不会生气
Check if you want. I won't be offended.
你生气我也不会在乎
I really wouldn't care if you were.
丢人了吧
Aw. Stings, don't it? ?
不我很高兴我错了
No. I'm happy to be wrong.
妈有时候他骗你
Mom, sometimes he tricks you
把空桶放进去
by putting the empty carton back in.
我以前也被骗过
Yeah, I've been burned by that before.
拜托
Come on.
还是满的对吗
Oh. Still full, huh?
我得说越来越丢人了
This is -- I gotta be honest. It's getting embarrassing.
真奇怪
That's weird, huh?
我的天知道吗
Oh, my gosh. That's... You know what?
我们得写投诉信
That's -- this is -- We gotta write them a letter.
瞧这就是你去不了大都会队
See? This is exactly why you are not gonna end up
球迷训练营的原因
at Mets Fantasy Camp.
-你说了我可以去 -不我们说好的记得吗
- You said I could go! - No. We had a deal, remember?
我记得六个月前
Yes, I remember. It was, like, six months ago.
就在这厨房♥
It was right here in this kitchen.
我在吃奥利奥你进来说的
I was eatin' Oreos, and you came in with the news.
你今年想参加大都会队的球迷训练营吗
How would you like to go to Mets Fantasy Camp this year?
-你在开玩笑吗 -没
- Are you kidding me? ?- Nope.
我可能让你加一个私人定制的投球训练
I might even throw in a personalized pitching session
教练是罗恩·达林
with one Ron Darling.
你为什么这么做
Why are you doing this?!
因为你是优秀的老公了不起的老爸
Because you are an amazing husband, an incredible father.
这是你应得的
That's what you deserve.
刚才这段对话
The only part of that conversation
唯一真实的部分就是奥利奥
that you got right was the Oreos.
你今年想参加大都会队的球迷训练营吗
How would you like to go to Mets Fantasy Camp this year?
-你在开玩笑吗 -没但有条件
- Are you kidding me? - Nope, but there's a catch.
你也知道可能不知道但应该知道
As you know, or you probably don't, but you should,
六个月后
we need to renew
我们的寿险要续保
our life insurance policy in six months,
就是说要抽血检查
which means we have to take a blood test.
-明白 -我想你没有
- Got it. - I don't think you do.
如果你的胆固醇指数非常高
If your cholesterol numbers come in high,
保费也会高这可不好
our premium goes up, and that's not good.
如果指数下降保费也会降
But if they come in low, our premium goes down,
我们省下钱到时会发生什么事呢
we save money, and you know what happens then?
-省的钱归我 -对
- Pass the savings on to me! - Exactly!
我就能去球迷训练营
And I'm going to fantasy camp!
只要你能让胆固醇降下来
Only if you can get your cholesterol down.
-好的 -好吗
- Done deal. - ?Okay?
我同意
Yep, I'm good.
就是说你不能再吃曲奇了
You know, that means you have to stop eating cookies, right?
我刚听到这个消息
I just heard the information.
你得给我点时间庆祝下吧
You gotta give a man a second to celebrate.
唐娜我能行的
Donna, I got this.
每次我面对这样的情况
All right, whenever I'm faced with something like this,
我总是三管齐下
I always employ my 3-pronged system. ?
第一管集中精神
Prong number one -- laser focus.
第二管投入
Prong number two -- commitment.
第三管行动
Prong number three -- action.
你的三管齐下怎么样了
So what happened to your 3-pronged system?
我跟你说实话
Look, I'm just gonna be honest with you.
我
I, uh...
我忘了第一管
I forgot the first prong.
当然了
Right. Sure.
等待夕阳好第一季第二十二集
我想明白了我有了全套新办法
All right, I figured it out. I-I got a whole new approach.
不亲爱的我真心不想听
No, babe, I really -- I honestly I don't wanna hear it.
因为这是我的错
Because it's -- it's really my fault, you know?
我以为球迷训练营可以激励你
I thought that fantasy camp would motivate you
降低胆固醇但我错了
to get your cholesterol down, but, you know, I was wrong.
不不不激励我了真的
No, no, no. It did. I'm telling you it did.
我只是忘了但我现在记住了
I just forgot that it did. But now I am locked in.
我有了全新的三管
And I got three brand-new prongs.
我的天还有一周就要检查了
Oh, my God. The test is a week away.
第一管
Prong number one --
我参加球迷训练营
I do go to fantasy camp.
-别想 -听我说完
- Not happening. - ?Let me finish.
第二管我去了后好好训练
Prong number two -- I work out while I'm down there.
吃蛋白喝绿色奶昔
I'm eating egg whites. I'm doing green shakes.
我和草莓先生达瑞尔一起训练呼吸冲刺
I'm running wind sprints with Darryl Strawberry, right?
第三管两个月后我回来
Then prong number three -- I came back two months later.
到时再体♥检♥
We take the test then.
停下
Stop.
你的计划就是我们两个月没有寿险吗
Your plan is that we go two months without life insurance?
你觉得我会冒险吗
Do you think I'm gonna roll those dice?
你觉得我活不过60天吗
You don't think I can stay alive for 60 days?
只是
It's just --
我不懂为什么这么难
I don't understand why this is so hard, you know?
我以为你想保重身体
I think that you should want to take care of yourself.
你想看到孩子们长大
That you'd want to see your kids grow up, you know?
也许有天抱上孙子
Maybe one day hold your grandchildren.
我需要更实在的东西
Mm, I need something more tangible.
真好笑
That's funny.
你心脏爆♥炸♥后
You know what? After your heart explodes,
我一定会告诉我的第二任老公
I am going to make sure to tell husband number two
我第一任老公有多好笑
how hilarious my first husband was.
笑死人了
You're a cut-up.
真的吗第二任老公
Really? Second husband?
对亲爱的我会翻篇的
Yeah. Well, baby, I'm gonna move on.
-等多久 -我不知道
- How soon? - I don't know.
你死了多久
How long you been dead?
就说三个月吧
Let's say three months.
三个月我没特别去找
Okay, three months. Um, well, you know, I'm not lookin'.
但碰到了也会找
But I'm not not lookin'.
希望你还在穿黑色衣服
I hope you're still wearing black.
当然了但是我穿黑色很漂亮所以...
Well, no, of course. But... I look great in black, so...
会有很多男人想追到这个
you know, there's gonna be a lot of guys that are gonna wanna get
穿着铅笔裤的伤心姑娘
with the sad girl in the pencil skirt.
直到他发现你有三个孩子
That's until he finds out you got three kids
车♥库♥里还住了个英国怪咖
and a weird British guy living in your garage.
我跟你说他会跑的
I'm tellin' ya, he's gonna run.
但有寿险的钱他是不会跑的
Yeah, but he's not gonna run from my life insurance money.
亲爱的你觉得我为什么买♥♥大额的保险
Oh, honey, why do you think I got such a big policy?
因为我和第二任老公
'Cause me and hubby number two,
我们会过上好日子来击个掌
we're gonna be living in style, slap it high.
是啊
Yeah.
好吧