退休警察烦事多（2016）

Kevin Can Wait S01E02

Part 2 Aug. 10, 2020, 2:46 p.m.

可以像原来那张斜躺下去吗
Does it recline like the old one?
这个和房♥间里的其他家具都很配
It goes with everything else in the room.
对但可以斜躺吗
Right, right. But does it recline?
这是样品可以打九折
It was a floor model. We got 10% off it.
我懂可以斜躺吗
I understand. Does it recline?
-免费送货上门 -可以斜躺吗
- We got free delivery, you know. - Does it recline?!
不能斜躺我讨厌这张沙发
No, it doesn't recline! I hate this chair!
分散行动伙计们
All right, fan out, boys.
我们把她做的一切盘点个清楚
Let's take inventory of everything she did.
好吗不能再忍♥了
All right? This ends now.
我们走
Let's go.
我猜这台榨汁机不是你的
I'm guessing this juicer ain't yours.
黄金地段紧邻窗口
Prime location, right near an outlet.
以前我的烧烤炉放在那里
That's where my George Foreman grill used to be.
我可喜欢了
I loved that thing.
数字录像机上情况不妙
Bad news on the DVR.
-出什么事了 -你不会想知道的
- What's up? - You don't want to know.
说
Hit me!
真人秀《完美婚纱》 14集
"Say Yes to the Dress," 14 episodes --
有些是重复的
some of them repeats.
我跟你们说
Wow, yeah, I'm telling you, man,
情况不太好啊
this -- this is not good.
我们刚退休
Well, hey, we just retired.
会开始发现一些事情
We're gonna start seeing things.
我刚知道
I just found out
一直在我家外面晃悠的流浪猫
the stray cat that's been hanging around outside our house
其实是我家的猫
is actually our cat.
你只有一瓶辣酱而且放在最里面
You got one hot sauce in here, and it's way in the back.
这个冰箱就是个笑话
This whole fridge is a joke.
快关上门好吗
Just shut the door, all right?
我脖子后面一阵凉飕飕的
I'm getting a blast of cold air on the back of my neck, and --
慢着所以她让我坐这里
Wait a second. That's why she had me sit here.
她说这是上席位
She told me it was the head of the table.
圆桌哪有上席位
It's a round table, guy.
看这个
A-And look at this.
她的咖啡杯在这么顺手的地方
Her coffee mug, right in the place of honor.
我的在高高的...
And mine, it's way up he--
慢着
Wait a second.
我的肩膀就是这样伤的
That's how I hurt my shoulder.
去拿
Go --
无论你在做什么
Okay, whatever you're doing...
拿到了
I got it!
是我就赶快停下
...I'd stop.
达夫帮个忙给我个冰袋
Duff, just do me a favor. Get me an ice pack.
不行
No can do.
只有球芽甘蓝和酸奶
All you got is Brussels sprouts and frozen yogurt.
家里根本没你这号♥人
It's like you don't even exist.
亲爱的
Hey, babe.
有什么事[什么上场了]
What's up?
我告诉你什么上场了吉格舞
I'll tell you what's up -- the jig.
the jig is up指诡计败露
吉格舞
The jig?
没错吉格舞上场游戏结束
That's right. It's up.
你差点就侥幸逃过去了
You almost got away with it, too.
你说什么呢
What are you talking about?
这个家里面的所有东西
This house and everything in it,
都是你顺手的
and how it's all for your benefit.
先说你的咖啡杯
Let's start with your coffee mug, huh?
你的在这里就在咖啡机旁边
Yours is right here, next to the coffee maker.
我的远在天边的关节炎县
And mine -- way up in Bursitis County!
我的肩膀就是这样伤的
That is how I hurt my shoulder.
不你的肩膀
No, you hurt your shoulder
是在保龄球馆做侧手翻时伤的
doing a cartwheel at the bowling alley.
伤的不是肩膀
That was not my shoulder.
是脚踝因为我落地时僵住了
That was my ankle, because I stuck the landing.
我再问你几个问题
Let me ask you a couple questions.
我的烧烤炉呢我的斜躺椅呢
Where's my George Foreman grill, and where's my recliner?
可能在阁楼上
Probably up in the attic,
和其他你买♥♥的没用的东西在一起
with all the other stuff you bought and don't use.
所有问题你都能回答是吧
Oh, you got an answer for everything, don't you?
这台冰箱是个笑话
And this refrigerator is a joke.
现在你生冰箱的气吗
Oh, now you're mad at the fridge?
知道吗感觉到了吗
Yeah. You know what? You feel that?
感觉到了吗
Do you feel that?
我坐在椅子上
All that cold air that hits my neck
就有冷风刮过我的脖子是你让我坐这里的
when I'm in the chair that you made me sit at.
-什么 -对
- What?! - Yeah.
你求着坐这里的记得吗
You begged to sit in this chair, remember?
你想背对着微波炉
You wanted your back to the microwave
这样"叮"声可以给你惊喜
so you could be surprised by the ding.
你选择了这把椅子
You chose this seat.
是吗
Did I?
谁选的选择的人
Who really chooses -- the person who chooses
还是制♥造♥选择幻觉的人
or the person who creates the illusion of choice?
选择的人
The person who chooses.
你意思是不知我用什么办法
Are you saying that I somehow
用绝地武士读心术操纵了你
Jedi mind-tricked you into all this?
我不知道你用了什么没用什么
Look, I don't know what techniques you use or don't use.
亲爱的显然你生气了
Okay, sweetheart, obviously, you are upset.
不不
No, no, no, no. Okay?
发现洋葱圈里有一点炸黑的薯条时
Upset is when you find a little black French fry
那种情况叫生气
in your box of onion rings, okay?
我是火冒三丈我现在就要做出改变
I am beyond, - and I'm making changes now.
如果我想在浴室放一个豆袋椅
If I want a beanbag chair in the bathroom,
我就会在浴室放一个豆袋椅
I'm getting a beanbag chair in the bathroom.
不行
No.
亲爱的现在这个家非常舒适
Babe, this house, it works, okay?
就像是我编织了多年的
It's like a beautiful old sweater
漂亮的毛衣
that I have been knitting for years.
请别来拉毛线搞破坏
Please don't come in and start pulling threads.
我无法接受
This isn't working for me.
我明白了好吗
And I hear you, all right?
但别为已经做的决定生我的气
But don't get mad at me for decisions that were already made.
我不能回到过去做出改变
I can't go back in time and change them.
但你是对的好吗
But you are right, all right?
你也应该有做决定的权利
You should be making decisions.
谢谢
Thank you.
我们现在说好
Okay, so let's make a deal, okay?
从现在开始
From this moment on,
所有事情我们都得一起同意
you and I have to agree on everything.
这正是我一直想说的
That's all I've been trying to say.
我要把咖啡杯放在咖啡机旁边
And I'm moving my mug right over by the coffee maker.
好的你赢了
Okay, fine. You win. You win.
好吗我们是极好的
All right? We are copacetic.
对极好的
Yeah. Copacetic.
很好
Great.
我得去看《完美婚纱》了
I'm gonna go get caught up on "Say Yes to the Dress."
我得去查查"极好的"是什么意思
And I'm gonna look up the word "Copacetic."
于是我把话说开了
So, I put the hammer down, you know?
她跟我敷衍
She gave me some dance-around
说什么毛衣
about a fuzzy sweater and all that.
我跟她说少来这套
And I told her, "Hey. No mas." You know?
总之我们现在是极好的
Anyway, we're copacetic now.
我来说一下
So, let me get this straight.
她让你换了咖啡杯的位置你就满意了
She let you move one coffee cup and you're happy?
不是满意是极好的
Not happy -- copacetic.
还有好处
And bonus --
以后我们要改变什么
anything we want to change in the future,
得两人同意才行
we both got to agree on.
完胜
It's a total victory.
你说什么呢伙计